Television Rundown: Watching Chris Watch LOST (and the American Idol Finale)

On Wednesday, May 26th, at approximately 7:30pm, Chris watched the LOST series finale. He avoided all spoilers to the best of his ability. The following is my attempt to capture his reactions to the last episode. He was pretty excited, and nothing was going to interrupt this last enjoyment of what I would consider one of his favorite series.*

Chris's first laugh: When Saywer says "Oh, well" in reference to trying to rescue Desmond from the well only to find he is already gone. Chris laughed and said, "Oh, Well! Get it!"

When Vincent reappears, Chris said "Of course! Wait, what has he been living on?" Then when we saw that he is living with Rose and Bernard, and Chris said "OF COURSE!!! Vincent only hangs out with black people."

When we first saw that Richard Alpert is not dead but merely dazed from the Smoke Monster, Chris said, "Damn right, he's not dead. Fuck you, Sean." Adding after a moment, "He's even handsome when he's dirty!"

During the first "remembrance" (when Sun and Jin remembered everything during the ultransound), Chris said, "Clip show!" Clip show, indeed, Chris (but one of the more creative ways to end with a clip show, in my opinion). Now, when Qualler and I watched this scene, we were both completely in tears. Chris did not seem very moved. Probably because he hasn't experienced a love as strong and lasting as Sun and Jin's love in the way that Qualler and I have (sorry, Jerksica). Let's see whether any of the other reunions and remembrances bring Chris to tears.

During a scene on the island Chris commented that the music is a little silly.

In the scene before Jack operated on Locke, Jack said, "There's a chance I might kill ya!" and both laugh. Chris said "He IS gonna kill him!" He also wanted to point out that Jack is an egotistical jerk because he kept using the phrase "fix you" when speaking to Locke. I agree with Chris in general, but this episode really redeems Jack for me. Let's see whether Chris has a similar experience. My prediction? Probably not. I'm also thinking that, if Chris doesn't cry at/enjoy the reunion scenes, he is not going to love this finale. But let's just keep reading to find out!

The scene when Richard finds a gray hair really moved me, too. I thought it was beautiful. I tried to get Chris to react. His reaction? "So? Miles has tons of gray hairs."

He was really excited, however, when Miles and Richard found Lapidus just moments later.

Chris seemed really surprised to find out that Juliet was the mother of Jack's son. He also wanted someone to wipe the stupid smile off his son's face.

The reunion between Sayid and Shannon is about to happen! What will Chris's reaction be? "No waaaay...YEAH! The most awkward romance of all time." As Sayid peered into Shannon's eyes, Chris said, "Remember when we were on the beach and we fucked?" (as Sayid talking to Shannon). When we see Boone talking to Hugo, Chris said in a whiny voice "I want Mr. Eko!"

When Locke, Desmond, and Jack peered down the cave into the light, Chris said, "It's just like the Goonies. There's treasure down there!" Um.

When Charlie was up on stage about to play with Driveshaft and Daniel, he noticed Claire in the crowd. Of course that scene made me start to cry a little, too (I guess I'm sort of a crier). It made Chris say "What? Cross fade to Michael Giacchino?"

As Desmond was removing the cork in the big cave of light, Qualler compared the scene to Raiders of the Lost Arc, then I compared it to Aladdin, and then Chris compared it to Prince of Persia. Qualler then asked if he had seen Prince of Persia, to which Chris replied, "No." After the cork was uncorked, and the earth began to shake, Chris said with excitement in his voice, "Volcano?!?!" He got really excited when we found out that Locke/The Man in Black is now mortal.

When we heard Driveshaft playing, Chris laughed with glee and said, "Hahahaha, it's totally lame!!!"

During the (re)birth of baby Aaron, Chris made us stop the recording so that we could watch the last ten minutes of American Idol. I asked him if he cared more about who would win AI or if he cared more about Aaron being born. He said that he didn't care about Aaron being born. He was pretty upset about Lee DeWize winning, which he vehemently blamed on "more girls watching the show than boys!" As he switched back to LOST, angry that Lee had won, he said with a sigh "alright, LOST, make up for that [the dumb guy winning]." He then laughed as Aaron was born and Kate handed him to Claire.

