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Schedule Your Time Around Your Bube Toob

BLAM! here's another qualler/chris "JOINT" post. it's just barely summer and we're already planning for the fall. THAT'S how on top of the ball the new and improved BLOGULATOR is. czech out what we'll be czeching out on ye olde "greybox" starting in september.

qualler's in black and i'm in MAROON. just like an AFI t-shirt.

MONDAY:
7:00
Deal or No Deal (NBC)
What better way to start your television week off right than by watching people open boxes? I mean, open boxes with...strategy? I mean, open boxes with...strategy, and racial stereotyping? Count me in.

DITTO. when will howie and the banker KISS??!?!?! just keep watching!!!

8:00
Runaway (The CW)
A "mash-up" of family drama and crime thriller? So it's gonna be all "Hey, I'm Jack Bauer, and I'm gonna shoot you, but first, let me teach you a valuable lesson about teenage drinking." Sounds like my kind of show.

Vanished (FOX)
the guy who played will cummings in 24 plays a senator whose wife done gets her pretty self KIDNAPPED!!!! what else are we supposed to watch until 24 starts back up in january?

9:00
Studio 60 on The Sunset Strip (NBC)
Long, pretentious title with fast-paced, witty Aaron Sorkin dialogue? And do I need to even MENTION that the cast features D.L. Hughley AND Steven Weber of Wings fame? And duh, Matthew Perry. Should be a laugh-riot. Now if only NBC had the balls to sacrifice, er, place it against Grey's Anatomy and CSI on Thursday nights...

DITTO. go weber! go weber! go weber! remember ABC's rendition of THE SHINING??? maaaan stephen king miniseries are crackin', and weber's da man!!!!!!!!!!

TUESDAY:
7:00
Dancing With the Stars (ABC)
If the episode of So You Think You Can Dance that I watched a few weeks ago taught me one thing, shows about dancing are hilarious, especially with a couple of mixed drinks already in my system. This means I'll have to be pretty drunk by 7:00 pm every Tuesday night, but dancing with D-list celebs requires it.

Friday Night Lights (NBC)
no word on whether or not EXPLOSIONS IN THE SKY will be present, but i plan on watching to find out. and if not, there better be cheap generic rip-off ambient rock music to replace it!!!! oh and uh football ROCKS.


8:00
House (Fox)
House will be even more hilarious than it already is. At this point, I'll be taking shots every time House says something edgy to one of his patients, or every time a mysterious illness is misdiagnosed and House does something unconventional to heal the patient. Namely, I'll be passed out on the couch by 8:15.

Let's Rob... & Help Me Help You (ABC)
mick jagger for 30 minutes followed by ted danson for 30 minutes? i'll do the same game that qualler's doing for house, except i'll take a shot every time i see a WRINKLE. i'll be passed out in 20 seconds. BEAT THAT QUALLER!

9:00
Smith (CBS)
loopk man i yoru name isa iss is smithh???? HAHAHHAAHSDAHA thatsdfsa cooooool.....(passes out)

DIwTT333OOOOOO. oh geew'3 ittws's a crapshotttt this34tf night4wof tv, isnt[' it, qualaler my mainwo man!??! YA LIOTA@!!!! AND aowd mnasden seh'ed s a calscci beauty. HOTTwa.

WEDNESDAY:
7:00
Jericho (CBS)
YES! Nothing like recovering from a hangover with a Skeet Ulrich nuclear bomb family drama on a Wednesday night. No, seriously, that's not the punch line. I guess I don't need one here.

DITTO. i hear skeet is who inspired the ying-yang twins to come up with that "skeet skeet" line in that one "to the wall" song of theirs. yes. i am caucasian. GIMME DA NUKES!

8:00
Secret Obsessions (MY TV)
I think this is a new channel, because when I google the name of this show, all I get are links to dirty web sites. So, I assume that this is soft-core porn. I guess it's on every night, but you can only take so much soft-core. Or so I heard, somewhere, from somebody.

Justice (FOX)
while qualler's wasting his time with soft-core, i'm getting right on the xcore.
xBRUCKHEIMERx. HOLLA. the bruckster gives us some "high-profile" cases and it's SHAWKIN' to the MAX.

