Pardon This Winsterruption: Guest Post by Laura Knepper

Lizz Free or Die by Lizz Winstead

Editor's Note: This is the second in a series of reviews of TV-related books. If you're interested in guest reviewing a book written by a TV star, writer, director, etc. contact Chris and Qualler at chrisandqualler@gmail.com. Big thanks to Laura for contributing again!

Okay, so I am a geek for memoirs. Plus a geek for comedy memoirs…but comedian and Daily Show co-creator Lizz Winstead has authored a book, in glorious detail some times, about herself that reveals the human side of us all in a most humbling, hilarious, and earnest way. To say, “I laughed…I cried…” is an understatement—while laughing or crying with Lizz, the reader’s own world dances with hers and leaves you wondering if that story was your memory or hers. This book shows how an ordinary Minnesotan girl through self-reliance, self-discovery, hard work, strong family ties, and with a big ol’ comfy chair can become someone worth reading a book about. If you don’t feel a little part of yourself in Lizz Winstead, you’re not reading this book right.

Winstead’s “messays”, as she calls her not-entirely-chronological life stories, read part narrative, part self-made dictionary, and part list of comedians and musicians from the 90’s (disclaimer: I LOVED the 90’s). Most chapters go somewhere to the “Taboondocks” including manipulative Catholic scare-tactic home décor, dogs eating dog feces, down-under wardrobe malfunctions, a full cavity spa treatment, and opening for a Frankie Valli concert (Baby Boomers can boo too you know). It’s the steel trestles of a really good self-accusing comedy hour with life-lesson buttresses.

Between the one-liners funny enough to break your ribs, there’s always an underlying current of wild emotion and passion. She reminds us of why parents, although nagging, deaf and theft-prone, are the best thing to happen to any of us—they’re people we watch Jeopardy! with and the people who leave ridiculous voicemail messages for us and the people who bring our siblings together even at the most dire of times. She reminds of how your career path, especially at the beginning, can seem crooked or misguided, but with dedication, a shitty side job, and a lingering lack of sleep, you can often get to where you want to go. She reminds us of how people deal with ridiculous bosses, get non-TV-famous-teen-pregnant, and attend bad blind dates. It’s all very real and relatable.

So there’s a catch. Now that Lizz Winstead is your hilarious best friend (jealous, Sarah Silverman?), she leaves you for show business. Turns out she had the talent for not just biting political stand-up and working on The Daily Show, but also production for Air America Radio and a political activist for Planned Parenthood. A true down-to-earth celebrity inspiration for all (or at least for you crazy Bill Maher loving liberals out there). Don’t worry though…she’ll still invite you over for Sunday dinners. Cause, when it comes down to it, she’s still Minnesota Nice.

Laura Knepper is a friend of The Blogulator as well as the founder of LKc Style, an affordable personal shopping company exclusively for men's clothing. Click the link to find out more.

Apparently We’re All Friends with Rob Lowe: Guest Post by Laura Knepper

Editor's Note: This is the first in what may or may not become a series of reviews of TV-related books. If you're interested in guest reviewing a book written by a TV star, writer, director, etc. contact Chris and Qualler at chrisandqualler@gmail.com. Big thanks to Laura for kicking it off!

Dear Rob, thank you for sharing your stories with us—your friends. Now that we’re besties, maybe we can tell you some of our stories. Maybe even one of them would be on par with your coming-of-age-making-8mm’s-with-other-childhood-stars-chronicles. But that seems unlikely. We found out quickly what an awesome and occasionally troubled [read: drunkenly fun and silly] life you’ve led. Those baby blues have suited you very well.

What I now know is that reading books written by celebrities is always truly fascinating. It really puts us normal people in our place. It reminds us how we don’t do joint venture capital pet projects, don’t ride in private jets, and don’t have drinks with Andy Warhol (as if we even could now…). But despite Lowe’s unintended name dropping and status-imbibing, he attempts matter-of-factness as best as someone that good looking can.

Lowe tried to cultivate a world of normality around his everyday friends—Sarah Jessica Parker, Janet Jackson, Tom Cruise, Charlie Sheen, Emilio Estevez, The Penn brothers. The truth is, these people all had amazing lives, are often swelteringly front-page worthy, and have won lots of shiny awards. The last award I won was not even close to shelf worthy (but thanks, Mom). The average reader may find Rob’s stories slightly patronizing.

