Off the Couch and Into the Theater: December 2011

First, a recap, then we'll get to the new releases for the final month of 2011. In the midst of unpacking a new home, plus readying said home to host a birthday soiree and a holiday family get-together, I managed to only catch The Muppets and J. Edgar this month. I could have and should have seen many other movies besides J. Edgar, but for a Clint Eastwood movie and for a biopic, it was decent. This is the trouble with both Clint Eastwood movies and biopics. You get something like Unforgiven or Capote and you start thinking maybe the director/genre knows what he's doing. And then every time a big new one comes out I want to see it, but am invariably left at least minorly cold and indifferent. I did kind of like Hoover was so unlikeable as a protagonist and yet still fascinating, but I pretty much stopped thinking about it when I woke up the next morning. I did do a project on the Lindbergh kidnapping in middle school, though, so I enjoyed seeing that recreated Hollywood-style. The Muppets, on the other hand, was predictably wonderful, especially the songs by Flight of the Conchords' Bret Mckenzie. And now, December's film releases both wide and limited for Minneapolis (with "Will I See It?" percentages in parentheses)...

 
Dec 2nd: I guess I don't understand why there are no wide releases this weekend. No one wants to go against the heavy hitters from Turkey Day? Pssh. Wusses. My Week with Marilyn (78%) is playing at the local art house cinema and I'd see that this weekend if the Minneapolis Underground Film Festival wasn't going down. I found out today that I'm moderating a bunch of the Q&A sessions there, so that'll be fun. I would like to see Michelle Williams in fancy dresses though. Also, there's a foreign movie out. Women on the 6th Floor (8%) is a French period flick about what happens when Spanish maids mess with some uppity rich Parisian couples. It's kind of like Tower Heist, but probably more boring and less offensively bad humor.

 
Dec 9th: Jonah Hill is a fat unlikely babysitter in The Sitter (53%), despite his svelte new physique he's been showing off on the late night talk shows. Some fat people look weird skinny and he's one of them, says the fourteen-hundredth movie blogger. It looks like Adventures in Babysitting redux and I'm kind of okay with that - if it's funny. I am not okay with New Year's Eve (6%), however, which is the next in a line of hyperlink holiday films like Valentine's Day, even threading through with Ashton Kutcher's character I believe, though I don't care enough to fact-check that. Back at the indieplex, Le Havre (82%) seems like a touching film in the vein of The Visitor, wherein a stowaway boy aboard a cargo ship winds up under the care of an elderly shoe shiner. Cue me bawling in the theater as quietly as possible. The Man Nobody Knew: In Search of My Father (77%) seems like an intriguing documentary, helmed by the son of former CIA director William Colby, who sets out to uncover the agency's controversial past before and through the Nixon administration. I love political thrilling!

 

Dec 16th: I never saw the first one, so I doubt I'll catch Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows (46%) in the theaters, but I guess its predecessor was entertaining? Robert Downey, Jr. and Guy Ritchie seem to be an ideal match. Great style, little substance. Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked (Gutrot%), however, really doesn't even compare, though it's also an unnecessary sequel. At least Sherlock is a canonical figure. Jason Lee, you ruined my childhood. Rent The Chipmunk Adventure instead where the real, animated characters travel via hot air balloon. It's awesome. Shame (89%) sure does seem like a sexy movie. Michael Fassbender is a sex addict whose predilections are obsessively and frequently indulged until a flame shows up that screws up his meticulously created private world of constant pleasure. Weird! Titillating! Steven McQueen directs! Young Adult (68%) reunites the Juno duo of Minnesota-bred screenwriter Diablo Cody and Jason Reitman, and was partially filmed around here. Charlize Theron is whatever the female equivalent of "manchild" is and tries to win back some dude's heart. The trailers make it look like Cody's taking her dialogue more seriously, but also it looks mega-glossy, so who knows. Tomboy (70%) is also French and looks better than the other French movie above. It's about a little girl who's so fed up with being mistaken for a boy that she just rolls with it. I can relate! Ah, skater hair from 1995. The Artist (100%) is probably the most blogged about indie flick of the year and likely with good reason. Yes, it's a gimmick, but oh how I've longed for a modern silent film. Doesn't even matter what it's about.

Dec 21st: The wife and I saw the trailer for the American remake of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (92%) for the umpteenth time recently and at the end she turned to me and said, so deadpan it hurt, "Ohhh it's David Fincher? I would have never guessed." I of course fell for this ruse and was subsequently laughed at. Still, I want to see it basically for that reason even though I have conflicted feelings about Larsson's trilogy and American remakes in general. In other "I'm a sucker" news, Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol (81%) will likely not be as fun as the first three installments of the franchise, directed by De Palma, Woo, and Abrams respectively, but I'm curious to see The Incredibles' Brad Bird take a shot at it. Is it just me or does Spielberg's motion capture attempt at the adaptation of the French comic The Adventures of Tintin (74%) just look like a video game? Not sure what the hubbub is, but it's Spielberg, so we'll find out I assume.

 

Dec 23rd-25th: (Jam-packed holiday week of releases, so it's split up for sanity.) Speaking of Spielberg, he's also got his live action epic War Horse (67%) coming out this same holiday weekend, and while it looks like quintessential sap for the war movie veteran, there are still somehow shots in the trailer that are undeniably moving. Then there's the new Cameron Crowe flick We Bought a Zoo (86%), starring Matt Damon who does what the title says he does and the plural pronoun implies there's a family of some kind. I think it's telling that the billboards say "from the director of Jerry Maguire" instead of Say Anything or Almost Famous. Jonsi from Sigur Ros does the score though, so I'm there. The Darkest Hour (65%) is another alien invasion movie, but I think maybe the first in 3D, if that floats your boat. It doesn't mine, but I still like alien invasion movies, and I like Olivia Thirlby and I don't hat Emile Hirsch or Moscow as a setting. Precocious child alert! Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close (53%) tells the story of a 9-year-old genius who goes on a search for what the key his father left before being killed in 9/11 unlocks. Heart-wringing, I'm sure, but emotionally manipulative is where I might draw the line, depending on Oscar bait/buzz. Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy (99%) has also gotten tons of buzz, but I think potentially more rightly so, as it stars Gary Oldman as a cold war-era spy, which is basically where the log line needs to end to get me on board. Lastly, the Freud/Jung biopic by weirdo/genius auteur David Cronenberg, A Dangerous Method (96%), finally gets released after a month-long postponement here in the Minneap.

P.S. Per usual, big thanks to the dudes at Uptown Theatre who provide me with advance indie release dates for the local Landmark Theatres!

Off the Couch and Into the Theater: November 2011

Last month I began my preview of the month's films with a little reflection: "Wow, I can't believe it's October and I still haven't seen Drive, Moneyball, and/or 50/50." Well, now it's November and I did manage to see those three movies, but not any of the big releases from October that I wanted to see, such as The Ides of March, The Thing, or In Time. From what I've heard though, this isn't that big of a deal. Especially because Drive, Moneyball, and 50/50 are all now in my top ten of 2011 and I can't imagine any of those others would be. Yes, they're all great, though both Drive and 50/50 have their weaknesses, I believe. Now, onto the box office and art house hopefuls of this month, each with "Do I Wanna See It?" percentages in parentheses...

 
Nov 4th: My students are all psyched for A Very Harold & Kumar Christmas 3D (43%), though I still have yet to see the first two in the series and have only a passing curiosity in the Cheech and Chong for the generation right after us. On the other hand, I unabashedly want to see Tower Heist (92%) and I don't care who knows it. Yes, it's Brett Ratner, the "auteur" of the Rush Hour franchise, but dammit, I have a weird nearly inexplicable love for crass Eddie Murphy and wacky caper flicks - plus Matthew Broderick! It's been a while. The Son of No One (54%) features Al Pacino almost assuredly chewing up scenery as the mentor Denzel detective to Channing Tatum's Ethan Hawke character, near as I can tell. I like the title, and corrupt cop flicks are another weakness of mine, but I still am not sure how Tatum is different from Ryan Phillipe. Elizabeth (of Mary Kate and Ashley) Olsen is practically an Oscar lock for Martha Marcy May Marlene (98%), so I am required to see it. It's about an emotionally devastated woman who tries to go back to her normal life after leaving a cult. Sounds delightful! Okay, this is going to get old because The Double (51%) is yet another example of a soft spot for me: the conspiracy political thriller. Richard Gere and Topher Grace plus the CIA, FBI, and assassinations isn't much, but damned if I like shouting, plot twists, and intrigue. Like Crazy (49%), however, is the kind of movie that I really don't typically enjoy, but is likely still going to be good because it looks like it's done with care and gravitas, not just for kicks like the others. A straight romance featuring unknown leads about deportation? Meh. Lastly, The Mill and the Cross (52%) is an adaptation of a famous painting, because apparently that's a thing you can do. Rutger Hauer though! Cool!

