Blogulator Radio 60: The Newsiest Newsroom Of All

New episode! Here! Quick, before Will McAvoy lectures you!

In this week's installment of Blogulator Radio, Brigitte and Qualler discuss the merits and demerits of Aaron Sorkin's latest "Hey Everybody, Shouldn't You Be As Smart As Me Cuz I'm Awesome And A White Guy Who Probably Know Better Than You, Internet Girl?" (okay, that was a bit harsh) television program The Newsroom, based solely on the pilot episode and the buzz surrounding the series in general, cuz that's what they do. In addition, they talk about the first few episodes of the similarly auteur-led series Bunheads, written by Amy Sherman-Palladino. (They're still waiting for a YouTube video similar to the Sorkinisms video that made the rounds yesterday. Palladinoisms, anybody?) They also have a few words for Lifetime's latest in its unofficial Dangers Of The Internet, Mostly To Do With Affairs Your Husband / Son / Male Figure In Your Life Is Having Because Of It film series talhotblonde, which was directed(!!!) by Courtney Cox. Finally, they have a few words for the newest seasons of the multiple iterations of Real Housewives. You get to hear Qualler's version of The Countess Luann's hit single "Money Can't Buy You Class." (Minus the heavy, heavy vocodor, unfortunately.) You get to hear Qualler talk about how awesome Homeland and Enlightened are, two shows from 2011 that he's catching up on. And it's all topped off by the theme song to Garfield and Friends, because that's how they roll.

(Practically a) Lifetime Movie Review: The Roommate

Ladies and gentlemen, if you have not seen this movie, you must. You simply must. Behold the trailer.



This movie is like a wonderful dream I might have had after a day of watching Lifetime. It stars two of my favorites, Minka Kelly and Leighton Meester. You might remember Minka from a little hit called Friday Night Lights and Leighton from a little hit called Gossip Girl, which are both among this blogger's favorite television shows. This movie, which really is just a high budget Lifetime movie, finally brings these two together. Minka plays Sara, a normal girl from Des Moines, who goes away to college in Los Angeles to be some sort of fashion designer. Leighton plays Rebecca, who is randomly assigned to be Sara's roommate. At first everything's cool, but we quickly learn that Rebecca is totally crazy, obsessed with Sara, and probably trying to kill everyone. Of course, there are several hints about how crazy Rebecca is before we get to the climactic scene. And with those hints we learn some important lessons about how to choose our friends. Pay attention closely! This movie might just save your life. Mild Spoilers Ahead!

We first get a hint that something isn't quite right with Rebecca when Sara introduces her to a group of girls and the girls try to give Rebecca a nickname. Rebecca replies, with a smile, "Actually, I prefer Rebecca." Lesson number one: people who don't like nicknames are crazy. And might try to kill you. Stay away from them!

We later see that Rebecca prefers not to go out partying with the rest of the girls. She'd rather stay in her room and draw (we'll get to how creepy drawing is soon). Of course, this means she's a crazy person. Lesson number two: if you're in college, and someone doesn't want to go to the frat party, it means she's antisocial. And antisocial people are crazy. And will probably try to kill you. Be warned!

Another hint that Rebecca is nuts and a real threat comes when we learn that she's an artist. Yes, Sara is an artist too, but she's the normal kind of artist who wants to use art for something like fashion. Rebecca, on the other hand, draws. And she doesn't like people to look at her drawings. So, important lesson number three: stay away from most artists! They're probably just secretly drawing tons of pictures of you, because they're obsessed with you, and will eventually try to kill everyone you love. Stay away from them!

We also learn that Rebecca is on some sort of medication, but get this: SHE ISN'T TAKING HER PILLS! This brings me to the best lesson of this movie: you should never, ever trust anyone who is taking any kind of medication. That person is probably crazy! So watch out!

Go see this movie. You will not regret it. And any college freshman out there: start sleeping with one eye open!



Happy Valentine's Day!

Lifetime Movie Review: The Client List

Last week I watched the world premiere (world premiere, people!) of Lifetime's original movie, The Client List, starring Jennifer Love Hewitt. I was happy that Jen was finally working again, but Qualler informs me that she's actually been regularly appearing in some show called The Ghost Whisperer on CBS...that apparently she's been working for some time...something like five seasons...but this was all news to me. At any rate, welcome back to television, Jen Love! And what a return you made. This movie was based on a true story about a whorehouse disguised as a salon that was busted some years back and the prostitutes (one in particular, played by Jen) got off by naming all the prominent clients that came to see them. Of course this movie was probably intending to paint a picture of a desperate small town Texas mother of three whose economic situation forced her into the most unthinkable of trades. However, it didn't really accomplish that. Not for lack of acting abilities, though, Jen!

