what a boring weekend. i'm just goofin'!

i don't remember the last time i spent a weekend doing three marvelous things that are quite unlike one another. this "going out" phenomenon isn't really all that bad and nerdflix isn't really the only reason to live for the weekends anymore! who knew a rock show, a night of dancing, and the closing night to a citywide film festival were just what the proverbial "doctor" proverbially "ordered"?! so long depression, HELLO world of goings ons!

FRIDAY: trans am, zombi, and the psychic paramount @ the triple rock

goofy math rock, john carpenter-inspired synthy soundscapes, and swirling/pounding instrumental rock all in one night? did someone put together a show just for me??? while i'm not head over heels in love with any of these artists, this show was surprisingly impressive. with the exception of some obvious and distracting sound problems with zombi, the psychic paramount are probably the least boring instrumental outfit for people who get bored by instrumental music and the most digestible noise band for people who get scared by noise music. and trans am apparently has the most animated drummer since "cobra" from the appleseed cast's former lineup and their continual back-and-forth trade-off of guitars for keyboards kept my ears freshly intrigued by what was to come next. and for some reason, watching their ashton kutcher-lookalike bassist eating what i think was a pita and hummus during one of their songs was equal parts hilarious and inspiring (why don't more bands do this? i'm sure the food tastes better when you're rocking out AND eating at the same time).

---> trans am - "tesco v. sainsbury's"

SATURDAY: too much love feat. the juan maclean @ first avenue

i think i like dancing. i feel dumb talking about dancing but i don't know why. i don't dance often enough to just GO do it and there is something inherently silly-feeling about a bunch listening to music and moving their bodies, trying to look cool while doing it. especially when it's a bunch of hipsters. but my friend and former radio k'er peter has managed to put together a dance night (which is HUGE now) that somehow still felt inviting enough to make me get over myself and start dancing. so i applaud him for this. while a friend of mine DID get propositioned by some guy wearing a "i (heart) hot moms" t-shirt for a threesome, most of the night was fun and dfa's the juan maclean pulsed out some "hot jams," as the kids say.

SUNDAY: the ten @ the closing night of the mpls/stp international film festival

from the almighty stella, david wain's comedy of 10 short stories about the ten commandments closed out the minneapolis/st. paul international film fest last night at block freaking e of all places. nothing says pretentious film geeks like megaplex in the same building as hard rock cafe and hooters. wain was supposed to intro the film but he was a no show. lame. i paid 4 dollars more than a regular movie ticket for nothing. i guess i can live with it. it also was a dvd version of the movie that obviously had a lot of sound editing to go through still before its official u.s. release in august, but i still feel like i didn't waste my money. i was expecting genius and mostly genius is what i got. the best short stories in the film are because of their stars, i.e. liev schreiber coveting his neighbor's catscan collection with hilarious results, winona ryder getting steamy with a ventriloquist doll, and oliver platt as an arnold schwarzenegger impersonator who faux-fathers two black children. it's basically stella with no holds barred, meaning some unfunny poop jokes and crossing the line with the gay sex visuals, but overall, more absurdist genius from the modern masters of it.

laughter doesn't always have to be a form of mocking.

i don't ever think funny movies are going to be very funny anymore. for a while now, probably since qualler and i started this blog, i thought the only way for a good laugh at the movies was to go see crap like the grudge or the da vinci code. instead of getting no substance but a few good hearty laughs, i wanted to get a few good hearty laughs at the expense of the movie's lack of substance. now don't get me wrong, i'm still snobbish enough to subject myself to the invisible looking for laughs (and probably instead of just being bored and wanting my time back). but now i'm starting to regain faith in just seeing a stupid funny movie because it will indeed be intentionally stupid and intentionally funny, and successful on both accounts. luckily, the latest in stupid funny movies each have their way of adding an extra layer to their "stupid funny" base.