 
Nov 11th: Tarsem, director of The Cell and The Fall, finally does what he was meant to and makes an unarguably horrible 300-esqe epic film about battles and Greek gods and stuff. Oh well, at least Immortals (39%) will be pretty to look at sometimes maybe kind of. Dustin Lance Black, scribe of Milk, tries his hand at another biopic with J. Edgar (88%), this time with Leonardo DiCaprio in the Oscar-baiting role. I'd usually say yawn, but you know, Academy Awards blah blah. Also, there's the FBI movie crossover link, so I'm in. Jack and Jill (v0m%) has little to nothing that I want to exist in the natural world, much less to get me into the theater to see it. I seriously thought it was a joke movie trailer when I first saw Adam Sandler playing identical twin brother and sister. Let's leave it at that. Werner Herzog manages to get two documentaries in this year and I'm far more psyched to see Into the Abyss (96%) than I was to see Cave of Forgotten Dreams. This one features conversations with a death row inmate and his family for two hours. That's it. And I'm sure the narration is awesome. Revenge of the Electric Car (57%) chronicles the resurgence of the once-thought-to-be-dead gas-less vehicle, which is only vaguely interesting. What's way more interesting/strange is the list of people interviewed for the doc: Danny DeVito, Anthony Kiedis, Stephen Colbert, and many more. So weird.

 
Nov 18th: Bella gets preggers, or so I've gleaned, in The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Pt. 1 (1%) and I tell you what, now that I know I'm going to be a dad, I have just the slightest fear that if it's a girl I will have to end up watching these movies at some point. Unless they're seen as lame 10-12 years from now by everyone. We'll see. Happy Feet Two (8%) reminds me that the first one won the Animated Feature Oscar and that's probably why there's a sequel. Or was that March of the Penguins? Oh well. Don't care. Penguins dancing is probably cute I guess. Alexander Payne returns with The Descendents (94%) starring George Clooney as a father trying to bond with his daughters after a tragedy befalls the family matriarch. I love half/hate half of both Payne and Clooney's work so this will be a crapshoot, but I'm once again required due to...you guessed it, Oscar buzz! And Being Elmo: A Puppeteer's Journey (89%) is self-explanatory and therefore completely awesome. I just hope it doesn't taint my pure view of Sesame Street.

 
Nov 23rd-25th: Apparently Martin Scorsese has a movie coming out this year and it's called Hugo (91%), though my memory has no knowledge of such a thing. It looks like a kid's movie about an orphan and a fantastical world and a mythology regarding his parents. Sounds positively unfamiliar! Groan. Scorsese, you're lucky you're Scorsese. The Muppets (99%) has received some harsh words from Fran Oz regarding its loyalty to the franchise and Jim Henson's ghost, but so many of us who have been longing for a new Kermit movie for years will have to not care in order to live in denial a few days longer until we see it and have our hearts crushed. Carl Jung and Sigmund Freud go head to head in the forms of Michael Fassbender and Viggo Mortensen in A Dangerous Method (97%), directed by creepster extraordinaire David Cronenberg. I'm psyched and excited in my pants, and that's an intended pun and an intended Freudian slip. If that last thing is a thing. Arthur Christmas (2%) is some computer animated movie that is indeed about Christmas, though unfortunately it does not seem to be anything about an aardvark or a drunken Dudley Moore. The new Lars Von Trier film, Melancholia (100%), is about what if another planet starts on a collision course with Earth. And yet that's not what it's about at all. Kirsten Dunst stars as a young woman who goes through drama somehow while this is happening. Young Goethe in Love (10%) is a historical romance drama in which a fancy white guy with a remarkable talent loves a girl but then some stuff happens. Lastly, The Other F Word (22%) is a documentary in which Art Alexakis of Everclear is one of several "punk rockers" that discuss their experiences as fathers. Hell if Art can get in that, I should be able to book a spot in the sequel. Rimshot!

Thanks as always to the fine folks at Uptown Theatre for the indie flick release dates for the Minneapolis area!

Off The Couch And Into The Theater: October 2011

Wow, I can't believe it's October and I still haven't seen Drive, Moneyball, and/or 50/50. What is wrong with me? I will try to remedy as much of this during the weekend as possible. In fact, the only movie I saw during the month of September was Contagion, a movie I thought for sure I was going to let slip by me. Then I realized we have a friend who used to be a nurse and really likes watching people get sick on screen. I know; it's sick. But we love her! Oh and maybe I set myself up for it because I didn't really care about liking the movie, but Soderbergh's apathy toward filmmaking really came through on the screen. Beautiful shots, but barely-there characters in a wafting ensemble of quiet panic and generic consequences. It wasn't bad though. Objectively better than Outbreak, but not nearly as entertaining or monkey-filled. Here's the releases for this month, with "Do I Wanna See It?" percentages in parentheses...



Oct 7th: As you can see by my monthly faves on the sidebar to your right, I am very curious and skeptical of Real Steel (62%), the family robot boxing drama starring Hugh Jackman. I was much looking forward to it joining the pantheon of terrible ideas with brilliant execution such as Troll 2 and Con-Air, but alas, it's now being marketed and received as an Iron Giant-esque touching story of father and son. I showed the trailer for The Ides of March (87%) to my Media Studies class as an example of hegemony and yet I couldn't help but be once again intrigued by the powerhouse of actors that dominate the election thriller helmed by George Clooney. On the art house side of things, the Norwegian dramedy Happy Happy (19%) follows a single woman who becomes obsessed with her happily married neighbors, who seem to have life figured out. If it weren't fluffy-looking it could have made for a damn good suspense flick. The dramedy might need to die out for a while methinks. My Afternoons with Marguerite (11%) was supposed to come out last month, but the heartfelt Gerard Depardieu-befriends-an-old-lady comedy is coming out this weekend instead. Still not gonna see it. Unless my mom or stepdad DVR it a year from now and we watch it on Christmas. I could see that happening.



Oct 14th: The remake of The Thing (91%) is coming out and while I'd like to say "finally" and move on, it seems to have been produced/released relatively quickly, which either means it was hastily done or it hasn't become an opus over-bloated ordeal and could be what it looks like - a lean take on the Carpenter classic. I'm fine with that, though I will miss the synths. Meanwhile, I've never seen the original Footloose (34%), but I've always found it odd when two remakes are released on the same day. I can't help but think that a time traveler from the past would be very confused. The Big Year (59%) probably has no reason to be good, it being a bird-hunting comedy starring Steve Martin, Jack Black, and Owen Wilson, but I have a dumb soft spot for all three of those men and so I kind of want to see the assuredly milquetoast tale of a group of friends out for a weekend with their guns and binoculars. Michael Shannon stars in Take Shelter (93%), which guarantees that it's going to be creepy, and everyone should know by now how much I adore creepy. I just hope I don't let this one wait until Nerdflix like I did with My Son My Son What Have Ye Done a couple years ago. Blackthorn (97%) tells the tale of what if Butch Cassidy survived his shootout with the Bolivian police and went on trying to live after a life full of criminal escapades. The clincher, besides harkening back to the best Western ever? Sam Shepard plays Butch! One actor I don't care about is Chris Evans, whose attempt at seriousness, Puncture (62%), is The Lincoln Lawyer meets Half Nelson, with a defense attorney who's addicted to drugs.They're lucky they combined murder and drugs, otherwise that percentage would be far lower. Toast (66%) also gets me at a couple weak spots, as it weaves a story through foodies in 1960s England. That should be self-explanatory.