For one thing, her character was never established as a likable or as a desperate character. The movie takes us very quickly from a woman whose family needs some extra cash to a woman whose only option is to work as a prostitute in order to support her family. She is a licensed massage therapist, and applies for a position in another town. She is hired, and quickly learns that she won't actually be working as a masseuse. But rather than apply for a different job at a different (real) salon, or you know...anything else, she decides to take the job and start having sex with men in exchange for money.

This is a woman who is established as a bright, beautiful, young (only 27) mother and wife, so the jump from "my husband is having trouble finding work right now" to "there is absolutely nothing else I am qualified to do except prostitution" is...unsettling. Especially since there are so many other options! How about going to a temp agency? Working as an administrative assistant? Stripper? Lots of other options that she didn't really seem to explore before jumping into prostitution. When I imagine a tug at your heartstrings sort of tale about a down on her luck prostitute with a heart of gold, I don't think of a woman with a family (mother as well as a husband) and a college education which she could probably lean on during rough times. I get that you have to pay the mortgage, but...the movie didn't show her really trying that hard to find other work. I think they were trying to establish that prostitution was the only way she could support her family, but...that didn't really work out. I was distracted through much of the first half hour of the movie by all the other options swirling through my mind (hello? stripper?? start with stripper!!) of jobs she probably could have gotten.

Of course, I tried to get past my doubts that this woman was actually desperate enough to become a prostitute (she was of course pretty outraged and shocked at first but when her husband didn't have enough money for gas ONE TIME she decided she had no other option), and just enjoy the movie. She quickly got over her outrage and not only became a prostitute, but she became the BEST prostitute! She was smart, if you recall, so of course she rose to the challenge and soon all the customers wanted her (because she made them feel special and listened to their stupid stories and remembered things like what candy their grandmothers made for them). The fact that she so quickly rose to the most requested whore based on her power of reading people's needs and pretending that she cared about them only reminded me that there are so many other, legal jobs that she could excel at. She could give PR a try, or event planning, or basically any kind of customer service at all. But, of course, once she got into being the best prostitute, she realized that the money was GOOD!

Another thing that made me uncomfortable about the progression of the character development was how quickly she went from desperate to totally greedy. She loved money more than her family, and of course it was really that love of excess money, not prostitution itself, that seemed to cause her eventual downfall. And of course she was tired all the time because prostitution takes a lot out of you, so she had to start doing coke. And coke, apparently, makes you supermom!! She made the coolest castle cake I've ever seen, all thanks to coke. But then she got addicted, which is bad...all things in moderation (prostitution as well as cocaine).

In the end the "salon" was busted and everything came crashing down. Or did it?

Things pretty much worked out OK...she didn't have to serve much time at all because she gave the judge her "client list" and all the bigwigs that came to see her were in hotter water than she was. This list was for some reason published in the newspaper, and of course all the wives came knocking on her door...but don't worry, they just wanted sex tips! Yay! Everything worked out in the end and we learned the being pretty isn't the most important thing (what?).

For the real Jennifer fans out there, be sure to get a copy of her book, The Day I Shot Cupid: Hello, My Name is Jennifer Love Hewitt and I'm a Love-aholic! It's not at all crazy.

LIfetime Movie Review: Unwed Father

Since I was home sick with the flu (hopefully not swine) today, I got to catch up on my Lifetime Movie Network films. The highlight of my day was a 1997 classic starring Brian Austin Green called Unwed Father.

Jason (Brian Austin Green) is a local rock star, home from the summer after his sophmore year. Melanie (Nicholle Tom, that girl from Beethoven) is a local high school girl. They meet at one of his concerts, go back to his family's yacht, and one thing leads to another...and that song "Free for a Moment" from Empire Records plays, indicating that these kids are, indeed, free only for this moment. Soon their lives will change forever. While Jason and his Melanie are making out and things are getting pretty hot and heavy, she stops him for a moment saying "Do you have a--" and his response is to cut her off saying "Shhhhhh...."

Melanie had Jason's baby. After she's unable to have an abortion (she wonders what if her mother had done that to her?) the movie flashes forward to a crying baby and a super crabby and unforgiving mother. Melanie feels so overwhelmed that she drops the baby, Sean, on Jason's doorstep, explaining that he has a family with tons of money and is better equipped to give Sean a good home. Then she runs off into the night, and Jason is left alone with a baby he doesn't even believe is his.

Jason's dad first calls his lawyer, saying that there's no proof that the baby belongs to his son (so typical of a rich person). As it turns out, the kid really does belong to Jason, and he has to accept full responsibility. The baby ruins everything! Jason brings him along to band practice and his crying drowns out their music (which either means his is an extremely loud baby or they need to rock a little harder). Jason wants to put Sean up for adoption, but the mother has gone missing, and without her consent nothing can be done.
Jason's dad wants to support him, but his stepmother, in typical stepmother fashion, wants Jason out, because the baby is ruining her marriage (what?). Jason gets the boot from his dad, rents a houseboat with the baby, and hilarity (or poingnant lessons about unprotected sex?) ensues. So many laundry montages! Babies are so messy.