When, back on the island, Ben was trapped under a tree, he simply cried "Whaaat?" When Miles and Kate talked over their walkies about taking off on the plane, Chris asked, "Are they going to take off just in the nick of time line in 2012?" Then, as Locke and Jack raced towards each other in the rain on a cliff, Chris yelled "SPARTAAAAA!" and as it cut to commercial he let out a noise that can only be described as "Whahahahaaaaaaiiiii?" as he flailed his limbs in the air. After commercial, when Locked stabbed Jack in his side, Chris said, "Gaaaaah!!!!!!!!" He made similar noises that ranged from "Gaaaa!" to "Hahaaaaa!" throughout the rest of this scene, also interjecting "SO MANY ONE LINERS!" with glee and a clap of his hands when Kate shot Locke and said "I saved you a bullet!" Then, when we flashed sideways and saw that Jack's neck was bloody (like in the other reality!) he let out a squeal that I took to convey surprise and delight. At this point I felt as if Chris was starting to get sucked in...

(When Sawyer came to make sure that Sun and Jin were safe, and Sun and Jin were all smiling and Jin said "I'll see you there," he didn't have any accent at all. Why?? Maybe in heaven there are no Korean accents.)

After Locke/The Man in Black was defeated and Jack told Kate that she had to get on the plane, and Ben said that he would go down with the island, Chris asked, "Wait, how did they get Ben out from under that tree?" Good question, Chris.

Around this point in the episode Chris started to get frustrated, and as Kate and Sawyer jumped off the island into the water so that they could make it to the plan in time, he asked, "Wait, what about Hurley and Ben?" then added, through clenched teeth, "There are too many people to keep track of!!"

Chris exclaimed his most enthused "Whoa!!!" when Sawyer unplugged the vending machine and all the lights turned off. When I questioned his reaction, he said, "Have you ever seen The Trigger Effect? No power makes people go crazy!" When I asked whether the Juliet/Sawyer reunion and flash back moved him at all, he said, "A little bit. Though, I still haven't quivered, per se."

Chris had no noticeable reaction when Jack told Hugo to take his place and take care of the island. During my first viewing of this scene, I was (you guessed it!) crying.

Later, when Jack was trying to put the cork back into the island, Chris cried out again in frustration, "What about BEEEEEEEN? And Desmond?" Then, after a pause, as Jack struggle with the giant cork, he said, "It all comes down to putting something in a hole."

About 15 minutes from the end of the episode, Chris said, as Kate told Jack that she would wait for him inside the church, "It's really going to be HIS [Jack's] funeral!"

At this point Chris wanted island Jack to turn into smoke. He also questioned "Hurley and Ben against Jack?" and mumbled something in his most excited/anxious/frustrated voice. When Jack opened the coffin, Chris whispered "It's empty....get inside!" When Christian showed up, Chris squealed, "Whaaaaaat?" Then, as Jack remembered dying and he and Christian embraced, Chris said it was, "Just like God and Jesus." What? When Christian said "there is no now here" Chris squealed/shouted "BECAUSE THEY'RE IN HEAVEN?!?!" I couldn't tell whether this was a happy shout or an angry shout...or maybe something in between?

And now for my post viewing interview with Chris.

Well Chris, what did you think of the episode, overall?
Well... (long pause) I'm gonna use my words carefully. Hm. Best. (pause) Show. (longer pause) Ever. Question mark. End commentary.

Well, folks, there ya have it!

As for my own opinion of the series finale: still undecided. I definitely liked it overall, and I cried tears of pure joy as I witnessed each reunion (except for Sayid and Shannon. I never cared about that little tryst.) However, I didn't love the very end. My first reaction was "so...they're all dead." The more I thought about it, analyzed it, read about it, the more I liked it...and the more I didn't like it. But, I don't know what I would have changed to make it any better. I think it's always sad when things end, and I've always been a little disappointed with any series finale. Except for The Sopranos. That finale was flawless.