Oct 21st: Never saw the first two, but I always have an inkling to see a ghost story, so Paranormal Activity 3 (43%) is much more welcome this Halloween than another Saw film. Who knows? If the first two are on Nerdflix, I might be there. I really can't believe we're getting another The Three Musketeers (38%), and that this one looks so action-heavy without even the flourishes of your average Michael Bay production that it will likely be beyond forgettable. Margin Call (61%) dramatizes the 2008 financial crisis, and while I heard HBO's version Too Big to Fail was erratic and overly staged, I am always interested in how recent events are so quickly turned into entertainment nowadays. Plus I just saw Inside Job and that was pretty good. Kevin Smith's Red State (90%) gets its proper release and while many people, myself included, have problems with the man, everyone seems to agree that it's nice that he tried something different here. Too dark to be called a comedy, too comedic to be called horror, and too political to be called a horror comedy, it might just be a good swan song for him. I'm pretending his hockey comedy in production doesn't exist. Johnny English Reborn (2%) is Mr. Bean's latest assault on America. I watch enough Bean with my mother-in-law, thank you very much. Sorry! I just don't get it! He makes weird faces! It girl Juno Temple's career is supposed to be catapulted with Dirty Girl (58%), about an angsty teen who goes on a road trip with her gay BFF, but it's gotten bad reviews and has two starkly different trailers - one mass-marketed as inspirational, another indie-marketed as sardonic. Weekend (53%) looks like a majestically shot gay romance, but that's about it. Sounds like a end-of-the-queue Nerdflix flick to me. Colin Firth stars in the ensemble Main Street (46%), which looks quirky and about a small town. I don't want to prejudge it because it could be State & Main, but since it's not written by David Mamet, probably not.




Oct 28th: I thought originally that Anonymous (84%) was going to be an intense literary drama about what if Shakespeare didn't exist, but according to all the TV spots it looks like it's going to be a political caper about how that relates to an attempted ousting of the Queen. Boo. Still interested. I had no idea why I was interested in Puss in Boots (77%) until my lovely wife reminded me that I love cats and I particularly love them when they act like serious humans. And so here I go, off to a Shrek spin-off movie in a few weeks. In Time (88%) seems to be the most exciting mainstream release of the month, however, as it could be sleek and perplexing like Minority Report or Dark City if it's smart, but it's probably more likely that it will be flat and Timberlakey. Hunter S. Thompson never really caught my reading eye, so The Rum Diary (41%), keeping in form from Fear & Loathing by keeping Johnny Depp cast as the protagonist, won't either. I do find it odd that it looks far breezier than a Thompson-based story should. Sleeping Beauty (26%) stars Emily Browning of Sucker Punch, but isn't a live-action remake of the classic Disney animated film. Lamerz. I would totally see that. It's something about a college girl and temptation instead. Pedro Almodovar's latest is The Skin I Live In (86%) with Antonio Banderas as a plastic surgeon, so basically a Spanish Nip/Tuck with a lot more intelligent psychological profiling. Black Power Mixtape 1967-1975 (68%) chronicles the eponymous movement through a Swedish lens. Why are they so interested in our country? Don't they have enough sex crimes and girls with tattoos solving them to keep them busy? And finally, Oranges and Sunshine (60%) features Emily Watson as a social worker who does powerful stuff.

As always, big thx to Joe at Uptown Theatre for hooking me up with the indie release dates for Minneapolis!

Off the Couch and Into the Theater: September 2011

August was a pretty good movie month for me, despite the fact that I never once made it out to an indie film. No, instead I just managed to rack up the points on the AMC rewards card by seeing The Help and Rise of the Planet of the Apes, and then enjoyed the drive-in with Captain America: The First Avenger, Crazy Stupid Love, and Final Destination 5. Haphazard mini-reviews coming now, in the order listed above: watchable but lacked teeth, drenched in suspense and surprise emotional attachment, formulaic-to-the-bone but I liked the old NYC setting, enjoyable yet used the phrase "soul mate" far too much, and predictably campy but with an awesome guffaw-inducing twist. You can also check Brigitte's reviews of Midnight in Paris and One Day for more Blogulator movie opinions. As for September, the start of the fall is promising perhaps a bit much this year, but I am always a sucker for optimistic thinking (and of course there's your fair share of definite crap to outweigh the potential positives). Here are your September releases for the Twin Cities with "Do I Wanna See It?" percentages...

Sept 2nd: I never wound up seeing Piranha 3D, though I heard it was quite the romp, so if time permits I believe I would have a fairly reasonable amount of fun at Shark Night 3D (71%), the latest in what seems to be the more profitable version of bringing back the grindhouse genre. Sorry, QT. The Debt (44%) looks like such a generic political thriller that I now cringe a little bit every time the commercial comes on the boob tube. I've also grown tired of Helen Mirren and don't buy her as an older Jessica Chastain - an actress I'm growing fonder and fonder of everyday. Apollo 18 (93%) is the next in the line of faux-reality horror filmmaking, but I'm excited about it because it takes place in space. And that's where no one can hear you scream, if you recall. A Good Old Fashioned Orgy (47%) has the disadvantage of being a low-key R-rated sex comedy being released at the end of a summer full of 'em. But for some reason, even though I objectively know he's largely mediocre, I enjoy the screen company of Jason Sudeikis no matter what. Bellflower (0%/100%) is a curious item because I actually already saw it at the Minneapolis/St. Paul International Film Festival earlier this spring, and I was excited as all get out to see a post-apocalyptic movie that took place without the apocalypse having happened yet. The premise and style of filmmaking - raw and gritty yet with the warm and beautiful coloring of California - was so promising, but it ended up just being an indulgent violent love triangle story. Lame. And in Magic Trip (86%), Stanley Tucci narrates the story of celebrated hippie author Ken Kesey - he of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest fame - and his band of nomadic creatives called The Merry Pranksters from the 60s. Now I love Cuckoo's Nest, I teach it even, but Kesey is far different from your average hippie. And I'm afraid I'm not going to like the average hippie any more after learning more about their cross-country party van adventures.


Sept 9th: When the rest of the world finally realizes that Contagion (61%) is just Outbreak with Matt Damon instead of an adorable infectious monkey, I will shout at the top of my lungs, "told ya so a-doy-doy!" Too bad I might be in the theater with said rest of the world. Similarly, Warrior (38%) asks the question "What if we made The Fighter totally trite, had two cheap nobodies - Tom Hardy, who will be Bane in The Dark Knight Rises and Joel Edgerton from 2010 indie fan favorite Animal Kingdom - instead of Wahlberg and Bale, and then made it UFC instead of boxing?" Even worse is Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star (NEVER%), in which Nick Swardson brazenly asks America if they're ready for the next generation's Deuce Bigalow, except even more obnoxious. This trailer reminded me of the fake I Am Sam-esque movie that Ben Stiller's character regrets doing in Tropic Thunder. Meanwhile, in indie theater land, Griff the Invisible (52%) mashes the twee romantic comedy with the superhero movie, which we've be waiting forever for. What would have made (500) Days of Summer better? If there was crime fighting! Brighton Rock (49%) is a remake of the 1947 gangster picture, which was based on a Graham Greene - author of The Third Man and The Quiet American - novel. Is it British? Yes, so it stars Helen Mirren in a supporting role. Higher Ground (83%) is Vera Farmiga's directorial debut - she of Up in the Air and Source Code. Could be vanilla, but she interviews quite well about it and seems like she's genuinely trying to make an intelligent and dramatic - and slightly comedic, of course - narrative about searching for one's faith. I'll be optimistic. And Sholem Aleichem: Laughing in the Darkness (8%) is a documentary about the author of Fiddler on the Roof. Matchmaker matchmaker, I'd rather scan the Wikipedia entry.


Sept 16th: I have no idea what Drive (92%) is about other than that Ryan Gosling plays a getaway driver and apparently the director's debut Bronson was a "badass" movie. I am male so what else do I need to know? Also, my wife does not care for Ryan Gosling she noted during the TV commercial. But then the commercial for the self-explanatory rom-com I Don't Know How She Does It (22%) came on and she said she quite enjoyed its star, Greg Kinnear, and claimed he does not get enough play. You can imagine the conversation that grew out of this. Straw Dogs (79%) is a remake of the classic and controversial 1971 Sam Peckinpah film about a man trying to protect his countryside home and wife from a band of crazed looters and rapists. This time it's James Marsden and who knows how far they'll go, but even if they do, I have a feeling it won't resonate with film critics, either too negatively or positively, this time around. Circumstance (48%) sounds like one of those inevitably well done movies that nonetheless are endlessly depressing. It's about two teenage Iranian girls who fall in love, much to the chagrin of, you know, Iran. If that's not enough, one of the girl's brother also returns home from intensive drug rehab for the first time in years. 5 Days of War (53%) follows a photojournalist in the midst of the Russian-Georgian conflict, which sounds serious, until you realize it stars Val Kilmer and is directed by Renny Harlin, known best for Die Hard 2: Die Harder and Cliffhanger. Still though, The Killing Fields was good. Apparently Mozart's Sister (37%) was also a musical prodigy, and this movie will explain how. I covered the chimp documentary Project Nim (74%) a couple months ago, but it's for realzies coming out in the MSP this weekend. And having seen Andy Serkis play a chimp with feelings/thoughts, I want to now see it more. To end this chunk on a happy note, The Hedgehog (66%) is about an eleven-year-old who decides she's going to kill herself on her twelfth birthday. I bet I can guess the ending.


