Tweet that Shi*: "Drowning in New Media" edition

@Concentration: I need you to come back so I can write something meaningful instead of this gimmick garbage.

@CharlieSheen: Millions of people are tweeting at you right now, hoping to join the circus. This is the only fake tweet at you. I hope you respect that and hit me back.

@TweetThatShi*: You lost the battle of clever censorship to a CBS show.

@CBS: You've won this battle, but I still have the best idea for what city NCIS should go to next. #AnyFunnyCity

@AllMovies: Please try to hold my attention better. It shouldn't take 5 sittings to get through The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest.

@MyBrain: Do you have ADD? Or are you too smart to be interested by anything? Yeah... That's gotta be it...

@Myself: Your posts have been increasingly dominated by personal pronouns. Are you turning this into LiveJournal, or are you accepting the inevitability of gonzo pop journalism?

RT@Myself: @Myself: Your posts have been increasingly dominated by personal pronouns. Are you turning this into LiveJournal, or are you accepting the inevitability of gonzo pop journalism?

@Baseball: Your serene summerness may be the only thing capable of breaking me out of this winter electronic overload. #CantWaitToWatchTheOriolesOnline

@MeltingSnow: Will I burn up before your water fills my lungs?

@AIMprofiles: I finally respect people who put song lyrics in you. If only I could go back in time and become a fan of O.A.R.

@HashTags: You're like your own, meta-joke now, right? That's cool. #MetaMeta

@The@Symbol: The internet's been great for your career, eh?

@Twilight: I'd love to watch your movies as they're filmed, without the background music (Awkward silence).

@Hotties: I see you on the internet. Where are you in real life?

@RealLifeFriendsWhoAreGirls: Of course you're hotties. I just mean ones who I'm not friends with who I can pork. #SmoothSave

@ThisPost: I hate your verisimilitude.

@Hipsters: I hate that your shadow looms over every use of big words.

@Internet: I was so happy when I was 10 and only knew my Super Nintendo and the kids down the street.

@Nostalgia: It wasn't really better when we were all serfs and the kings drank out of our dads' skulls.

@Twitter: You're pretty legit now. I even have an actual account I use to enter contests / tweet @ hotties / say nonsensical things. Is this funny at all anymore?

@CatchySignOff: Sigh. Off.

Tweet that Shi* - Baseball Edition

@americancans: Football season? Last I checked the boys of summer are still out there, and last I checked the Ataris' cover of that song still rocks.

@qualler: Twins/Tigers season ender was the best I've seen since the Netherlands upset the Dominican Republic in the World Baseball Classic, marking the end of my Dutch baseball period.

@qualler: By the way, I really like your blog.

@qualler: Especially your Friday writer(s).

@qualler: LOL great response.

@chuckschwab: I will not talk to you. Your rotoscoped, douchey "investors" are my philosophical enemies, and that head nod at the end of your new commercial literally kills me.


@theAtaris: You rock!

@fragileitems: I'm playing MLB The Show again. I just wanted to warn you.

@kiss1037: My most embarrassing moment involves diapers and a flightstick.

@kiss1037: Sorry I thought today was the "Expose Yourself for Ataris Tickets" contest.

@weinberg7: Loved that you guys were watching the Twins/Tigers game during Conan's monologue.


@Carbondale: There are more cities with your name than there are girls at a Star Trek convention. Seriously, Conan. Trim the monologue.

@viera: This has nothing to do with baseball, but Fran from FFXII has the hottest video game voice since Zelda's Navi.


@brokenenglish: OMG I wun the tickets!!!! Ataris backstge here I come!$!!

@brokenreality: And the Fran cosplayer I met agreed to go with me!!!



@brokendreams: And baseball decided to kick the Yankees out of the playoffs and put the Orioles in their spot!

@qualler: My O's are gonna kick your Twinkies butts! LOL I forgot how fun it was to root on your favorite team with your best friends and your best gal!

@actualevents: Just returned from my team's 19th softball game of the year. We're 0-19.