Shoving aside the celebrity of it all, Rob Lowe manages to tell some pretty good and often ironic stories. He grew up as an outsider (no pun intended) out of Ohio and later Malibu, California. Picked up as a teen star by Francis Ford Coppola under grueling and demanding conditions, Lowe went on to be a member of what eventually unfolded as the brat-pack: a star studded youthful cast of the 80’s banded together in multiple movies, getting paid loads of cash, and getting in the pants and/or dreams of many tweeny boppers (to Lowe’s dismay, once on a home video camera). Trying to shake the image and stigma, Lowe went years with no solid leads and working on the liberal campaign trail. His then-new sobriety and grounding landed him a wife and two kids—a sliver of what us normal people can actually relate to.

This second wind caught him up in the career opportunity of a lifetime on The West Wing. A teeny weeny show suspected of great things only by a select few and suspected of making only six episodes by a great many—until it aired and won more Emmy’s than Charlie Sheen has hookers. Lowe’s luck has landed him in a weird variety of more comedic side roles in Tommy Boy, Austin Powers, and Parks & Recreation (literally, my personal favorite).

If he had been cast in Footloose prior to shattering his knee during the dance try-out, maybe he’d have had a much different career (6 Degrees of Rob Lowe, anyone?), but it would be indisputable to say he didn’t work hard to get to where he’s at now, teen foibles included. Look for Lowe’s name under the production lines these days, that’s where you’ll likely find him.

Laura Knepper is a friend of The Blogulator as well as the founder of LKc Style, an affordable personal shopping company exclusively for men's clothing. Click the link to find out more.

Special Guest Post: The Jigsaw Killer Live-Blogs Paranormal Activity 2

It's me, sinners. If you don't know who I am, please go make one of those rosaries that replaces each of the beads with a picture of Time's 10 most influential people of the century and then lash yourself with it, so that you can learn my face as it continues to fly towards the blistering, tear-filled gouges that have replaced your once naive smile.

By the way, I'm in a pretty good mood this year.

You might be surprised to hear that seeing as how this marks the first time in 7 years that one of my journals hasn't been transcribed into a theatrical release; however, it's not my fault that the film industry completely shut down. That is what happened, isn't it? Tragic news in an already harsh economy that I've punished further by surrounding in bear traps, but not completely unexpected. When a pinnacle like Saw 3D is reached, there is little choice left besides the complete abandonment of art as a cultural element. Art flew too close to the sun, and it survived and thrived in releasing my movie, but then it fell upwards into the nothingness created by the remaining inability to progress. Surely something must remain of art, you ask...

You're right, but I surrounded it in bear traps.

A man who fails to test himself is doomed to cancer. A man with cancer who fails to test himself is everyone other than me, because I am the only one with the will not only to survive, but to survive with clarity. As such, I've acquired a copy of Paranormal Activity 2 on VHS from my local video parlor, because I embrace retro media for the only reason anyone ever should: It reminds me of my blinded past. Now that my eyes are open, I can see the untainted horror of Frankie Jonas wearing a Ghostbusters t-shirt. I will forgive him still, provided his stubby little arms can reach the key through the double-shattered glass window at Urban Outfitters.

Speaking of bear traps, I've created a new drink to accompany my annual trial. And I call my new drink... The Bear Trap. One portion whiskey, one portion rum, two portions blood, and three cancer pills. I get to take a shot every time I mention cancer, because I need the medication anyway. Seeing as how cancer is such a part of me that I neither recognize my own utterance of its lexical fabrication or react to the pills more than I would a breath of air, I will never get drunk. The logic works, and doubters can search for the keys to their bear traps in the Rubix cube I've somehow put together at the bottom of this pitcher of Bear Trap.

That's right. I've got Bear Trap on tap. It's one of the few luxuries left in a world without art. Let us look back on the world that was in 2010 when Paranormal Activity 2 could still exist thanks to the "cineplex," now posthumously defined as "an institution funded wholly by Jigsaw's success."

My prediction: The movie will feature a whiny couple that doesn't realize they're lucky enough to have someone long enough to feel the shot of authentic pain when one or the other is diagnosed with a life-threatening disease.

My premise: If I were to direct this sequel, I would embrace the body-pulling ghost of the original in a manner that the characters are pulled through hallways lined with images of all their failings - images which bear my signature in the corner to symbolize that I am the only "ghost" to be "feared," and "I" actually represent "their" conscience. It would have worked, and it would have ended media even more abruptly than Saw 3D, if possible... which it wouldn't be.