Sept 23rd: Aaron Sorkin tricks us into thinking real life is theater again in Moneyball (1000% - not a typo), which covers how a baseball manager did something impressive involving money, wit, and innovation. I thought Abduction (5%) was going to be simple. It stars Taylor Lautner and he gets to run around being sweaty and muscular for the girlz. But then I saw it's directed by John effing Singleton, who has fallen so far from his debut Boyz N the Hood it's sickening. I mean, I can handle Robert De Niro slumming it up in Killer Elite (11%) with Statham and Clive Owen as special agents who kill assassins, because he had a long period of reliability, even if his "Analyze This years" have gone on seemingly longer. Singleton only has two, maybe three movies, before he gave in so easily. Speaking of giving in, Pearl Jam Twenty (29%) is exactly what it sounds like, documenting the band after 20 years of "service" by director and uber-fan Cameron Crowe, he of Almost Famous and Say Anything fame. Curious, especially as two good friends of mine are PJ freaks, but this should have been made in the 90s. The Chinese murder mystery/kinda-noir Detective Dee & the Mystery of the Phantom Flame (63%) has a ridiculous title, but looks super stylish and fun to just watch, regardless of how the plot turns out. I attempted to see the urban violence documentary The Interrupters (95%), from the director of Hoop Dreams, at the aforementioned film fest, but it was sold out. Steve James knows how to make the depressing epic and with at least a glint of hope, so I can't wait. Love Crime (46%) is the obligatory French thriller for the month and it involves Kristin Scott Thomas being deceitful and manipulative and blah blah. Lastly, My Afternoons with Marguerite (35%) features an overweight and idiotic Gerard Depardieu befriending an old lady who teaches him to read or something. Should be a short film methinks.


Sept 30th: The Seth Rogen/Joseph Gordon-Levitt cancer dramedy 50/50 (100/100%) has already received much praise in the advance blog reviews, so I have high hopes. I just hope I don't get burned like I did with Funny People. Last month had the Katie Holmes haunted house movie and this month it's Naomi Watts, along with Daniel Craig and Rachel Weisz, in Dream House (81%) and this time it looks far more tasteful and, shocking I know, subtle. That's what happens when you hire the director of My Left Foot I guess. I must have seen the trailer for What's Your Number? (10%) at least a trillion times, but I can't remember for the life of me what it's about or who's in it. It's a rom-com where the woman looks for love and finds it in the least expected place. Oh yeah, Chris Evans! And I forgot it again. Restless (97%) is the latest from Gus Van Sant, this time intertwining his ghostly filmmaking style with an actual ghost story. But is it primarily a romance about a terminally ill teenage girl? Or when she and her lover encounter a Japanese ghost? Who knows, but it might be crazy enough to work. Machine Gun Preacher (60%) is the latest from Marc Forster - director of Monster's Ball and Stranger Than Fiction - and stars Gerard Butler as a real-life dude who was a drug dealer and then became a crusader for child soldiers in Sudan. Saccharine dialogue is likely, but so is a decent yarn. The director of Candyman tries out the drug dealer biopic in Mr. Nice (58%), starring Rhys Ifans, who was the only good part of Greenberg, and Chloe Sevigny, who's the best part of everything she's in. Tucker & Dale vs. Evil (99%) is, like the Straw Dogs remake, a home invasion film, but it also looks wildly fun and not the least bit questionable. Plus it stars Alan Tudyk, one of my favorite underrated actin' dudes. And there's a chainsaw on the poster! And Mysteries of Lisbon (33%) is a foreign example of hyperlink cinema, where a countess, a businessman, and an orphan boy's troubles and dramas are followed until they convene in the end. Get me a fresher gimmick, international cinema!

As always, thanks to the fine folks at the Uptown Theater for hooking me up with the advance schedule of art house releases for the month!

Off the Couch and Into the Theater: August 2011

I have finally done it. I've gotten back to posting these things on time, actually previewing the month's releases before the first Friday of said calendar period. I feel victorious -- nay, competent! Quick recap of July first and then we're off to seeing what's opening both nationally and locally in our theaters in August (with "How Much Do I Wanna See It?" percentages in parentheses): Horrible Bosses was exactly as I suspected, that is to say pretty hilarious but majorly forgettable, save for a scene involving Charlie Day, a car seat adjuster, and The Ting Tings. The new Errol Morris documentary Tabloid was his most joyful in ages, and while it's not one of his most weighty, it's just as complex as you expect from the man, and quite entertaining too. Winnie the Pooh was not only a perfect kids' film that all are lamenting the box office failure of, but it's just downright one of the best movies of the year. It's pretty meta too, where letters of the original A.A. Milne stories become characters alongside the refreshing hand-drawn animation. Blogulator cohort Sam also has your rundown of Captain America: The First Avenger here as I have yet to convince my wife to sit through it with me. Now onto the newbies!

August 5th: While I'd much rather see this version of James Franco in Rise of the Planet of the Apes (81%), I am far more interested than I should be in the uber-serious prequel to the famous franchise. It's pretty simple, really. I want to see monkeys go crazy. That sounds appealing to me. Case closed. The Change-Up (48%), however, is a far more complex beast of a conundrum for some reason. The Jason Bateman/Ryan Reynolds body-switch comedy has been wayyyy over-promoted, its commercials and trailers garnering little to no laughs from yours truly, includes two barely affable leads, and seems to pride itself on its lazy premise. And yet, I wouldn't not see it. Woe is me. Moving to the indieplex, Another Earth (92%) seems like it has potential, even if it looks a bit too self-serious for its own good. Do you remember the 90s NBC show Earth 2? Cuz I do, and this new parable about finding another habitable planet, albeit this one featuring mirror copies of ourselves, has 100% less Rebecca Gayheart. Life, Above All (27%) follows the story of a troubled yet interminable bond between mother and daughter in South Africa, which sounds nice and all, but where are the science experiments gone wrong, parallel dimensions, and/or bachelor lifestyle jokes? Amirite? Salvation Boulevard (33%) sounds like the kind of overly hijinx-laden indie comedy that could be anywhere between harmless yet forgettable and preachy yet meaningless, as it lampoons the world of non-denominational mega-churches but also serves as a wacky road trip caper. Starring Greg Kinnear as a born-again who tries to get pastor Pierce Brosnan (weirded out yet?) to take the fall for some crazy crime, I think I'll stay home with my bad memories of Saved instead.


August 12th: Aziz Ansari seems to be the sole reason to see 30 Minutes or Less (84%), the frenetic new comedy from the director of Zombieland, because while I enjoy Jesse Eisenberg and Danny McBride in small doses, the jokes and pace (involving McBride forcing Eisenberg and Ansari to rob a bank or a bomb strapped to Eisenberg will explode) here seems almost nearly oppressive for my tastes. The Help (72%) looks to be nearly impossible to deny, as it features hip wise-cracking Emma Stone but center around a warm multi-generationally attractive premise of equality, as Stone writes a book in the 60s disclosing the hard truths of the lives of black maids and cooks in affluent white households. Final Destination 5 (100%) is a no-brainer for me. Not only does my wife claim it to be "the only perfect franchise" because it knows exactly what it needs to deliver, but they've finally given up on the clever alterations of the the name and just decided to stick on a number on the end. Plus a guy my best friend knows is in it. So that's something. Glee: The 3D Concert Movie (1%) will only be out for two weeks, allegedly, though if it's a big hit, you know they'll stretch that out or re-release it or some crap. But still, two weeks is too long. I guess it's a relief that they're finally giving up on telling a story, but still. The Devil's Double (55%) follows the story of a guy who becomes Saddam Hussein's son's body double, to confuse and distract spies/assassins or something, and looks at once riveting and gaudy. Like Guy Ritchie trying to direct something with more substance than style. Miranda July's latest is called The Future (68%), and while its premise, in which adopting a cat leads to many different possible futures for a couple, is intriguing, it sounds just as potentially unbearably twee as Me and You and Everyone We Know, a beautiful film that was intolerably precious. The Guard (23%) stars the very capable Brendan Gleeson and Don Cheadle, but with its madcap logline - "an unorthodox Irish policeman and an uptight FBI agent team up!" - I doubt it will have the emotional depth of either star's high points, In Bruges or Traffic. The German film Vincent Wants to Sea (35%) is one of those fulfilling-a-last-dying-wish movies, this time featuring a boy afflicted with Tourette's escaping from an institution to buy his mother's ashes...you guessed it, at sea. The pun takes away ten percentage points alone.


