Indiana Jones and the Babies of Recounting Crystal Skulls Made of Bowling Balls

Memorial Day has come and gone, and summer time is here. And what better way to celebrate the beginning of the summer than check out Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (wow, my fingers are tired from typing that title) and contribute my $5 toward the weekend's gross of $126 million. Although I was able to consume many other forms of pop culture this weekend (HBO's Recount, finally seeing last year's Gone Baby Gone, bowling at Minneapolis' Bryant Lake Bowl), a new Indiana Jones movie, the first in nineteen years, is cause for major bloggin'. I had a conversation with my co-blogger Lady Amy in which we took turns speaking in paragraph-like statements, which I am transcribing for you, the reader, here.

**MINOR SPOILERS AHEAD, NOTHING PLOT-RELATED**

Qualler:
First off, my overall opinion of the film: m'eh. I enjoyed it more than I enjoy many recent new blockbusters, I instantly forgot about how I felt about it soon after beginning the aforementioned Gone at Chris' place. I think the main problem I have with the movie has to do with second chances. Recently, many bands have gotten second chances in my head and at least partially succeeded (Weezer, Death Cab for Cutie, Nada Surf). This second chances thing doesn't work for me, though, when the star is 84 freaking years old (joke alert)! Many shots of Harrison Ford had more soft focus to take the focus off his wrinkles than a Barbara Walters special. Most importantly, though, the plot to the new Indy movie was more or less a rehash of the superior LucasArts 1993 point-and-click adventure "Indiana Jones and the Fate of Atlantis". I was waiting for a witty "gotcha" reference to his adventures in my second-favorite point-and-click series of computer games when I was 11 years old but never got it.

Lady Amy:
Speaking of old, Harrison Ford was clad in total old man pants in this movie. It was like typical Indiana Jones garb but with a hint of flab peaking out over the pleated waistline. That didn't bother me as much as Shia LaBeouf's character being super impressed upon first contact with Indy by a fairly mediocre move where he thwarts an attempt by the "natives" to kill them with poisonous darts. An impressive feat for most, but not really worthy of a "Wow, you're a teacher?"

Qualler:
I agree, Amy -- it made me uncomfortable to see Harrison Ford kind of hunched over, like a grandpa who is dressed up as Indiana Jones to impress his 20-something grandkids. Worse yet was the wooden dialogue -- although the screenplay was written by David Koepp, I definitely felt some George Lucas style cardboard-cutout dialogue throughout the movie (though Harrison Ford's delivery occasionally saved it.) But both points are nitpicking -- time can't help Harrison Ford's old age, and a movie series that is technically made as an homage to 1940s-era matinee adventures is already somewhat of a spoof of itself. If you didn't want to see a few clunky one-liners or unrealistic situations in favor of fun, popcorn-eating time, then you shouldn't spend your time and money to see the movie. I'm looking at you, hundreds of thousands of holier-than-thou moviegoers who went to see this movie ironically this weekend!

Lady Amy:
The best part came during one of the final action scenes, after 3/4th of a movie full of things like Indy running straight through a barrage of bullets without one so much as grazing his skin and multiple duels on top of speeding cars through the Amazon, my mom leaned over and said "that was kind of unrealistic." I almost LOLed in the theater. The only thing that actually made the nerd in me want to point out its unrealisticness was the crystal skull, which was clearly made out of plastic. If it were really made out of crystal, wouldn't it be pretty heavy? Wouldn't it be quite difficult to run and jump with it and pick it up with a sword? Plus, it looked like a large, injection-molded children's toy. As for the dialogue, it was pretty much what I expected, but at times made me uncomfortable with it's bluntness.

Qualler:
Well, Lady Amy, one thing we can agree upon is that the summer movie season is truly upon us, and it is time to enjoy ourselves some summer movies. Now, how much does it cost to get the giant plastic crystal skull at Target? Most importantly, how heavy is it?

This entry was posted by Unknown, on Monday, May 26, 2008. You can leave your response.