Obtuse Parfait
Some people say the summer is for lovin'. Some people say the summer is for swingin'. Some people say the summer is for dancin'.
They're all wrong. It's for fruit. And gamin'.
Consequently, as I have nothing better to discuss, I've decided to compare the games I'm currently playing to fruits, in order to make them palatable for you noobs (read: plebians). I'm also going to write like a jerk, cuz that's what gamerz (read: gamers) do. Grab a fork, or, if you are like me and can't eat food with forks, a spoon.
Final Fantasy VI (Game Boy Advance): Pineapple. What's that? You don't understand that this actually refers to the US-titled SNES translation Final Fantasy III? You idiot. Look past the spiky exterior that makes the game appear inedible to passersby and consume one of the most customizable RPGs (role playing games) of the 16-bit era. The open-ended esper system provides a bit too much freedom for gamers like me who like to be tied down by limits, but the artistic enemies still make me wish I'd taken the time growing up to learn how to draw. Can untalented people learn to draw?
Ninja Gaiden (XBox 1): Breadfruit. On the commented advice of Blogulator reader LQ, I picked this up for $10 at Gamestop. I can't remember the last time I said c*** (read: cool) more than I did playing this game. Still, there is a good time to be had once you figure out how to actually use the fighting/defense system, much in the same way I imagine breadfruit could be tasty if you figured out how to use its fighting/defense system.
Trauma Center: Under the Knife (DS): Banana. You'd think I'd rock at this surgery-focused game after playing the enhanced Wii version in Madison while my friends slept and coughed around me (it was one of those cold-weather sleepovers), but I still kill the patient half the time. As with bananas, the game looks so easy to dominate, yet I accidentally knock my teeth against a lower level every once in a while, sending it to the ground in a squishy chunk of shame.
MarioKart Wii (Wii, duh): Orange. Everyone knows how to eat an orange, right? Wrong. Everybody can eat an orange if it's peeled enough for them, via the use of unbalanced items like blue spiky shells and Bullet Bills, but not everybody can rock the orange. It takes a true master of Vitamin C to lay the peel bare and finish the whole fruit sans a squirt-induced stain, and I am such a master. (Note: This last sentence reads differently in the context of Dracula 2000.)
Super Smash Brothers Brawl (Wii): Plum. Anyone can pick it up, but few non-regulars do. This game features classic Nintendo (plus) characters in an all-out "deathmatch" designed for the kiddies. I suck at it, but I still enjoy it, much as I do the purplest, delicousest fruit of all. THE PLUM!
Ouendan 2 (DS): Blueberries. I imported this quirktastic rhythm game from Japan, much as I do small blue fruits. It's incredible in smaller doses, and it's always awesome to pick up once in a while or share with friends. If I gouge on it, I tend to end up with diarrhea, but it's worth it. (Opinion: If bodily functions are more openly discussed, less embarrassment will result).
Disappointingly, I've yet to give out my Pomegranate award this summer. I'm looking for something intricate, that takes me a while to pick through, but truly satisfies. I expect The World Ends With You to fill this gap - an emo DS game that takes place in modern day Tokyo and requires players to equip small buttons (a la indie bands) in order to succeed - but the game is sold out everywhere. This is because none of the big stores (Target, Circuit City, etc.) will carry it until they realize the game/fruit's nutritional value:
500 nerd calories of fleshy fiber.
PS. In the end, I don't think I wrote that jerk-ishly. I guess I'm too much of a softy, unlike what a good apple should be.
They're all wrong. It's for fruit. And gamin'.
Consequently, as I have nothing better to discuss, I've decided to compare the games I'm currently playing to fruits, in order to make them palatable for you noobs (read: plebians). I'm also going to write like a jerk, cuz that's what gamerz (read: gamers) do. Grab a fork, or, if you are like me and can't eat food with forks, a spoon.
Final Fantasy VI (Game Boy Advance): Pineapple. What's that? You don't understand that this actually refers to the US-titled SNES translation Final Fantasy III? You idiot. Look past the spiky exterior that makes the game appear inedible to passersby and consume one of the most customizable RPGs (role playing games) of the 16-bit era. The open-ended esper system provides a bit too much freedom for gamers like me who like to be tied down by limits, but the artistic enemies still make me wish I'd taken the time growing up to learn how to draw. Can untalented people learn to draw?
Ninja Gaiden (XBox 1): Breadfruit. On the commented advice of Blogulator reader LQ, I picked this up for $10 at Gamestop. I can't remember the last time I said c*** (read: cool) more than I did playing this game. Still, there is a good time to be had once you figure out how to actually use the fighting/defense system, much in the same way I imagine breadfruit could be tasty if you figured out how to use its fighting/defense system.
Trauma Center: Under the Knife (DS): Banana. You'd think I'd rock at this surgery-focused game after playing the enhanced Wii version in Madison while my friends slept and coughed around me (it was one of those cold-weather sleepovers), but I still kill the patient half the time. As with bananas, the game looks so easy to dominate, yet I accidentally knock my teeth against a lower level every once in a while, sending it to the ground in a squishy chunk of shame.
MarioKart Wii (Wii, duh): Orange. Everyone knows how to eat an orange, right? Wrong. Everybody can eat an orange if it's peeled enough for them, via the use of unbalanced items like blue spiky shells and Bullet Bills, but not everybody can rock the orange. It takes a true master of Vitamin C to lay the peel bare and finish the whole fruit sans a squirt-induced stain, and I am such a master. (Note: This last sentence reads differently in the context of Dracula 2000.)