August 19th: Anne Hathaway and some Brit named Jim Sturgess share One Day (36%) per year getting together for some sexual tension and we're privvy to each meet-up until presumably they die tragically as they finally lean in for that first kiss when they're elderly. Cute conceit, previously covered in book review form by OHD for The Blogulator, but only time will tell if it's a romance worth witnessing. The Fright Night (62%) remake looks like every R-rated vampire movie that's come out in the past fifteen years, but I like the idea of re-watching the classic and the remake back to back, especially since I don't even remember the story. The Conan the Barbarian (55%) remake might also be fun to watch alongside its original, though I think we all had enough Ahnold on our TVs earlier this summer. Jason Momoa, who plays the new Conan, was pretty boss in Game of Thrones, however, so we'll see what the buzz is. Plus, Ron Perlman! Spy Kids: All the Time in the World in 4D (Talkingdog%) still is in the antiquated-turned-novel-again smell-o-vision and features a talking dog, who despite being voiced by Ricky Gervais, is still a talking dog. So methinks I'll pass, if only because I've missed the past three Spy Kids and wouldn't be able to follow. The French thriller Point Blank (67%) is unfortunately not the American masterpiece Point Break, which is disappointing, but I'm always a sucker for the way the frogs do violent twists and turns, so this tale of a nurse forced by his patient to help a dangerous criminal escape from his hospital bed could be right up my alley. Passione: A Musical Adventure (15%) was supposed to come out last month, but got delayed. See my nondescript pre-judgment of it here. I almost caught The Tree (43%) at the Minneapolis/St. Paul International Film Fest but I believe I got distracted by a turkey sandwich. Anyway, it stars Charlotte Gainsbourg whose daughter believes her dead dad has become the tree in their backyard. Depression alert! Cinematography looks beautiful though - apparently a prerequisite for 2011 'Tree' movies. The Whistleblower (59%) is kind of like The Insider meets Fair Game, but without Michael Mann's expert mood-setting or Doug Liman's expert quick cuts. What it does have going for it is Rachel Weisz and Vanessa Redgrave, two actresses I've always admired but never truly loved. That said, I'm also a sucker for political thrillers, this one being about a real-life Nebraska cop who outed the UN during a post-war Bosnia scandal.


August 26th: Paul Rudd finally gets to play against type in Our Idiot Brother (97%), where he finally goes full-on goofy, a la his character from that one episode of Veronica Mars, and Zooey Deschanel, among others, get annoyed by his manchild routine. Apatow redux, I know, but Paul Rudd! Slappa dat bass, mon! Don't Be Afraid of the Dark (8%) sounds like the most generic horror movie ever made, as I heard Katie Holmes describe it last night on TV as "the classic story of a family whose daughters starts to get terrorized by monsters in their big old house and no one believes her." Now that word "classic" could be open to interpretation, but -- YAWN. Nevermind. Not worth it. Colombiana (39%) stars Zoe Saldana, and that rhymes, so it's gotta be good. Seriously, though, speaking of trite premises - this is yet another action thriller in which the anti-hero protagonist, in this case an assassin, shows that she became the way she is because of her traumatic childhood. Probably blah blah revenge. Luc Besson's a co-writer, so that means something to 17-year-old me. Senna (22%) is a documentary of a Formula One racer who won some big championship three times consecutively before dying at age 34. That's impressive, and probably emotionally gripping, but I didn't get in the theater for Talladega Nights so I likely will sit this one out too. Lastly, the re-release of David Bowie's sci-fi cult classic The Man Who Fell to Earth (88%) seems worth checking out, especially cuz I didn't know it existed until now. I'm not the biggest Bowie fan, but if it's in the alleged cult canon and features "surreal imagery" (per its Wikipedia entry) and the late Rip Torn, I'm there.

Big thanks to Switchblade Comb for getting me in touch with the guys at the Uptown Theatre, who have since parted ways with SC but are still providing me with their press releases. So big thanks to them too!

Off the Couch and Into the Theater: July 2011

I am going to make it my life goal to actually post the August edition of this feature before the first Friday of that month. You know, in a fashion that would make sense. Until then, though, you are stuck with me once again being a Johnny-come-lately and presenting to you the films of July 2011 a little over a week too late. Even though I haven't seen a movie in over two weeks (starting to get the shakes), I do happen to feel better about presenting to you this bunch of flicks this time around because all of the "Do I Wanna See It?" percentages in parentheses are truly apt, due to the fact that I have yet to see a July release. I know, it's despicable, but even I, being the movie addict that I am, can rest easy on the fact that I was in Disney World instead. With this preamble in mind, I present to you this month's box office hopefuls...


July 1st: The glut of creatively written reviews panning Transformers: Dark of the Moon (32%) has gotten me vaguely re-interested in the Michael Bay franchise, but likely not enough to actually follow through on it. I can see myself someday down the road having an ill-advised Transformers party though, only to have a headache afterwards. Larry Crowne (35%), with the seemingly unconquerable duo of Julia Roberts and Tom Hanks, seems like the kind of movie perfect for lazy TBS viewing years from now, when I can afford cable. That Tom Hanks is just so damn charming when he's not saturating the market! Monte Carlo (4%) is the kind of ABC Family movie that somehow made it to the big screen, with Leighton Meester and Selena Gomez somehow getting mistaken for princesses or something while on vacation. Buck (41%) looks like the kind of documentary that if I just sit down and watch it I'd probably be enamored by the tried and true American tale of a man and his horse, but that's simply not enough to get me into the theater. Troll Hunter (94%), on the other hand, looks like just the kind of ridiculousness that will get me in there. Plus it's Scandinavian, so even its Cloverfield-esque presentation will be more acceptable because, you know, it's foreign. Plus, trolls! And Page One: Inside the New York Times (87%) seems to be just the kind of talky documentary that's fascinating enough to get me giddy, because when I was little I wanted to be a cartoonist for a newspaper, even though I didn't understand the ones on the political editorial pages.


July 8th: Kevin James graces us with his presence in Zookeeper (zzz000%), in which he talks to animals that help him fall in love. James was on Leno last night and it was hilarious to watch both him and Leno have to stutter before saying the word "great" when referencing the new movie. The self-explanatory Horrible Bosses (99%) has no chance of being great, but has every chance of being hilarious and instantly forgettable, which is why I'll be first in line for it. Also, Charlie Day's closest thing to a leading role! I do find it weird that Kevin Spacey's reprising his brilliant role from Swimming with Sharks though. Last Mountain (18%) looks like a depressing documentary about oil drilling and the environment. Sorry, I know this is terrible, but I already got my lesson on that from this season of Justified, so no thanks. Gospel music gets the docu-treatment in Rejoice & Shout (39%), which actually seems so ambitious with its vivid sound and visual editing that it could be engaging, but I'm from the North, so probably not going to happen. The African crime saga Viva Riva! (42%) looks like it has potential, as its bold yet dark cinematography suggests, but despite its interesting locale, doesn't look particularly deep or profound. Another music doc, Passione: A Musical Adventure (15%) focuses on the scene in Naples, Italy, which looks neither as comprehensive nor as canonical as Gospel music, so I can't say I'm on the edge of my seat for this one. And The Chameleon (57%) is a family drama that's been on the shelf for a bit, featuring Famke Janssen as an FBI agent who's suspicious of a son who's returned to his mother, played by Ellen Barkin, after being MIA for a while. Where could he have been? In post-production hell?


July 15th: You can tell by our faves sidebar that at least a couple Blogulator staff members are excited for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 (9%), despite my continued ambivalence toward the series, which may or may not change if I ever forget to adjust my Nerdflix queue. A certain infamous character I have no ambivalence toward, however, is Winnie the Pooh (100%), and boy do I hope I'm not given a neutered version of my childhood, because if there's something pure and good that I will never be cynical about, it's the Hundred Acre Woods. I could do without that Keane song in the trailer, though. A Better Life (61%) looks just heart-wrenching enough that even if it goes over the top, it'll likely be earned, as it follows a father trying to keep his kid out of a gang in LA. The acting and cinematography are what will make or break it. Terri (78%) could either be too precious or not precious enough, but with John C. Reilly on board as an obese teenager's father figure, I'm hoping this twee tale will be as honest as it will be quirky. The Topp Twins: Untouchable Girls (32%) follows two lesbian country singing sisters who have made a name for themselves despite not being Tegan & Sara. It looks sweet and good-natured, but again, they're not Tegan nor Sara. And The Names of Love (69%) is the first in the monthly bunch to have a genuinely original and intriguing premise, as a left-wing activist seduces her political opponents to get them to join her cause until...well you can probably figure that out. But still, if it doesn't go the hackneyed route after the first act, it could possibly be, dare I say, exactly what this country needs right now? Sound bytes! Sound bytes!


