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Ad it Up: The Not-So-Super Bowls

Sunday was a sad, sad day in Minnesota. For the first time in a long time, we Minnesotans actually thought we had a chance at making it to the Super Bowl. Alas, in overtime we lost the most important game of the season. But the game was not the only sad thing about Sunday, at least for me. Sunday was also the day I discovered the newest horrifying fast-food invention -- the concoction listed #1 below. In light of my new discovery and the upcoming Super Bowl, (a.k.a. the day of highest junk food consumption), I thought it was high time to take a look at the worst ideas in the fast-food industry. Here are five of the most disgusting fast food inventions that have crossed my path:

5) McDonald's McGriddle

The McGriddle is one of those products that looks so right on TV and on billboards. You just drool and think, "where have you been all my life?!" You dream about them in your sleep and curse yourself every day that you didn't wake up in time for McDonald's breakfast. Even after you try one and realize that syrup-infused pancakes don't make very good sandwhich ends because they get soggy both from the inside (from the syrup) and the outside (from the sausage grease), you still long for one. And when you realize that the perfect breakfast trifecta of maple syrup, egg, and sausage somehow does not taste that good together in this sandwich, you won't care the next day. You may leave completely unsatisfied every time you try one, but you will still want it. That, blogulettes, is the McGriddle.

4) KFC Famous Bowls

If I wanted all of my food mashed together in one big bowl, I would either dine with toddlers or my grandmother. I'm not quite at that point yet. Just because things go well together on the same plate, does not mean that you can just pile them on top of each other and call it a dish. That, my friend, is exactly what the KFC Bowls are. A big amalgamation of pretty much everything on the KFC menu. They only serve like 5 different things so I suppose it makes it pretty tough to come up with different combinations or ways to prepare chicken, potatoes, biscuits, and corn. Still, that is no excuse for this abomination.

3) Wendy's Triple Baconator

I like hamburgers. I like bacon. I love cheese. I'm not even a huge proponent of "moderation" when it comes to the fatty goodnesses that I love. But in the Wendy's Triple Baconator, I think I may have discovered my limits. More is not always better, much less if it's a leaning tower of meat. I'm not even sure how one fits that into one's mouth or how one's heart does not explode upon finishing one's weight in beef.

2) Dairy Queen's Pumpkin Pie Blizzard

Yes, I know. It does sound like a good idea. Plus, how can sweets go wrong? It's just a bunch of sugar and milk anyway, right? But in reality, pumpkin pie -- not that great blended up and frozen. Actually, pretty disgusting in Blizzard form. My dreams were shattered on this one when DQ featured it as the Blizzard of the month for the first time several years ago. I, being extremely susceptible to the power of advertising - especially when there are pictures of food - jumped at the opportunity to try out what I believed would be a sort of pumpkin pie-flavored cookie dough ice cream. After my first bite of rock-hard pie crust with mild hints of pumpkin-minus-the-pie flavor, I realized that it had been too good to be true.

1) McDonald's Big Mac Snack Wraps

It's the latest, and perhaps most saddening, addition to the McMenu. Either some kids got high on their late night shift in the McDonald's kitchen and slapped together some munchies out of that day's leftovers or it happened to be "take a recent divorcee to work day." Those are pretty much the only two circumstances in which I can figure an idea like this comes to fruition. Not only does the idea of a half all-beef patty with special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, inside a tortilla gross me out, it totally messes up the song! But in all seriousness, according to this guy's blog, this is what the inside of a real Snack Mac looks like:

Bon appetit!

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  1. Blogger chris | 10:25 AM |  

    I've only heard Jerksica talk about the Big Mac Snack Wrap for the past week, never actually seen a picture, but both the real one and the promotional photo are wayyyy more disgusting than even I envisioned.

    And I put a peach pie in a blender and drank it once.

  2. Blogger Lady Amy | 11:05 AM |  

    I know you did. And it was gross to watch.

    But I think the Pumpkin Pie Blizzard may have been worse because it was frozen pumpkin pie pieces blended up and I'm not convinced that that pie had even been baked before it was frozen!

  3. Blogger qualler | 11:06 AM |  

    Grosser than the Pumpkin Pie blizzard is the Banana Cream Pie blizzard. I only took one bite and was so grossed out that I threw the rest of it away.

  4. Blogger Papa Thor | 11:29 AM |  

    I've never been so disheartened as today when I found myself disagreeing with you, Lady Amy:
    5)I like the McGriddle: syrup and sausage and egg go together for me just like for Scout's guest in "To Kill a Mockingbird" (I guess you are the Scout to my hillbilly kid?) When I make them at home I also put a slice of Gouda cheese on it.
    4)Of course food is better when it is all piled on top of each other! See above comment. Or ask Brigitte about my "goulash"!
    3)Perhaps little girls like yourself are frightened by a mere 3 patties with piles of bacon, but real men eat such things for lunch! (Is that considered a pun, using a metaphor in a literal sense?)
    2)Pumpkin Pie blizzards are a staple of the holiday season! In the non-holiday season I must comfort myself with a mere Mud-pie blizzard (not on the menu, but you can ask for it, and they put in oreos instead of graham crackers, but it is more than tolerable.)
    1) OK, the big mac wrap _is_ gross.

    so you get a mere 20% with this post, which even grading on the curve versus all your hipsters friends is a poor showing!

  5. Blogger qualler | 12:15 PM |  

    Actually I do agree with Papa Thor on the KFC bowl. That does look delicious.

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