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peace is good BOOM

Do you feel that? That rumbling is the sound of the Blogulator transforming you 50 readers (including my 10 daily refreshes) into 5 million! Yes, it will still be just your 40 personalities, but they will be split into various times and locations, and 30 of them will be named Bob. Man, Blogulator 2.0 is going to dominate pretty much everything. Coming this fall! Check your local mistings.

According to imagesearch, these are "mistings." Women with Scottish terriers.

I'm in the middle of dissertation mode, which makes me over-analyze things even more than I already do. This isn't necessarily fun, but it can make life both more interesting and more predictable. For instance, did you know that, as much as you love peace (even if you love it enough to minor in Justice and Peace Studies), violence still rocks? Batman learned this the hard way. As much as he tried to calm Gotham down, he just opened up the doors to psycho vigilantes and face-painted nihilists... and I'm not just talking about the Real Housewives of Orange County! HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! And guess what else? We didn't really want him to fully succeed in his peace mission anyway, cuz then we wouldn't have gotten to see the Joker launch RPGs in tunnels without background music. Peace is boring, and often annoyingly so, when accompanied by those stupid "Hey! Ho!" chants. I cannot support the causes of people who can't create good cheers, and that is why I sided with the producers in the writer's strike. Plus, nobody watches television on the Interweb. That's silly.

Really, though, violence is awesome. Generation Kill week after week reminds us how horrible modern warfare is and how it needlessly wastes the lives of innocent bystanders and rallies our enemies against us; but a third of last week's episode was an awesome skirmish on a bridge! And the skirmish wasn't nearly as cool as the huge explosion at the beginning of the episode! And infrared sniper scopes are super cool!

What I'm not-so-subtly trying to say is that, even in the most anti-war literature - media that purposely fatigues its patrons with civilian deaths to make the point that, "yeah, this is repetitive, but this is what's happening, and you are getting used to it (uncomfortable as it may be) much in the same way the soldiers are" - violence is attractive. It doesn't matter how war weary you are. If I can find a cool way to blow up that schoolhouse over there, you're gonna be excited for it, because the flames and shizz are gonna be awesome.

What's that? You're so jaded like Aerosmith that faux-violence does nothing for you anymore? Yeah, I can see where you're coming from. I've stomped on like a thousand Goombas, and I don't even give it a passing thought anymore. Just get me to my princess and be done with it. Luckily for us, Russia has stepped in to avert our apathy. A country with more than 10,000 nukes is invading countries again, and it's hard to make life more exciting than that. I suppose watching a British guy box a Turk for orbs of metal is fun to some people, but I'd rather see one of them just shoot the other.

Actually, I wouldn't want to see that at all. Just like I wouldn't want to wake up and find out that Toledo has been nuked and thousands of people have died. Real life violence sucks, yet humanity is persistently drawn to it, and will continue to be drawn to it until the end, I presume. The stories surrounding war are tragic, but maybe that's what we want. We want a Generation Kill because we want to know how much civilization has f'ed up. Somehow, in some way, it's soothing.

And come on, as long as Toledo is getting nuked, we might as well film it, right? We'd get so many more Blogulator hits if we did.

EDIT: People seem to be getting very nervous about the violence discussed here. Fortunately, I have received just the thing to cool heads. Circuit City sent me an e-mail with July's "write a haiku about a product" winner. Jonny Gomez emerged victorious, with this gem:

Nelly's Brass Knuckles
will pound on your willing ears.
Chock full of crunk beats.

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  1. Blogger Dave | 8:08 AM |  

    Have you played Braid yet?

    Awesome - and almost non-violent. Only like silly cartoon violence. (You do jump on rabbits that meow like cats.) If you hate violence so much.

    "No violence!!" -Pat

  2. Blogger DoktorPeace | 8:23 AM |  

    Didn't you see me on your leaderboard, Dave? I played it over the weekend, somehow getting 60 without any hints, thanks to complete flukes and accidents here and there.

    Some people are insane into the hidden metaphors of the game. Have you read up anything on the hidden stars and the "alternate" ending?

  3. Blogger Dave | 12:08 PM |  

    I actually just found out about the stars - I'm going to dive back in and try to get those.

    The only piece I had to look up was the 'hunt' level where walking moves time. The ability to jump on a guy twice by going left & right in mid-air never occured to me.

    The story is cool - so far my favorites theories are:
    1) He's Einstein (literally)
    2) The princess is happiness and he's trying to start over after a bad marraige
    3) He's a convicted rapist and the princess is the girl he loved... and raped

    Oh no! Violence!

    (But seriously, #3 fits really really well if you think about it.)

  4. Blogger Lady Amy | 12:35 PM |  

    Violence isn't funny. It makes me nervous.

  5. Blogger DoktorPeace | 1:18 PM |  

    Dave - The first time I heard about the Einstein/nuke theory I was like whhaaa, but I've seen some pretty convincing arguments for it.

    Lady Amy - I'm not saying that violence is funny. I'm saying that humanity is invariably attracted to it, and nervousness is even part of that attraction.

  6. Blogger Brigitte | 1:49 PM |  

    nervousness makes me nervous.

  7. Blogger qualler | 1:51 PM |  

    Nervousness about being nervous about violence makes me nervous...and violent.

  8. Blogger Lady Amy | 2:14 PM |  

    Don't hit anyone again Qualler. Remember when you used your navy combat training in a bar fight and accidentally killed someone? Then you had to be transported home from prison on a plane full of criminals that got hijacked by some of them and you had to save the day. Remember? That's what violence leads to!

  9. Blogger Sean | 2:17 PM |  

    same argument can be made for drug movies.

    the first third of requiem made me really consider drug dealing. hell, even the last two thirds did, cause i mean, i'm way smarter than those jerks.

    doktor, let's go buy a pound of pure. no hassles.

  10. Blogger chris | 5:11 PM |  

    Sorry, just got back from a long day of violent drug dealing, otherwise I woulda chimed in sooner.

    Also, I'm dead and in prison now. Thanks, humanity.

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