0:00 This takes place in CarlsBAD, California. GOOD try with the subtext, but I'm taking a shot of Bear Trap anyway.

0:00 There's a baby in this one. Some call me a monster, but let it be known that I never put a baby through one of my trials. I let my cat handle that.


0:02 The teen daughter character has already mentioned "peeing" and "pooping." I'll let my cat handle that one, too.

0:03 I called my local video parlor to confirm that I did not in fact rent Disney's Babies 2: Suburban Shitheads. They charged me a late fee for calling. Oh yes. There will be blood. DRINK

0:05 The house is ripped apart. Was it a ghost? Was it my ghost? Am I even dead? I honestly don''t know. I stopped watching after Saw 4... Wait, no, that's not true... Huh this batch of Bear Trap is stronger than I thought...

0:07 The already camera-obsessed family is now installing a security camera system, yet none of the cameras are devoted to a puppet on a tricycle? Pride truly is the greatest sin.

0:10 The ethnic maid is being weird. I'd call racism, except that I really do believe most service workers have extrasensory perception. How else would the gas station know I was looking for last February's Rodent Rage magazine?

0:14 I actually prefer the crying baby and whimpering dog to the incessant prattling of these so-called adults.

0:19 The mobile over the cradle spins for a second. I casually compare this chilling moment to the time one of my subjects fell into a pit of used syringes.

0:21 It's revealed that the dog and baby sleep with the door closed to the rest of the family, presumably to block out Dada and Mama's white whine. Ironically, I'd actually place the key to the parents' bear traps at the bottom of a bottle of rosé.

0:25 The patriarch puts down the maid for her smoky spiritualism. The maid exits to smattering applause and eternal damnation for not having cancer so far as I know DRINK

0:29 I just caught myself saying "What a baby!" out loud to the onscreen toddler. It was a compliment.

0:34 The matriarch can't hang her pots properly because they keep falling down. I'd love to see her try to set up a complex mechanism in need of the pinpoint precision capable of granting that precious, solitary moment of lucidity just as the jaws of the device snap shut over the jugular. I'm talking about a mouse trap.

0:35 Psychhh I was talking about a bear trap DRINK

0:41 The daughter asks if the ghost is "mom." I guess that offers some backstory, but the real question is: What if the ghost is cancer? Whoa. What if the ghost was cancer? What if it were?! I seriously don't know the answers, and I'm being serious right now cuz I like you, k? I like youu

0:53 Aww man the baby's getting ghost-dragged that means my whole premise of being dragged through the metaphorical hallway is gonna have to be redone in crayon.

0:59 More mythology exposition. I've drifted over to my computer to re-read the entry on Chicago Cubs goat Steve Bartman... I'm telllin' ya... That was one of my greatest successes, and Steve came through it alive to become the depressed, changed man I wanted him to be. PLUS, I proved the ability to interweave my trials with live sporting events DRINK

1:03 Are you kidding me that I just found the actor Micah from these movies wearing the exact same shirt as the bonus Jonas I am running out of bear traps here!!!

1:08 Aww shit the cupboards burst open... Uhhh.. BEAR TRAP! (Gulp!) Yeah I'm typing my own drinking gulps cuz I'm still totally coherent when I drink and don't get drunk anyway cuz of all that cancer stuff I said before... OH i said cancer DRINK ha... ha...

1:14 Finally some adult human ghost-dragging... And it's right past some pictures just like in my premise haha...Pictures of bear traps would be funny, right haha... I think these drinks are too many or something...

1:24 Yeah we're finally going in the basement is it furnished? Who even cares anymore the lights are out I want to see bumper pooooool

1:28 Aah what they're starting the first movie over again what?!

1:32 Oh good that only took a couple minutes just like both of these movies could've been if we cut out all the blabber right? Only I should speak because I really do know what's best for all of you, ya know? I'm making you mutilate yourselves to help you, get it?! Hha

1:34 Okay I threw up and that was actually kind of good and why are there so many keys in my vomit what's happening who finished the rest of my Bear Tarp!!!!??? Imma ride my trike and go to bed I like you guys but you really need to stop, k

Programming Note: Qualler Guest Posts on TVSurveillance.com

Programming note: Qualler took his blogging skills to TVSurveillance.com this week, where he did a guest post with Cory Barker, the editor-in-chief of TV Surveillance (@corybarker on Twitter) for Mr. Barker's fifth entry in his ridiculously well-categorized, well-organized, and well written Test Pilot series. The topic for the day: the pilot of NBC's influential-but-possibly-for-the-wrong-reasons 80's legal juggernaut, LA Law. 