9:00
Kidnapped (NBC)
A kidnapping plot starring Delroy Lindo, Mykelti Williamson, and it's one of them serial crime deals? Neat. As long as there's a guest spot somewhere along the line by Skeet Ulrich, I'm in. Maybe CBS and NBC could work in a little cross promotion with Jericho somewhere?

The Nine (ABC)
9 strangers slowly find out how they know each other using flashbacks??? WOW is all that comes to mind. but non-linearity is so mid-to-late-90s.

THURSDAY:
7:00; 7:30
Big Day; Notes From The Underbelly (ABC)
Gotta work some sitcoms in there somewhere, right? Oh wait, bad serialized dramas are the new sitcom. Oh well, I'll watch these anyway.

DITTO. what qualler forgot to mention though is that one's about getting married and one's about having a baby. NOW THAT'S WHAT I CALL PLANNED PROGRAMMING. you know, instead of parenting? forget it.

8:00
The OC (Fox)
So they're starting the fourth season with a dead Marissa, who died of the most unintentionally hilarious (or intentionally hilarious? You never know, that McG is a pretty ironic guy) car crash ever committed to celluloid at the end of season three. That alone is reason enough to tune in, at least for a few weeks until it gets boring again.

half-DITTO. i KNOW i'll get bored within the first episode, and restructure my schedule so that i'll be watching the 2nd night of "the big DOND" as i call it (deal or no deal).

9:00
Shark (CBS)
Finally, a show about LAWYERS! And a show about James Woods as a lawyer! Not to be confused with James Spader as a lawyer, because James Woods is all about being the fatherly guy in movies while James Spader is all about being fatherly and fondling your breasts in a creepy way. I'm a little disappointed that Jeri Ryan is in the cast, because it means she won't be the pseudo-lesbian-alcoholic-con-artist character from The OC anymore.

Six Degrees (ABC)
another show about strangers that slowly become linked together!!! it's like having serialized versions of both VOLCANO and DANTE'S PEAK for an entire season! however, abrams may get the nickname BRAM STROKER'S SPANKULA 2 if he scores another hit with this new one.

FRIDAY AND SATURDAY:
Go to movies ironically. Or maybe once in a while, go to good movies that I actually like.

DITTO. no one watches tv on the weekends! sorry j. love!!! (i actually have seen the ghost whisperer twice). oh wait! the ghost whisperer isn't returning??? SORROW!

SUNDAY:
I'm watching Sunday Night Football (NBC). Now leave me to my pretzels and beer and pizza, and we can all break bread about our week of Skeet, Howie, Sorkin, Woods, soft-core, D-list dancers, and hilarious car crashes. Man, television is great.

i actually don't exist on sundays. i go to bed on saturday and i wake up and it's monday. it's really weird.

  1. Anonymous Anonymous | 5:23 PM |  

    I don't really get "Deal or no Deal". I saw some lady standing there, and these people were opening their briefcases and everything, and for some reason, she was really disappointed when $25,000 showed up, and she was even more disappointed when $1,000,000 showed up, but when she found a briefcase that said $25, she was really happy. So WTF!?

    -DAN WALLER, NOT LAUREN (and I still want my runner's-up prize!)

  2. Blogger chris | 5:33 PM |  

    hahahahahahahahhaahhahahahahahahahahahhaahahahahahahha it's like golf you imbecile!!!

  3. Blogger Dave | 8:43 AM |  

    Where is the racial stereotyping in Deal or No Deal?? I feel I've been missing out.

    Speaking of missing out, WHERE'S MY FOUR KINGS REVIVAL I WAS PROMISED!??!

  4. Blogger chris | 12:45 PM |  

    they only let black people be contestants if they do wacky dances and/or resemble cee-lo!!!

    the four kings revival is at something like fourkingsforever.blogspot.com but it's not that....i can't remember...i don't think anyone ever posted on it...

  5. Blogger P. Arty | 11:56 AM |  

    First of all, this post is great. GREAT.

    Second of all, how could you forget Heroes on NBC! This will clearly be the show that saves television.

    Third of all, loved the planned programming joke. And the Dante's Peak joke.

    Fourth of all, is the "Lauren" referred to in the comments on the previous post my sister? If so, how did you think LQ referred to her?

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