July 22nd: I was very skeptical of Chris Evans as Captain America: The First Avenger (82%) until I saw him as one of the best parts of Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, so while he won't be funny like that, I think he could carry off a wry tongue-in-cheek version of one of the worst Marvel characters ever, especially since it's a period piece like X-Men: First Class. Fingers crossed! Friends With Benefits (20%) is clearly the Deep Impact to No Strings Attached's Armageddon, but Justin Timberlake is infinitely more likeable than Ashton Kutcher, so who knows? TBS again, mayhaps? Speaking of questions, what's with all these music docs? Beats, Rhymes, & Life: The Travels of A Tribe Called Quest (59%) seems like the obvious favorite, as its focus is narrow but still plentiful. Also, if the buzz rises high enough, it'd be sweet to see a hip hop staple besides Three Six Mafia eventually get some Oscar recognition. Continuing the long unnecessary subtitle trend, If a Tree Falls: The Story of the Earth Liberation Front (33%) offers an inside look at the titular environmentalist extremists, who might actually make for a compelling subject (they destroy and kill in the name of dirt and deer) rather than Mother Nature herself. Out of all the art-house docs, Project Nim (45%) probably has the most hype, as it's about a group of zoologists and their monkey, who's raised practically as a child, and the expected heartbreak and weirdness involved. Meh - I'd rather go back to Disney World and watch my zoologist friend feed the monkeys at Animal Kingdom again. (Humblebrag.)


July 29th: Daniel Craig is somehow still a movie star in Cowboys & Aliens (54%), which looks as forgettable as it does entertaining, which means I'll somehow find myself in the movie theater wondering how I got there. Crazy Stupid Love (82%) follows seemingly destructive yet exciting new relationships between a trio of interlocked stories featuring Steve Carrell, Ryan Gosling, Julianne Moore, and Emma Stone. It looks like if JJ Abrams directed Love, Actually as written by the team behind Little Miss Sunshine. So I'm a sucker and I'm in. The Smurfs (19%) continues the formula of nostalgia plus CGI plus strangely also nostalgic unsuspecting leading man, just like Alvin & the Chipmunks, but instead of Jason Lee (7-year-old Alvin fan me and 14-year-old Mallrats fan me were very confused) it's Neil Patrick Harris this time. Attack the Block (88%) looks like it's aiming to be the summer's anti-Super 8, as it was a small-time fest flick that's getting a big release due to buzz and possibly the success of Abrams' kids versus alien venture. It looks a little edgier, a little less warm and fuzzy, and a little more exciting even, despite its much lower budget, so consider me in. Another Earth (76%) is essentially Earth 2 (anyone? Bueller? Nerdflix it!) but our protagonists may not actually go to the new eponymous planet. It may be more about inner turmoil, blah blah, upon the discovery of this new habitable place, which could be emotionally devastating or hollow. Captain Emo himself (yours truly) votes for the former. Tabloid (85%) is documentarian extraordinaire Errol Morris's new offering, he of Fog of War and Standard Operating Procedure fame, this time telling the story of a former Miss Wyoming who was soon thereafter charged with abduction. Sound titillating. How to Live Forever (50%) is a documentary that is exactly what it sounds like. Dude goes across the country trying to unlock the secrets to long life. It will just make me feel guilty for sitting in a movie theater on a sunny day for two hours. Finally, Snow Flower & the Secret Fan (36%) follows two girls in 1800s China who try to rebel against the patriarchal society that oppresses them. I got your rebellion right here!

As always, thx to Switchblade Comb for keeping me up to date with the monthly indie releases!

Off the Couch and Into the Theater: June 2011

I'm aware it doesn't make much sense to do a preview of the June box office hopefuls in the middle of the month, as half of these movies are already old news, especially when I've already seen three of them. But dammit, I'm not about to just skip by because of the end of the school year and the first real-world Blogulator-sponsored event (our Veronica Mars TV Party at the Red Stag went well by the way, thanks for asking!) kept me from doing this at a more proper time. There are movies to be discussed and that is what we shall do. Quick May recap: Thor was one of the worst comic book movies yet, but Idris Elba as the gatekeeper was awesome. Meek's Cutoff best not be forgotten as one of the best movies of the year come awards time, though it likely will because it was, err, meek. Also, add it to the new western canon along with The Proposition! Predictably, Bridesmaids was very funny and had real-feeling characters, but the ambling plot and tired tropes it employed were still obnoxious. Now for June - here are this month's movies with "Do I Wanna See It?" percentages in parentheses...

June 3rd: This is weird, but even though I saw X-Men: First Class (91%) already, I still can't justify putting it at 100%. While I did really want to see it, it wasn't completely necessary, and seeing it only emphasized that point. Still though, the director of Kick-Ass setting Xavier and Magneto in the 60s? Fun. Now a movie like The Tree of Life (100%) had no chance of not getting a full percentage count, and not just because I did indeed see it on opening day here in Minneapolis. Apart from a couple nitpicky things, Malick has a way with pretension that only he can get away with. Also, Pitt proves he can act for the first time in a while, possibly since the 90s. Takashi Miike's rendition of Kurosawa's Seven Samurai-style epicness comes in the form of 13 Assassins (68%), which I'd certainly not say no to, but I have to be in the right mood, and I'm more of a Rashomon kinda guy myself, to be honest.


June 10th: J.J. Abrams' attempt at being so Spielbergian it hurts, aka Super 8 (99%), succeeded in getting me into the theater pretty easily. Actually, it was Jerksica's week for picking the movie for date night and she chose it, which I did not expect. Cheap nostalgia or meticulous postmodernism? I recommend yallz see it and keep an open mind. Judy Moody and the Not Bummer Summer (20%) is apparently a decent kids flick, but even I'm not that open-minded, despite its kinda awesome title. Now, Hobo With a Shotgun (67%), on the other hand, is the kind of ridiculousness that despite me being a little afraid of its exploitative nature, I think it could be marginally entertaining, even if its trying a bit too hard. What is it about, you say? Read the title and imagine Rutger Hauer. The Robber (64%) is a bit of a different take on the biopic for once, as it documents the life of a marathon runner who developed a taste for robbing banks. Sounds like the cinematic equivalent of a peanut butter and bacon sandwich. Interpret that how you will. L'amour Fou (11%), meanwhile, is the biopic/cinematic equivalent of a mustard and jam sandwich: a romance film featuring a real-life fashion designer. Each is serviceable on its own, if not still in need of something to complement it, but definitely not each other.


June 17th: Ryan Reynolds ruins my favorite comic book character in Green Lantern (59%) with obscene amounts of CGI and wise-cracking dialogue, though seeing the trailer really just makes me question my tastes as a budding adolescent. Add Peter Sarsgaard with a big alien head and I'm more than worrisome. I know I read Mr. Popper's Penguins (6%) as a child, as I'm pretty sure it was a state requirement, but I honestly don't remember it, nor do I care to unearth the memory via Jim Carrey trying to regain his status as wacky jokester. But for those that do remember - is the story really just "what do I do with all these penguins?" If so, good on them for stretching that out into 80 minutes or more. Beginners (95%) has somehow become one of my most anticipated movies of the year, despite it being the latest from Mike Mills, whose Thumbsucker is one of my least favorite movies ever. Plus I really don't care for Ewan McGregor and its twee-ness in the trailer is more than most movies, even indie ones, require. But it just looks endearing and honest. Oh and I listened to an hour-long discussion with Mills on NPR about it during a long car ride. The stand-up comedy tour documentary Just Like Us (19%) focuses on U.S./Middle East relations, because that's hilarious. Sally Hawkins is one of my newest celeb crushes and her presence in Submarine (46%), about a teenager who's trying to lose his virginity and break up his mom's romance simultaneously, saves it from wallowing in the 20-ish percentage slot. And Bride Flight (8%) is a New Zealand picture centering on a trio of women during WWII whose husbands go to war. Here it is: your obligatory snoozefest alert!


