You'd Prefer Russian Leaders?

My excuse is that I felt nauseous and stayed home from work and therefore didn't have 8 hours to kill browsing the internet. What is your excuse for not commenting on Qualler's yesterday post? Yeah I'm angry about it! The man practically quit his accountancy job so that he could put the time and effort into watching TV shows about our presidents and then transform his deepest, darkest feelings into words (you should see the e-mail he sent to Blogulator staff regarding Abigail Adams vis a vis apple juice). I know lots of you are prancing around New York and getting stabbed and mugged and stuff, forgetting the visceral calm of the Midwest that so embraces the blogging atmosphere, but come on! At least comment with "Nice post." It may be the "Have a good summer" of blogging, but those "Have a good summer(s)" were important in making me believe I had friends, and making me believe that girls might have liked me depending on whether they signed their names with hearts or not...
You're all crushing my fantasies!

Re: Abigail Adams and apple juice.
As I awoke throughout the day, I pondered the question all ill folk tend to wonder: When did we as a culture become so capable of transforming otherwise innocent sentences into dirty euphemisms? "That's what she said" is a classic one-liner that I can't ever imagine getting sick of, so long as it's used sparingly and creatively. And really, it could probably be used for half of the things said during normal conversation:

• "I'm going downtown." That's what she said!

• "I'm going to write an e-mail about Abigail Adams and apple juice." That's what she said!

• "I'm going to have sex with a strong man." That's what she said!

It's a cure-all phrase, good for what ails ya, and it's the only reason I'm awake and healthy right now, typing this very post, with a cat on my lap. That's what she said?

None of what I've written so far really makes sense, but I'm hoping that my idiocy will at least start off some comments like, "That's not funny," or, "I don't get it," or "Have a good summer ;)." Wait, what did that last one mean? Should I ask that commenter out, or do they sign all of their comments like that? Graargh why does it have to be so hard?! That's what...

I'd like to know when exactly society became so perverted. Maybe it all started with those freedom-lovers and their Declaration of Independence, written up while the wives were out pouring juice. Or maybe it's an intrinsic response to the hard-line morality propagated by the continually rising Evangelical movement. Whatever the force is that has now twisted our minds so, it surely didn't hit Los Angeles until after the Rams moved away. How do I know this? Because their football team made the following music video:

This is art made by the innocent - unaware of the constant innuendo and downright strangeness of the whole endeavor - and made for the evil, lurking in the shadows, snickering at the hilarious concupiscence of it all.

Now turn out the lights! My head's starting to hurt again, and I must sleep in the dark, my sneering, contented face visible only against the glow of the 1986 Los Angeles Rams...

This entry was posted by DoktorPeace, on Monday, April 28, 2008. You can leave your response.