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Hottie Count - Cameron Richardson

Circumstances being as they are, the blogging wheel spins back around to yours truly, with the opportunity to return this site from the sexy depths towards which I've steered it to the high pop analytics expected out of what some have called the Entertainment Weekly of the Midwest.


Before P. Arty knocked out 8 musical hotties in one (two-part) fell swoop, he expressed concern to me over the possible inflationary whirlpool I'd initiated by writing up every John Tucker Must Die girl in one post. First, I must say that I sincerely appreciate his emotional investment and personal contribution to the almighty Count. Second, however, I must publicly condemn him for attempting to use the fact that he wrote in my stead last week to guilt me into playing video games with him instead of watching basketball. My stubbornness prevailed, and I was consequently able to witness some incredible cheerleading performances. It's refreshing to catch a glimpse of our amateur hotties now and again, as they rejuvenate my passion in the sport. Keep it up, nameless scholar-hothletes, and you too may one day be objectified for your poor movie choices and flabby abs!

I have nevertheless taken the warning of rapid expansion to heart, upon the realization that I'd have to demonstrate creativity again after exhausting lists of girls. For that reason, I am dedicating an entire feature to a woman maybe two of you recognize by name and three by looks - Cameron Richardson. This isn't as reactionary a move as it may appear on first glance, though, as Ms. Richardson holds a special place in my heart. At one time, editor Chris and I were working hard, trying to decide my perfect celebrity match, and Cameron became the answer. I dunno. We'd just look good together on a red carpet, plus she carries herself with an uncertain pleasantness I think would go well with my particular brand of social subversion.

I actually don't know if she carries herself that way at all. The only interview I could find with my Cam-Cam I had to download in .rar form from a fan site. I guess she didn't go on the talk show circuit for her iconic role in the strangely awesome CBS summer horror series Harper's Island, nor for her guest spot on House in which she played a model who seduced her dad into sex because she was the perfect woman because she was medically a man with ingrown genitals or something? I dunno again. Anyway, the point is that she deserves more and better, even if she does hint at an unwillingness for widespread fame in her one interview with *sigh* Carson Daly.

I've never really been a Carson hater, but I realize now that can only be a result of avoidance. I'll give Cameron the benefit of the doubt and a rating of "cutely nervous" for this interview, because man did Carson suck. At one point she brings up the fact that she's playing a mildly retarded character in an HBO series, and Carson makes her use of the word "retarded" super awkward when it otherwise wouldn't have been, forcing her to affirm that it is the medically correct term. Also, his running "joke" throughout the interview is that Cameron voiced one of the chipmunks in Alvin and the Chipmunks, when she didn't because she played a human and not one of the voices. Is that a joke?

Tangent: I'm not so positive anymore that Conan would make an interview with my dearest markedly better. There are some early reviews of the Conan documentary out which describe it as honest, provocative, and good, yet also suggest that he's a bit of a jerk. Sadly, this doesn't surprise me, and it parallels a growing disinterest I have in his new show. It has its moments, but I don't feel like Conan's taking enough risks. He's comfortable resorting to the same humor (especially in the longer and longer monologues), and you know he's gonna make bad British accents when talking to a Brit, make growly noises when talking to a girl, etc. I guess he's always done that, and he is on camera for 40 minutes 4 nights a week... It may be more me than him... probably...

The point is, I should interview Cameron Richardson. After more than 1,000 posts, The Blogulator is surely credentialed, even if many of those posts were written by me about how pretty girls' eyes are. She has a new baby now, so I can avoid that subject and talk about something not doomed to initiate boring baby stories, Conan. I don't know who the father is, but I'm guessing it's some punk who used my poor honey and left her. Why would he hypothetically do that?!?! Usually I'm all in favor of running from responsibility, but I draw the line when responsibility got dem legs, freckles, and smile. Cammy probably has the money for a sitter anyway, right?

Tangent 2: Does having a baby make girls hotter or less hot? My initial reaction is less, because it immediately escalates the relationship, but I had a friend once who supported MILF hunting on the grounds that you know she's up for it. That friend turned out to be gay, and his hunting license was revoked. Also, stretch marks or something blah blah stand-up comedy.

I guess I haven't told you too much about Cameron except that we're perfect for each other, but I think that's plenty. I'm gonna place her at Number 0, which means she's not necessarily on the list, but she will always appear on the top to remind people how hot of a celeb girlfriend Chris once said I could get.

Here's the updated Hottie Count, which is somewhat fluid, and making less and less sense every day:

0. Cameron Richardson
1. ???
2. ???
3. ???
4. Lizzy Caplan
5. Malin Akerman (suck it)
6. Sara Quin
7. Brittany Snow
8. Sophia Bush
9. Mary-Louise Parker
10. Katy Perry
11. Ashanti
12. Arielle Kebbel

Unranked: Angelina Jolie, Anne Hathaway, Pat Benatar.

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  1. Blogger DoktorPeace | 5:39 PM |  

    I visit this blog every hour just to look at that first picture I posted of Cameron. It justifies this whole series, life, and other good things.

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