i want the majority of my 24 hours back, fox.

i've gone back and forth about covering the season finale of 24: day six. especially since there's no way any post about this giant pile of mediocrity could equal such a resplendent multi-post liveblog of the majestic crapsterpiece jericho's season finale. but i feel like with the increasing probability of me never feeling any kind of emotion for 24 whatsoever in the future that this might be a nice kind of "fond farewell" while i am still in the state of wishing and wanting for more from jack bauer.



also, i got bored with the first half of tonight's 2-hour finale, so i took out my computer and figured i might as well try to make the most of this. first a quick summary of the ridiculousness that has become of 24: day six while something boring/suspenseful happens as i'm typing this. please acknowledge the decreasing amount of excitement in the summary, much less trying to imagine what it's actually like when you're watching the show for 24 weeks:

1. nukes go off around the country, causing mass hysteria and panic
2. turns out jack's brother and father were involved in detonating the nukes
3. president goes into a coma from a bombing during a press conference
4. vice president takes over and is like frankenstein: creepy and dull
5. the russians get involved somehow, i nod off a few times in joe's apartment
6. turns out jack's old girlfriend is alive when he originally found out she was killed by the chinese, i could care less
7. some "component" gets in the hands of russians/chinese/jack's dad and everyone wants it
8. young guy in jack's office (counter terrorist unit) aka devil-looking dude from six feet under gets his dumb self shot in the head in the name of some hot chick he had a crush on but she was totally crushing on ricky schroeder and not him and she feels bad wah wah cry baby wah
9. turns out jack's dad is a "sociopath" and kidnaps his grandson so they can "move to china and have a great life together" wtf

now back to the season finale. ridiculousness continues:

-jack's boss who was fired comes back and kicks everyone's ass (season 7 could be good)

-lots of inane dialogue to fill people in on what happened this season and to show the lamest character development ever, such as love triangles that were never fleshed out (i will not watch season 7)

-jack's nephew shoots jack's dad in the damn heart (i will probably watch season 7)

-phoned in performances full of "do what you need to do!" and "you were doing what you thought was right!" and "i'm sorry jack, you were right all along" (season 7 will be just as terrible as this malarky)

-a giant explosion and jack effing zipcords out of the flames!!! (i'm such a typical male, season 7 will RULE)

-i remember there were about four subplots that were never resolved and most likely will not be in the next 20 minutes (season 7 will just tease me and frustrate me once again)

-ben, qualler, joe, and i create this whole subplot of why jack's right-hand woman passed out 15 minutes ago that involves terrorists and biological weapons only to find out that she passed out because she's PREGNANT and NOT DYING (i hate you 24)

-they drag out everyone saying "goodbye" or "we're happy now" for 15 minutes to fill time only to have a SILENT CLOCK - a segue to commercial using the trademark 24 digital clock counting down to the next hour, which traditionally represents major characters that end up sacrificing themselves for the good of the country - represent jack realizing finally that he truly has died inside and maybe he cannot do everything (anger, followed by confusion, followed by a reluctant "yeah i'll be watching next year too, DAMN IT!")

This entry was posted by chris, on Monday, May 21, 2007. You can leave your response.