Kathie Lee, Hoda, and Chris Talk Top 40
[Editor's Note – I have “accidentally” watched the absolutely unwatchable (so unwatchable, in fact, that one cannot stop watching upon giving it that initial glance, much akin to witnessing an act of torture and then realizing you yourself are the one being tortured) bonus hour of The Today Show, featuring Kathie Lee Gifford and Hoda Kotb, from 11am-12pm far too much this summer. My ears burn whenever Kathie Lee's chalky voice bursts into a deathly register and my mouth suddenly feels a gross combination of poisony and frowny when Hoda says things like, “I thought Mario Lopez was...hunky. And...muscley,” as the vapid graphic at the bottom reads, “Kathie Lee and Hoda See A Chorus Line.” Thusly, I got in my car, drove to their Rockefeller Studio 1A (or whatever), and sat in on their show just to make sure they're aware of the incredible havoc they're wreaking on daytime television. They just wanted to talk about Top 40 music. Here is a transcript of the (thankfully) unaired broadcast.] Hoda: I can't get this song out of my head! [Singing.] “She lick me like a lollipop, she she lick me like a lollipop.” [Laughs.]
Kathie Lee: Who are you?! What is going on?! What are you talking about?! That's not a song!
A twenty-something blond guy with glasses runs onto the set. Cameras, panning wildly, reveal he has broken loose from a security guard's grasp. Angry whispers can be heard from behind the cameras: “Get this guy out of here!” “No, finally something interesting is happening!” “Fine, enjoy your YouTube moment, kid!”
Hoda: [Awkward smile.] It's okay, Dane. Who is our special guest?
The mystery guest takes a seat next to Kathie Lee and Hoda, attaches mic to shirt.
Kathie Lee: Yeah, who is this kid? [Laughs.]
Hoda: [Chuckles.] Wait, what are we laughing at?
Mystery Guest: Exactly. Nothing is the answer. You are laughing at precisely nothing.
Kathie Lee: [Laughs.] Boy, we got a live one!
Hoda: What's your name? Tell us why you're here.
Mystery Guest: My name is Chris and I've come to tell--
Kathie Lee: What was that silly song you were singing, Hoda? Now it's in my head, thanks a lot! [Laughs.]
Hoda: [Chuckles.] Oh, Chris, maybe you know this song, you're not a million years old like us. [Singing.] “She lick me like a lollipop, she she--”
Chris: First of all, gross. Don't ever sing that again. Second, it's Lil Wayne. Critics are calling his brand of ADD hip hop “revolutionary,” and it when it doesn't induce headaches, it can be really fun. [Pause.] Why did I come here? How come I'm participating in your discussion on Top 40 music?
Kathie Lee: [Laughs.] You tell me, dear! I'm only here because Frank keeps talking about he needs “me” time!
Hoda: [Chuckles.] Ooh, how about this one? It's really whiny but at the same time, I can dance to it! [Singing.] “Shake, shake, shake, shake, sh-shake it!”
Graphic at the bottom of the screen reads, “Kathie Lee, Hoda, and Chris Talk Top 40.”
Chris: Rooney? That's old.
Kathie Lee: Oh I know that one. My son that I always bring up for no reason plays that all the time. The band's name is The Metrosexuals or something like that.
Chris: Oh, no, it's Metro Station. That song is metrosexual, whiny, and dancey, though, so you're both right. Consider that a first.
Hoda: [Laughs.] You're bad!
Chris: Gross. Close your mouth.
Hoda: [Laughs.]
Kathie Lee: Well if we're just putting it all out there, I should tell you guys that I'm actually
drunk right now! [Laughs.] And I have been since October! [Laughs.]
Hoda: [Laughs.] Is that why you tried to kiss me yesterday?
Kathie Lee: Hey, with a backside like that, you're lucky that's all I tried to do.
Chris: [Sing-songy.] Uncomfortable!
Kathie Lee: [Singing, Laughing.] “I kissed a girl and I liked it! I kissed a girl just to try it!”
Hoda: [Laughs.] I know that one! That's Katy Perry! I just bought her album!
Chris: Ugh, now we're just talking about terrible music. Absolutely terrible. I'm leaving.
Chris leaves the studio shaking his head, Kathie Lee and Hoda now sing “I Kissed a Girl” in half-drunken unison as we cut to commercial.
Labels: chris, music, Today's Top 40 Spectrum, TV
This entry was posted by chris, on
Thursday, June 26, 2008.
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That first photo is wonderful. just wonderful.
Roar! How dare new pop stars take away "I Kissed a Girl" by Jill Sobule which was more empowering than sexy, or something? Man, I can't wait to see you on The Today Show on The Soup.
Yes, Jill Sobule actually spoke to EW about it:
http://hollywoodinsider.ew.com/2008/06/katy-perry.html
I remember voting for that song when Milwaukee's New Rock 102.1 did nightly "cage matches" - it may or may not have been up against that "Scooby Snacks" song.
Ahhhhh, daytime TV. How I've missed you!
Three things:
1) Sorry I've been an absentee as of recently, but I think I'm going to rejoin the community
2) Kathie Lee Gifford is one of the most awful television personalities of all time -- I saw her on Leno or Letterman recently, and when someone hooted for her, she told that person to "get a life"
Kathie Lee has no sense of humor, so she sucks
3) I'm shoo-shoo-shakin' sh-shakin' up
P.S.
4) this video is meta-awesome
http://youtube.com/watch?v=tWbLkXhGEmo
(honestly, it's a little late, but it's still awesome... meta-awesome)
I'm glad you're back, Paal!
I guess I don't understand the meta-ness of her video...I'm all for making fun of pretentious people, but this seems like just another piece of pop culture that's going to make my life harder, trying to get teenagers to understand why they can't call people gay. It's different when you say "I hate Africans" with a giant smile on your face than when everyone in the world thinks gay is a synonym for stupid.
This whole "meta-awesome" thing is just a publicity stunt by Paal! Look at his blog! I guess nobody ever said Paal wasn't a publicity whore, though...
heh, yeah, i totally see where you're coming from chris, and now that you've said that, it has actually skewed my perception of the video
i suppose it's only meta in the way that i've superimposed my own world views upon it - as a matter of fact, it's quite literally unabashedly homophobic in some respects, still, i do owe an explanation of sorts
the title "ur so gay" has to be taken as tongue in cheek, i can't imagine a record label promoting a song with a title like that these days (but perhaps i'm way off base with that) what's so amusing about that, is that i would guess the average listener just thinks that's really cool though -- i take that as a shot against her fans (but as you've said, when her fans don't realize that it's satire, the whole point is sort of lost) regardless, i love the objectification of men as barbie dolls, and i love the emo backlash
what i'm trying to say is that the song is more about teenagers than about the boy in the song itself
(haha, i was in the midst of writing that ridiculous post when i thought of that video, that's where the meta-awesome thing came from -- i just really wanted to help coin the term meta-awesome, so i thought it'd be fun to use the word in another comment. it was not an actual publicity stunt as much as just a joke to make myself laugh in this case)
anyway, the video may or may not actually be meta-awesome, and now that i've considered what chris has said... well, i sort of loathe it now (way to steal that little bit of joy from me... JERK!!)
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