hot fuzz

stupid, funny: this is by far the best of the three, and believe me, i really didn't think it was going to be that great. i like shaun of the dead more as a zombie movie than i do as a comedy. its pace and use of content are inventive and enthralling, but the jokes are mostly just chuckle-worthy. this one is mostly just chuckle-worthy for the first 20 minutes, but then it goes almost uncomfortably over-the-top with bit after of bit of "seriously? that just happened?" and even at 2 hours and 1 minute, there's no joke in the last 1 hour and 41 minutes that you can see sparing on the cutting room floor.

extra layer: i never liked british comedy that much. but the great thing about hot fuzz is that it's a postmodern mess of british comedy paying homage (i really didn't see it as a parody, just like i didn't think shaun of the dead was a parody) to the strictly american action movie genre (which is really just another form of comedy). with this mish-mash of mannered comedy and getting all meta with point break and bad boys II, it's stupid, funny, and a biting critique/embrace on the idolatry of what has become considered "heroism" in american culture.

aqua teen hunger blah blah

stupid, funny: the difference between hot fuzz's use of the "seriously? that just happened?" bust-out-laughing hilarity device and aqua teen's is that you had to know it was coming with aqua teen. there's no surprise factor. that said, none of the scatological or sexual humor was welcomed, because really, a humping robot is not "off the wall" in my eyes, even if it is the cybernetic ghost of christmas past. haha it's funny because he whirrs when he thrusts. no aqua teen, stick with the hardcore gumdrop/nachos/sno-caps band and star-wipes, and you'll keep me won over. that's what's stupid and still funny.

extra layer: surrealism blah blah blah. it moves from cartoon network to the big screen and suddenly it becomes more artistically valid? on the one hand, i want to enjoy this surge of snobbish love for something that can also work on the "stupid and funny" level because it's a converging precedent for two classes of filmgoers and aesthetically (on a very surface level) there's something that makes sense there. on the other hand, i feel like people are grasping for a higher reason to like french fries that have a beard than just "hahahahahaha."

blades of glory

stupid, funny: will ferrell - even the most unbearable skits on snl could be momentarily lifted by ferrell screaming "i drive a ford taurus!" with no other reason than it was stupid, funny, loud, and he looked off aimlessly like he was lost in his own inanity. will arnett - aggressive comedic genius. jon heder - surprisingly tolerable (though i just had a shudder thinking about his dumb open-mouthed "what's going on?" face). but like most ferrell movies, not astoundingly hilarious, just "funny enough."

extra layer: how exactly did this movie avoid homophobic/gay panic jokes? it seemed impossible, but they were surprisingly and thankfully limited (the same cannot be said for the upcoming i now pronounce you chuck and larry). rather, they did the smart thing and created actual fleshed-out characters that ferrell and heder became and had real conflicts that fueled the comedy OR simply went for the obviously loved "seriously? that just happened?" factor, rather than the "haha they're two dudes" factor.

in sum, yes yes i am aware jokes are always a lot funnier when someone explains them, so YOU'RE WELCOME.

The Name Kasdan Gets You a Movie Deal

I'm pretty much done with excuses -- blogging has been afar from me for the past month. But now that I have a life again (i.e. work has slowed down), I shall grant you with mine presence. Or something like that. I'm not really sure. I mean, see, this really big thing happened to me, like, a few months ago. And, well, I really haven't had anybody to talk to about, and, well, since you're new in town, and helping out the neighbor who doesn't come out of the house very frequently, and you're a-DOR-able, I'm gonna just, you know, let you in on my past. Which involves some almost kisses, a few near-brushes on the hand, and, yeah, maybe even some staying out late at night. Yeah, this is a good place to talk about it -- right in the middle of the football field where, although we won't see any actual football games, is a place where stuff happens. Just, not any stuff that is happening right now.

