Percentages: The Return: The Movie: The Blog Entry

Reality television and documentary filmmaking have finally converged with American Teen, which I attended an advance screening of this evening (gotta love the Landmark Theatres email list). I can't quite decide whether it's just an extended episode of True Life plus the added grandeur of being touted as a "film" for everyone rather than a middling series aimed at teens, or if it really does transcend its style and subject matter and become a moving and honest portrait of the average middle class teenage experience. It's kind of both is my kneejerk hackneyed response as of now. All I know is that when the old lady approached Jerksica and I after the screening and asked, "so tell me...is that really what it's like?," I took it as merely someone older looking to get a younger person's perspective, so I said, "partly." Jerksica, however, thought she assumed we were high schoolers and thus in her loving way responded, "I don't know, he's a high school teacher, so I'm interested in hearing what he has to say." To which the old lady awkwardly paused then concluded, "oh dear...I must be getting old." So that comes out tomorrow and it's at least worth seeing because it will get you pulling that yearbook out in no time in an equally nostalgic/anti-nostalgic way. The rest of August's mostly unanticipatory load is discussed below, now with the added bonus of "Will I See It?" percentages, which I haven't done in a while, so enjoy the return of an old totes fave:

Aug 1st: Brendan Fraser does that flicky hair dumb guy face thing even more in The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor (17%). When Lady Amy asked who would see it with her in a room full of friends, the loudest silence that could beget a room full of obnoxious angry geeks did indeed begat. Swing Vote (59%), however, that's a different story of course. Costner as the everyman whose ballot a presidential election (between incumbent Kelsey Grammar and candidate Dennis Hopper, naturally) hinges on? Inspired and insipid, co-mingling as one in filmic form. The Clive Owen murder mystery Midnight Meat Train (41%) will only be playing on one screen in the Twin Cities, at a discount theatre I've never been to. Oh wait, I confused Clive Owen with Dean Koontz, should I change that percentage? It has an 8.0 on IMDb and yet, I have no desire to up the probability of me venturing out to this, regardless of the movie's awesome title and the trivia I just read saying Owen wrote the story while eating pot brownies.

Aug 8th: I can't even build up the audacity to do the obvious segue, so let's just mention Pineapple Express (94%) without another marijuana reference. Crap. Jerksica's inexplicable crush on Seth Rogen almost guarantees us in seats for this, and even I'm curious how the director of George Washington and Undertow will tackle an Apatow comedy. Blake Lively of Blogulator obsession Gossip Girl and Alexis Bledel of Blogulator's cherished past gem Gilmore Girls co-star in The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 (7%) and I'm still nowhere to be found. What about you ladies? Yeah, I played the gender card - argue. The documentary Man On Wire (62%) about the guy that did what the title suggests between the Twin Towers looks fascinating and yet also, boring. Funny how that works. The horror comedy but really just quirky indie Baghead (84%) finds me still curious regardless of the advanced mixed reviews I've read. Really, any chance for a new minimal take on horror gets me all goosebumpy. Quentin Tarantino presents, aka writes a check for, Hell Ride (55%) could be cheeky Grindhouse-esque fun, but I just don't know if I can enjoy a vengeance-fueled Dennis Hopper after loving him as an affable Swing Vote cast member.

Aug 15th: Maybe Pixar has ruined me, but CGI animation that tries to look like cartoons makes me wince. So sorry, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (26%), I just don't think you'll keep my attention, just like that Star Wars novel I got a garage sale when I was 12 and never got into, even if it did go into Lando Calrissian's backstory. Ben Stiller isn't funny as an actor and has bombed so hard in the recent past he seems unforgivable, but when he directs and/or writes, I fall in love with it (The Cable Guy, Reality Bites, and Zoolander are all unabashedly adored by moi) so Tropic Thunder (98%) will rule my day I hope. Plus a co-write credit from The Baxter's Justin Theroux certainly can't hurt! Keifer Sutherland gets to yell "dammit!" about monsters in Mirrors (70%) instead of terrorists, so I smell a Shutter-like guilty pleasure excursion afoot. Woody Allen continues the pervy dramateur shtick with Vicky Cristina Barcelona (66%), and once again, we all hope for another Crimes & Misdeameanors, but I'm guessing we won't get it. Luke Wilson just appeared on Letterman promoting Henry Poole is Here (46%), which shares its plot with an episode of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia about a potentially holy stain on a wall, and just summed up his unfortunate obscurity by retelling a story where a woman asked if he was one of the "Owen" brothers. Also his movie looks kind of like a snoozefest.

Aug 22nd and 29th: We saw the trailer for Hamlet 2 (38%) tonight. This is the new breed of indie comedy? Kill me now. We saw the trailer for Death Race (11%) during The X Files: I Want To Believe last week. This is the new breed of semi-self-aware overly gratutious action flick? Shoot Em Up killed enough brain cells, thank you. The Scary Movie actress bumbles around in skimpy outfits in The House Bunny (4%) and suddenly I'd rather fall semester started sooner (not really). Ice Cube takes a break from family comedies to do a football movie called The Longshots (3%), which I hadn't heard a word about (rightly so) until just now. Rainn Wilson does his stare wide eyed stoic thing as The Rocker (32%) and I realize his limits were reached long ago. I don't want to talk about Disaster Movie (0%). Google it if you want to murder 10 seconds of your life. Babylon A.D. (31%) casts Vin Diesel, who apparently was granted permission by his more famous doppelganger Duane "The Rock" Johnson to be in movies again, in a dystopian (ugh) future, but also looks just campy enough that I won't outwardly avoid it. Let's call that the 30% rule.

This entry was posted by chris, on Thursday, July 31, 2008. You can leave your response.