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What if TV Shows Were Alcoholic Drinks?


You guys like to have booze while you watch TV? These are some drinks you can make at home to enjoy while watching your favorite shows. The drinks are named after the shows.

HBO's Girls: One part Kahlua, one part Vodka. Basically a White Russian (because that one character had one the one time), but don't bother putting any Kahlua in it. You do this to reflect how the real New York City doesn't have any Kahlua in it.



Game of Thrones: Flagon of red wine. Drink this while having sex (doggy-style), and discussing the history of Westeros/character back story/the latest political scandal at King's Landing.

* - with a twist - served the same way except the sex you have is with a blood relative. Eww.



Vampire Diaries: Just drink a ton of whiskey neat or whiskey on ice all the time, any time you are indoors. Add a sprig of vervain for flavor (and to build a resistance to its toxic effects).



Breaking Bad: Something that blends Southwestern USA with drugs, cancer, chicken, rock collecting, and lying to your spouse. Uhh, okay, umm, alright. An interferon-infused chemo'garita served in a hollow geode with meth on the rim. And you drink it after you eat a bucket of chicken, but don't you dare tell your wife about it. If she asks where you were just get naked in a store. Got it? Good.



Mad Men: Pretty much any drink you want to have as long as you are wearing a bunch of retro shit you ordered off Etsy. Do people still throw Mad Men parties? Is that still a thing? Or are we already pretending it's the 1970s? Forgive my coarse language, I had a few 'Vampire Diaries' with dinner. 



Modern Family: What is this show about? I don't watch it. Is it good? I don't care. For this drink just have a case of cold American beers. Because nothing says not giving a shit like drinking an entire case of cold American beers.


The Wire
: Drink all of the above then drive home. It's cool, don't worry. You're a cop. Please drink responsibly.

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Girls Talk



Like everyone on the planet (aka Twitter & Tumblr), I watched the Girls premier this past week. Except I watched it on HBO.com, not HBO proper, because, like the Girls, I live in New York and am poor as hell and cannot afford premium channels (which is why this is a reaction to the pilot, not the subsequent episodes, which I haven't watched because they're not free on the Internet). In fact, watching the show has made me think seriously, for the first time in a while, about my first year in New York, when I was my absolute poorest and couldn't afford to have TV in my apartment, period. GOD, that year was hard. Looking backward, I mean. When I was in it, it was my life--only drinking at happy hour because a four dollar beer was all I could afford, subsisting mainly on homemade quesadillas (one tortilla microwaved with some cheese in the middle), and walking twenty-five blocks to avoid running down my MetroCard. When Hannah, the main character of Girls played by Lena Dunham, says that she did the math and she thinks she can afford to live in New York three more days, seven if she skips lunch, I knew exactly what she meant because that's pretty much the exact same position I would've been in if I'd lost my job.

The exact same position I'd be in now if I lost my job, in fact, though it's been years since I first moved here and I am (ostensibly) somewhat more gainfully employed. My point is, I get it. I've been there--in a lot of ways, I'm still there. I know that the blogosphere is full of Feelings and Opinions about Girls--some people hate it, some people love it, some people are wondering what the BFD is, it's just a television show or something? I guess I'm in the latter camp. I don't hate it. I don't love it. I understand it, but I don't identify with it, necessarily. Let me tell you why.

Girls, despite the subway ads that make it look slicker and at the same time grittier than it is (below), is in a lot of ways a hipster, post-ironic response to the over-the-top glam of the Sex and the City franchise. (Although you could make the point that the early seasons of Sex and the City were far from glamorous; do you remember how many turtlenecks Miranda wore?!?! The nineties were dark days.) One of the characters (Shoshanna, played by Zosia Mamet) even overtly references the show, and has a poster from the movie hanging in her NoLiTa apartment. I guess Girls is supposed to be "real", but of course it's just as stylized as Sex and the City was, only in the opposite direction. Girls is frumpy as hell and not apologizing for it. It's also got a bald, unvarnished sexuality about it that is unmatched on television; some shows are explicit about sex, but they're still coy about it, try to fancy it up, something with which Girls doesn't even bother. The writing is on point (not boring, but not too jokey-jokey), the characters are funny and endearing...all good things.