What's that? Copyright infringement? This is the "plot" of the new film In the Land of Women? Sorry, I must have dragged that out of my unconscious. See, I took a nap through the last 20 minutes of the movie. I don't remember much of it, other than that a lot of people were talking about quasi-"events" in their lives of which we didn't even get to see cheesy flashbacks. In fact, the only thing I remember about this movie was that a raccoon tried to get into a window, and Chris said out loud, "That's a scene?" Then I fell asleep again, only to wake up to another shot of a stuffed raccoon. The lessons I learned from In the Land of Women? a) Films that show people talking about stuff that happened that is boring are GREAT movies to fall asleep to. b) If your last name is Kasdan, you too can make your high school short stories class rough draft into a feature-length film featuring teen-throb Adam Brody and former mega-star Meg Ryan, as well as waif Kristen Stewart. Me, I can't wait to legally change my name to Qualler Kasdan and finally make my 2nd grade magnum opus, "The Day the First No-Hitter Was Born" into a feature-length film, starring Shia LaBeouf.

be as hip as possible, even when you're half-unconscious.

while qualler and i (amongst others) were indeed blasting avril lavigne's "girlfriend" out of his jetta in the middle of uptown (that's the totes hip part of mpls for all of you outsiders) with jamba juices in our hands and the bassist from tapes 'n tapes walking by us, our hipster-factor doesn't end there. here are a couple very indie bands with a couple very indie songs that i happen to be in love with at the moment, linked for your downloading pleasure.

"all the way to pa" by machine go boom

wake-up song: after seeing "in the land of women" (mostly brigitte's doing, but she didn't twist my arm, i admit) use mates of state to soundtrack a superfluous "let's watch all of our characters wake up" scene, i started thinking about other songs that would be cool to use as a "wake-up song" in a movie. this new little number is just what the doctor ordered. while not too far from the lo-fi label explicated a couple weeks ago on the blogulator, this has the adorable almost-too-annoying (kind of like their band name) twee spunk that once existed in elephant6 bands like apples in stereo (before they got too obsessed with the 60s) and of montreal (before they got too obsessed with keyboardtronic sea creatures). it's a song that should be arrested for having too much dirty fun. eww gross i just looked up the cover art. stuck in 1993, are we? please ignore it. the song is really a blast!

this is motion by melochrome

falling asleep song: don't run away, it's not instrumental. every layer of keys, jazzy crash cymbal, organ bass, and hesitant vocals is equally soothing, calm, and cool. if you want to feel all of your limbs slowly lose all stiffness one a time, download this record (or buy it for an effing dollar), turn off the lights, get comfy in your jammy-jams, and settle in with a purring kitty or soft plush animal before pressing play. alternate usage: make out music for nerds. while i don't feel comfortable (for obvious reasons) giving out being-sexy-and-attractive tips, i want to emphasize how this record can really keep the rhythm of a smooth make-out session going without ever going too fast (i'm looking at you, 13-year-old version of myself). now that i've effectively grossed out 104% of the blogulator-reading population (including jerksica), i'll just end with a quick...

THANK GOD HEROES IS BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

new shows i won't watch but have the audacity to blog about.

it used to be simple. all new tv would start up again in september and around february there would be sweeps. unpopular new shows would get a boot to make room for (even) crappier programming that execs use to entice viewers back to their station. well what with many shows having lengthy runs and breaks (heroes) and stations starting all of their new programming in january just to be different (fox), sweeps week is officially a year-round event now. can anyone think of good shows that came in at an awkward time in the year? well at least the ones popping up around now rip off the great pieces of modern pop culture: the fast and the furious, nine months, whose line is it anyway?, and history books.

drive: fox, monday at 7pm cst

dudes like cars. dudes like money. dudes like action. chicks? yeah like they're gonna stick around to boost 24's ratings afterwards. forget them. but seriously, what if someone combined all of these into an idea for a show that couldn't possibly last more than one season? oh wait, prison break is still on somehow.

notes from the underbelly: abc, wednesday at 7.30pm

humans sometimes have tiny growing humans in their bellies. get really high/drunk/crunk and then read that sentence again. THEN you will probably think it's an absolutely out-of-this-world idea to make that whole concept into a sitcom. otherwise, unless you're a huge fan of that julianne moore/hugh grant vehicle and would like to see that 90 minutes stretched out over an entire season, you'd probably rather spend your hump day actually makin' da babies. or getting lonely on the internet, if you catch my drift.