@conclusion: At least we're not the Orioles. Snigh.

Tweet that Shi*: Bachelor Edition!!!

Here are some highlights from my nonexistent twitter feed, ya'll:

@bachelorhood: I am making you a titled edition. This means nothing.

@technology: You have betrayed me, killing off my laptop, television, and more this year. My future electronics will be made of wood.

@number6: Watching The Prisoner, I see you are everywhere. And you always manage to look good.


@abstraction: I often miss the point.

@strippers: The internet has made your reality largely irrelevant, especially given that you want my real dollars.

@allgirls: This goes for you, too.

@TheHangover: You are our generation's Animal House, and I mean that in the worst way (not having seen Animal House).

@precociousScott: Yeh have a new king, and he is woonderful.



@rhetoric: My American accent makes me seem dumb, so I'm going to effect a British one in order to sound like a British idiot.

@ofcourse: According to Google images, I share my desire for tree-based technology with over 3 million others who have posted pics of "wooden robots."

@whichmeans: If it's on the web, then somebody's touched themselves to it.

@conclusion: Ewoks.

@furries: My friends think I'm one of you. Little do they know, I am you. But I guess you wouldn't know that either.


@mystomach: I'm sorry for punching you in the shower a short time ago. I wanted to see if it would hurt.

@rapejokes: I understand why some people don't like you, but I can't help if you always remind me of a good joke.

@mylife: I'm watching you float away, 140 characters at a time.

@NominativePronoun9: Your overuse reveals my ego, but this tweet reveals my awareness. Put together, I'm almost a hipster.

@thekillers: Nah, I'm just a human. Dancing sucks.

Tweet That Shi*

@NonTVGuideReaders: I'm about to dish some minor spoilers, so beware.

@TheNewGeneration: Just saw Star Trek. Was worried that there wouldn't be enough philosophy to balance the action (and family-based revenge is hardly a complex cinematic notion), but was pleased that the time travel explanation they use is one of the few plausible ones presented in my college "Philosophy and Star Trek" class.

@sticklers: I think I may have violated the real twitter word limit with that last note. That is why the real twitter actually sucks. Maybe that's just my literary romanticism talking, though.

@secondthoughts: Then again, many of the more brilliant passages I just read in Mark Twain's published journals excelled in their brevity. Still, those were maxims that resonate today. Not updates on the tacos at lunch.

@Arun: I will hate the Penguins forever for what they did to me and my Capitals. At least I didn't break down crying on my own net channel like this Sharks fan did (jump to 2:00 for the good stuff.)



@inspiration: I see you on a spring day, and then I come inside and watch TV. I need to move back to LA, where constant sun lets real inspiration happen. Robot zombies!!!!

@mycat: Thanks for sleeping on my lap whilst I type this, Midnight. As Twain wrote, "If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve man, but it would deteriorate the cat."

@sodapop: How do you lure me to your cans even when I know of glass of water will be more refreshing? It's not the thousands of commercials I watched as a kid, is it? It couldn't be...

@N64: I showed my dad the game cartridge for Perfect Dark and asked if he'd heard of it. He first said, "No," and then quickly changed to "maybe" when I smirked. I popped it in and loaded up a save labeled "DADDY" with more than 20 hours of play on it.

@teengirls: Even though my family was at the Brewers game last night, my sister heard right away that Gokey had been eliminated from American Idol, courtesy of her neighbors' constant texting and blabbing. We cried.

@militaryacademies: To recruit more people, you need to make enlistment feel more like joining the Federation or the Rebel Alliance. AKA eliminate skeptical academics and add more "hot" aliens. By the way, according to a People.com user vote, Mozart was 88% NOT HOT.

@genetics: So many dreams to be a pro athlete, but nowadays if you don't hit puberty by 14, you've already missed your chance to sign with a team. I'm finally starting to move on, instead imagining myself excelling at a skilled "sport," like golf.

@seriouslytho: This YouTube video is the only one I've ever favorited. It makes me feel good about lots of things. Watch the whole thing, I promise you.


