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Top 40 Music. Yep. (List-mania, Part I.)

Since Top 40 radio seems to be the in thing in The Blogulator this year, I thought it would be nice to let both Chris and I dissect the best/(worst?) pop songs of 2006. That's right. This is what happens when one leaves a life of college and enters the professional world -- people start listening to crap like Shiny Toy Guns. Egads. HERE COMES THE LISTS.

10 "welcome to the black parade"
my chemical romance.

the black parade.


"we'll carry on."

What the HELL is wrong with me?! This song takes exactly 1:45 to actually get into the "fast" part, but it's, uh, "Bohemian Rhapsody for the emo generation" or something. I hate myself for letting this song slip into my head.

9 "white and nerdy"
"weird al" yankovic
.
straight outta lynnwood.


"my rims never spin; to the contrary, you'll find that they're quite stationary."

Let's admit it -- Weird Al can turn a clever phrase like no other pop music spoof-meister. Alright, how many other pop music spoof-meisters are there, anyway? And how truly revolutionary of him to satirize suburban-America's embrace of hip-hop culture. This video is silly, too. And the best part of it is that it literally takes every lyric and shows him describe every single part. He singlehandedly proves that you can beat a dead horse and make it actually funny. Also, I'm a sixth grader.

8 "SOS"
rhianna.
a girl like me.


"(something something sounds like a mash-up even though it isn't)"

Genius! Somebody heard an actual mash-up somewheres and thought they could make a "real" song by having someone sing over "Tainted Love" like that Beyonce/Nirvana mash-up, except sounding more seamless. It's nearly as good as a real mash-up. Well, not really, but it tricks my brain like no other.

7 "mr. me too"
clipse.

hell hath no fury.

"i was just assuming you would keep the coke moving, but i've got just one question -- what the f--- y'all been doin'?"

IT'S SO DARK SOUNDING! I'm scared to deal drugs, okay? But it sounds like it's fun, too, because it makes you bob your head. Uh huh, uh huh. This is like one of those "lazy but dark" songs, right?

6 "when you were young"
the killers.

sam's town.


"he doesn't look a thing like jesus, but he talks like a gentleman like you imagined."

Hahahaha something about climbing this mountain, not looking like Jesus, overblown, ridiculous vocal style and giant chords -- did The Killers become a Christian rock band? This song really went through the highest of highs and the lowest of lows in my head, first introducing itself as "Mr. Brightside but performed by Bruce Springsteen in his good era", then grating itself in my head as "Kill Kill Kill Brandon Flowers", then totally redeeming itself as a so-bad-it's-good-cum-so-good-I-hate-myself song. Kind of like, you know, a born-again Christian rock band.

5 "my love"
justin timberlake.
futuresex/lovesounds.

"(human beatbox beatbox not take me to the bridge yo)"

Chris is soon going to ramble about how "Sexyback" is the best JT song of the year, but he's WRONG. That's right, Chris and I do sometimes disagree -- he thinks that the first single of the Justin Timberlake album is good, while I think the SECOND single is good. Sometimes I think you people think we have the exact same pretentious-one-second, ridiculous-the-next taste. For shame.

4 "i write sins not tragedies"
panic! at the disco.
a fever you can't sweat out.

"haven't you people ever heard of closing the goddamn door?!"

It's like a combination of that Bright Eyed guy with that Fall Out Boy, but with uh, orchestras. That makes it, like, grand, right? This song makes me wish I was still 17 and not jaded.

3 "promiscuous"

nelly furtado.

loose.


"(synth, oh sweet sweet synth)"

This song is horrible for the first minute when Nelly and the other guy go back and forth, but it totally redeems itself by 1,000,000x when the synth comes in. Granted, Nelly Furtado used to make somewhat original pop songs and now is totally interchangeable with any other "chick" singer, but by total chance, this song kicks ass.

2 "love me or hate me"
lady sovereign.

public warning.

"i don't like drinkin fancy champy, i'll stick wit Heineken beers. whoops, might burp in ya face, a little unlady-like, what can I say?"

I can put this on the pop charts because it's in a cell phone commercial, and it's great because it sounds like PG-13 rated Muppet Chipmunks rapping about burping and stuff, with that "world music" edge that that MIA chick gave us last year in the non-ironic selections.

1 "hips don't lie" (feat. wyclef jean)
shakira.

oral fixation, vol. 2.


"sha-ki-rah, sha-ki-rah!"

Let's face it, people -- Shakira singing and dancing is entertainment orgasm, and not in the "wow, this music is so epic and grand and that guitar effect is something that totally blows my mind, especially on headphones" way, just in a "whoa, even Brigitte admits that she would do Shakira if she had a chance" type of way. Wyclef does his best to try to ruin this song, but luckily, Shakira swoops in as soon every time he almost ruins it. Way to go, Shakira, and Shakira's hips.

  1. Blogger Patrick | 1:18 PM |  

    Wellllll done, boys. I must concur that My Love is far superior to Sexy Back. Big ups on Furtado, Shakira, and PatD, but you forgot Me & U by Cassie. Perhaps the best pop song of the millenium.

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