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How Much is That Baby in the Photo?

I had to do it. I had to see Mamma Mia this weekend. I hadn't seen a film in the theater since Batman, so a ladies movie date was in order. But you can catch a more thorough review of the Mamma Mia experience on Thursday, when Brigitte will be giving us the full report. I will simply offer that aside from being made nervous by the woman who alternated between slouching in the seat next to her boyfriend and standing - no swaying - and singing along in the back of the theater, a good time was had by all. I did feel a tiny bit embarrassed for Pierce Brosnan, who is seen dancing in a skin-tight, sequined Elvis suit toward the end of the film.

Watching this movie about the search for long lost parents, got me to thinking about one of the biggest celebrity events of this year. Yes, I have avoided it long enough, but it's high time this gossip blogger addressed the Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie twins. I guess I never really took interest because I'm not sure how to process the information besides thinking, "good for them." Half the fun of celebrity gossip is that it is actually gossip, i.e. someone's cheating on someone, someone's pregnant with her stepbrother's baby, someone eloped with another girls boyfriend to get revenge, etc., etc. So you can see where the birth of some privileged actors' babies does not make for very good gossip. No one's life is ruined, there are no feud's; it's pretty uneventful, actually. But what is interesting is that pictures of these babies pervade the newsstands more than actual gossip does. What's more, is the cost for a first snapshot of celeb newborns can and did exceed Mamma Mia's weekend gross this weekend.

Babies Who Will Definitely Know Who Their Father Is...

I'm really hung up on this whole celebrities selling their children...er, I mean selling PICTURES of their children to celebrity gossip magazines. And I especially don't know how I feel about magazines bidding over first rights to the photos. The latest, (and not at all unexpected), case was the sale of pics of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's twins. Now, I thought about going out and purchasing the newest People (winner of the U.S. bidding war) to see if these little booger machines are actually worth the $14 million, but I realized that a) I have been avoiding Brangelina baby coverage for a long time because I really don't care about famous people doing the whole family thing, b) I tons of friends who will gladly show me their cute baby pictures for free, and c) I feel even more voyeuristic looking at/paying for pictures of newborn babies than I already do reading these mags. Plus, People already posted this cover photo online! What more do I need to see?

I'm not saying that I'm above selling my kid's baby photos - that is, assuming they were worth $14 million - or any money at all. I would totally take the money and not be nearly as generous to charities as Brad and Angelina. My biggest problem with the whole situation is simply that I don't understand why this is the new hottest topic for magazine covers. Maybe it's because the Hollywood bad girls club has tamed itself, so we've got to settle for the "settling down" story instead. As offensive as his comments were, maybe that L.A. police chief is right about the paparazzi pretty much having nothing to do right now.

So it baffles me that not so long ago we were getting blurred-out pictures of Britney Spears' crotch, and now fully-clothed babies and their wholesome, doting parents graze the covers and actually see sales increases of like 30-40%! I don't get it. Newborn babies all more or less look the same. I would say, to make good profit, keep the kid hidden somehow until they're like 1 or 2 years old, way cuter, and actually look like a person. That way everyone would be wondering which parent the kid looks like and would pay through the nose to find out. It's genius! That's how I'm going to make my millions.

Or perhaps, the American public just wants some celebrities that they can be proud of. Perhaps we ultimately want to see everyone succeed and be happy. Not very exciting in my opinion, but you gotta give the people what they want.

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  1. Blogger nicole | 7:52 AM |  

    I think a lot of people will buy the magazine not to see photos of the babies, but to see Brad Pitt looking adoringly at a baby (and to see if they've got Angelina's pout, apparently, since that's all that Entertainment Tonight could talk about yesterday).

    I bought the Vanity Fair with baby Suri because a) she is so cute and b) I wanted to see if there was still life in Katie Holmes' eyes, or if she'd been turned into a robot by Scientology.

    But I'm going to buy the People magazine this morning, along with a high dose of Dayquil for this stupid summer cold, so if anyone wants a look at it, let me know!

  2. Blogger qualler | 8:21 AM |  

    Nicole, are you inviting the whole world of the internet over to read your copy of People magazine?

  3. Blogger nicole | 11:48 AM |  

    Yes I am! Send me your address and I'll mail you my copy...

    Of course, when I went to look for People magazine this morning, none of the stores near me had the Brangelina issue, so it's moot anyway. Sorry readers around the world, you'll have to get your own :(

  4. Blogger Brigitte | 1:53 PM |  

    what more do you need to see?? how about a 19 page family album!! must but people...love...babies...so...tiny...

  5. Blogger chris | 2:54 PM |  

    Hello! It's because they're twins! It's like one of those babies that are like, double babies, except not connected like double guitars. Oh man just wait until the first siamese celebrity twin babies get born. I'm going to guess Beyonce and Jay-Z will be the parents. That'll be like 14 quatrillion dollar photos.

  6. Blogger Lady Amy | 4:41 PM |  

    Yeah, but these babies aren't joined together so what's the big deal? That's not special!

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