7 Best Dramas, Vedder in a Tux, and My Woman Gets Outed

I could feel it was going to be a kooky list when the mentally-questionable celebrities Ryan Reynolds, Quentin Tarantino, and Hayden Pantiesintheair showed up to be our presenters for the 65th Golden Globe nominations. What, was Dane Cook signed up for the gig and couldn't make it? Actually, yes, he was. Here were some of my highlights from the glitz and glam that help determine next year's inevitable disappointment-fest The Oscars:

Best Drama: Oh man, picking five dramas from 2007 is tough. There sure were a lot of masterpieces this year, like that unique movie where the underdogs prevail despite social constraints (The Great Debaters), or that mob movie that goes on for hours without a point until the last 15 minutes (American Gangster). Well, we absolutely have to have a Denzel movie in there, because he always makes sure to do big movies that will make a lot of money, like a true artist. But which one should we keep? Because we can't have seven nominees!! Or can we? Well we could defy expectations and do something crazy like NOT nominate that boring war romance that everyone is in a fuss about (Atonement). Ooh but then we won't have that 1996 nostalgia of a haughty tragic love story with European actors beating out a gritty Coen Bros. movie (No Country for Old Men). Oh hell, let's just go ahead and have seven nominees! Then we don't have to make these life-changing decisions anyway. We did it all the time in the 60s and 70s.

Best Original Song: Usually if you imagined all five nominees of any given fancy movie awards category in a room together, it would probably be a smarmy and innocuous affair, full of pleasantries and perhaps a tinge of silent eye-rolling. But not this year's nominees for Best Original Song. Imagine it: a room of stiff servers with tiny hors d'oeuvre hovering about Eddie Vedder, Clint Eastwood, Alan Menken, Judd Apatow, and Shakira. Hilarious! Eddie would pretend to be talking to Clint about what happened at the end of Unforgiven while really staring at Shakira's curves, and Apatow would say something banal in a deadpan manner but with an expletive, causing Menken to either laugh way too loudly and flamboyantly and/or chuckle timidly and wishing Vedder would acknowledge his presence. So many possibilities! Can't wait to see what happens here, except for the fact that I don't care because Once wasn't nominated. Jerks.

Best Actress in a Drama: I love my girl Jodie, but The Brave One was admittedly nothing pants-droppingly exciting. Sure she was the best part of it, but even I would let that one slide right under the radar come awards time. Nevertheless, because she is nominated, I hope that she does win, if only to clear this whole thing up and say, "I'd like to thank blogger Chris from the Blogulator, for being the only one to realize that my comments at the Women in Entertainment breakfast were just a friendly bromance kinda thing in tribute to my gal pal Cydney, and really I'm totally into dudes most of the time, so Chris, call me." But really, after looking at the other nominees, she might truthfully be the best choice. Though I do need to check out my namesake Sarah Polley's Away From Her, starring the old that could, Julie Christie.

There's also a bunch of TV awards, which I'm actually not terribly excited about, despite my 2007 fondness for the medium. Only Donald Sutherland nominated from Dirty Sexy Money = Ludicrous. Bill Paxton nominated for Big Love but not Chloe Sevigny or Harry Dean Stanton = grrrrooooaaannn. Oh well, I'll still be making my patented globe-shaped cookies on January 13th to watch with fizzies in my tummy the awards show that most people care about the least. Please feel free to join me (as long as you know me in real life)!

This entry was posted by chris, on Thursday, December 13, 2007. You can leave your response.