Please check out the post over there and enjoy!

Hottie Count - Breasty Brackets (Pt. 2)

(Ed. Note: This is a continuation of yesterday's Guest Post by P. Arty. Scroll down to enjoy life as it was in the simpler times of part one, before all those words that trended on twitter over the last 24 hours really didn't change anything. We are still the best everything.)

Match 3:
Match 3 provides a great comparison of the generational evolution of the pop star. Past Top 40 royalty against present Top 40 glamour. This will come down to whether or not my recent “experimentation” in Top 40 has made me youthful, or if I am a still an old man at heart longing for the days of the acoustic guitar.

Frankly, even I am surprised that Rihanna made this list. I rated her higher than expected on talent, based on the fact that I am generally happy to listen to her songs on the radio (“What’s My Name,” “Only Girl,” “Don’t Stop the Music,” etc.). And, like Katy Perry, she gets a perfect 10 in pop culture relevance. But really I think what has propelled her onto the list is the fact that she is the random celebrity I picked as my “true love” in order to make my girlfriend mad one day. (Get it? It should have been my girlfriend!) Talk about the diagnosis bias at work!

You may think that Sarah McLachlan, another one of my longtime music crushes, would lose some points for relevance. However, not only is she in those sad dog commercials, she also had a really great guest spot in a recent episode of Portlandia along with Aimee Mann. Unfortunately, however, the episode, featuring out-of-work female singer/songwriters was telling of her near future. Miss McLachlan recently announced she was done with her Lillith Fair festival, presumably because of a shrinking target market. Almost as sad as those poor dogs! At least she’s still got scads of talent and a healthy hotness score!
Winner: I’m 80 years old. Sarah McLachlan, obviously.

DoktorPeace’s commentary: McLachlan's songs do make me cry. And we all knew P. Arty would pick another foreigner over a battered black American.

Match 4:

Match 4 is another generational battle, this time of multimedia stars! First up is the star of The Wizard, which probably gives her big time points with DoktorPeace because a) it’s about video games and b) she explicitly mentions her boobs. Next up is an old favorite who was in the Celebrity Apprentice and used WWF stars in her music videos! With those resumes, it’s anyone’s game!

Jenny Lewis, your older Rilo Kiley material is fantastic, but how has does your new music hold up? Alright, I can get behind this. It’s kind of catc—dear lord! What is going on with those backup vocals!? Luckily for Jenny, my girlfriend is infatuated with her, and she is probably the best shot in the world I have at a threesome. This increases her score tenfold. Jenny, if you read this, please comment below! Let’s get in touch!

To be completely honest, I just included Cyndi Lauper so I could share this video of an impromptu performance she gave to irate air travelers in Argentina. It turned out to be a surprisingly good a cappella version! Further, “Goonies R Good Enough” has been one of my three favorite 80’s songs since The Goonies came out in 1985.

Winner: Jenny Lewis. Seriously though, please get in touch with me.

DoktorPeace’s commentary: I haven't seen The Wizard or The Goonies, and in fact never even heard of either until the mid 2000s. I have, however, both heard of and seen videos of many threesomes.

ROUND II

Match 1:

Sarah McLachlan defeated Rihanna, but can she hold up against Katy Perry? Old vs. new. Piano vs. Synth. “Building a Mystery” vs. “California Gurls.” We’ve got Katy ahead in hotness and relevance, but Sarah with a wide margin on talent. It’s too close!

Winner: Katy Perry and her skintight jeans.

DoktorPeace’s commentary: You know those beer commercials where the guy in skinny jeans orders a beer and the hot bartender mocks him? I don't understand the tone of that entire ad series. The bartenders are as bitter as the beer they're disparaging, which consequently sours my taste in them. So yeah. Katy.

Match 2:

Sara Quin blew away early favorite Lykke Li, while Jenny Lewis squeaked by Cyndi Lauper. This battle represents Canada vs. US. Multi-genres vs. multimedia. “Portion for Foxes” on Rock Band 3 vs. “The Con” on Rock Band 3.

Winner: Sara Quin and her kinda weird fire fighter parka.