thank god you're here: nbc, wednesdays at 7pm

sure drew carey had a certain je-ne-sais-quoi (annoying, smug, squinty), but david alan grier wishes he was richard pryor. hell he wishes he was a wayans brother. the only thing this show has over whose line (as if that had credibility in the first place) is that they use actual props and sets so we don't have to go through the painstaking process of using our imaginations. oh man and jason alexander TOTALLY looks like he doesn't want to be alive.

the tudors: showtime, sundays at 9pm

old clothes. you should know how both qualler and i feel about this by now. but ALSO, jonathan rhys meyers said that he's glad he (who is lean, sexy, clean-shaven, and has a menacingly erotic stare) is playing the part of henry VIII (who is historically known as stout, tubby, hairy, and eats lots of chicken whenever he wants), because "people don't want to watch shows about ugly people." think back on all those other rippling and sultry historical biopics: capote (HOTTIE), kinsey (SEX MACHINE), the queen (MEEEEOOWWWW)...oh the list goes on. thank you jonathan rhys meyers for being the dumbest actor on the planet.

ah crap but that last one is the only thing that's really "new" on this nerdflix online viewing thingy...a follow-up rant may be in order.

just because you CAN watch it doesn't mean you SHOULD.

nerdflix is a close friend of mine. it's always there for me when i have a couple hours to kill, when i want to procrastinate grading/lesson planning, when i want something to fall asleep to numerous times and never finish, or when i just want to make myself/jerksica explode with cinematic rage. that last one is the kicker. with the addition of the "watch now" service where lots of crappy movies are available to view online with no additional charge to my account, i don't really remember anymore what a "good" movie is. get in your time machine and take a trip with the C&QPCB to...

1990: backtrack (a.k.a. catchfire)
starring: jodie foster, dennis hopper, joe pesci, vincent price (?!), AND BOB DYLAN???!?!

anyone who knows me knows why i watched this garbage. look at the cast list. dennis hopper is a hitman for the mob (headed by an uncredited pesci in the exact same role as goodfellas) who falls in love with jodie, who witnessed a mob hit and is supposed to be whacked by hopper. even though he rapes her, kidnaps her, and pretty much makes her his slave, she falls for him. oh did i mention hopper directed this? what a creep! vincent price shows up at the end as the "real" mob leader i guess and just says "blow it up" very eerily and the most hilarious sequence of events follows where an entire building blows up for no reason as hopper and jodie escape VERY SLOWLY through a drain pipe wearing radioactive gear for some reason. then hopper does a killer sax solo (playing a baritone, but sounding like an alto?) on a boat they somehow get aboard as they sail off into the sunset. hopper's original cut of the movie was THREE HOURS and he took his name off the project and put the infamous "alan smithee" name on it when it was released in europe and on tv in 91. then he came back and put it on dvd and renamed it, but still kept it only 1.5 hours. thank GOD. oh and dylan plays a pretentious sculptor. surprise surprise.

1981: heartbeeps
starring: andy kaufman, bernadette peters, randy quaid, AND CHRISTOPHER GUEST?!?!?

i fell asleep during the majority of this one, but i'll do my best. it's about robots who fall in love and have wacky misadventures while "the company" tries to get them back. andy kaufman just does a variation on his taxi character and is obviously crazy and not paying attention to acting, but just acting weird and off-putting. jerksica loves bernadette peters (theatre geek alert! note the spelling of "theatre") and is amused by robots (whereas i would like to smash them all) so there's some back story about how this happened. all i really remember before the nap happened is this really wise-ass robot that's programmed to make rodney dangerfield-esque one-liners like...like...oh man i'm starting to get sleepy.