June 24th: I will try not to get too worked up about Cars 2 (vr000m%), because it makes me hyperventilate if I do, but seriously. Larry the Cable Guy was on Fallon last night and he showed a clip in which his "character", a pick-up truck, goes to the bathroom. CARS. DON'T. DEFECATE. You want them to have eyes? Fine. You want them to have emotions? Fine. But for the love of crap, the Brave Little Toaster never used a frakking toilet! Also filed into the don't-like-the-lead-but-love-the-idea category along with Beginners is Bad Teacher (90%) starring Cameron Diaz. I haven't liked her since The Mask when I was 12 and she wore a pretty red dress, but damn if I can't get behind a story about a teacher that swears a lot. Add Justin Timberlake (who confirms here he is officially not just a novelty actor, possibly) and poof, I'm in. On a more depressing note, City of Life & Death (32%) covers the Nanking massacre in 1937, which actually is kind of interesting to me after finally seeing Ang Lee's Lust, Caution, which is actually more of a spy thriller than erotic tale. The documentary Conan O'Brien Can't Stop (87%) should be fascinating, timed just far enough away from all the over-saturated media coverage the man got, but I'm nervous because I'm pretty sure it won't make him out to be the patron saint of talk TV that so many think he is. And if it doesn't, it'll just feel fake and preachy. The Trip (82%) has gotten some of the best reviews of the year, as it follows Steve Coogan and some other funny guy around the world eating at restaurants, talking and/or philosophizing about nothing, but the rub with me is that I have yet to find Coogan really magnetic in anything. He's got big teeth, sure, but where is the humanity? I suppose we'll find out.

As always, thx to Switchblade Comb for helping me out with the indie releases of the month!

Off The Couch And Into The Theater: May 2011

I'm a little behind in presenting the box office hopefuls for the month of May, but honestly, you're not missing much. I just can't get myself excited about a lot of these, though many of them will hover at least slightly above the 50% "Do I Wanna See It?" percentage mark. This April I saw a lot of films thanks to the awesome Minneapolis/St. Paul International Film Fest (I would like to pimp the MN-made documentaryAbsence/Presence, the MN short Good Morning Beautiful, and the Korean iPhone-filmed short Night Fishingwhile I'm at it), but only a couple actually released nationwide. Scream 4 was fun and wormy, but it felt so self-aware that its artifice leaked through more than ever, though it was certainly a step up from the forgettable third entry in the franchise. Source Code, similarly, was fun as hell, but it bordered on the saccharine a bit more than a psycho-sci-fi head trip should. That said, it was still the best mainstream film of the genre in quite a while. With the summer looming, I'm sure I'll see at least a few more than that this month, but first let's preview the releases (with the aforementioned percentages), starting with what's already in theaters as of this past Friday...

Now Playing: The advantage of doing this feature late is that we can get a better sense of the buzz through opening weekend reviews, and it seems like a sure bet that our first big superhero flick of the summer, Thor (61%), is totally okay. This makes sense, as Kenneth Branagh is never incapable as a director, even if comic book adaptations are out of his wheelhouse, but in the end, it's still a big dumb iteration on the big dumb blockbuster, so it can't be art or anything. Or can it? Next, Something Borrowed (14%) seems to be one of those particularly annoying generic romantic comedies because it looks like it just stuffs the cast full of actors that are good at making the I'm-smiling-like-a-friend-but-I-might-be-the-one face, such as Jim from The Office, or the oh-crap-I-might-have-just-made-the-biggest-mistake-of-my-life face, such as Ginnifer Goodwin from Big Loveor Kate Hudson. Jumping the Broom (14%), meanwhile is of the brand of generic African-American comedies, named after the African-originated ceremonial wedding tradition, and very specifically was not advertised to me, unlike the former more vanilla version. Cave of Forgotten Dreams (89%) is famed Grizzly Man and Fitzcarraldodirector Werner Herzog's latest documentary endeavor, and so will likely be pretentious, serene, and breathtaking. Some theaters are showing it in 3D, but not here in Minneapolis - sad face. Bill Cunningham New York (42%) was recommended by Blogulator reader Laura of LKc Style, so despite it being about fashion, her endorsement is enough to get me interested in this documentary about the quirky life of a dude who photographs every person wearing interesting clothing that he meet. And from the director of Wendy & Lucy, one of my faves of 2009, comes Meek's Cutoff (98%), also starring Michelle Williams, this time as a wandering settler left stranded in 1845 Oregon. I usually have a "no old clothes" movie policy, but I will definitely break it for this combination of Gerry and Oregon Trail.


May 13th: Judd Apatow makes his big return with Bridesmaids (96%), in which he tells the world that he can make bloated quasi-realist comedies with female ensembles too, you know. We'll see, Judd. We'll see. Priest(32%) features Paul Bettany in a 3D comic book adaptation about a scary minister who vows revenge something something. Ever since commercials for Legend and The Da Vinci Code, I've found Bettany too unsettling for mine eyes. One of the Best Foreign Language Film nominees from earlier this year, Incendies (21%) follows a pair of twins who journey into the Middle East to find out more about their roots and heritage. It looks gorgeously filmed in a dusty hue, but that's about it. Hesher (93%) stars everyone's favorite golden boy Joseph Gordon-Levitt as a hippie loser who gets into some kind of unspecified thrilling adventures with Natalie Portman. It's kinda retro-looking and I'm a sucker for that, lack of plot notwithstanding. Everything Must Go (99%) is a loose adaptation of a Raymond Carver short story, aka my favorite writer evah, so it's pretty much a given. Will Ferrell as the protagonist puts me off a bit, even with Stranger Than Fiction in his past, but I'm still willing to see what he does with the existential divorcee who puts everything on his lawn for sale and befriends a neighbor kid. An acclaimed Cannes selection, Le Quattro Volte (27%) lets the viewer live an old man's final days on top of a hill herding goats. It looks like Wes Anderson and Terrence Malick had a cinematography baby for this one, but it still feels too sparse, even for me, to get too excited.


May 20th: I just realize when I saw the trailer for Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (10%) that Jack Sparrow is apparently now the main character of the franchise. What happened to Orlando Bloom? Wait a second; I don't care. Meanwhile, the number one movie lady of my life, Jodie Foster, has this little devil of a film called The Beaver (100%) in which allegedly some anti-Semitic misogynist goes crazy and pretends to be a plush beaver puppet for 90 minutes. Oh, Jodie. How will you get yourself out of this pickle? By being beautiful, that's how. Fork Over Knives (8%) is 2011's obligatory vegan documentary, in which another douche with a camera goads us with a fantasy land where big business doesn't put animals and processed fats into our nation's food supply. Eyeroll to the max. Dumbstruck (0%) is a documentary about ventriloquism. The only people who will see it are those who watch both America's Got Talent and Werner Herzog docs. And lastly in the mandatory documentary trio of art-house-filler for the week is Circo (11%), which at least looks visually stunning, as it covers the past, present, and uncertain future of a Mexican circus troupe. But still, Jodie trumps all on the 20th, yo.


May 27th: On inevitable but unnecessary sequel weekend, The Hangover Part II (53%) is one of those movies I know I'll see, and likely pretty soon after its release date, but I already have no idea why. I disliked the first one and don't see the next to be any different, and yet I will walk mouth agape to the box office and say, "one for the funny haha please." What's wrong with me? Conversely, while I also am still not sure why I saw the first Kung Fu Panda, I think I'll be able to stay away from Kung Fu Panda 2 (15%), because I'm pretty sure I was catatonic during the first one. Speaking of catatonia, I think Woody Allen is just that, because Midnight in Paris (62%), his latest film, is just as one-note as any of his recent flicks that aren't Vicky Cristina Barcelona. However, I am still a Owen Wilson sucker, and the logline from IMDb, which states something about "the illusion that a life different from your own is better" slays me like old school Woody used to. Queen to Play (17%) features Kevin Kline in his first French-speaking role, which makes me feel completely neutral, but it's about chess, and damn if I haven't seen a chess flick since The Search for Bobby Fischer, so who knows - I see a Nerdflix sick day in my future. Skateland (49%) is the kind of movie that might benefit from a more well-known cast, as it is an ensemble piece about a 70s skating rink and the drama that intersects therein, but who knows, maybe the hot young unknowns will wow. But likely they're just pretty faces. The Double Hour (53%) is an Italian Venice Film Festival big winner mystery, which is a genre that does not get enough play without veering into thriller, horror, or crime. About a couple who begin to find out some dark truths about each other, twists will happen, and as long as they're not convoluted or trite, I'm at least interested. And The First Grader (74%) sounds a bit too sweet to be a true story, but basically it's Billy Madison but with a Kenyan senior citizen who is determined to go back and get the education he never received. Talk about fish out of water!

