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2006 is gonna be mildly blogworthy.

there were very few things blogworthy that happened sunday night pertaining to a certain major sporting event on a certain major television network. that is, of course, if you discount blogging as a means of complaining about the lack of things blogworthy on the super bowl last night. there were lackluster multi-million dollar ads, lackluster "plays" (i assume; i have little knowledge of this sport you call "football"), and lackluster enthusiasm at the party i attended. though those guacamole doritos were DA-BOMB-DOT-COM, thanks unspar!!!

ooh and let us not forget the wonderful blockbuster films that were previewed to us last night for the first time on television (even though it seriously doesn't matter anymore because you can acquire trailers for just about any movie that has a trailer online nowadays)!

mission: impossible 3: i missed this one, but i would just like to recount a press release i received about this clunker. "please note the title for this upcoming release. when first mentioning the film in your publication, use its full name - "mission: impossible 3." when mentioning it a 2nd time, use its promotional nickname - "mi:3." please note the place of the colon, before the 3. when referencing the film's full title, the colon is before "impossible." thank you for your cooperation." yeah, no problem paramount, i'll get right on that. (jerk-off motion).

pirates of the where-a-be-an-exit 2 (argh! says i): i might actually be entertained by this trash on the next go-around. i was simply bored to tears during the first one. (too much outlandish bloom, kould-care-less knightley, etc.) but this one looks like it's straight action jackson all the way through, with johnny depp playing the pirate gay once again, but this time BLOODTHIRSTY! so as long as it's bad while blowing up stuff more often, the owner-of-con-air-and-
armageddon-on-vhs in me will be happier than usual. uhhhh i mean, jerry bruckheimer is evil and totally eating our souls as he craps on screen and perpetuates the modern american film viewer's shortening attention span. what a jerk.

poseidonebefore: remakes are wayyyy more artistically acceptable than sequels. i mean, they totallly RE-ENIVISION the past, man! put it in a modern perspective! no, it's not that hollywood execs think that greenlighting a remake is a safe bet and guaranteed cash monies as long as it's not some cultish boring shit. but a boat sinking? HELLO, that is fucking CRACKING. it's not that the masses won't go rent the original because the technology wasn't as advanced back then and it looks all old and shit. noooo, that's silly. people aren't that stupid. they'll totally be picking apart the artistic choices made that differed from the 70s version and makin' some wicked-detailed venn diagrams and what have you. you think people just want to go to a movie for 9 bucks that is really glossy lookin' and has people like KURT "remember breakdown? now THAT'S a damn fine hostage movie" RUSSELL in it instead of conveniently nerdflixing the original with ERNEST "yeah i was the bellhop in THE SINGLE GUY, wanna fight about it?" BORGNINE? hell naw, they want to have a roundtable discussions on its timely release shortly after the travesty that was hurricane katrina. yeah, hollywood's THAT smart. DUH.

the shaggy blog: one of the few production photos that can be found for this fluff is located to your right. that is a fucking CAT, not a dog. it's not even SHAGGY. what the frick?! oh, and its tagline is "raise the woof." i am now laughing by myself. haha wow that's actually funny. okay, back on task. focus. HAHAHAHA THE DOG IS ALL GHETTO AND SAYIN' "RAISE THE.." and then he BARKS! hahahahahaha. i have a knife in my closet. (takes deep breath). ok. imdb message board thread titles range from "hilarious!" to "does anyone own an english sheperd?" to "i hate tim." this alone is reason enough to allow this movie to exist, methinks. so bring it on disney, i'm ready. did i mention robert downey junior is in this? (insert obligatory community service joke here).

there you have it. making fun of movies before they come out is the new seeing movies first and then making fun of them.

and don't forget to check up on chris & qualler's top 50 songs of 2005!

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  1. Blogger Unspar! | 8:50 AM |  

    You're welcome, but I'm pretty sure someone else brought those chips and I gave them to some homeless guy after everybody left.

    And thanks for reminding me about The Single Guy. For ages I've been trying to remember what short-lived, pointless sitcome Ernest Borgnine was on, and now I know. Thank you very very much. (That actually wasn't sarcastic.)

  2. Blogger Christine | 9:27 AM |  

    I've got to defend the Tim Allen movie even though there is no way I would ever ever see it. It's a cat because Tim Allen is a shaggy dog and he's chasing the cat.

    The other thing I wanted to say was "It's Ben's birthday!"

  3. Blogger qualler | 11:12 AM |  

    Hey CPP, since I can't IM you at work, I'll just hope you're reading the comments:

    a)I watched episode two of Carnivale last night -- waaaaaaaaay better than the first episode. They're sexin' it up a lot more, and there's, like, an actual story going down now. Plus, the priest is pretty awesome -- way creepy.

    b)I have a post I am meaning to put up here that will be here soon. I'll update the Top 50 too, very soon. And I'll get you all your CDs. FUCK work sucks.

  4. Blogger nicole | 7:31 PM |  

    Actually, I brought the guacamole doritos and left them there on purpose...it's a little trick I play

  5. Blogger chris | 9:18 PM |  

    1) well then many thanks to nicole!!

    2) EVERYONE - don't forget about final destination 3 tomorrow night at 9pm at the bell on campus. it's gonna be cracking. i have 8 free tickets, so everyone who wants to go should be able to. just gimme a ring dang doo.

    3) qualler - i will get those cds from you tomorrow night at FD3 and give you new ones. i say go forth with carnivale on your own, because i really don't think i can manage 2 tv shows at one time, but i will plan to delve into it on my own in the future.

  6. Blogger Unspar! | 9:26 AM |  

    Thanks Nicole! And I actually gave them to my brother, who is not homeless. Also thanks for the beer! That I will most certainly enjoy. These tricks of yours are quite brilliant.

  7. Anonymous Anonymous | 3:19 PM |  

    If I leave a comment, will it be deleted this time?


  8. Blogger Mark | 12:05 PM |  

    Deleted? The only person who can delete comments is the author. Maybe somebody should be on Blogger instead of LiveJournal! Ooh, burn.

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