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Quiche me, I'm eggsalent.

You say you want some couch potato business? You say that Fall means a new season of television? I say...you are correct. And with cable, this year, I might actually watch some television shows as they happen. But probably not. Let's give it a try, though, anyway.

MONDAY

7:00 -- NOTHING! I almost was going to watch the CW's Aliens in America sitcom, which sounded like would fill the deep void that has existed in my soul since 3rd Rock from the Sun went off the air. But then I read the description of the show, in which I learned aliens refers to "citizens from a different country." NEXT.

8:00 -- Nothing, again, until the new season of 24, featuring Janeane Garofalo, comes on in January. If she's anything like she is in the Bag Hutch commercial from the Mr. Show sketch below, it might just be worth watching.



Of course, I promised Chris that I'd give Heroes a second chance if he gave The Sopranos a second chance, so I might be watching Hayley Patenierre as she gets creepily watched by millions of male twenty-something comic book nerds across the country. If there's grass on the field, play ball, right? Eeeeesh.

9:00 -- CSI: Miami on CBS. Just the first three minutes until David "Horatio" Caruso takes off his shades.

TUESDAY

7:00 -- Cavemen on ABC. YOU KNOW WHAT COMMERCIALS I LOVE I LOVE THOSE COMMERCIALS WITH CAVEMEN GUYS IN IT CUZ ITS LIKE THEY ARE TOTALLY SOCIALLY AWARE OF PEOPLE WHO GET DISCRIMINATED AGAINST PEOPLE AND THEY ARE LIKE ALSO REALLY FUNNY THIS SHOW IS GONNA BE GREAT ALMOST AS GREAT AS THE MOVIE BASED ON TEH BURGER KING GUY

8:00 -- Chuck on NBC. As The Hater from The AV Club aptly pointed out, why is "geek chic" depicted on television always about a still good looking guy who has glasses and/or shaggy hair who simply pronounces himself a nerd count as being a nerd?

9:00 -- Cane on CBS. Is this the one with Ray Liotta, or is this the one with Jeff Goldblum, or is this the one with James Woods? Wrong, wrong, and wrong -- this is the one-word drama show starring Jimmy Smits. Here's the twist, though -- his name isn't cane. Cane refers to his character owning a sugar cane empire. I'll give it 14 episodes until it gets canned.

WEDNESDAY

7:00 -- Kid Nation on CBS. Who doesn't love watching questionable child labor practices paraded as an entertaining reality television show?

8:00 -- Private Practice on ABC. Ooooh, sounds kinda hot. Like that show Silk Stalkings that used to be on USA when I was 11 and still wondering when I would hit puberty. Wait, this is a spinoff of Grey's Anatomy? Skip.

9:00 -- Dirty Sexy Money on ABC. Sounds hot again, except I actually want to see this. It was created by Six Feet Under scribe Craig Wright and STARS (SIX FEET UNDER STAR) NATHANIEL FISHER, JR., aka Peter Krause. (No, his real name doesn't matter as much as his character name.) And despite the horrible title, and despite starting with a very, very similar premise to Six Feet Under (father dies unexpectedly, son is reluctant to take over a business he promised he would never take), this actually looks like it might have promise. And with castmates like Jack Bauer's real dad, one of the Baldwins, and Anna from The OC, it's loaded with potential. Is it just me, or does Nate Fisher look incredibly uncomfortable hanging out with rich people?


THURSDAY

I'll be at Chris and Jerksica's place, watching 30 Rock and The Office. Turns out, this "Office" show is pretty funny. I never gave it a chance until I started watching it on Netflix Watch Now, and while I agree that I still cringe in all Jim and Pam awkward love scenes, Steve Carell is a comic genius. And the original Baldwin and hottie Tina Fey in 30 Rock is enough to rev me up!

FRIDAY

9:00 on NBC -- Friday Night Lights. I'm giving this one another chance via watching the first season on Netflix. I'll probably give up.

THE WEEKEND

Duh, this is the time to catch up on what really matters -- watching 90s teen soaps like Beverly Hills 90210, Dawson's Creek, and, my new favorite, Party of Five, on DVD. Good Lord, the Salinger family has the most teeth of anybody? And when is somebody going to give Lacey Chabert her own TV series? Everybody else in the following scene got one. The depressing thing about watching Party of Five, though, is enjoying it for the dated 90s grunge music and incredibly poor, labored choices each character makes, and then they hit you with a "we're doing this because our parents are dead" speech that makes you kinda wanna cry.

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  1. Blogger DoktorPeace | 12:12 AM |  

    I've been on the Lacey bandwagon since Mean Girls.
    Pitch for a show: A mob has the city of Des Moines completely under its control. The mob also has supernatural tendencies blah blah blah. Anyway, the only detective that can solve the clues leading to this mob's biomechanical heart (so it can be destroyed) is Lacey Chabert's cleavage. Why? Because only something as deep and with as many hidden secrets as her cleavage can solve something as deep and hidden as this mystery.

    Hold up. Maggie Q is currently on Conan. Her cleavage would be a perfect assistant, and it fits our ethnic cleavage quota. Yes! Now we just need a tittle (sic)...

  2. Blogger P. Arty | 8:39 AM |  

    Are there eggs in quiche?

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