Off the Couch and Into the Theater: July 2011
I am going to make it my life goal to actually post the August edition of this feature before the first Friday of that month. You know, in a fashion that would make sense. Until then, though, you are stuck with me once again being a Johnny-come-lately and presenting to you the films of July 2011 a little over a week too late. Even though I haven't seen a movie in over two weeks (starting to get the shakes), I do happen to feel better about presenting to you this bunch of flicks this time around because all of the "Do I Wanna See It?" percentages in parentheses are truly apt, due to the fact that I have yet to see a July release. I know, it's despicable, but even I, being the movie addict that I am, can rest easy on the fact that I was in Disney World instead. With this preamble in mind, I present to you this month's box office hopefuls...
July 1st: The glut of creatively written reviews panning Transformers: Dark of the Moon (32%) has gotten me vaguely re-interested in the Michael Bay franchise, but likely not enough to actually follow through on it. I can see myself someday down the road having an ill-advised Transformers party though, only to have a headache afterwards. Larry Crowne (35%), with the seemingly unconquerable duo of Julia Roberts and Tom Hanks, seems like the kind of movie perfect for lazy TBS viewing years from now, when I can afford cable. That Tom Hanks is just so damn charming when he's not saturating the market! Monte Carlo (4%) is the kind of ABC Family movie that somehow made it to the big screen, with Leighton Meester and Selena Gomez somehow getting mistaken for princesses or something while on vacation. Buck (41%) looks like the kind of documentary that if I just sit down and watch it I'd probably be enamored by the tried and true American tale of a man and his horse, but that's simply not enough to get me into the theater. Troll Hunter (94%), on the other hand, looks like just the kind of ridiculousness that will get me in there. Plus it's Scandinavian, so even its Cloverfield-esque presentation will be more acceptable because, you know, it's foreign. Plus, trolls! And Page One: Inside the New York Times (87%) seems to be just the kind of talky documentary that's fascinating enough to get me giddy, because when I was little I wanted to be a cartoonist for a newspaper, even though I didn't understand the ones on the political editorial pages.
July 8th: Kevin James graces us with his presence in Zookeeper (zzz000%), in which he talks to animals that help him fall in love. James was on Leno last night and it was hilarious to watch both him and Leno have to stutter before saying the word "great" when referencing the new movie. The self-explanatory Horrible Bosses (99%) has no chance of being great, but has every chance of being hilarious and instantly forgettable, which is why I'll be first in line for it. Also, Charlie Day's closest thing to a leading role! I do find it weird that Kevin Spacey's reprising his brilliant role from Swimming with Sharks though. Last Mountain (18%) looks like a depressing documentary about oil drilling and the environment. Sorry, I know this is terrible, but I already got my lesson on that from this season of Justified, so no thanks. Gospel music gets the docu-treatment in Rejoice & Shout (39%), which actually seems so ambitious with its vivid sound and visual editing that it could be engaging, but I'm from the North, so probably not going to happen. The African crime saga Viva Riva! (42%) looks like it has potential, as its bold yet dark cinematography suggests, but despite its interesting locale, doesn't look particularly deep or profound. Another music doc, Passione: A Musical Adventure (15%) focuses on the scene in Naples, Italy, which looks neither as comprehensive nor as canonical as Gospel music, so I can't say I'm on the edge of my seat for this one. And The Chameleon (57%) is a family drama that's been on the shelf for a bit, featuring Famke Janssen as an FBI agent who's suspicious of a son who's returned to his mother, played by Ellen Barkin, after being MIA for a while. Where could he have been? In post-production hell?