*Chris made me pause the recording at 8:50 so that we could see who won American Idol.

Drawing with Sean: The Final Drawing

The (Final) Lost Theories From People Who Watch Lost

Soooo...anybody seen any episodes of Lost lately?

Seriously, though, as anybody who has the internet, or has turned on a television, or talked to a male or female aged 18-49 years old, Sunday, May 23, is the date in which the final episode of ABC's sci-fi/spiritual magnum opus Lost airs. Season six has been a wild ride, to say the least. We've been to the many-times-mentioned Temple, only to find that it was housed by Sol Starr from Deadwood and a weird Asian guy who was also in one of the flash sideways scenes (did I mention there have been flash sideways scenes? Obviously you know that by now, though.) We've seen major characters pass away, both emphatically/tragically (Sun and Jin, I'm looking at you) and haphazardly (Sayid, are you sure you're gone forever?). We've witnessed "divisive" episodes that somewhat clumsily answer questions while also unloading a plethora of quasi-spiritual mumbo-jumbo. (And yes, Blogulator readers, I did like "Across The Sea", despite the occasionally clunky dialogue and reveals. The ideas were an A++, execution B-.) And, on Sunday, the big question will ostensibly be put to rest:

Who will Kate end up with?

Just kidding. But, because this is the last possible moment to attempt to theorize about what will happen on Lost in the future, here are my final Lost Theories From People Who Watch Lost.

1) Jack will do surgery on Locke, and it will result in some totally intense flash into the Island world, and stuff will merge.

2) Locke will come back to life -- the real Locke -- and be the true new guardian of the Island. (He BETTER come back to life somehow, dammit!)

3) Desmond will do some awesome stuff. (That's not really a theory, it's a fact. Just watching him run around in the flash sideways of "What They Died For" and seeing him smirk was proof enough.)

4) Smokey WILL destroy the Island, but somehow things will work out. But, not without some big sacrifice. (I know, it's vague enough that it might just happen.)

5) Vincent = Smoke Monster.

6) Sawyer will meet Juliet on the other side somewhere. Kate will not choose either Jack nor Sawyer, but will choose motherhood. (Hey, Jacob said it himself!)

7) Richard will be reunited with his former wife. Dude totally deserves to be happy. And, as Brigitte just pointed out to me, "Ahh! My God! Ridiculously handsome! He might be one of the most beautiful men I've ever seen...ever! Beautiful! He is the light of that island! He is the fire that must never go out! He's the light of the island! Beautiful! Oh, my God, those eyes...He would definitely be on my list of guys I would cheat with. Cuz, have you seen him? Oh my God! His eyes tell a story! And I could just stare at them all day. Ahhh...Richard. Richard, Richard! And he was from the olden days! Not that many people were that good looking in the olden days!" Touche, Brigitte.

Naturally, there will be much more Lost thoughts by us starting next Monday, May 24. There might even be one last episode of Drawing with Sean, featuring some more of your favorite Lost characters. (Please, Sean? Please?)

What are your theories, Blogulator readers?

Drawing With Chris: Hugo "Hurley" Reyes

Lost Theories from Someone Who Has Never Watched Lost

I've been avoiding this day for six seasons now. Well, five and a half, as Qualler just pointed out. I am finally sitting down to watch the Tuesday night secret club blockbuster into which every conversation I ever try to have devolves that is Lost. I've ignored and avoided most of the Lost crosstalk up to this point, which left me knowing absolutely nothing about the show or the theories or the characters or anything. Fortunately, Qualler, Brigitte, and Chris were patient enough with me to explain who everyone was so I could form my own theories during tonight's episode. Sure, some of you might be thinking that it is waaaaaay too late in the series/season for me to catch up, but I think that actually works in my favor. Isn't it always best to look at stuff with a fresh set of eyes? That's why I'm going to watch tonight's episode and share my Lost theories with you. Maybe you'll gain some insight into your favorite TV show. Here are my Lost theories, based on my first viewing experience:

Asian Couple -- why are they in a hotel? I thought this was an island. The hotel must be the island. In that case, Claire has no excuse not to have taken a shower by now.

