<body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener('load', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/plusone.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() { if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) { gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({ url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar.g?targetBlogID\x3d16149408\x26blogName\x3dThe+Blogulator\x26publishMode\x3dPUBLISH_MODE_BLOGSPOT\x26navbarType\x3dBLACK\x26layoutType\x3dCLASSIC\x26searchRoot\x3dhttp://chrisandqualler.blogspot.com/search\x26blogLocale\x3den_US\x26v\x3d2\x26homepageUrl\x3dhttp://chrisandqualler.blogspot.com/\x26vt\x3d7090024357285529333', where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"), id: "navbar-iframe" }); } }); </script>

« Home | Next » | Next » | Next » | Next » | Next » | Next » | Next » | Next » | Next » | Next »

Oscar Season Movies That Will Ruin My Thanksgiving

In the spirit of Chris and his movie preview blog entries, and in the spirit of the fact that I probably won't be seeing many movies until around Thanksgiving, given my upcoming nuptials to Ms. Brigitte (will that make her Mrs. Qualler? Or will that make me Mr. Brigitte?), I, Qualler, shall take you through a guide of the films I am most excited about this upcoming Holiday season, and then those which I plan on skipping, along with the at-home entertainment that will most likely take its place.

BEE MOVIE
If you've watched The Office lately, you've heard that there's a new movie coming out written and "starring" Jerry Seinfeld called Bee Movie. First off, what a clever title -- it's like a "B-movie" as in that is a term used to describe a certain kind of film, and second, it's actually about bees. I heard that there is a scene where Jerry Seinfeld's bee takes honey manufacturing companies to court. I can't wait to die of sweetly unfunniness (PUN!)
At-home entertainment to take its place: Multiple episodes of HBO's Curb Your Enthusiasm

FRED CLAUS
Apparently Vince Vaughn had an interaction with my baby niece in which he was very smarmy and charming. THis is what makes Vince Vaughn such an appealing / predictible movie presence. I know I would chuckle through this movie quite a bit. I chuckled through Elf, a similarly-themed Holiday movie. But after seeing Elf, I went to see The Texas Chainsaw Massacre re-make, and I see nothing similar in the box office at the same time to help me wash the good holiday cheer out of my mouth.
At-home entertainment to take its place: HGTV's Small Space, Big Style

NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN
OH MY GOD I AM EXCITED TO SEE THE OPEN FIELDS AND PLAINS AND TOMMY LEE JONES AND WOODY HARRELSON AND OH GOOD LORD THE COEN BROS HAVEN'T MADE A GENUINELY FANTASTIC MOVIE SINCE FARGO AND I LOVE WESTERNS NOW ESPECIALLY MODERN MINIMALIST WESTERNSsssss.......zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
At-home entertainment to take its place: Sleep, due to extreme mental fatigue from TLC's Little People, Big World

SOUTHLAND TALES
I love Richard Kelly's last film, Donnie Darko, and I love the idea of a post-apocalyptic Los Angeles populated by pop stars in what IMDb describes a "Comedy / Drama / Musical / Sci-fi / Thriller". But, I do not like having to read "graphic novels" before going to movies, and I do not like what look to be meandering, train-wreck trailers, and I do not like the combination of The Rock, Sarah Michelle Geller, and Sean William Scott. Now, if you give me enough of the Minneapolis Uptown Theater's popcorn grease to eat, maybe I'll re-consider. But until I get that guarantee...
At-home entertainment to take its place: Three episodes of Frasier

YOUTH WITHOUT YOUTH
Dear Francis Ford Coppola: You're a big, fat-mouthed hypocrite for claiming Jack Nicholson, Robert De Niro and Al Pacino are only in acting to get money. Your last two films that you directed were Robin Williams' 1996 film Jack and the 1997 John Grisham adaptation The Rainmaker. Stop talking, now.
At-home entertainment to take its place: His daughter's Marie Antoinette on DVD.


Labels: ,

  1. Blogger Dave | 10:01 AM |  

    READER SUGGESTION!!!
    Maybe move the byline for each post to the top of the post so we know who wrote stuff before we start reading?

    It's important, because if Qualler mentioned sodomizing a zebra I may be confused, but if Polley did it I'd be right on the same page.

  2. Blogger qualler | 10:55 AM |  

    Consider it in the suggestion box!

  3. Anonymous Dan W | 11:57 AM |  

    Wow, did anyone happen to read the last sentence in the link to Coppola saying that De Niro, Pacino, and Nicholson are in acting for the money?

    Coppola had tough times in the past when working with the "unpredictable" Marlon Brando, he mentioned the problem he got with him ahead of the shooting of "Apocalypse Now" when Coppola to build up his body to resemble a real green beret , but was surprised to see a fat man, enable to remember his lines .

    Uh, what?

  4. Anonymous Dan W | 11:59 AM |  

    By the way, your "crappiest new TV show" poll adds up to 141%. That's weird.

    -Dan W

  5. Blogger chris | 4:35 PM |  

    haha i like how fred claus and bee movie are considered "oscar season movies."

    southland tales still has potential i think. and no country might hurt from the hype, but hopefully not.

    youth without youth...now that's your snoozefest.

  6. Blogger qualler | 4:44 PM |  

    Well, I guess 1 out of 5 isn't bad, then...

  7. Blogger P. Arty | 11:37 AM |  

    Wipes...that's because I voted for all of them!

  8. Blogger P. Arty | 11:38 AM |  

    Wait...you're not Wipert. I thought your name was LQ!

    From now on you are Dan Wa.

  9. Anonymous Dan Wipert can wipe(rt) my @$^@%! | 12:12 PM |  

    There can only be one Dan W!

  10. Blogger Brigitte | 10:55 PM |  

    i am totally going to see fred clause. and qualler, you're coming with me.

leave a response