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Not So Secret Anymore!

Hello bloggers! We are no officially half way through the first (and only? time will tell...) season of Secret Life of the American Teenager. And according to Qualler, it's now really jumped the shark. I don't agree with this description, however, since it would imply that at one point the show was NOT totally ridiculous and over the top. Though, the show is getting more ridiculous, though I didn't think that would be possible. In this episode, half way through the season, people are finally finding out that Amy's preggers. Finally! Unfortunately, the show decided to totally gloss over the "finding out the secret" part, which I was really looking forward to. Suddenly everyone knows. And the twists keep a-coming! Be warned--spoilers abound (just in case you haven't seen it and you're enough of a loser to care).

The episode opens with a shot of a fountain. Or, as Qualler described it: "An idyllic looking fountain--which is ironic, because the situation is far from idyllic." So true! Amy and the nerdy boyfriend (Ben, I think?) are in the picnic for a park, and we learn that he doesn't need to carry everything for her because only men can get hernias (what?). This sparked some conversation between the hubby and I:

Me: Can only men get hernias?

Qualler: I think it's a groin thing.

Me: Women have groins...

Qualler: Yeah, but...I think it might be a ball thing.

Meanwhile, on the show, they sit down on a bench, and out of the basket pulls a plate of chicken wings, a nicely arranged plate of fruit, and two champagne glasses. We see an old couple holding hangs, smiling and chatting with each other. We see a young couple smiling and pushing a baby in a carriage. Suddenly, Ben (or whatever) kneels, pulls out a ring, and--
HE ASKS HER TO MARRY HIM! Then, cut to theme song, which, by the way, doesn't at all reflect the mood of the show (the lyrics suggest that falling in love is such an easy thing to do, let's fall in love, whereas the series seems to say otherwise...).

When we return to our characters after the opening credits, the scene has changed! The old people are no longer smiling and in love--they are hitting each other. Yes, hitting each other. And yelling. The young baby is crying and the young people are upset and worried as they try to comfort it. Says Qualler: "That's called symbolism, folks!"

As it turns out, dorky boyfriend found out that she's pregnant--and when I say found out, I mean his dad suspected she was pregnant because she eats a lot. So...yeah. According to that logic, I've been pregnant my whole life. Because pretty young girls don't usually eat, only when they're pregnant. Can you imagine how offensive that would be if, at 15, your boyfriend's dad noticed that you had a healthy appetite and, even though you're incredibly skinny and a growing girl, assumes you're pregnant. I'd be all "um, no, I guess I'm just a pig. Thanks." And that would be the end of that. But, of course, in the Seventh Heaven world of logic, people jump to ridiculous conclusions (usually parents, cause parents know everything) and they are always the correct conclusions. grrr! Less than ten minutes into the episode and I'm already fuming. But, I watch on...

As the episode progresses, we learn that Amy's dad is having an affair--with the slutty girl's mom! No way! Who saw that coming? Certainly not me. I can't believe Amy's dad would leave. How are we going to take care of this baby?? I mean...it's just a show, and I'm totally not emotionally invested. As Amy's friend put it, this is not what I expected my high school experience to be.

The guidance counselor also knows she pregnant--apparently she's gaining weight. And once again I have to point out, wouldn't they all feel silly if she were just getting fat.

Throughout this week's episode, I've been trying to answer for myself the question of whether this show is totally unbearable or totally wonderful. I'm still undecided, and am starting to think that maybe it's a little bit of both. I'll leave you with some stand-out dialog, and let you make the decision.

Cool Guidance Counselor: High school stinks. For some crazy reason I actually thought I could make it better.

Jock: I'm tired of being ashamed of myself! I've been ashamed of myself my whole life.

Mouse Faced Cheerleader: There are no secrets in high school!
Qualler: That's contradictory to the title of the show!

It is indeed, Qualler. It is indeed.

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  1. Blogger qualler | 9:07 AM |  

    I STILL can't get over the fact that he brought a giant picinic basket and had a huge plate of chicken wings. Chicken wings! That's too messy for a picinic basket!!! And no dip!!!!! Who do these writers think they are?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

  2. Blogger Brigitte | 11:20 AM |  

    p.s. in case anyone is interested, although almost 80% of hernia cases have involved men, anyone can get one. it has to do with stomach muscles. and it sounds gross.

  3. Blogger Lady Amy | 11:59 AM |  

    Silly Qualler, hernias have nothing to do with balls.

    Wouldn't the chicken wings be cold by the time they got to the picnic?

  4. Anonymous Jane | 12:00 PM |  

    I've been pregnant for most of my life too Brigitte. In fact, I try to get pregnant 4 times a day, and at least once with you and Rachel around 1pm. Also, my grandma had a hernia...it can happen to women as they get older and don't have the tum-tum muscles they once had. Your blog makes me want to watch this show.

  5. Blogger chris | 2:41 PM |  

    I am going to start using the phrase "going to the picnic for a park." Reading your blog entries about this show is far better than actually watching the show. Now I get all the pleasure out of it that I need without the gross aftertaste - thanks for enduring that for me!

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