Zoe -- looks like Amanda Peet with ugly glasses. I think she's one of Jem's holograms. I'm just waiting for her backing band to show up so she can play a benefit concert for orphan children who need braces.

Keamy (aka - dude with under-eye baggage so big I could fit my whole apartment inside) -- the mob saw potential in him when he was just a young douche bag, slipping roofies in women's drinks at the club. Now he's their number one guy behind Al Pacino.

Charles Widmore -- Caleb Nichol back from the dead! He never had a heart attack, he's been creating smoke monsters to play with by himself on a deserted island until the Lost crew showed up and now he's trying to use said smoke monsters to scare them away. Why won't they please just leave him be?! Soon they'll pull back the curtain and find Caleb pulling a series of levers and talking into a vocoder.

Jin -- He totally stole James Earl Jones' voice and ran away to this island where no one will find him.

Locke -- man, are you creepy looking. I think he doesn't really want to get off the island and is stalling until he can do Claire. It doesn't matter if she's the only one on the island who can't seem to figure out how to bathe, she's still hot.

Sayid -- I recognize him from a weird episode of Law & Order and I always thought that he and Olivia should get it on. He never looked much like a cop so I didn't trust him then and I don't trust him now. But he should still get it on with Olivia. That would be HOTTTT.

Sawyer -- This is Kevin Sorbo's alternate reality personality. That or Hercules traveled through a time portal and ended up on the Lost island. Not sure which.

Claire -- Everyone believes you're really British but I can see right through you. I think you knew how to fly the plane off the island all along but out of sheer laziness you neither showered nor offered to fly.

Ben = boring

Sun (in the island reality) -- Really just a Dancing with the Stars leftover who accidentally danced off the set and onto the island one hour over. Then she fell, hit her head and got amnesia, just like Kelly Taylor did in that episode of 90210.

Ricky Martin -- gay
Pilot Guy -- Not really a pilot. He stole the uniform to get into the pilot's lounge cuz he heard they had Combos in there. Now that he's on the island he's just stalling everyone from going home, hoping that a real pilot will show up. As soon as they pressure him to take off he'll fake a heart attack and play dead.

Countdown Clock to V -- actually just the time left in the one hour a week where Lost fans are too busy to talk about Lost.

V -- The third Lost reality. Only the "real" Lost fans "get it" and also watch this show.

So what have I learned from my first Lost encounter? In one reality, this show is super cool and I need to immediately Netflix it from the beginning - although I may have just spoiled everything by watching this one episode - this S*&# is. SO. GOOD. In the alternate reality, really? THIS is what you guys have been raaaaving about for the last however many damn months/years?~!$#@@!!! Really?! You, reader, get to decide which reality is the one for you. Maybe Lost is really just a high end knock-off of a "Choose Your Own Adventure" book.

YOU DECIDE!

Drawing with Sean: Jack and Sawyer

Drawing with Sean: Sayid Jarrah

Drawing with Sean: Kate Austen

Drawing with Sean: John Locke

Lost Theories From People Who Are Now Caught Up On Lost

I knew I've watched way too much Lost in the past few weeks when the following thoughts popped into my head, completely independently of each other, in a two minute span, while watching parts of the Tennessee Titans-Arizona Cardinals game this afternoon:

1) The network shows clips of Super Bowl XXXIV, in which coach Jeff Fisher circa 1999 of the Tennessee Titans brought his team a yard from a game-tying touchdown in the last second. Cut to a shot of a barely-if-at-all-aged Jeff Fisher circa 2009, and the thought that goes through my head is "Whoa, is Richard Alpert coaching the team?"