1988: dead ringers
starring: jeremy irons, jeremy irons, and jeremy irons (oh wait scratch that last one)

directed by david cronenberg and i remember my brother said this movie was creepy and effed up, so i figured this one would not fail me. it is not creepy and effed up in an interesting, pushing the envelope kinda way. it's just creepy in a uncomfortably creepy alternating with uninteresting and bland kinda way. jeremy irons plays snobby world-renowned twin gynecologists who sleep with all their patients (you read that correctly). they like to trick their patients into thinking there's only one of them so that if they don't like how one is in the sack, they can pass the chick on to the other twin. basically they act as the same person, creating a strong connection between them but never connecting honestly with anyone else. so when one falls in love and the other doesn't, they start going crazy and doing weird things including trying to operate on women's genitals with really funky sharp things that shouldn't go down there. imagine all this plus the boring yet reputable jeremy irons sloshing around a glass of (insert expensive alcoholic drink here) and talking mildly in his geeves-the-butler-type demeanor TO HIS IDENTICAL TWIN. ABOUT FEMALE GENITALS. i guess i shouldn't expect anything less from cronenberg.

a crowd of me versus a crowd of millions (it's called hyperbole, people).

in the past two weeks or so, i've had the opportunity to see two shows at first avenue here in minneapolis - one in the mainroom (the big room), one in the entry (the tiny room). it's the venue i and the majority of indie rockers frequent the most and oddly enough, it's also the venue that's most prone to concerts that both sell out and have NO ONE attend them. as a reward for reading through my analysis on the beloved yet problematic concert venue, i'm including free music. please download and enjoy by clicking/right-clicking.

in the mainroom: explosions in the sky w/ eluvium

the band that got me interested in epic instrumental post-rock in the first place alongside the artist that got me interested in ambient music in the first place together? sounds flawless. especially since last time i saw both, they blew me away. fading is inevitable. i blame people. on the one hand, i feel warm and fuzzy that a band with no vocals has somehow managed to play on conan o-brien, break the billboard top 100, and now sell out a prominent and large-capacity venue in minneapolis, especially because i do this. on the other hand, the mainroom's addition of flatscreen tvs hanging from the balcony kinda makes me wanna throw up. speaking of throwing up, drunk people that don't comprehend that the band often descends into quiet guitar patterns after brutal rock-attacks and doesn't necessitate an ear-piercing "woo!"every time this happens make my concert-going experience almost pointless. luckily, eluvium totally messed with the audience's heads and just droned on and on with the subtlest of all video accompaniments he could possible choose (birds swirling in a circle! genius! oh my god and then they're flying into a smokestack! 30 minutes of this!). it was funny watching people get bored as i got lost in it. though watching stoner kids headbang to explosions and 40-something intellectual-types concentrating on the bird images made me appreciate the power of outsider music getting popular, even if it is indeed a double-edge sword.

--> explosions in the sky - "the birth and death of the day"
--> eluvium - "prelude for time feelers"

in the entry: the twilight sad w/ a northern chorus

to a band, you might think that there's just nothing good about a show that has no people at it. you wouldn't think that if you saw either of these bands perform to me, jerksica, amy, possibly four other fans, their roadies, and the crappy local band that opened for them (this listing does not include the 50-year-old fargo hunters that wandered in and more-than-creepily hit on my girls). funnily enough, these bands aren't too far from the aforementioned explosions in the sky, except they DO have vocals. so if you fall asleep to music without words regardless of face-splattering crescendos, here you get the face splatter and words (by people that can actually sing!). the twilight sad are a scottish band that crossed the pond to play to the crowd of seven and their alternating stoic-cum-broken theatrics sculpted a breathtaking performance of awe and wonder by every member in the band. a northern chorus trucked down from montreal, making it just in time to play before midnight to the quickly-emptying nook on 7th street. orchestral as all get out, they crammed the usual suspects (guitar, bass, drums) onto a 20-square-foot area along with a cello, violin, slide guitar, and the most impressive smörgåsbord of pedals and samplers i've seen recently. the six-piece played and sang (often together or in a round) like majestic otherworldy beings creating the densest air of sound they could possibly muster in the vacant space. neither band let their guard down EVER and gave it their all despite the few reasons to give it their all that existed at the entry that night. this is a show i will never forget, if only because of the intimate nature of it all.