Super Smash Brothers Brawl (Wii): Plum. Anyone can pick it up, but few non-regulars do. This game features classic Nintendo (plus) characters in an all-out "deathmatch" designed for the kiddies. I suck at it, but I still enjoy it, much as I do the purplest, delicousest fruit of all. THE PLUM!
Ouendan 2 (DS): Blueberries. I imported this quirktastic rhythm game from Japan, much as I do small blue fruits. It's incredible in smaller doses, and it's always awesome to pick up once in a while or share with friends. If I gouge on it, I tend to end up with diarrhea, but it's worth it. (Opinion: If bodily functions are more openly discussed, less embarrassment will result).
Disappointingly, I've yet to give out my Pomegranate award this summer. I'm looking for something intricate, that takes me a while to pick through, but truly satisfies. I expect The World Ends With You to fill this gap - an emo DS game that takes place in modern day Tokyo and requires players to equip small buttons (a la indie bands) in order to succeed - but the game is sold out everywhere. This is because none of the big stores (Target, Circuit City, etc.) will carry it until they realize the game/fruit's nutritional value:
500 nerd calories of fleshy fiber.
PS. In the end, I don't think I wrote that jerk-ishly. I guess I'm too much of a softy, unlike what a good apple should be.
Labels: DoktorPeace, Video Games
This entry was posted by DoktorPeace, on
Tuesday, June 03, 2008.
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FF3(6) is the greatest game of life. I've played through it on the SNES at least 7 or 8 times.
Are you a master of the game??
1. Did you save Shadow so you can find him in the World of Ruin (WoR)? And did you see his crazy dreams that give away secrets when you slept in the Inn?
2. Can you find both secret characters? Umaro and Gogo.
3. Can you acquire the Paladin Shield (teaches Ultima) and the Illumina sword?
If I weren't already spending hours a day playing FF12 for the ps2, I'd probably be playing through FF3(6) again. I hope they didn't add a bunch of stupid changes to ruin it.
Is Kefka still a jerk?
I like video games too much.
I just read an FAQ on new names and translations in the updated game. They made some upsetting changes. What a drag.
My parents never got me FF3(6) the first time around on SNES, even though I asked for it every present day. I'm battling Kefka for the final time now (I think), so to preserve spoilers I haven't investigated the game too much. I did get all the Shadow stuff, but I completely missed the Moogle somehow. Cyan has learned Ultima, but I think he did it through an esper (not a shield).
I thought critics said the translation was supposed to be an upgrade yet the music a downgrade to condense it for the portable? Sean, as new Blogulator Final Fantasy androgynous sexpert, disagrees.
What is breadfruit? I don't think I've ever eaten that.
I'm a big fan of androgyny!
I loved when I woke up at 5:11am during that sleepover (yeah we're in our 20s and still have sleepover, get over it!) and you were still playing that godforsaken surgery game!!!!!
If you're liking Ninja Gaiden, be sure to check out God of War (& God of War 2) if you can get a PS2. I played the GoW's before Ninja Gaiden, and it struck me as a simpler version of that same idea (or, since it came out first, GoW was a more complex version). Both are great games, and if you like one you'll probably like the other too!
I miss having a great RPG to play - I haven't had one for so long. I tried to play the new Dragon Quest and just couldn't get into it for some reason. With recommendations like this, maybe I'll go grab FFIV! (Is there anything else you'd recommend instead? Has anyone played the new FF for the DS? That's supposed to be good.)
FF12 for ps2 is pretty deece albeit long. it's got a pretty cool combat system that you can customize a lot and it's got crap loads of side quests.
the story is a tad weak, though.
FF4 and FF6 (jap. titles, both on snes) are awesome. FF5 was only released in japan and it has the same engine as FF4 it seems. You can download a decent translation rom and play it on an emulator. Old school RPGs on emulator are great cause they have frame skipping. You can breeze through tedious battles by holding down the "A" button and skipping frames. like 5 seconds per battle assuming your characters don't die. it's fun times.
If you have learned Japanese since we last met, I'd say Mother 3. Otherwise, the Final Fantasies mentioned are good so long as you appreciate the slower pace and oft-formulaic stories of JRPGs. I'm also interested in the original Phantasy Stars (compiled on a GBA cart, I believe). And Lost Odyssey for the 360.
Seriously check out The World Ends With You. I've only heard good things, and there should be a bunch of reviews up.
Back when ROMs were totes semi-legal, I used battle speed-up and "save anywhere" technology to bust through the first 2 Final Fantasies and the first 2 Breath of Fires (plus more?). I almost feel like I went too fast, as I hardly remember any of them anymore, but at least I have more faux accomplishments to list on my resume of life.
Wow, I was just playing Ninja Gaiden again last night, and I hadn't played it in a good year or so. Seriously, one of the best games I've ever played. Did you get Ninja Gaiden Black? The Black one will give you a bunch of missions you can do once you beat the game, which are basically just go into a room and kill a bunch of people with various weapons missions.
Lately I have been spending all of my game time on World of Warcraft, which I only started playing a few months ago....is there anyone else here who plays it? It would be more fun if it wasn't just doing tedious things for a really long time just so your stats can be a little better.
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