2) We see highlights of an earlier part of the game, in which quarterback Vince Young made a critical mistake in not managing the clock well and thus lost the team a chance to get a field goal that would have eventually made the score 17-16 near the end of the game instead of 17-13. The thought that went through my head: "Whatever happened, happened, Fox Sports. You can't change destiny."

Aw, eff, Lost has been sunken deeply into my subconscious. But when a show is that freaking great, it's a welcome invitation to my subconscious. So, like I did twice before, I present to you, Lost theories, from someone who is now fully caught up on Lost.

1. Whatever happened, happened, for good.
Whether it's some form of ka (destiny, as defined by Stephen King's Dark Tower series) or perhaps slightly different, one thing we've (probably) learned in season five of Lost is that we are not as in control of our lives and what happens in our lives as we would like. And, there is some greater force guiding us toward something.

2. Locke is dead, for good.
The only John Locke we will see going forward is the one in flashbacks, or the corpse version with variouis people coming up to his body in shock. By the way, what a great twist it was that the Locke running around wasn't really Locke. I didn't see that coming at all, even with Ben privately expressing his wonder with Sun about Locke "coming back to life." Overall, Ben's standing on the show from Crazy Mystical Psycho-Killer to Sad, Abused Man-Child Grasping For Straws through the arc of season five has to be one of the best of 2009.

3. Purgatory.
Brigitte suggested this one again and apparently won't give it up. I guess I won't take it away from her. So, in a twist, they're all in purgatory. Twist!

4. Jacob handpicked those who could save the island.
By the way, Jacob's a good guy, right? He's good, right? Crap, Ben killed him, though. And he started on fire. Not good signs for a guy who should probably be a good guy.

5. Jacob's not really dead, somehow.
I hope not, at least. And I hope "Man #2", aka Esau, aka the dude who said he found a loophole and then ostensibly turned into a ghost Locke (and ghost Christian Shephard, ghost Claire, and ghost Alex? Eh? Is that a theory, or just something totally obvious and we already know that now?) sticks around for season six, because Titus Welliver, he of Deadwood and now Sons of Anarchy is a really cool actor.

6. Jacob and the Smoke Monster are the same "person."
This is also a theory from Brigitte, who noted that we've yet to see the Smoke Monster and Jacob in the same room. I guess I can't argue with that logic, but...

7. They're totally all gonna be in a different places at the beginning of next season.
Like, all the castaways together at LAX airport (per the season six premiere episode title "LA X"), or, probably more likely, somewhere unexpected, like Tunisia or Minneapolis, MN.

8. General observation: It has successfully merged the ass-kicking action of 24 without totally focusing on that and eventually wearing itself out like 24 did.
Okay, this isn't really a Lost theory per se as much as it is an observation of the multiple scenes in the season finale "The Incident" in which Lost's Jack Shephard shot a bunch of people point blank with his pistol while running around not unlike 24's Jack Bauer. Thankfully those scenes, while action-packed and riveting in small doses, haven't yet overtaken Lost the way they've swamped 24(*).

(*)Seriously, though, when is that show gonna freaking end? They took an entire year off thanks to the writers' strike, and they're still at it with the whole "I'm Jack Bauer, I don't work for CTU anymore." Let me know when Jack Bauer inevitably gets killed permanently and I'll watch that episode. Until then...snooze.

9. Series finale prediction: Some island survivors will end up immortal, possibly tragically separated from the ones they've loved, but in an epilogue-style scene, will be reunited with those, and they will live happily ever after in the other world. It will be delightfully bittersweet. (My prediction: Hurley and a newly-living Libby.) The finale will close all plot loopholes and be a combination of heartbreaking (Sawyer losing Juliet into the magnet), heartwarming (Penny and Desmond reuniting), heartbreakingly heroic (Charlie sacrificing himself), and mindblowing (pretty much everything from season five.)