July 15th: You can tell by our faves sidebar that at least a couple Blogulator staff members are excited for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 (9%), despite my continued ambivalence toward the series, which may or may not change if I ever forget to adjust my Nerdflix queue. A certain infamous character I have no ambivalence toward, however, is Winnie the Pooh (100%), and boy do I hope I'm not given a neutered version of my childhood, because if there's something pure and good that I will never be cynical about, it's the Hundred Acre Woods. I could do without that Keane song in the trailer, though. A Better Life (61%) looks just heart-wrenching enough that even if it goes over the top, it'll likely be earned, as it follows a father trying to keep his kid out of a gang in LA. The acting and cinematography are what will make or break it. Terri (78%) could either be too precious or not precious enough, but with John C. Reilly on board as an obese teenager's father figure, I'm hoping this twee tale will be as honest as it will be quirky. The Topp Twins: Untouchable Girls (32%) follows two lesbian country singing sisters who have made a name for themselves despite not being Tegan & Sara. It looks sweet and good-natured, but again, they're not Tegan nor Sara. And The Names of Love (69%) is the first in the monthly bunch to have a genuinely original and intriguing premise, as a left-wing activist seduces her political opponents to get them to join her cause until...well you can probably figure that out. But still, if it doesn't go the hackneyed route after the first act, it could possibly be, dare I say, exactly what this country needs right now? Sound bytes! Sound bytes!
July 22nd: I was very skeptical of Chris Evans as Captain America: The First Avenger (82%) until I saw him as one of the best parts of Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, so while he won't be funny like that, I think he could carry off a wry tongue-in-cheek version of one of the worst Marvel characters ever, especially since it's a period piece like X-Men: First Class. Fingers crossed! Friends With Benefits (20%) is clearly the Deep Impact to No Strings Attached's Armageddon, but Justin Timberlake is infinitely more likeable than Ashton Kutcher, so who knows? TBS again, mayhaps? Speaking of questions, what's with all these music docs? Beats, Rhymes, & Life: The Travels of A Tribe Called Quest (59%) seems like the obvious favorite, as its focus is narrow but still plentiful. Also, if the buzz rises high enough, it'd be sweet to see a hip hop staple besides Three Six Mafia eventually get some Oscar recognition. Continuing the long unnecessary subtitle trend, If a Tree Falls: The Story of the Earth Liberation Front (33%) offers an inside look at the titular environmentalist extremists, who might actually make for a compelling subject (they destroy and kill in the name of dirt and deer) rather than Mother Nature herself. Out of all the art-house docs, Project Nim (45%) probably has the most hype, as it's about a group of zoologists and their monkey, who's raised practically as a child, and the expected heartbreak and weirdness involved. Meh - I'd rather go back to Disney World and watch my zoologist friend feed the monkeys at Animal Kingdom again. (Humblebrag.)
July 29th: Daniel Craig is somehow still a movie star in Cowboys & Aliens (54%), which looks as forgettable as it does entertaining, which means I'll somehow find myself in the movie theater wondering how I got there. Crazy Stupid Love (82%) follows seemingly destructive yet exciting new relationships between a trio of interlocked stories featuring Steve Carrell, Ryan Gosling, Julianne Moore, and Emma Stone. It looks like if JJ Abrams directed Love, Actually as written by the team behind Little Miss Sunshine. So I'm a sucker and I'm in. The Smurfs (19%) continues the formula of nostalgia plus CGI plus strangely also nostalgic unsuspecting leading man, just like Alvin & the Chipmunks, but instead of Jason Lee (7-year-old Alvin fan me and 14-year-old Mallrats fan me were very confused) it's Neil Patrick Harris this time. Attack the Block (88%) looks like it's aiming to be the summer's anti-Super 8, as it was a small-time fest flick that's getting a big release due to buzz and possibly the success of Abrams' kids versus alien venture. It looks a little edgier, a little less warm and fuzzy, and a little more exciting even, despite its much lower budget, so consider me in. Another Earth (76%) is essentially Earth 2 (anyone? Bueller? Nerdflix it!) but our protagonists may not actually go to the new eponymous planet. It may be more about inner turmoil, blah blah, upon the discovery of this new habitable place, which could be emotionally devastating or hollow. Captain Emo himself (yours truly) votes for the former. Tabloid (85%) is documentarian extraordinaire Errol Morris's new offering, he of Fog of War and Standard Operating Procedure fame, this time telling the story of a former Miss Wyoming who was soon thereafter charged with abduction. Sound titillating. How to Live Forever (50%) is a documentary that is exactly what it sounds like. Dude goes across the country trying to unlock the secrets to long life. It will just make me feel guilty for sitting in a movie theater on a sunny day for two hours. Finally, Snow Flower & the Secret Fan (36%) follows two girls in 1800s China who try to rebel against the patriarchal society that oppresses them. I got your rebellion right here!
