What I've Learned about The Secret Life of the American Teenager
Yes, I know, black is white, up is down, and Qualler is Brigitte tonight. Well, I was under the mental weather for posting on Sunday night (in a mental fog from studying for exams!) and tonight Brigitte is under the physical weather (she contracted meningitis from Lady Amy...don't ask.)Thank Gosh, then for cable television! Yes, I know, some people don't have cable television because they can't afford it. To which I say, then cut your internet and steal it from your neighbor and use that money to get cable instead! Stealing is the best policy. Although there's not much new on the broadcasts right now, cable is full'o'action. Soon, AMC's smash hit and certain to be Emmy winning series Mad Men starts its second season, E!'s The Soup continues to be one of the best shows on television, HBO premieres the miniseries Generation Kill written by The Wire's Ed Burns and David Simon, and...drum roll please...ABC Family premiered its new series The Secret Life of the American Teenager!
Now, I don't know about you, but the life of a teenager is full of surprises that I didn't know
existed. For example, teenagers have crushes on members of the opposite sex. Also, sometimes, teenagers like to listen to music. Most surprising of all, though...psssst, don't tell!...teenagers sometimes get pregnant accidentally! In the spirit of learning during summer vacation, here are the top five things I have learned from watching the first two episodes of this most amazing series.5. When You're 13 And Look Older Than Your Older Sister, Your Parents Are Totally Unfair
Brigitte got mad at me when I commented the other day that I would bury my face in boob cleavage and not butt cleavage (whoops, too much info, readers?) On a related note, if you're thirteen and a little more developed-looking than your older sister who is totally secretly preggers, your parents (who include Molly Ringwald) are going to be totally unfair to you. Sorry, teens, it's just the reality of the situation.
4. Molly Ringwald As An Adult Has To Marry A Guy Who Looks At Least Ten Years Older Than Her.
Poor Molly Ringwald -- first she does what she has to do to get her name in the news again to promote her new show by saying she wants to do a sequel to Sixteen Candles, then on her new show, her television hubby looks like he's at least fifty years old. Man, how bland can parenting get? We will find out as this series continues.
3. Everyone In High School Constantly Has Sex. CONSTANTLY! And The Guidance Counselor Is Even There To Talk About The Best Way To Get Laid.
This is the best part -- the Seth Cohen But With Less Charisma kid is constantly talking to the new "cool" guidance counselor how he can successfully date girls without the pressure of gettin' laid. Additionally, the other teens in Ulyssys S. Grant High School (yes, that is the name of their high school) walk around like sexual predators, looking for some lovin' any place they can get it. I don't know about you, but that was exactly like my high school experience.
2. This Show Fills The Void That Was Left When 7th Heaven Went Off The AirYes, this show is created by the creator of 7th Heaven, so we learn valuable lessons about Christian morality and about how slutty girls often tempt innocent boys into premarital sex. It's a valuable lesson for all of us. Oh yeah, and girls with brown hair are total sluts!
1. Cross-promotional Web Sites Are Fun
As you can see from my Muxtape...er...ABC Family-sponsored "Mixtape" below, I can have fun learining about my favorite TV show and learning about new music through the Mixtape feature on ABC Family's Secret Life website! Surprisingly I could find enough not-terrible songs to present to you, my Secret Life of the American Teenager mixtape. Enjoy, brahs.
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Wednesday, July 09, 2008.
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maybe it's my browser but i can't see things #2 and #1. also, there's some stupid mix-tape flash thing. weird.
Try it now -- you were looking at it while I was in the midst of publishing it, impatient Ivan.
Some people can't steal Internet from their neighbors because everyone has secured networks!!!
I can't wait to watch the 2nd episode of this. They literally say "sex" with a worried look on their faces every 30 seconds, it's great!
That mixtape thing would be a lot cooler if it didn't automatically play when the site loads, obnoxiously mimic the sound of a tape player, or have ridiculous Facebook and MySpace ads in cool comic book fonts. You know, if it was more like Muxtape. I really hope you named it "For My Brahs." That's awesome.
I changed it so the Mux, er, Mixtape doesn't autoplay -- does it work that way now? Grah, apparently not! Damn you, ABC Family! When this day is complete, I will change the link so you can just go to the website to find it instead of playing Dirty on Purpose automatically when you come to the Blogulator. The songs I put on it are surprisingly not terrible.
And it's not every 30 seconds, it's more like every 3 seconds.
thanks for blogging for me, and so nicely expressing my feelings about this wonderful new show, which has filled the void left by 7th heaven.
i still have some sort of summer jungle fever...i think only ABC family has the cure.
jungle fever? oh dear.. does that still mean what i think it still means? is br'aller in trouble?
Hahaha yeah, watch what you say, Brig Club!
Which reminds me, is Wesley Snipes still in jail?
yeah, he is, but i heard that while he's frozen they're teaching all sorts of new combat techniques and stuff, you know, so he can really cause some mayhem when he gets out.. in the future.. denis leary is going to be there, too. and rocky and the girl from speed.
watch out!
oh, i meant what i said and i said what i mean, chris and sean. don't tell this one to watch what she says!
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