--> the twilight sad - "cold days from the birdhouse"
--> a northern chorus - "the millions too many"

why i saw 300 (and other tales from spring break).

spring break for us teachers and students has now come and almost officially gone away and we now get sad as our friends with "regular" jobs continue to be jealous of our holidays off, but i'm sure also do not envy our dealings with the never-ending rudeness that will begin again at 8:30 a.m. monday morning. nevertheless, here is a quick pop culture rundown of my spring break and the various fantastic friends i visited.

friend: brigitte.
pop culture: 300, beverly hills 90210 season one.

qualler's wifey-to-be and i checked out 300 because 1) i'm curious about dumb movies that make a ridiculous amount of money in the middle of march. 2) i like comic books, and even though i hardly ever like comic book movies, i still try to see all of them, like it's a nasty habit that never fulfills me, unless it's x2 or batman begins. 3) THERE'S SOME WICKED AWESOME FIGHT SCENES AND I'M A DUDE ROAR!!!!!!!!!! so obviously, it sucked. also, "bevills," as i call it, is just as good as i remember it, if not better. minneapolis is NOTHING LIKE california, in case you didn't know. and cheating on history tests, having a crush on your teacher, leading your friends on, and having bad hair are reprehensible offenses (but never THAT reprehensible!).

friend: pat.
pop culture: the album leaf, rainer maria, various "on-demand" avril lavigne music videos and movie trailers.

after pat showed me his lame excuse for an "unbelievable guitar part" on the very lame new rainer maria record, we finally found agreement in the genius of the album leaf, debating on whether or not to get matching leaf tattoos that will get us into all album leaf shows for free. pat took the first step of ordering an album leaf pin that he can take to the tattoo parlor when he finally gets the courage to follow through with crazy-as-H pat plan #23523. the fantasy talk subsided and the fantasy watching began with the ENTIRE collection of avril videos on pat's fancy "on-demand" cable and followed with several movie trailers where i indicated that i was most likely to genuinely see the john cusack/stephen king thrill-a-thon 1408 and the cutesy cgi mockumentary surf's up, but would only go to next if i really needed something obvious to blog about (good excuse, polley, that should work like a piece of cake!).

friend: arun.
pop culture: books (i know, right?), modest mouse, the milwaukee metro 11A.M. news.

after picking up arun from the airport at an ungodly hour and watching him attempt to get into someone else's car that he thought was mine outside the midwest express terminal (and laughing voraciously at the frightened young woman being seemingly attacked by a young indian man), we found nothing to do on a thursday morning other than sit, discuss music, read books, and watch the 11:00 a.m. local news. we're party animals. i dunno if books can be "pop culture," and i don't really discuss my readings on this blog, but i finally got around to reading something by that david sedaris guy everyone's raving about, and it was pretty funny indeed, if nothing else. we then went on about how modest mouse defined our lives and while their selling out genuinely dismissed notions of selling out being inherently bad, their newest album and addition of johnny marr on guitar still disgusts and bores both of us, whereas their independent output does nothing but astound. oh and the good old team at wtmj4 in the 'kee said it was 95 in kenosha in their weather report. it was good for a hoot.

friend: molly (blogless, and therefore does not exist in this realm).
pop culture: take the lead, the cruise, hellboy, the eye, grindhouse.

lots of my friends have tivo. but i have never witnessed such efficient and brilliant use of the magical device as i have with my dear friend molly (sorry boys, but she is the master). from the antonio banderas inspirational claptrap that warmed my soul (with unintentional comedy) take the lead to the j-horror movie the eye that isn't too boring and not yet ruined by an american remake, molly's living room turned into an ultra-hip-with-a-dash-of-irony grandiose funtime center for chris. i was amazed when i ended up liking hellboy's pitch-perfect eye-candy-fest despite its overly cartoonish gloss and i was pleased when i could still enjoy and sympathize with the nonsensical yet brilliant ramblings of former almost-celebrity timothy "speed" levitch in the cruise, even though i took a little nap during the last part of it all.

