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hey academy! be prepared to get called racist and/or homophobic!

i don't have much time, but i wanted to quickly comment on the academy award nominations, specifically those for best picture. we've got: crash, blogback mountain, good night and good luck, capote, and munich. only 2/5 of those movies are completely fictional stories. 3/5 are based on true stories and honestly have no real controversy behind them, so none of them will win. before you head to the comment button, hear me out. let's walk through this, from top to bottom, keeping in mind that at least this year we're not going to have to deal with this jackass...


munich: haven't seen it, don't really care much about it, but i'll probably see it before oscar night. spielbergo really wishes he could muster up more gossip from the viewing public and critics, but the truth is most everyone is either like "what an idiot/snoozefest" or "yeah he totally opens up the complexities that surround terrorism from both points of view," which isn't anything new in movies. let's be honest. every fucking WORTHWHILE war movie talks about the issue of foreign relations, even though it's not specifically terrorism, and honestly, moviegoers are getting tired of it. they get enough of this shit by enduring real life. (turns off annoying state of the union coverage).

good night and good luck: love it. absolutely love its brevity, straightforwardness and old-school acting skillz. and yet, it's still its own movie concentrating on a very important time in american history. but fuck. it's not that it's analogous to what's going on in the world now, because it's not overbearing and constrictive, but it's that it's a quiet film. it's in freaking black and white for the love of crap. nice try clooney. you're just going to have to settle for the undeserved supporting actor trophy you'll probably get.

capote: love it even more. how they picked this dark, brooding, intricately simple yet simultaneously a can of worms biopic over the happy-go-lucky rote walk the line is beyond me, but i'm not complaining. too bad that all those aforementioned reasons are also reasons why it won't go any further than it already miraculously has. plus on the surface, it's also "about" a wealthy spoiled successful white male who didn't really have anything bad happen in his life. woops, save it for best actor. (i will carve out joaquin's eyeball if he wins over my man philly.)

crash: yeah, sad as it may be, marketing actually tends to work with getting your film nominated for an academy award, as long as it's a big-ass film. it doesn't have much chance at winning, but i honestly think it has a better chance than any of the aforementioned. it hits you over the head until you're calling out all the spics and kikes in the theatre, but it's the closest hollywood has ever and will ever get to "dealing" with racism...in its own little equally oppressing way.

blogback mountain: best movie in this 5 and it's going to freaking win. this will officially be the first time i've liked the best picture winner in 14 years (not counting american beauty, which 15-year-old chris loved but 22-year-old chris can no longer watch without spooning own eyeballs out into breakfast cereal and reluctantly eating). all crash had was a decent ensemble cast (don cheadle and thandie newton managed to make up for everyone else's mediocrity/atrociousness), but blogback's got strong acting all around, with the only weak link being jakey boy and the academy thought he was deserving of a nom, so there's nothing stopping it! oh yeah, and it is finally the first step in making everyone realize that will & grace is the amos & andy of our generation. they're beautiful white gay cowboys, but it's a start. AND DON'T FORGET THE FIREWORKS!!!!!!!

so there you have it. if the gays win, the academy gets called racist by all the crash fans/homophobes. if the non-racists win, the academy gets called homophobic by all the blogback fans/racists. it's a clusterfuck waiting to happen and it's going to be my personal favorite academy awards in possibly my entire history of watching these crappy things. sorry movies based on real life, you tried and only mostly succeeded at being relevant (and in capote's case, bended the line between fact-based and fiction-based filmmaking), but maybe this should be a lesson to you...

AND THAT IS WHY WE WRITE FICTION!!!

p.s. don't forget about chris and qualler's top 50 songs of 2005!!!

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  1. Blogger estragon | 1:57 AM |  

    And don't forget the best part about this year's Oscars . . . Jon Stewart is the host. If I (1) owned a TV and (2) was in the USA, I'd totally be watching the hell out of the Oscars this year.

  2. Blogger The Hero | 9:35 AM |  

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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