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Metaqualler: Reviews From the Different Eras of Qualler

Man, this blog is becoming post-modern, what with all of these "video game reviews" and "females giving their opinions." As if we ever thought we'd see a day when any of those things see the light of day here at Chris and Qualler's Pop Culture Blogulator. Well, to keep the post-modernity going, allow me to vent my feelings on the newest in music, via the new and improved Metaqualler, polling the many different eras of Qualler's life. Reviewing new music today: 12-year-old Not Yet Secure In His Personality Qualler, 17-year-old Totally Waiting for the Next Revolutionary Album To Change My Life Qualler, 21-year-old I'm Too Jaded to Think Much of Anything is Worth a Damn Qualler, and 25-year-old Currently In the Working World and Getting Married Soon Qualler.

Kanye West - Graduation
12-year-old Qualler: I don't like rap music! I like alternative rock, like Green Day, Pearl Jam, and The Offspring! This is lame! I like this -- NOT!
17-year-old Qualler: I guess I could get behind this. I mean, the hit single "Stronger" samples one of those bands I saw on MTV's 120 Minutes, what're they called again? Oh yeah, Daft Punk. I love their quirky music videos.
21-year-old Qualler: Bah, I can't bother myself to listen to pop music. Wait, Pitchfork approves? I'll give it a shot, but only if I can find the album on some file-sharing network. Hey, at least I didn't hear about this album on Saturday Night Live and download the hits off of iTunes.
25-year-old Qualler: I first heard the hit singles on Saturday Night Live. After totally digging them, I went on iTunes and bought the songs I heard on Saturday Night Live. Love it!

M.I.A. - Kala
12=year-old-Qualler: This is scary! But Rolling Stone thinks it is important, so I'm going to pretend to like this.
17-year-old Qualler: This is scary! But Rolling Stone thinks it is important, so I'm going to hate it. Rolling Stone is soooooo whack.
21-year-old Qualler: This is amazing! And Pitchfork thinks it is important, which makes me love it even more.
25-year-old Qualler: This is great! And I like listening to the loud drums while I take public transportation to my accounting job. Still, there's something about listening to this kind of "world music" on my iPod on my way home to my condo that makes me feel icky inside.

Bruce Springsteen - Magic
12-year-old Qualler: My dad likes Bruce Springsteen. He's kinda old, don't you think?
17-year-old Qualler: Ever since I started getting into classic rock, especially my dad's vinyl Led Zeppelin, I've given more of this kind of stuff a chance. And it's important to listen to influential artists, right?
21-year-old Qualler: Man, I hear "the Boss" has some indie cred these days with The Arcade Fire and the Hold Steady. I'll find this somewhere on the internet and listen to it twice.
25-year-old Qualler: This album is the "handpicked" album at Starbucks? I don't know what's more sad -- the fact that this is the most "authentic" music selection at Starbucks, or that I'm browsing the CD collection at Starbucks. I vote the latter. Oh, my youth... *Cries in his Tall Mocha*

The Fiery Furnaces - Widow City
12-year-old Qualler: This is STRANGE music! And I generally don't care for female vocalists, because I can't identify with them, what with all of this pre-teen angst I have.
17-year-old Qualler: I'm still not sure how I feel about lady vocalists, but I do know that they're HOT.
21-year-old Qualler: After the revolutionary Blueberry Boat in 2004, they follow it up with an album they made with their Grandma, two albums of outtakes, and now a post-modern classic rock album? Cool.
25-year-old Qualler: Yes, they are the band of the decade. Me likey. And Eleanor Friedberger is HOT.

Radiohead - In Rainbows
12-year-old Qualler: Man, I love that song "Creep". It's so melodic yet jagged. Whoa, those are some big words for a 12 year old to use. That's because I totally aced my spelling test yesterday. They don't call me the third-place-winner in our 6th grade spelling bee for nothing.
17-year-old Qualler: Oh my GOD Radiohead changed my LIFE!!!!!!!! First OK Computer, now an album released first on the INTERNET for WHATEVER PRICE YOU WANT?!?!?!?!?!? REVOLUTION NOW! Like the Beatles song "Revloution Nine", which also changed my life.
21-year-old Qualler: Bah, Radiohead is well past their prime. How irrelevent can they get?
25-year-old Qualler: Although I realize that Radiohead may have leveled off in creativity, I can't help but really enjoy this solid slice of straight-up no-frills Radiohead, sounding more melodic than ever. And I do like that they have proven to the record industry that the internet is how people want to get their music these days. So, all in all, I love this! And I love Brigitte! And I love Beckett! And most of all, I love watching The Office while blogging on a Thursday night. TGIF, man, TGIF.

Now, 25 year old Qualler is headed to TGI Fridays. to watch Saturday Night Live. Who's with me?

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  1. Blogger Sean | 9:44 PM |  

    Is it just me or did Colin Greenwood age horribly??? That must be a bad photo or something, cause he looks like crap.

    p.s. yeah, i know all the members by name.

    p.p.s. colin is on the far right, next to jonny.

  2. Blogger qualler | 10:19 PM |  

    Yeah, holy crap they all look old. Except Jonny Greenwood, who is either ageless or an android.

  3. Blogger qualler | 10:36 PM |  

    p.s. I paid $0.00 for the new record. It's not that I don't value their music, it's that Radiohead has enough of my money as it is.

  4. Blogger Brigitte | 12:02 PM |  

    hilarious.

    i was with you at that starbucks...tear. didn't you also take some free song download cards? who were the artist you chose again? remind me...

  5. Blogger Brigitte | 12:03 PM |  

    artist should be artists. don't want any grammar alerts!

  6. Blogger Brigitte | 12:04 PM |  

    also, is it just me and my increasing lamness that comes with age, or is SNL (yes, i say SNL) getting better this season? i credit the lonely island boys.

  7. Blogger chris | 8:24 PM |  

    haha i love the frankness of this blog entry. poking fun at oneself is one thing. poking fun at several versions of oneself is G-D honorable.

    p.s. i can see the tv guide building and hotel roosevelt from the hills from where i'm commenting! the drax really is LIVING THE LIFE! i don't want to go back to minnesota...(sees gigantic bee movie poster and smells smog killing my lungs)...wait, yes i do.

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