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new shows i won't watch but have the audacity to blog about.

it used to be simple. all new tv would start up again in september and around february there would be sweeps. unpopular new shows would get a boot to make room for (even) crappier programming that execs use to entice viewers back to their station. well what with many shows having lengthy runs and breaks (heroes) and stations starting all of their new programming in january just to be different (fox), sweeps week is officially a year-round event now. can anyone think of good shows that came in at an awkward time in the year? well at least the ones popping up around now rip off the great pieces of modern pop culture: the fast and the furious, nine months, whose line is it anyway?, and history books.

drive: fox, monday at 7pm cst

dudes like cars. dudes like money. dudes like action. chicks? yeah like they're gonna stick around to boost 24's ratings afterwards. forget them. but seriously, what if someone combined all of these into an idea for a show that couldn't possibly last more than one season? oh wait, prison break is still on somehow.

notes from the underbelly: abc, wednesday at 7.30pm

humans sometimes have tiny growing humans in their bellies. get really high/drunk/crunk and then read that sentence again. THEN you will probably think it's an absolutely out-of-this-world idea to make that whole concept into a sitcom. otherwise, unless you're a huge fan of that julianne moore/hugh grant vehicle and would like to see that 90 minutes stretched out over an entire season, you'd probably rather spend your hump day actually makin' da babies. or getting lonely on the internet, if you catch my drift.

thank god you're here: nbc, wednesdays at 7pm

sure drew carey had a certain je-ne-sais-quoi (annoying, smug, squinty), but david alan grier wishes he was richard pryor. hell he wishes he was a wayans brother. the only thing this show has over whose line (as if that had credibility in the first place) is that they use actual props and sets so we don't have to go through the painstaking process of using our imaginations. oh man and jason alexander TOTALLY looks like he doesn't want to be alive.

the tudors: showtime, sundays at 9pm

old clothes. you should know how both qualler and i feel about this by now. but ALSO, jonathan rhys meyers said that he's glad he (who is lean, sexy, clean-shaven, and has a menacingly erotic stare) is playing the part of henry VIII (who is historically known as stout, tubby, hairy, and eats lots of chicken whenever he wants), because "people don't want to watch shows about ugly people." think back on all those other rippling and sultry historical biopics: capote (HOTTIE), kinsey (SEX MACHINE), the queen (MEEEEOOWWWW)...oh the list goes on. thank you jonathan rhys meyers for being the dumbest actor on the planet.

ah crap but that last one is the only thing that's really "new" on this nerdflix online viewing thingy...a follow-up rant may be in order.

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  1. Blogger Nicole | 11:04 AM |  

    I think that Jonathan Rhys Meyes just wants to win an Oscar, which means he's very smart (and the next Jeremy Irons, in my anglophile opinion). He knows that he'll only win an Oscar by playing disabled (mentally or physically) or by gaining a lot of weight. Honestly, there are only so many times you can do that if you're not as hot as Christian Bale. He factored in the fact that no one cares if you win an academy award for best actor in a mini-series (doesn't it sound like something they should give out at the Daytime Emmy's, presented by Regis?) so he won't do the weight gain now. He'll do this cheesy Showtime part to get his name out there and have some time on the couch with Jay, then he'll put on weight or play disabled later, when it will really count. Maybe when he acts in the Spielberg directed remake of "The Miracle Worker" in the role of Ann Frank. Or if he takes the lead role in the imminent biopic of Luther Vandross;)

  2. Anonymous Anonymous | 1:39 PM |  

    the new york times wrote a scathing yet entertaining review of notes from the underbelly. i kind of made me want to watch.

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