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LIfetime Movie Review: Unwed Father

Since I was home sick with the flu (hopefully not swine) today, I got to catch up on my Lifetime Movie Network films. The highlight of my day was a 1997 classic starring Brian Austin Green called Unwed Father.

Jason (Brian Austin Green) is a local rock star, home from the summer after his sophmore year. Melanie (Nicholle Tom, that girl from Beethoven) is a local high school girl. They meet at one of his concerts, go back to his family's yacht, and one thing leads to another...and that song "Free for a Moment" from Empire Records plays, indicating that these kids are, indeed, free only for this moment. Soon their lives will change forever. While Jason and his Melanie are making out and things are getting pretty hot and heavy, she stops him for a moment saying "Do you have a--" and his response is to cut her off saying "Shhhhhh...."

Melanie had Jason's baby. After she's unable to have an abortion (she wonders what if her mother had done that to her?) the movie flashes forward to a crying baby and a super crabby and unforgiving mother. Melanie feels so overwhelmed that she drops the baby, Sean, on Jason's doorstep, explaining that he has a family with tons of money and is better equipped to give Sean a good home. Then she runs off into the night, and Jason is left alone with a baby he doesn't even believe is his.

Jason's dad first calls his lawyer, saying that there's no proof that the baby belongs to his son (so typical of a rich person). As it turns out, the kid really does belong to Jason, and he has to accept full responsibility. The baby ruins everything! Jason brings him along to band practice and his crying drowns out their music (which either means his is an extremely loud baby or they need to rock a little harder). Jason wants to put Sean up for adoption, but the mother has gone missing, and without her consent nothing can be done.
Jason's dad wants to support him, but his stepmother, in typical stepmother fashion, wants Jason out, because the baby is ruining her marriage (what?). Jason gets the boot from his dad, rents a houseboat with the baby, and hilarity (or poingnant lessons about unprotected sex?) ensues. So many laundry montages! Babies are so messy.

Meanwhile, Melanie (who ran away to Venice Beach to persue her art career) is feeling guilty and missing her baby. She calls her best friend to check up on Sean and Jason, who is kind of hitting on Jason...inappropriate!!

When Sean ends up in the hospital with pneumonia, things aren't so funny anymore. Jason loses his job and Melanie shows up at his doorstep. Things are gonna get sloppy! At first noone wanted the baby, not everyone wants him! This time Jason takes off, but with Sean. When Melanie goes to her best friend for help, her friend defends Jason, saying that he's a good guy and a good father. Jason doesn't seem to have a plan, and a cop busts him for spending the night in his car. He tells the officer he was just heading home, and he goes back to face his problem with Melanie.

Ultimately, Melanie does take Sean back, but Jason moves to be close to her, and they decide on joint custody. As he finishes signing all the legal papers, Jason says "there's actually one other thing I'd like to sign..." It's the birth certificate! Yay! Everyone wins. The movie ends "six months later" with a shot of of Melanie happily meeting Jason at a park and Sean running up to him yellling "Daddy! Daddy!" Father and Son toddle off into the distance as the camera pans away through the trees. The very last shot is a black screen with white lettering that says "Brian Austin Green Productions." Wonderful.

Best line of the move:
Jason: "This is ruining my life. I can't sleep, I can't work, I have no time for myself, I'm like a 24 hour a day diaper changing service!"
Social Worker: "Welcome to parenthood."

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  1. Blogger Brigitte | 12:00 PM |  

    i realize that this is more a summary than a review, but...i think the film speaks for itself.

  2. Blogger Papa Thor | 12:51 PM |  

    This brought back painful memories of 1983 when I had to quit touring with Culture Club because of a sweet little 6 pound package left on my doorstep.

    Also, a self-reviewing movie?

  3. Blogger chris | 6:32 PM |  

    Haha Papa Thor is the best. Except when I first read that, I for some reason thought "coke" instead of "baby".

  4. Blogger Papa Thor | 5:28 PM |  

    A fair trade I might say. Brigitte has always been worth her weight in coke.

    "You really think Jesus turned water into wine?"
    "Well, after I was clean he turned coke into furniture."

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