In a lot of ways, Girls is an absolutely perfect portrayal of entitled, self-obsessed Millennial ennui, except for one thing--these characters are way too self-aware. I know these people. They're not precisely my people, because my people are a bit too old, born just a bit too early, but I'm a human in the world--I interact with people like the Girls all the time, and let me tell you something: they absolutely, 100% DO NOT SEE IT. That's part of what makes them so damn irritating, but also part of what makes it possible for them to continue living as they do. Hannah seems to get that everything that comes out of her mouth is ridiculous, that her friends with benefits relationship with her mostly disinterested douchey dude Adam is beneath her (beneath anyone, really) and destructive, that her writing is stalled, that her career is a non-starter, that her relationships are codependent...and yet? I guess that's what the series is supposed to be about, but honestly, I just couldn't buy that they were all so aware, both of their own flaws and the flaws of the others.

I think that might be what the haters find so annoying about the show. The characters are unapologetically sexual (good) and unglamorous (fine), but they're also unapologetically entitled, lazy, dismissive, and dependent, with no inclination or willingness to better themselves, which I found frustrating. Like, if you want to be a writer, WRITE. If you want a job, APPLY FOR SOME JOBS. What's so damn frustrating about New York is its collective indifference to suffering, and the fact that it's bulletproof to hard work. The challenges that come from living here actually come from practically killing yourself to better yourself and the fact that most of the time that's not enough. So when I see a bunch of characters sitting around bitching and moaning that their college education isn't enough, I'm like, that's not New York's hard knocks, that's just straight up inertia.

But anyway. That's because I live here. There's a lot of stuff I like about the show, and the pilot is definitely enough to make me want to keep watching, if I could. And I fully expect the characters to grow and deepen and change; sure, they're caricatures now, but we're all caricatures when you first meet us, aren't we? And I'm sure that Lena Dunham, who has achieved much in her young life (like, I don't know, producing, writing, directing and starring in her own television show on HBO), has some narrative and character goals that this pilot is only serving to set up. So I'm not worried.

But I have to be judgey. I'm a Miranda, after all.

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Blogulator Radio 51: Girls, Girls, Girls, and a Dog with a Blog


It's a week of zeitgeist television, what with the premiere of HBO's highly anticipated and highly acclaimed new comedyGirls, along with the sure-to-be-zeitgeist-television announcement by the Disney Channel of the premiere of Dog with a Blog. Qualler and Brigitte ruminate on the premiere of Girls, which, in its premiere episode, definitely lives up to the hype. (Side note: the premiere is available online for free here. It is quite NSFW, by the way.) They also discuss Game of Thronesseason to date, in which Qualler, the reader of books, asks Brigitte what she thinks will happen and then acts a lot like the Kristin Wiig SNL character who "loves surprises." Beckett and Nico, Qualler and Brigitte's dogs, also discuss the many possibilities of Dog with a Blog. #sixseasonsandamovie

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Blogulator Radio 47: We're Not Horsing Around (And Other Horrible Puns)



Hey neighhhhh-bor, listen to our newest episode of Blogulator Radio here!

In this week’s episode of Blogulator Radio, Qualler and Brigitte bring back the “What’s New……..s” segment to discuss in detail the surprising and unusual announcement made last week by HBO that its new David Milch-penned horse-racing drama Luck would shut down production permanently due to the death of three horses in the production of the show. This leads Qualler and Brigitte to ponder a number of different scenarios that could have saved the show from its horse deaths, brainstorming different scenarios of other television shows that stopped production due to death. and so much borderline inappropriate discussion of the entire situation that we’re lucky that the ASPCA and PETA do not sponsor our show. (And after this week, probably never will. Sorry, Evan.) They also preview the upcoming HBO comedy Girls, written and starring Lena Dunham, writer/director of the movie they watched this weekend, Tiny Furniture. In said discussion, Qualler makes a few statements that are just begging to be edited out and used against him when he runs for public office. Finally, the dynamic duo wrap up with a He Said She Said discussion of DVD catch-up shows that have been forced upon by each spouse: Justified, which Brigitte is catching up on, and Dawson’s Creek, which Qualler is catching up on / weeping on a nightly basis because, gosh-darn it, those kids are gonna make it in this big old world that we live in, aren’t they?

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