Too Young to be a Blogger: The Paul Dano Story

As Summer continues to separate me from my favorite television programs, and I revisit a long-neglected favorite television alternative (Lifetime movies, of course!!) I wanted to devote tonight's post to a hottie I've too long neglected: one Mr. Paul Dano. Now, before you get all "ew, he's not hot, he's a child" (you know who you are), he was born in 1984 and is more than in my appropriate ogle demographic, thank you very much!

Sure, we rooted for him (and cringed along with him) in Little Miss Sunshine, and we loved to hate him in There Will Be Blood. But, let's take a look into the past... One of his lesser known, earlier works (but perhaps the most loved by myself), Too Young to be a Dad (he's credited as Paul Franklin Dano...oooh, middle name, that's high falluten') premiered on Lifetime in 2002, and was recently on the Lifetime Network's Happy Father's Day weekend of movies. (The other movies, btw, included one about a dad who molested his young teenage daughter, and one about a dad who framed his son's teacher something something...wow, happy Father's Day, Dad! I guess I'm not that mad about you not letting me hang out past curfew...you're looking pretty good right about now.)

In Too Young to be a Dad, Paul (that's right, I call him Paul) plays a freshman who has sex ONE FREAKING TIME (all it takes is one time, mothers, lock up your children!!) and knocks her up. The film opened with some sort of strange, candle-lit honors ceremony, in which Paul's character is the only freshman ever to have been inducted into the school's honor society (really?) You see, it establishes that he's a good student, and good students don't usually make babies. That's a job best left to the dumb dumbs.

Unlike many teen pregnancy themed films (*cough* Juno *cough* 15 and Pregnant starring Kirsten Dunst) this one takes a look at what the boy goes through. And it's about time! It's always all about the girl...whining, complaining about how her "life is ruined" and how its "so hard to be pregnant" and how "most of the responsibility falls on me" etc. FINALLY we get to see what the young man has to go through (and, really, what his mother has to go through, because, after all, this is Lifetime: Television for Women).

And, let me tell you, his mother really did have a lot to go through. For one, she had to watch her son screw up his life as her older daughter already had (the older daughter didn't want to go to college!!) Also, she had to take all the criticism from the other parents, because she somehow allowed her son to father a child. She was very upset when her son had no choice in what would happen to the baby (the girl's parents thought it would be best if they gave it up for adoption) and she worried that her son would "never enjoy sex" since he had gotten a girl pregnant after his first time. Um, what? And the girl who actually had to be pregnant? Well, she had to go to an alternative school until the baby was born, and Paul's character joined her, despite his mother's protests and her insistance that he didn't "owe her an entire year of his life."

Wow, Mom. You're starting to look a little ridiculous. In fact, this movie is starting to look a little ridiculous. But, don't worry! We all learn an important lesson in the end. I wouldn't want to spoil it for anyone who hasn't seen this gem of a made for TV movie (here's a hint: maybe they would rather raise the baby and "take responsibility" for their mistake instead of giving it up for adoption) but I'll just say that the film was such a strange combination of making me angry and making me laugh that I could barely stand it. Definitely a Content Kitty rating, as far as ridiculously good/bad movies go.

One thing I didn't understand was the forced alternative schooling for the expecting parents. At first I thought this was just a way to send the girl away during her pregnancy because, you know, pregnancy is contagious (I heard it's airborn). However, according to this movie, at the alternative school girls and boys actually learn how to be parents. In one scene Paul and his baby mama are shown in a classroom in which other students were learning to heat up bottles (the teacher remarked to one boy in passing "now, don't forget to test that on your wrist!") and Paul's character was swaddling a doll. The teacher told him he was doing a great job, as usual (you see, he was always good in school...this is why his mother didn't want him to leave his old school and compromise his promising future), and he remarked "what's the point if we're just going to give the baby away?" It was touching.

Why do I continue to watch things just so I can be angry at them? It's simple: I hate myself. And really, I also get some kernel of joy and pure entertainment from movies like these. Nothing says Summer like a day full of just a little too much sun, nights filled with just a little too much beer, and movies with just a little too much over the top drama (OK, maybe a lot too much, but who's counting?) This is the equivalent of my pop culture summer vacation. Thanks, Lifetime!!!

This entry was posted by Brigitte, on Wednesday, June 18, 2008. You can leave your response.