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Hottie Count - Personal Disclaimer

As you may or may not know, my entire purpose behind this epic hottie listing is the hopes of one day shacking up with each of them, in the determined order. As you may or may not also know, "epic" is a great word that I was excited about using just now until I realized one second later that internet culture has destroyed it. Is it possible to enjoy something simply for what it is, when forces around you have so demanded you be aware of its quality? Can a child who has yet to watch The Simpsons appreciate it for anything beyond his schoolmates' quote machine?

What I'm really meaning to ask is: Do you guys think Cameron Richardson listened to the most recent Blogulator podcast? And, if so, do you think she liked me?
After listening myself, I worry she didn't, and so this whole post is now an introspective pause for me to regain my footing and prop myself up to the woman sitting permanently atop the Hottie Count.

Concern #1. I don't sound intelligent enough.
Response: Chris and I talked about Friday Night Lights, if you haven't yet heard. I stumbled a bit as I struggled not to spoil the final season or "pre-color" and thus discolor listener opinion. Also, Chris is very well-spoken and a teacher, whereas I talk primarily to my cat and am a comic who delivers jokes only while reading them out of a book to his cat. Plus I was under the impression that we'd be talking about the Newhart finale.

Concern #2. Putting all this effort into preserving my image to an actress I've never met is creepy. That includes this thing that I'm writing right now.
Response: It's only creepy if I look the part. Ms. Richardson, if you're reading this, I can assure you that I am a man of gentle build. Nature is my friend, and so shall be yours, if you do me the honor of dinner, or an interview, or both ha ha that'd kind of be like a date, wouldn't it? Here, look I'll even post a picture of me with a normal human girl to demonstrate that I'm not feared by those who know me.

Concern #3. I use too many filler words, like "um" or "like."

Response: I am nowhere near as bad as most athletes are with "you know," and girls seem to like those dudes for more than their rock-hard bods and smoking abs that are in the middle of said bods (Cammy: I'm plenty comfortable on a football diamond myself, you know). Whilst I've worked on adding scarce more than pregnant pauses to my real-life speech patterns, I've quickly learned that, when chatting non-visually over Skype, there is need for a filler word to announce that, yes, I'm still here. I'm just trying to think of a word I haven't yet used that is longer than five letters and oh god the pause is getting longer and I need to say something smart and meaningful and AIMEE TEEGARDEN IS PRETTY.

Concern #4. I talk about other girls.
In the podcast, I briefly upset Chris by mentioning that I might have switched allegiances from Julie to Tyra at some point during FNL's run, Tyra being Chris's girl or so he thinks in the same warped sense that the trucker guy did before Landry/I intervened. I mean, I guess I found most of the show's girls attractive at one point or another, all the way up to Grandma Saracen... Do you think my Cam-Cam is okay with that? She's already got a baby, so I know she probably kissed another guy before. It's only fair that I get to do some ogling myself, especially after a hard day of listening to Cameron talk about how tough her photo shoot was. Really? You had to try on three different bikinis before they just decided to shoot it topless? I lost the Johnson account today! You know that's the big account because it has the generic yet professional sounding name attached to it! I'm sorry... I didn't mean to make you cry... It's just... It's just that I like how Lyla Garrity looks in a bra, okay?

Concern #5. She hasn't listened to the podcast yet, in which case I typed this entire disclaimer of sanity for nothing.

Response: As much as I encourage all others to listen to the podcast and read the blog, I think it's probably for the best that Cameron not. At least not until after we've dated for a while...

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  1. Blogger qualler | 3:06 PM |  

    Dok, as a newbie to the arena of aural pleasure (see what I did there?) I empathize with your critical ear toward the sound of your voice, especially when participating with radio vets like Chris, Brigitte and Lady Amy. Just know, I'm sure Cam-Cam thinks you're a hottie, especially with that studly facial hair you got.

  2. Blogger chris | 5:19 PM |  

    Did you basically just call me a well-spoken rapist?

    UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

    (JK KISSES - Can't wait to podcast with ya again, Doktor!)

  3. Blogger DoktorPeace | 10:03 PM |  

    It's the highest compliment I'm capable of giving.

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