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Hottie Count - Rachel Bilson

I know spring just started, but I'm kicking off my Summer Hottie Series today with Rachel Bilson, because she played someone named Summer on The O.C, duh. I couldn't think of a 2000s girl really appropriate to spring, and I just can't wait 'til June gosh darnit! This series needs to start NOW!

Hmm... I guess I could've done Aubrey Plaza for her portrayal of April Ludgate on Parks and Rec... TOO LATE. She'll have to wait until my October spring series.

This is the point where I introduce the subject by reminding everyone that I was once an extra on The O.C. Rachel was there, yeah. They all were. Ben McKenzie even gave me a pat on the back. We were young back then. We thought we knew everything, thought we could take on the world. Little did we know how quickly everything would change...

Anyway, she seemed pleasant enough. I remember Mischa gliding around sans eye contact or smile, and Ben telling Adam Brody that they totally had to go out and party when they went to Florida the next week, and Adam politely expressing disinterest in said partying. There was a moment when Rachel released her lips from mine, I think, to deliver a whispered, "You're the greatest extra we've ever had," but I can't be too sure. Security had already dragged me quite a ways away.

In tepid seriousness, I'm not sure how attracted I am to Ms. Bilson. I always fall face first into both lust and love. I'm entranced by Cameron Richardson's freckled cheeks and Kate Bosworth's heterochromic eyes at the same time I'm repelled by Anne Hathaway's bone structure (Don't think bone structure's not important!). Bilson's a definite cutie whose pictures I perused numerous times in dimly lit dorm rooms. That said, I just don't know how sustainable the mascara'd, night mammal look is. It is hot, and I've told my sister to send any mascara'd hotties she meets my way. I'm just not sure Rachel's the kinkajoo for me.

This is the point where I look up her personal information on Wikipedia to make sure the weird animal name I decided upon for my crappy joke can't be misinterpreted as anti-Semitic... Oh good. "She has stated that she is not religious" (citation needed). That's a plus for my heathen spirit. Scroll down... She loves fashion... Okay, fashion can enhance looks, even though a hottie in jeans and a white T is gonna be a hottie in anything... Scroll down... She dated Adam Brody... I know... She's been engaged to Jumper co-star Hayden Christensen?! I don't remember that! Unforgivable. Brody portrayed one of the freshest teen characters on television, whereas Christensen conspired in the destruction of a movie icon and has otherwise been an out-and-out bore. Because of him, Ryan Gosling has to work overtime to preserve our generation's acting integrity. I doubt Gosling could've saved those Lucas scripts either, but blargh nonetheless.

This is the point where I move onto the interview section instead of embarking upon a Star Wars rant like I kind of want to do (but has already been done by others in hilarious long-form). I ended up with another Ferguson interview, and all went well enough.

I appreciate that Bilson complimented Craig on an "old" movie he wrote (Saving Grace), I cringed at the mention of Jumper (despite not having seen it), and I smiled when she laughed, which was a lot. The laughter offered great emotional feedback to Ferguson's jokes, which is something I always worry I wouldn't be able to do if I ever went on a talk show. I can smile, but I can't really laugh unless it's something my sister says, provided I'm not still mad at her for setting me up with mascara'd non-hotties. I specifically mentioned hotties. It's kind of my thing.

The Hottie Count definitely needs a rep from The O.C., and so far as I know as a barely casual watcher (albeit permanent placeholder in that one party scene cough cough), Rachel is the best woman for the job. Samaire Armstrong looks more my type, but I'm going to bed now and I already wrote all this garbage about Bilson. Let me know if this is the right choice and I'll place her appropriately.

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  1. Blogger chris | 12:51 PM |  

    I couldn't agree more. I like Bilson, but I feel like I should like Samaire more. But I don't think I really like either. I choose my nostalgia for watching The OC during college over any hottie. What does this say about my sexuality?

    I have added kinkajoo to my list of crazy animals to have one day when I am old, rich, and crazy.

  2. Blogger DoktorPeace | 9:11 PM |  

    I couldn't agree more with your statement of agreement. Maybe it means we're actually in love with Peter Gallagher?

    I want any pet that will be able to pilfer my houseguests' pockets.

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