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100 years...1,000,000 whiny film jerks.

ever wonder where goth-emo-"punk"sters afi got their name? well until i saw some dude's t-shirt at the warped tour that explained it was an acronym for "a fire inside" (since when does "a" count as a word when constructing an acronym?), i assumed they were just a bunch of skinny sad guys who loved MOVIES!!! the american film institute has released their 10th anniversary list of what are supposedly "the 100 greatest american films of all time." obviously, there are a lot of complications in that claim and a lot of things that film jerks (which i will use instead of the classier term "cinephile," which makes me gag whenever people use it, cuz really that's what we are - film jerks, not "cinephiles") get mad about without thinking first. i mean c'mon, look at that film jerk in the picture!

perceived claim: we know what the best movies ever are. and we're right.
film jerk reaction: that's incorrect!! i know what the best movies ever are!!!! i'm right!!!

actual claim: ten years ago, we had a bunch of old white guys vote on a bigger list that was chosen by old white guys who looked up what movies are studied in film school and what movies won oscars and this is what came out of our voting machine. we did the same thing with the same guys this year for the list's 10th anniversary. what did you expect? magnolia at #4?
film jerk reaction: that's incorrect!!! i know what the best movies ever are!!! i'm right!!!

so as you can see, us film jerks are stubborn beings. regardless, this vague organization that likes making lists gets cbs to make them a three-hour special about their list and suddenly film jerks everywhere are blindly enraged, both those that have buster keaton marathons in their $1000/month studio apartments and those that have actually landed jobs publishing their whiny opinion. yes, even the onion's keith phillips, who can be both hilariously insightful and a giant film jerk, lets his anger take over and complains about this list.

people stopped caring about what movies got oscars a long time ago, but apparently, the afi still gets our panties in a knot. but they already did this 10 years ago, what's the big deal, right? 23 movies were replaced and 74 movies changed their placement on the list. those movies that were kicked off, those that rose so greatly, those that fell so greatly, and those that were still not recognized all made various dumb guys with glasses angry. so i might as well bring up the few funny things and a few good things about the new list, which can be seen aside the 1997 list by clicking on these blue words for your reference.


1. raging bull moved from #24 to #4, vertigo moved from #61 to #9: while it's not the best scorsese pick, it's one of the best. and he's finally cemented himself as one of america's greatest filmmakers of all time. finally. and it's definitely the best hitchcock pick, and of course he should be in the top 10.

2. do the right thing entered the list at #96: yeah it's near the bottom of the list, but at least the greatest film ever made by an african-american (and i believe the only one on the list) gets a little love this time around.

3. dances with wolves is kicked off the list: ten years later, it finally sinks in that kevin costner is a nebulous ball of flesh-colored wax, not an actor nor a director. which reminds me, i should really go see mr. brooks.


1. the snores of the borings gets on the list at #50: it seems like everyone agrees that the first one is the worst one (for those of you that stayed awake during them), and yet it's the only one from the 2000s to make the new list. THE ONLY ONE. we might as well die now if that's the only great movie to come out of the 2000s.

2. titanic gets on the list at #83: another new entry, another 3-hour snoozefest. i remember titanic backlash, i remember everyone falling asleep before it finally won best picture that fateful february evening. i remember it making a crapload of money but people saying it wouldn't be remembered as a classic. i remember when life was worth living.

3. fargo gets kicked off the list: that was a...weird...movie. i mean, people in minnesota don't really talk like that, right? it was kind of stereotypical. and really weird. movies that are weird are good, i guess, but it's not like i cry or cheer at the end of them. i am a dumb old white guy that would rather vote for a frank darabont movie (full disclosure: i actually and kind of guiltily love the shawshank redemption).

there's a lot more crap to complain about, but my arms are beginning to shake as i type, which usually means i need to go take a deep breath and watch some 90210. i'd be interested to hear what qualler has to say about the list, if he gets a chance (hint hint).

wondering what a chris and qualler top 100 list would look like? of course you are! you're a fan! that's flattering. this then will be the informal announcement of the BLOGULATOR 2-YEAR-ANNIVERSARY BEST-OF-EVERYTHING-OF-ALL-TIME series of postings, which will tentatively begin on our two-year-anniversary as a blogging couple, 09/05/07.

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  1. Blogger P. Arty | 1:05 PM |  

    I really don't get how John Tucker Must Did didn't make the list.

  2. Blogger DoktorPeace | 1:24 PM |  

    Maybe because it's called John Tucker Must Die, n00b!!

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