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Turns Out, These "All Movie" Networks Aren't Quite As Advertised

So, in the past many weeks that I haven't posted on The Blogulator (yes, despite popular belief, I, Qualler, am also a contributor to this blog), I have had the opportunity to view programming on multiple of these so-called "movie networks" where they play "movies all day long" and "original programming that is edgier than network television". Believe it or not, these movie networks are pretty much the greatest thing ever, because a) They give me the opportunity to watch crappy movies that I do not have the motivation to actually go out and Nerdflix, and b) they have actually great television shows. Below is commentary on a little bit of what I had the chance to view, and my corresponding Nerdflix score.

Step Up
Okay, so this is from the makers of Bring It On, which, turns out, isn't half bad. I didn't actually watch much of this either, except that I saw Jeff Bridges coaching them and he was a total disciplinarian. At 3:00 in the morning after a night out and spending the night at Pat's, it was a pleasant collection of images and sounds to help me to sleep.

Beyond The Sea
Kevin Spacey is way too freaking old and creepy to be playing Bobby Darin. He's also way too old and creepy to be dating Sandra "Gidget" Dee, who, by the way, is way too non-ridiculously pint-sized to really be Sandra Dee. And music biopics are so 2005. You're way too late, old and creepy to do this entire project, Kevin Spacey. Yet, this movie did successfully waste an hour of hung-over time in Pat's apartment in the morning. Even so, I can't count the ways I hated this movie.

Just Like Heaven
OMG did Mark Ruffalo take acting school from Forrest Gump in this movie?! Don't Get Me Started!!! (Ba-dum ching!) He says every single word really slow and kind of studders his way through his dialogue and for some reason doesn't know how to exactly put sentences together. Reese Witherspoon is charming as always, but this movie could have been probably 15 minutes long if they would have taken out the whole "Hey, wouldn't it be great to be a ghost and see what people REALLY think of you?" side plot.

Just My Luck
It somehow makes sense that Double-L's descent into Child Molestation Rom-Com Mothers' Day Spectaculars like Georgia Rule (which by the way received a Nerdflix score of *, and yes, I did see, on Mothers' Day) would have started with this complete and utter train wreck of a movie. Too sophisticated to appeal to her tweenage fans but too ridiculously stupid to appeal to anybody else, I only needed to see the last 5 minutes of the movie to give it a decisive * rating. Although, the final freeze frame of Lindsay & whoever else is in this movie with water springing up from behind them is pretty hilarious. Still, F.

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