we topped the 2-day madness with an excursion to see grindhouse (jerksica said "thank god" when i told her she wouldn't have to see it with me) with ziplocked popcorn, candy from a real-life candy store, and readiness to sit through three hours that could be awful, fantastic, or somewhere in between. i really wanted to be skeptical, since i have strong reservations about "enjoying" sin city and quentin tarantino after seeing one too many masturbatory tv appearances regarding the new film. i could not hold back, however, and just let go and completely fell in love with 95% of grindhouse. "planet terror" was just dumb fun that probably does more bad than good to society and 14-year-olds obsessed with violence, but was still amazingly hilarious and undeniably a riot. "death proof," on the other hand, was ACTUALLY a good movie. dumb on many of its surfaces, but QT ironically is starting to progress by actually doing something with his homage to forgotten genres/filmic histories. he's using his admittedly overdone style of dialogue overdrive to briskly contrast with the outrageousness of the climactic points of the film, and even attempts to comment on gender roles in exploitation movies (for real this time, not just tiptoeing like he did with kill bill). which is weird cuz i thought for sure this guy hated women. and maybe he does and is just effing with his audience, but it's nevertheless the most interestingly/uniquely structured and still outright entertaining film i've seen in the past few years. it's what eli roth tried to do with hostel but without the sick teenage boy fantasies that he stupidly manifested on camera in a lame attempt to "push the envelope." the ending to "death proof" is also the best ending to a movie and officially turned it into the best QT movie since pulp fiction, without a doubt.

other friends i got down with -- dave, mike, andy -- it was good to see you too!!!

Why I Won't See 300

So while the cat's out to roost, and I'm stuck here in the proverbial Blogulator world alone, without my Blogging companion, who is keeping this blogger's fiancee company (best be not puttin' the moves on, Chris! Or else Jerksica and I will eat your brains.) Rumor has it that Chris and Brigitte are currently attending 300 together this evening. Here's why, when Chris originally posed me going to see 300 with him "just to make fun of it", I said no:

1) Gladiator movies are stupid.
Okay, I know that it isn't technically "gladiators" or whatever, but it's technically an offshoot of old clothes movies. It's a bunch of people dressed in stupid costumes trying to chop each other's heads off. Now, let's get one thing straight -- people trying to violently murder in film is not necessarily a bad thing (see "The Sopranos", American Psycho, any zombie movie), but when there isn't something modern to make me care, I don't care. Oh, and I saw Gladiator in high school when I was in Germany, and they dubbed it in German and I had no idea what was going on. I didn't even get a pleasant nap out of it. I might still be bitter.

2) I don't have time to watch things ironically when my life is consumed with work.

This is maybe something that will change post-busy-time at work, but when I get home at 9:30 on a "regular" night during the week, the last thing I want to do is tune into some Lifetime flicks and laugh at the tough-but-sensitive woman who is a detective in a unit where nobody believes a woman can do the job, especially not the rough-and-tumble-yet-scruffily-handsome lead detective who, when confronted with a brutal rape and murder, lets the woman detective solve the case, and we all learn a valuable lesson about prejudices. Okay, maybe it's not on the bottom of my list, but I usually at least fall asleep to "Six Feet Under" these days (which the entire series box set is the greatest gift I've ever received, thanks Brigitte! but I digress...) and I just won't let myself get brought down any lower than I already am.

3) I am a pretentious jerk who wants to be one of the only people to not see a movie.

I've done this with the entire Pirates of the Caribbean series, and there's no reason to miss out on pointlessly boycotting a big hit movie for 300, either. I was talking to co-workers about how I had never seen Pirates because, well, I just never saw it, and I decided I wouldn't. I had a hard time explaining that, because when I thought about it, it's pretty ridiculous. However, one thing I am not is not stubborn, and I'm going to stick to my guns on this one.

So, that's that. I hope Chris is enjoying his potentially homoerotic film experience tonight. P.S., when I google-searched "pretentious jerk" images, this image of Lady in the Water appears.