DoktorPeace’s commentary: I have a gold star rating on Rock Band pro drums for both of those songs. That is all.

(Click to enlarge brackets.)

FINALS

Going into the finals, let’s review the bracket:

So Doktor, you’ve got Katy Perry vs. Sara Quin. Frankly, I think you should thank me for setting this up so you can’t possibly make a bad choice. What say you, Doktor?

I wouldn't kick either out of bed, but I'm not sure I'd invite them in the first place. Katy Perry does very little for me musically or sexually, and I'd be more concerned about upsetting her husband Russell Brand than actually getting some. Sure, he's had sex with half the kingdom, but he seems to be in a good place right now, and I don't want to mess with that. (DELETE BEFORE POST: False sincerity achieved. Readers will now leave me alone with girlfriends/wives/pets.)

Sara famously prefers the ladies, so it's likely she'd decline my invite in any case. And a strange case it is, with one side opening to the stylings of a perfect emo girl whilst the other reveals non-gendered toothbrushes and male sweater vests. I honestly don't know whether I'd rather kiss her or watch her kiss another, perhaps even Katy Perry since she once sang a song about such an event, remember? (DELETE BEFORE POST: Pop savvy achieved. Now both will want to produce a remix with me and consent to my second-base-before-collaboration policy.)

They'll both make the official Hottie Count, because I know the other editors here love Perry. However, I prefer to sniff the underpants of underdogs, which is okay to admit because that's what actual dogs do in nature and stuff... Sara wins!


Congratulations to you, Sara Quin. Thanks to the contestants, thanks to the fans, and thanks to DoktorPeace for another chance to look at pictures and videos of hot girls on the internet! Until next time, I’m Perv Hayden.

Hottie Count - Breasty Brackets (Pt. 1)

(Editor's Note: The following is a guest post by longtime Blogulator friend and award-winning blogger P. Arty. Due to the density and intensity of the post, it will be divided into two parts over two days. I -- DoktorPeace -- gave it the subtitle "Breasty Brackets" so as to make all of the Hottie Counts written by myself appear classier.)

Well fans, it’s that time of year when everyone, from intravenous sports consumers to the where’s-the-Puppy-Bowl non-fans, gets excited about SPORTS! What is it about March that makes everyone stop what they’re doing and make their picks for a chance to win a $25 Potbelly’s gift certificate? Is it the intensity and the athleticism of the players? Is it school pride? Is it the pursuit of bragging rights?

Or do people just like to fill out brackets?

I, of course, am no different than everyone else in the fact that I just adore brackets. That’s why I was thrilled when DoktorPeace offered me an opportunity to write a Hottie Count post in March. Not only was I excited because I could create a bracket, but I could also abuse the privilege and self indulgently post about EIGHT potential hotties and have a legitimate excuse for it!

So I present to you the first ever March Want-to-Be-Badness tournament!

[Cue NFL on Fox theme music, which Doktor was supposed to secure the rights to.] (Ed. Note: I did, but only for one use, which was spent on brushing my teeth.)

Now, since most of my celebrity crushes have been musicians, I have decided to stick to musicians. I happen to think talent makes hot burn hotter, and I prefer the talent of angelic voices and pop perfection. (That and Doktor only knows musicians in video games, like Dora Sullivan.) And because this is a pop culture blog, I have decided that I should factor relevance to the pop culture world in somehow. I would have loved to put Caithlin De Marrais from Rainer Maria in here, but I didn’t think her album a couple years ago could justify her presence. Sorry Caithlin, reunite your band!

The Process

1. I have scrubbed my music collection for 25 potential contestants. I have assigned each entry a score of 1-10 in each of three categories: hotness, talent, and pop culture relevance. Based on the sum of their scores I have chosen my top 8, which I will refer to as the Elsweet Eight.

2. I have found an awesome picture of each and provided it to the Doktor, who I have asked to independently rank the Elsweet Eight. Based on the the Doktor’s scores, I have populated an 8-member bracket.

3. I have considered the resulting matchups and chosen winners for the first two rounds.

4. The final match is up to DoktorPeace to decide, since it’s his column and all. Sure, I could just use his rankings, but that’s boring!

5. Again, because it’s his column, he can choose whether or not to include the winner, and if included, where in the Hottie Count the winner will be placed.