As always, thx to Switchblade Comb for keeping me up to date with the monthly indie releases!
July 1st: The glut of creatively written reviews panning Transformers: Dark of the Moon (32%) has gotten me vaguely re-interested in the Michael Bay franchise, but likely not enough to actually follow through on it. I can see myself someday down the road having an ill-advised Transformers party though, only to have a headache afterwards. Larry Crowne (35%), with the seemingly unconquerable duo of Julia Roberts and Tom Hanks, seems like the kind of movie perfect for lazy TBS viewing years from now, when I can afford cable. That Tom Hanks is just so damn charming when he's not saturating the market! Monte Carlo (4%) is the kind of ABC Family movie that somehow made it to the big screen, with Leighton Meester and Selena Gomez somehow getting mistaken for princesses or something while on vacation. Buck (41%) looks like the kind of documentary that if I just sit down and watch it I'd probably be enamored by the tried and true American tale of a man and his horse, but that's simply not enough to get me into the theater. Troll Hunter (94%), on the other hand, looks like just the kind of ridiculousness that will get me in there. Plus it's Scandinavian, so even its Cloverfield-esque presentation will be more acceptable because, you know, it's foreign. Plus, trolls! And Page One: Inside the New York Times (87%) seems to be just the kind of talky documentary that's fascinating enough to get me giddy, because when I was little I wanted to be a cartoonist for a newspaper, even though I didn't understand the ones on the political editorial pages.
July 8th: Kevin James graces us with his presence in Zookeeper (zzz000%), in which he talks to animals that help him fall in love. James was on Leno last night and it was hilarious to watch both him and Leno have to stutter before saying the word "great" when referencing the new movie. The self-explanatory Horrible Bosses (99%) has no chance of being great, but has every chance of being hilarious and instantly forgettable, which is why I'll be first in line for it. Also, Charlie Day's closest thing to a leading role! I do find it weird that Kevin Spacey's reprising his brilliant role from Swimming with Sharks though. Last Mountain (18%) looks like a depressing documentary about oil drilling and the environment. Sorry, I know this is terrible, but I already got my lesson on that from this season of Justified, so no thanks. Gospel music gets the docu-treatment in Rejoice & Shout (39%), which actually seems so ambitious with its vivid sound and visual editing that it could be engaging, but I'm from the North, so probably not going to happen. The African crime saga Viva Riva! (42%) looks like it has potential, as its bold yet dark cinematography suggests, but despite its interesting locale, doesn't look particularly deep or profound. Another music doc, Passione: A Musical Adventure (15%) focuses on the scene in Naples, Italy, which looks neither as comprehensive nor as canonical as Gospel music, so I can't say I'm on the edge of my seat for this one. And The Chameleon (57%) is a family drama that's been on the shelf for a bit, featuring Famke Janssen as an FBI agent who's suspicious of a son who's returned to his mother, played by Ellen Barkin, after being MIA for a while. Where could he have been? In post-production hell?
July 15th: You can tell by our faves sidebar that at least a couple Blogulator staff members are excited for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 (9%), despite my continued ambivalence toward the series, which may or may not change if I ever forget to adjust my Nerdflix queue. A certain infamous character I have no ambivalence toward, however, is Winnie the Pooh (100%), and boy do I hope I'm not given a neutered version of my childhood, because if there's something pure and good that I will never be cynical about, it's the Hundred Acre Woods. I could do without that Keane song in the trailer, though. A Better Life (61%) looks just heart-wrenching enough that even if it goes over the top, it'll likely be earned, as it follows a father trying to keep his kid out of a gang in LA. The acting and cinematography are what will make or break it. Terri (78%) could either be too precious or not precious enough, but with John C. Reilly on board as an obese teenager's father figure, I'm hoping this twee tale will be as honest as it will be quirky. The Topp Twins: Untouchable Girls (32%) follows two lesbian country singing sisters who have made a name for themselves despite not being Tegan & Sara. It looks sweet and good-natured, but again, they're not Tegan nor Sara. And The Names of Love (69%) is the first in the monthly bunch to have a genuinely original and intriguing premise, as a left-wing activist seduces her political opponents to get them to join her cause until...well you can probably figure that out. But still, if it doesn't go the hackneyed route after the first act, it could possibly be, dare I say, exactly what this country needs right now? Sound bytes! Sound bytes!
