Movie Networks, You Are a Blessing And a Curse.

It's been nearly a month now since getting married, and, perhaps more importantly, nearly three months since subscribing to a satellite dish. Now that the three month free trial of movie networks HBO and Cinemax are nearing an end, the Qualler family has come to a dilemma -- do we continue to be half-entertained and fully comforted by the non-stop beaming of cinematic entertainment into our home, or do we leave our pocketbooks $15 heavier a month and not feel the burden of catching up on the last 30 minutes of the Amanda Bynes film She's the Man that you missed last Thursday. Perhaps if I can write some words in blog form, I can come to some kind of conclusion.

TV Series

On one hand, it seems stupid to need to have a subscription to a service that only shows one new series per time period, and especially to have a subscription where the only new series currently airing is a reality TV show about prize boxers (which also sneakily works as an infomercial for upcoming boxing matches (Mayweather/Hatton 24/7)). And sometimes the new TV series occasiouanlly feature old people making whoopie (Tell Me You Love Me). But sometimes, those series can make their way creeping into ones brain and even tough out the icky parts to watch something that makes you not want to poke your eyeballs out, at the very least.

Edge: HBO

Second-rate Blockbusters

One of the wonderful things that I have learned from having HBO/Cinemax is that there are a lot of crappy movies that are being made each and every day. For example, while sitting around at home, I caught the first hour of the 2006 Robin Williams comedy/drama/thrill-ride/civics lesson Man of the Year. Turns out, the first hour of that said film consists of fake news clips of pundits saying "Tom Dobbs (Williams' character) is a comedian who is running for president!" Non-stop. Blech. On the plus side, I really enjoyed She's the Man and Amanda Bynes' constant mugging for the camera, as she portrayed faking being a boy mainly by talking like she was a weird tween Disney-bred rapper. On the negative side, my soul died via watching all of this garbage.

Edge: My eternal soul crushed by mediocre Hollywood garbage.

The intangibles

The best thing, though, about having movie networks at one's fingertips are the intangibles. For example, when things are a little slow at Qualler household hangouts with friends, nothing will liven things up more than a little Cinemax after dark action. Bow-chica-bow-wow. Nothing could be less hot than watching people doin' it for fake and commenting on the horrible acting/musical choices made by the filmmakers.

Edge: Soft-core.

In the end, it seems that the Qualler's need to keep this subscription going. If my soul is already dead, then what's the harm in continuing to own these channels? Now I've got nothing left to lose, except for the inevitable 2 hours of an afternoon I will lose when Stephen King's The Mist is on television, and I feel the need to watch the parts that I slept through in the movie theater. Who needs to worry about going to hell when hell is already here waiting in a mediocre Hollywood film?

This entry was posted by Unknown, on Sunday, December 02, 2007. You can leave your response.