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Wedding Meat/Stuff

Minneapolis seems abuzz over a certain wedding. I believe Harmony married Soul? I think I went, and I think I ate salmon on a stick, so, okay, yeah, I'll play along.

Many of you know I hold certain feelings towards weddings. I realize the social need for marriage, as do I accept that most humans possess things called "emotions," a concept which has been stolen from me by my brother, Lore.


However, I guess I'm kind of like Dexter in this case, not only in the way that I contradicted myself in the previous paragraph, but also in the way that I have no personal perspective on what makes normal humans enjoy the marriage part of the wedding. As I said before, the salmon kebab part is awesome.

However again, NOBODY likes to read about social philosophies on the internet. If they did, Daniel Dennett would be a rock star; or at least he would be if people were to look out of their caves and realize that rock is not all that surrounds them.
EVERYBODY likes pop culture opinions. Here, then, are my top pop weddings, which infer the popping of more than champagne bottles if you know what I mean (balloons).

1. Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer: The Trailer
I didn't actually see this movie, but I did see a full-length version of it via the wedding scene being shown as a theater preview for an entire year. When I think about it, I also probably missed a full-length feature due to these trailers, as I would lapse into a bore-coma until the first explosion of whatever movie I was actually trying to watch. Still, the presence of one Brian Posehn as the priest managed to blow my mind every single time.


Maybe I'm missing some kind of insane analogy, seeing as how this Fantastic Four was written by one of the Twin Peaks creators. If not, though, I have to conclude that Sir Posehn must have the best agent in the biz (which is also how he earned both his knighthood and the right to abbreviate "business"). He's a funny enough guy, sure. He's not a comic-movie priest. Nor did he belong anywhere near the zero-progress mess that was The Devil's Rejects. Nevertheless, there he is, listening to the Spin Doctors, which is a Sarah Silverman reference for my friend Wipert.

2-naught. The Lion King
Hold on. We actually missed the wedding scene in this one. Simba went from throwing his uncle to the African wolves (that's what I metaphorically call hyenas) to lifting up his son for all to see and bow down to. Being a huge Nala fan, I cannot begin to express my disappointment that the full wedding day and night was not captured on some kind of video.

3. The Little Mermaid - The first wedding
Was there a second wedding, with Ariel marrying Eric? Or did we get screwed out of that, too? Whatever. The first wedding rocked. You people who had your ceremony in an art gallery -- that was cool. You didn't, however, have your bride turn into an octopus and shoot across the floor in an almost Ring-like fast crawl, and, for that, I will never forgive you. Did I mention that I liked the salmon sticks, though? They were okay. Mostly I think I was just surprised that they were salmon and not chicken. You got me!

That's it. I can't think of any other wedding scenes I've cared about. I know our generation venerates American Wedding as the classic, but I schmoo-ed (it's like booing) everything in that movie that wasn't January Jones. Oh man. Can you imagine a wedding where January Jones, Nala, and the girl from The Ring all got married? I'd watch that with a funny hat on!

I do.

Since I've arrived at the animated tangent I was aiming for, I would like to introduce my new segment entitled, "Hey Anime is Okay, Magic Flower!" Not having a job can get you into some weird things when you're a guy like me who is not going to get into yoga. Thus I started to watch some of the anime Time Warner had on demand. Surprise! A lot of it is weird (although the fact that anime is a vast and varied medium deserves emphasis), yet I am also weird, so I like weird. Hear me out, or I will burn your pumpkin patches!

What I discovered in my anime (re?)birth was, firstly, animation that is vastly improved over the Grimm's Fairy Tale crap Nickelodeon fed us, as well as the Pokemon crap that gets all the exposure (PS I'll talk about how much I love Pokemon in another post. PS I love you). My second and more important discovery was that these shows are telling fantastical, inspired stories that would never get a second glance - much less a first - from American producers. The philosophy level in some of these programs is enough to make Daniel Dennett cry metaphysical tears (they alternate dimensions as they fall).

Dossier time! (This is part of "Hey Anime is Okay, Magic Flower!")

Elfen Lied (pronounced all German-like --> LEED)
This thirteen-episode series (available on NetFlix) was the first in my recent (re?)introduction to anime. It's not my favorite, though it has its qualities. The biggest attractions here are incredible scenes in which the "diclonious" (oft-naked girls with horns and invisible arms) slice people up with their hidden appendages. The biggest negatives are the not-so-seamless compositions of humor and horror that the series tries to achieve, as well as what even I as a pervert would call gratuitous nudity. My general mantra regarding animated nakedness is "Get into it or get over it," but God Himself can wince from time to time. $ (Dollar signs always end the anime segment.)

And with that, I once more congratulate the happy couple!

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TV Reminder: To anyone who has watched through Season 2 of Battlestar Galactica (I think that's you, Dave), the movie-length corollary Razor premieres this Saturday. To anyone who hasn't watched through Season 2, I urge you not to watch this as it will spoil plot points of a show that should not be spoiled (spoilt?) Anyway, get busy with Season 1. There's almost no new TV. Do it!

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  1. Blogger Dave | 3:33 PM |  

    Awesome! Thanks for the heads up - I'll definitely be watching that Razor.

    I can't wait until you marry one of those naked, invi-armed, horned anime characters!!!!

  2. Blogger chris | 5:24 PM |  

    dollar signs?!?!?!?! whaaaaaattttt!?!?!

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