Season Two Begins NOW.

Alright, already, we've had ENOUGH. Yeah yeah, "Whine whine, I'm a big whiner who NEEDS pop culture blogulating to keep my own sanity ALIVE." Hello? Ever heard of a thing called SUMMER HIATUS?! Yeah, that's what me and Chris were on. So, now that our one year anniversary has come and gone, it's time to do what we's do's best -- riff on stuff. Yeah, we're a regular VH1 list show, but without the random Dave Navarro cameos. So, while we were gone, here's what we learned about life.

PULSE
You know what's scary? Attractive people and quasi-weird things going on. And remakes of genuinely creepy Japanese horror. And you know, I think that would make a good metaphor for why we all need to get out from behind our nerdboxes and our cell phonies and all get together before the ghosts of our past? future? present? whatever? come and get us. Oh, but hold on, these ghosts are ANGRY for no apparent reason. I think they're mad because they're dead? Well, whatever. Anyway, the filmmakers should figure something out that I figured out in two seconds. Any movie with this person as a major character is not scary:
Yeah, when your teeth is whiter than blow, you ain't scary, ho.* But check out the rad references to government bureaucracy: the ghosts can't come out of the cell phones when you put RED TAPE everywhere. So, as a viewer, I am lead to believe that red tape will keep the bad things away. So, um, is the movie pro or anti-bureaucracy? Well, it doesn't matter. This movie isn't scary. BOO.

THE DESCENT
So yeah, the last time I was scared at a movie theater was watching The Devil's Advocate with Pacino, Charlize, and, of course, Keanu. I'm not sure what was more scary -- Pacino lip-synching to Frank Sinatra or checkin' out full-frontal nudity with my parents at the age of 14, but it was the last movie to leave me with the heebie-jeebies. Needless to say, this one left me with nightmares about things jumping at me and eating me. Namely, I had a nightmare that Chris, Pfeiffer and I went to the movie theater, and we got stuck at a suburban home where an army of Boston Terriers jumped and attacked me.

"The Hills"
WARNING: MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD.
. . .
Okay, really, if you read the IMDb news on a daily basis like I do, these aren't really spoilers. But, I HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE ANGRY AT A SEASON FINALE OF A SHOW EVER THAN THIS ONE. Hey LC, here's a hint -- LC stands for Lame Chick, for being a Lame Chick and not going to Paris and spending your summer with a loser jackass. Whoo, okay, I'm done. Oh, and did I mention that pop music is the new indie rock yet?

Woody Allen
Seriously, this guy's a freaking genius. Throughout the summer, Brigitte and I watched all of his (relevent) movies. And his newest one, Scoop, actively made me wish he was my grandpa. (And not in a bad way, I guess.) Oh yeah, and after watching Manhatten again, I could watch the opening sequence a thousand times in a row and not get sick of it. Scarlett Johannson should die, though. (And I guess she did, in one of his two movies with her.) Poof! You just got owned by my spoiler alert, bitches.
END SPOILER ALERT

And now, my top five movies of 2006 so far:

5. The Break-Up
Because I saw it, and it was a dollar, and it didn't completely, totally suck.
4. Brick
High-schoolers talking like people in the 40s? Sweet.
3. Poseidon
Fergie is the next generation's. . . um. . . Kate Winslet? Titanic?
2. The Descent
Did I mention I peed my pants?
1. Little Miss Sunshine
Seriously, though, I peed my pants laughing and crying through this one. TWICE.


Welcome, season two of The Blogulator. And welcome, Fergie.

This entry was posted by Unknown, on Wednesday, September 13, 2006. You can leave your response.