July 22nd: I was very skeptical of Chris Evans as Captain America: The First Avenger (82%) until I saw him as one of the best parts of Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, so while he won't be funny like that, I think he could carry off a wry tongue-in-cheek version of one of the worst Marvel characters ever, especially since it's a period piece like X-Men: First Class. Fingers crossed! Friends With Benefits (20%) is clearly the Deep Impact to No Strings Attached's Armageddon, but Justin Timberlake is infinitely more likeable than Ashton Kutcher, so who knows? TBS again, mayhaps? Speaking of questions, what's with all these music docs? Beats, Rhymes, & Life: The Travels of A Tribe Called Quest (59%) seems like the obvious favorite, as its focus is narrow but still plentiful. Also, if the buzz rises high enough, it'd be sweet to see a hip hop staple besides Three Six Mafia eventually get some Oscar recognition. Continuing the long unnecessary subtitle trend, If a Tree Falls: The Story of the Earth Liberation Front (33%) offers an inside look at the titular environmentalist extremists, who might actually make for a compelling subject (they destroy and kill in the name of dirt and deer) rather than Mother Nature herself. Out of all the art-house docs, Project Nim (45%) probably has the most hype, as it's about a group of zoologists and their monkey, who's raised practically as a child, and the expected heartbreak and weirdness involved. Meh - I'd rather go back to Disney World and watch my zoologist friend feed the monkeys at Animal Kingdom again. (Humblebrag.)
July 29th: Daniel Craig is somehow still a movie star in Cowboys & Aliens (54%), which looks as forgettable as it does entertaining, which means I'll somehow find myself in the movie theater wondering how I got there. Crazy Stupid Love (82%) follows seemingly destructive yet exciting new relationships between a trio of interlocked stories featuring Steve Carrell, Ryan Gosling, Julianne Moore, and Emma Stone. It looks like if JJ Abrams directed Love, Actually as written by the team behind Little Miss Sunshine. So I'm a sucker and I'm in. The Smurfs (19%) continues the formula of nostalgia plus CGI plus strangely also nostalgic unsuspecting leading man, just like Alvin & the Chipmunks, but instead of Jason Lee (7-year-old Alvin fan me and 14-year-old Mallrats fan me were very confused) it's Neil Patrick Harris this time. Attack the Block (88%) looks like it's aiming to be the summer's anti-Super 8, as it was a small-time fest flick that's getting a big release due to buzz and possibly the success of Abrams' kids versus alien venture. It looks a little edgier, a little less warm and fuzzy, and a little more exciting even, despite its much lower budget, so consider me in. Another Earth (76%) is essentially Earth 2 (anyone? Bueller? Nerdflix it!) but our protagonists may not actually go to the new eponymous planet. It may be more about inner turmoil, blah blah, upon the discovery of this new habitable place, which could be emotionally devastating or hollow. Captain Emo himself (yours truly) votes for the former. Tabloid (85%) is documentarian extraordinaire Errol Morris's new offering, he of Fog of War and Standard Operating Procedure fame, this time telling the story of a former Miss Wyoming who was soon thereafter charged with abduction. Sound titillating. How to Live Forever (50%) is a documentary that is exactly what it sounds like. Dude goes across the country trying to unlock the secrets to long life. It will just make me feel guilty for sitting in a movie theater on a sunny day for two hours. Finally, Snow Flower & the Secret Fan (36%) follows two girls in 1800s China who try to rebel against the patriarchal society that oppresses them. I got your rebellion right here!
As always, thx to Switchblade Comb for keeping me up to date with the monthly indie releases!
Labels: chris, Movies, Off the Couch and Into the Theater
This entry was posted by chris, on
Friday, July 08, 2011.
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I believe the Zookeeper script was sold for a million dollars. Literally. GRRAAWRRRRR!!!!!
That's both my anger and a line from the script.
Attack the Block is the only thing of real interest to me here, though I doubt non-hipster Milwaukee will get it. Still waiting on Tree of Life at the local...
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