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this is the best amateur filmmaker in minnesota?

obviously nobody cares, but i'm going to humor fox's on the lot and pretend like people actually think that this is the film industry's version of american idol. i couldn't decide whether or not to blog about it because i was so astoundingly depressed by watching the premiere episode that i really didn't even think it was worth my time. but then i remembered about 90% of the things i blog about. so i need to get this off my chest. the "best amateur filmmakers" from all over the world are supposed to be competing for a hollywood movie deal by making movies for renowned auteurs such as carrie fischer, brett ratner, and gary marshall (see below to find out if i'm being sarcastic or not).

first problem: are they making these people write their short films too? i mean i know brett ratner single-handedly penned every rush hour movie and gary marshall looked inside his feminine self to write the touching scenes of georgia rule, but these new filmmakers have only learned how to direct in their expensive film schools full of pretentiousness! the films they were judged by to get into this competition couldn't have been directed AND written by them, could they have been? if they had, they must have had only like 25 applicants, because i don't know how anyone could watch one of these videos and think "yeah they've got a good shot at me giving them $1 million."

second problem: from that batch of "films" comes a piece by a dick from minnesota who, in his bio they showed before his movie, said, "in minneapolis, i was a big fish in a small pond. here it's a whole different story." yeah it's tough walking down the block without someone saying, "andrew hunt is the only true film visionary in this town." andrew hunt this andrew hunt that, minneapolis, sometimes i hate you because you looove andrew hunt so much! maybe i'm being too harsh on the guy. here's the crap that he passed off as a "comedy short." (and keep in mind, this isn't even the worst one in the bunch).



third problem: i wanted to be able to watch a dumb reality where i could make fun of stupid filmmakers and stupider hollywood judges. i DESERVE to have a mindless show like this after sitting through grease: you're the one that i want with jerksica. but i can't even bring myself to watch a show with short films that are so unbearable, i just get depressed and feel sorry for dumb nearly-balding late-20s dudes who are too neurotic to be interviewed by an overactive brunette scarlett johannson with rocks in her throat. sorry on the lot, but i would rather watch ex-wives club where i can learn how to get over you. i was never in love with you, you see, i was only in love with the IDEA of you.

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  1. Blogger DoktorPeace | 7:32 PM |  

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH ALIENS CELEBRATE NEW YEAR"S BY GETTING WASTED TOO THEY"RE JUST LIKE US HQHAAHAHAHAHHAHA HOW CAN YOU NOT GET IT CHRIS

    (Actually, the puppets were pretty cute. I'd give him money.)

    That show has to be better than the French show I watched in Paris last night - a marathon of the "top 100 funny moments" which included ANYTHING ranging from sketch comedy to commercials to youtube videos to TechTV (G4) bloopers. And a panel of six French celebrities(?) then commented on the comedy of the videos after each clip. If I understood French, I probably would have shot myself after the two minute postgame followup to the clip of a bowler not letting go of his ball.

  2. Anonymous Anonymous | 9:16 AM |  

    did you reference she wants revenge in your closing argument? if so, that's kinda cool, i guess.

    yeah, other filmmaking people that aren't me also depress me. i hate them.

    -Sean

  3. Anonymous andrewhuntdirector@gmail.com | 8:42 PM |  

    I don't know if I'd call him a "dick". Andrew always seemed like a pretty good guy on the show.

    Maybe you'd like to grab a cup off coffee with him over at Spyhouse I'm sure he'd LOVE to share his insights on the show with you, if you had that balls, that is....

    As for the "crap he passed off as a comedy short", I thought it was pretty funny. I'm not sure if the audio worked though. It was really hard for me to hear with all the laughter coming from the audience while I was on stage PRESENTING IT TO THE WHOLE FUCKING WORLD!!

    PS: Let me know if wanna still grab that cup of coffee. My treat.

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