Honorable Mentions

It’s a shame not all nominees could make the list. A few shout outs to some of the less fortunate ones:

1. Pat Benetar – I thought the relevance of your new Rock Band downloadable track pack, featuring everyone’s favorite song (and Hayden family karaoke hit), “Love is a Battlefield,” would give you the boost you needed, but alas it wasn’t meant to be.

2. Nelly Furtado – You were once the hottest thing around. Even you saying “Bubbles are really pretty, until they get in your eye because then they just hurt” when I saw you in concert couldn’t ruin you. Where you at these days?

3. Cassie – You came in last place. You’re quite hot, and I really, really like the sexy dirty club bass synth in “Me & U” from several years ago, but I guess the competition was just too strong for you. Sorry, girl!

4. Blondie – Your greatest hits on vinyl (along with a record player on which to play it) was the best Christmas gift I’ve gotten in years. I also really like your songs on Rock Band, especially “Hanging on the Telephone” which just doesn’t get enough respect these days. Sorry I couldn’t include you in the bracket. Keep in touch.

5. Kelly Clarkson – Remember when you intimately sang a song to me and my friends Harry and Arun in the middle of an amphitheater full of underage girls and their fathers? I wish we could have more of that and less of me waiting up at night waiting for you to release some good songs.

The Bracket

If that’s what I had to get rid of, can you even imagine how good the rest of them are? Let’s not waste any more time. Based on Harry’s rankings, here’s the bracket. Feel free to print it out and play along at home as I decide who will make the finals! (Click to enlarge.)

ROUND I

Match 1:

The first match, and Doktor has already screwed me! Both of these were very high on my list. On one hand you have a Top 40 sensation, on the other you have an up-and-coming indie-pop darling. Let’s see what they each have going for them.

Katy Perry gets a 10 in both the hotness and relevance commentary. She is stunningly gorgeous and one of the biggest names in pop music. (I didn’t even have to read this blog to learn that!) And I am a huge sucker for her music, most notably “Fireworks” featuring the latest pop music craze, the drumless chorus, not once but twice! There’s a reason she’s ranked #1 by both the Doktor and myself.

Rosay Pipette (i.e. Rose Elinor Dougall) may no longer be in the Pipettes, but her recently released solo album, Without Why, offers a less sugary take on finely crafted pop songs. Combine that with her being the perfect blend of indie darling and school girl cute, and you got yourself a strong contender, sir!

Winner: In the interest of keeping the final match more interesting, I have to go with Katy Perry. It kills me to do this, because Rosay is my strongest celebrity crush of the last 3 years. Doktor, if you had seen her dancing around in her polka dotted dress singing about chasing boys you would have ranked her higher! Great, I’m already bitter and we’re one match in.

DoktorPeace’s commentary: I've seen enough gifs made from Perry's rejected Sesame Street appearance to rubber stamp this result. Rubber bounces like breasts.

Match 2:

This next match is a battle of foreign indie stars, both of which are less than five feet tall! One of these is an old favorite from Canada, and one is a new hit from Sweden. This battle will come down to loyalty vs. hype.

Oh Sara Quin, my longest and most unhealthy music obsession/crush. I once waited on a hot, black, metal rail at Lollapalooza in 104-degree weather through a Louis XIV set to see her perform 30 minutes before suffering heat exhaustion and having to call the set early, and it was still the best set I saw all weekend! More recently, Tegan & Sara’s latest album, The Sainthood, is the latest step in their sequence of ever maturing albums, their previous album’s self-titled song “The Con” made the official Rock Band 3 track list, and now Sara is a rap backup singer! As I watch this video I feel like I was recently released from rehab, and I am fighting off some serious celeb crush demons.

Lykke Li gets big time relevance and talent points for putting out her new, critically acclaimed album, Wounded Rhymes, which is easily my favorite album of the year so far. Additionally, she wrote my favorite song of 2008, “Little Bit.” She also has very recently released a great video of one of her new album’s highlights, the heartbreakingly beautiful “I Know Places.”

Winner: Sorry Lykke Li. You’re a peewee basketball team playing against the Charlotte Hornets in NBA Jam. I am excited to see you in Chicago in May, though! Let’s get a coffee or a deep-dish pizza! Quin wins!

DoktorPeace’s commentary: I've heard of Sara! I haven't heard of Lykke! I'm making trite comments to undermine P. Arty's work while at the same time approving it! Sara wins!

(Ed. note: Time for your cooling-off period. Come back tomorrow for the exciting conclusion. And breasts!)