@readers: Thanks for stopping by, even though I kind of hate this feature. It makes me feel too human.

Tweet that Shi*

@theMEDIA: I love how twittering has replaced blogging as the newfangled mode of communication that news anchors do not understand. Actually, I hate it.

@Suda51: I just started No More Heroes for Wii, and the second boss I came across is named Dr. Peace, and I had to battle him on a baseball field (note: I like baseball). I can't tell if that makes my life derivative or creative or just the same as it's been.

He's saying the same things I always say.

@ChrisPolley: Watching High Fidelity last week, I realized that you transformed (unwittingly, most likely...) one of the record store conversations into a Pajiba post, that being the one on favorite opening tracks. You are a Nick Hornby character.

@citizens: Which is cooler to be? A random video game character, or a character from a movie adpated from a novel?

@adwatchers: Which is cooler to drink? Coke or Coke Zero? False competition is the key to profit.

@RonaldMoore: On the same night that Battlestar Galactica ended, a college basketball player with the same name as the show's executive producer hit the game-winning shot for Siena. The gods must have a plan...

@undeadbros: It's been a long time. Are we still bros?

@Denmark: F off already. Just kidding. You're my bro.

@Ocelot: You're a cool animal, and I like that I can think about you during the hour-long cutscenes in Metal Gear Solid 4. I like your fur patterns the most.


@Milwaukee: Somebody should have merged the beer business and the fur-trading business a long time ago. We could've been bigger than New York, with coonskin hats to show for it.

@KatieCouric: I'm no fashion expert, but your hair is worse than that Cold Case lady's. Thank gawd we can't see your shoes.

@stewie: Watched Family Guy with my dad last week, for the Star Trek guest apps. I don't know if the critics got to me, or if the show just declined, but this stuff is hard to watch now, man.

@thecorners: Yo, I need a re-up on those WMDs.

@Hollywood: I'm antsy for a biopic. Tell me about somebody else who was gay. I bet it changed their life.

@myself: When all you do is consume media, you have little to reflect on but the products. You blog what you reap. Don't get bitter.

@blogulatorstaff: Clean out the fridge before 5 or it gets trashed.

Seriously, who brings this much watermelon to work?

Tweet that Shi* - A New Feature?

I have no message to preach tonight, nor do I think anyone (including me) cares to hear another one of my poor man's philosophies, so I'm just gonna tweet some shi*:

@blogulator readers: dont you know blogs are dead man, tweeting is where it is!!!

@editor: I don't have the authority to use the S-word here, do I? maybe the asterisk is funnier anyway, you c***s

@spot: just drank some 7up – love the mix of lemon and lime... you're no Squirt, tho

@splitminds: played killer7 a couple of weeks ago...best story in gaming history? if only load times were faster, I'd be more superlative

@thinkers: does my capacity for caring about worlds differentiate real and virtual? all I know is that there are too many babies, and the Push universe looks lame

@fanboys: added a ps3 to my collection...will buy MLB The Show instead of going outside

@otherfanboys: Gears of War 1 is pretty fun...will try to get my dad to play sometime, when he's not watching Desperate Housewives

@archaicfanboys: popped in Yakuza for PS2...gangster stories are even lame in Japan...still fun, but who cares who betrays who?

@myself: overusing the word fun is cool...wish English were my second language, so I'd still sound smart

@picturespace:

@undeadbros: nice playing Left 4 Dead with you...zombies!!!!\

@realtwitter: I hate not knowing what people are responding to when they do the whole @xxx thing

@mypenis: I'll get to you later...

@idaho: I learned this week that your name was made up by a Congressman who claimed it was an Indian word...fun

@Oscar: Wrestler was good, but Wall-E's minimalism is better (for the first 45 minutes)

@magicians: “Yes we can!” make magic more Japanese

@culture: when did you become so terse, meta, and disconnected?...i think i hate you, and twitter's to blame

@jacksparrow: now bring me that horizon