Meanwhile, Melanie (who ran away to Venice Beach to persue her art career) is feeling guilty and missing her baby. She calls her best friend to check up on Sean and Jason, who is kind of hitting on Jason...inappropriate!!

When Sean ends up in the hospital with pneumonia, things aren't so funny anymore. Jason loses his job and Melanie shows up at his doorstep. Things are gonna get sloppy! At first noone wanted the baby, not everyone wants him! This time Jason takes off, but with Sean. When Melanie goes to her best friend for help, her friend defends Jason, saying that he's a good guy and a good father. Jason doesn't seem to have a plan, and a cop busts him for spending the night in his car. He tells the officer he was just heading home, and he goes back to face his problem with Melanie.

Ultimately, Melanie does take Sean back, but Jason moves to be close to her, and they decide on joint custody. As he finishes signing all the legal papers, Jason says "there's actually one other thing I'd like to sign..." It's the birth certificate! Yay! Everyone wins. The movie ends "six months later" with a shot of of Melanie happily meeting Jason at a park and Sean running up to him yellling "Daddy! Daddy!" Father and Son toddle off into the distance as the camera pans away through the trees. The very last shot is a black screen with white lettering that says "Brian Austin Green Productions." Wonderful.

Best line of the move:
Jason: "This is ruining my life. I can't sleep, I can't work, I have no time for myself, I'm like a 24 hour a day diaper changing service!"
Social Worker: "Welcome to parenthood."

Lifetime Movie Review: The Haunting of Sorority Row

So I was flipping through my DVR the other night, wondering how to fill the void left by Big Love now that the season has ended, and I stumbled upon the 2007 made for TV release Haunting of Sorority Row (released in the UK as Deadly Pledge). My first thought was "I didn't record this...Qualler?" but I didn't hesitate to hit select on my remote. I put on my jammies, poured myself a glass of wine, and settled in for a pleasant evening.Once the movie began and I saw that it starred a favorite in the Qualler household, Leighton Meester (Gossip Girl’s Blair), I understood why my husband had recorded this (and I could cross sorority girls weird fetish off my list of suspicions). It was weird to see Blair in such a role—without her hair, clothing, makeup, and lighting perfectly done, I kept wondering why Blair wasn’t radiating like she typically does. She even had kind of a bad haircut, and the clothing was all very 2004 for a movie that came out in 2007. The story was one we’ve heard before: sorority sisters hold a terrible secret that new pledges need to uncover at the risk of their own lives. And of course, that secret involves a murder and an attempted cover up.
What was interesting about this film is that it really encompassed several stereotypical plotlines and combined them to make one, new ‘what the eff is going on?’ plotline. First plotline: unpopular girl with nerdy but smart (re: wears glasses) boyfriend go off to college together. Suddenly, girl begins to pledge sorority and hang out with bitchy girls and hot frat boys. Nerdy boyfriend feels threatened. If the movie’s title had not contained the word haunting, then I perhaps would have thought that this would be the central point of conflict. But oh, no! Second plotline: our hero (unpopular turned popular girl) rushes a sorority and rooms with a shy, bookish type who doesn’t seem to have what it takes and is constantly the butt of everyone’s joke. Perhaps the movie will take the “evil girls cause one unpopular girl to flip out/somehow die” route. Third plotline: the sorority sisters are being killed off one by one. There is some sort of terrible secret that must be unearthed and only this new pledge with everything to lose can do it for us.Now, here’s where the movie gets interesting. We find out that the terrible secret was that the pledge from last year who just disappeared had not, indeed, disappeared. While taking her turn to spend a night in a coffin in the attic (all the girls had to do this…sororities, man!), this pledge died of fright. The other sisters (there is a HILARIOUS flashback scene when they all go to let her out of the coffin and present her with her matching shirt just like the one they’re all wearing, BUT SHE’S DEAD) try to cover up the death by burying her themselves. I assumed that this former pledge had indeed been murdered, buried, and was now back to haunt them until they paid for what they had done to her, one by one. What I did not see coming was that this pledge was, in fact, NEVER REALLY DEAD. She had been buried alive, then managed to escape her grave, gain shape shifting and telekinetic powers so that she could murder the girls one by one in a ghost-like way (though she is not, in fact, a ghost). She was among them all along! She was the nervous pledge that didn't quite fit in!! Somehow, that seems less believable than just a regular haunting.

Overall, I would have to give this movie a rating of: Indifferent Kitten. Not as satisfying as Friends Till the End, but not a bad way to spend a weeknight.Lost Update: Shannon’s dead!! I hate Anna Lucia! And what’s with Desmond? Is he ever coming back? Will we see more of him after he ran off into the jungle? And that shot of the others when they walked by Jin and Mr. Eko when they were hiding in the bushes and we just saw their bare feet and one dragging a teddy bear WAS SO FREAKING SCARY WHY ARE THEY TAKING THE CHILDREN?????!!!!