10. One final observation...what the eff happened to that super annoying eye-patch guy who eventually killed Charlie? I hope he comes back, somehow.

I'm so ready to spend the next two months of my life frantically discussing Lost theories on message boards and e-mail threads that will undoubtedbly all be dashed in minutes in every future episode. Bring it on, final season of Lost!

Lost Theories From People Who Aren't Caught Up On Lost (Part II)

Since the last time I rapped at y'all about Lost, Brigitte and I continued to make our way through the series on DVD at a rapid pace. Yesterday evening, we finished off the fourth season. While a lot of my past predictions were sort of off and/or just totally ridiculous, the other puzzles continue to haunt me. And the most haunting thing of all -- I just found that ABC.com NO LONGER HAS EPISODES 1-11 OF SEASON FIVE ON THEIR WEBSITE!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT, DO THEY EXPECT BRIGITTE AND I TO HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL FREAKING DECEMBER TO WATCH THE FIFTH SEASON?!?!?!? WHO DO THEY THINK WE ARE?!?!?!?!? Now I guess I'll have to watch the millions of other shows we have to watch that don't even compare to the obsession-osity of Lost. Oh well.

On that note, here are some other theories/things that popped into our heads watching the season finale of season four (naturally very full of spoilers)...
1. Charlotte is an Other.
Maybe that's an obvious one, and maybe insignificant, but she's just too innocuous of a character for there not to be some kind of big twist. Oh yeah Cuse and Lindelof, I've got you figured out. Oh, that reminds me, I still don't completely know why Farraday, Miles and Charlotte are on the island (other than to add Miles' totally great sarcasm/ghost-channeling skillz (and I'm so thrilled that ghosts are now a major part of this picture!!!)) Oh yeah, I just remembered that they were with Naomi, and that Naomi talked to Matthew Abbaddon, aka Cedric Daniels, about going to the island, and all that.

2. Jeremy Bentham is...um...wait, why is Locke Jeremy Bentham?
Before we found out who Jeremy Bentham was, we assumed that he was a)working for Charles Widmore, or b)Ben Linus. Wait, actually I knew it was Locke (but didn't know about the Jeremy Bentham thing) since I had seen the final scene of season four while it was airing. But still. Having now seen that final scene in the context of, oh, the rest of the series, I did think it was a little transitioney-to-Back to the Future Part II for me. WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN IN THE FIFTH SEASON YO?

3. Desmond and Penny is the most touching love story...ever?
Brigitte and I embraced when Desmond and Penny embraced. So emotional and beautiful. If there are any miracles from the island, if what Locke/Bentham said was true, then this was a true miracle. Ah, I'm getting a little verklempt just typing about it. Next! (wipes away tears)

4. Well done on ending Michael's storyline.
Okay, again, that's not really a theory, but it was an appropriate way to end his character arc by holding off the bomb on the freighter for just long enough to have Desmond tell everyone on the helicopter to get off the freighter before it blows up. And Christian telling Michael/Kevin that he could go now was haunting as eff. Is Jack's dad the new Nathaniel Fisher, Sr.? Methinks so.

5. Where did the island go?
I think I (sort of) know the answer (sort of). For Brigitte's benefit, I won't mention any of the things that I accidentally saw very little glimpses of in the entertainment gossip rags, like Entertainment Weekly. But, I assume it involves time travel, Alan Dale's Aussie accent, Sawyer cryptically whispering stuff to people suddenly (yeah, oh yeah, what did he say to Kate? Also, why did he lose his shirt on his swim back to the island?), Dharma stuff, the smoke monster, and all kinds of messed up stuff. Yes, the puzzles are starting to be cracked by the end of season four, but a lot more remains. Bring it on, season five, whenever I get a hold of you. Please, somebody re-run the fifth season somewhere, legally of course. Please! (Addenum: apparently I can download the entire season on iTunes for $49.99. Or, I can hope that the Sci-Fi Ch...er, SyFy Channel has rights to the fifth season and starts rerunning it in August. We'll see.)