Per usual, thx to Switchblade Comb for giving the deets on the monthly indie-plex releases!

Off The Couch And IntoThe Theater: April 2011

Between the multiplex and the arthouses, thirty-one films are being released this month in the Twin Cities metro. Compare that with last month's total of twenty-three or February's nineteen and this is the first time in a loooong time in which it is literally impossible to see one April film every single day until May and say you've seen all of the month's releases. And take it from me, the guy who will watch anything (and I mean anything), even I think there should be some quality control out there, because at least ten of the movies below don't deserve to exist and be distributed as far as Minnesota. DoktorPeace would probably say at least twenty. Proof in the pudding: the only films I saw in March were Cedar Rapids (worth it, but not extraordinary) and Paul (same thing), so I really have no chance with an exorbitant number like 31. Nevertheless, here I am excited like a little boy for so many of them. Let's get down to it, with "Do I Wanna See It?" percentages in parentheses, here are your April releases...

Apr 1st: Duncan Jones (Moon) presents his sophomore effort Source Code (98%) and while I didn't go gaga over his debut, this is already one of the best reviewed mainstream movies of the year, so good job David Bowie's son! James Wan (Saw) tries out PG-13 horror with Insidious (9%), and I have no idea what it's about but it's tinted blue and with a kid, so I say pass. James Marsden finds a CGI Easter bunny who wears a flannel shirt like he's from the 90s in Hop (37%), and I have to admit - dude's a mancrush of mine. Also, has there really never been an Easter bunny flick? Probably for good reason. Win Win (93%) is from the writer/director of The Visitor and The Station Agent, so I'm in, despite Paul Giamatti's sad hedgehog face. It's about a kid without a family, so I'll bring tissues. Some hipster French-Canadians made a love triangle film called Heartbeats (20%), which looks like an M83 music video, but that's about all it has going for it. Speaking of kids without families, Julian Schanbel's (The Diving Bell & the Butterfly) new one Miral (54%) is about an orphaned Palestinian girl who becomes a terrorist...or does she? So I will bring tissues and my political rhetoric with me to that one. And The Music Never Stopped (66%) justly gives bit actor J.K. Simmons a meaty dramatic role as father to an estranged son with a brain tumor that won't let him form new memories. Memento meets The Life Aquatic? Yes please.


Apr 8th: Four-ish years ago I would have had no interest seeing Your Highness (95%), a medieval stoner comedy starring Danny McBride and James Franco, but since I started obsessing over director David Gordon Green's work as well as Mr. Best-Oscar-Host-Since-Letterman, I'm all in. Hanna (83%) looks cool and probably will be at least partly cool, but I have absolutely no idea what it's about, and yet I kinda wanna keep it that way. Running, Tilda Swinton, menacing antagonists, gritty cinematography - that's all I need. The remake of Arthur (46%) should bear no allure for me, especially since I've never seen the original, and especially since I have no opinion on Russell Brand (who does though?), but it looks like a great rainy afternoon time waster for some reason. Soul Surfer (14%) commercials seemed to come out of nowhere, but I guess I don't read any blogs that care about movies centering on girls whose arms gets bit off by sharks but muster up the courage to re-enter their beloved sport. Oh well. Morgan Freeman narrates Born to Be Wild (6%), the latest in a long line of bland cute animal documentaries, this time about apes, and I guess it's in 3D. There's also this thing called the zoo. The biopic Desert Flower (50%) tells the story of a Somalian-American woman who escaped a child prostitution ring to become a model. Could be fascinating, but will also likely be histrionic and straightforward. Kill the Irishman (65%) could be a strong new entry in the gangster genre, with its unique Cleveland setting and strange cast combo of Walken and D'Onofrio, but it could also be, like those actors, stilted and past its prime. Burn! Then there's Winter in Wartime (2%), a Dutch film about a 14-year-old who somehow fakes his age to get into the Resistance during WWII. I often think Inglourious Basterds was made so that WWII could officially be let go as a topic of storytelling in the movies.


Apr 15th: The obligatory full count, definitely-gonna-see-it film for the month is Scream 4 (100%), which should be obvious if you know me whatsoever. It will almost certainly be atrocious, but damned if it won't be fun, though I'm still holding out a sliver of hope that it could be genuinely great, in an Ouroboros kinda way. Rio (1%) is a cartoon about birds, and since my wife is deathly afraid of birds and doesn't really like non-Disney cartoons, this is almost assuredly a no-go. I almost always say no to old clothes, but I love assassination movies, so The Conspirator (87%) is exciting to me, being a depiction of the trial of Mary Surratt, pinned as Booth's co-conspirator for Lincoln's murder. Plus, Evan Rachel Wood. Fellas, you know what I'm talking about. Denmark's In a Better World (69%) won the Academy Award for Best Foreign Language Film so I will half-heartedly attempt to see it, but the season is over, so it will mostly out of duty and not giddiness like everything in January/February. Super (52%) stars Rainn Wilson as a bumbling guy trying to be a superhero and I feel like we've seen this a million times, so I really don't have much energy for it, especially since I finally stopped watching The Office. Finally, Human Resources Manager (13%) is a bleak and minimal Israeli comedy about a baker trying to stop a newspaper from printing a defamatory article about his business. "I like pastries" is the only thought coming into my brain right now.


Apr 22nd: Robert Pattinson is still trying to break out of the Twilight role, this time with Water for Elephants (7%), another tepid romance, but this time he plays a veterinarian for the circus! I assume then that Reese Witherspoon plays the elephant waterer. Tyler Perry gives up on Oscar baiting and goes back to his roots with Madea's Big Happy Family (0%), and I won't hear the end of it from my students for a few weeks after its release. Not sure what hijinx Madea's getting into this time and still don't care. The surefire combo of Keanu Reeves and Michael Caine (together at last!) team up in Henry's Crime (48%), trying to rob a bank that Caine was unjustly sent to prison for robbing years ago. It will be vomity/cutesy funny yet feature countless priceless Reeves faces, so I split the difference for the percentage. Lastly in this pathetic list of four releases (barely anyone dares go up against Perry anymore) is Princess of Montpensier (Yawn%), a French old clothes film about the catholic/protestant wars of the 1500s. Yup, quick, scroll down before you yawn just at the thought of it.


Apr 29th: It took me way too long to figure out that Fast Five (2%) is the latest in the Fast & the Furious franchise. I was hoping it would be a superhero movie about a group of Flash-esque protagonists. Alas. I'm sure Blogulator contributor Sean will see it though, so I'll wait for his report. Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil (0%) is officially the first film to earn a second 0% within a single edition of Off the Couch and Into the Theater. I usually like to make sure I don't double up on percentages because I like to pretend each film released is uniquely bad in its own way, but I just can't. How a terrible (and terrible-looking) CGI movie that didn't even make a lot of money gets a sequel is beyond me. Prom (23%) only gets double digits for its percentage because it co-stars Aimee Teegarden of Friday Night Lights as, you guessed it, a teen preparing for her prom. Nothing else about it looks remarkable, but at least it's got Julie Taylor in it. Dylan Dog: Dead of Night (71%) is another comic book movie, but has potential because it looks like it mixes noir elements without making me gag (*cough*Sin City*cough*) and stars Brandon Routh, who for some reason I've come to enjoy despite the Superman Returns fiasco. He's definitely the only good part of Zack and Miri. Morgan Spurlock, goateed smirk and all, returns with The Greatest Movie Ever Sold (34%), in which he shocks idiots worldwide that he could get corporations to sponsor his movie, which is about the corporatization of America. I wish it also wasn't meta-rabbit hole tripe, because then I'd have no interest. Okay so director John Gray may only be known for directing several episodes of The Ghost Whisperer and 1996's Steven Seagal/Keenan Ivory Wayans buddy cop flick The Glimmer Man, but White Irish Drinkers (59%) has an intriguing premise: two wannabe gangster brothers try to rob a theater on the night of a Rolling Stones concert. Sounds like Bottle Rocket meets The Town, the latter of which is a flick that squandered a good premise and great characters. And to round out the thirty-one, Potiche (3%) is an even more grating French stereotype of a movie, starring Gerard Depardieu and Catherine Deneuve as a wealthy couple whose company's workers go on strike and kidnap the patriarch of the family, forcing the CEO's wife to take control. Hysterical!

Per usual, thx to Switchblade Comb for the info on all the indie releases above!