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Ad it Up: Getting Your Balance

Have you ever dreamed of possessing superhuman strength? Being "faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive (if we assume that you are still in the 1940s and that locomotives, or trains as we now call them, are still relevant), and able to leap tall buildings in a single bound?" It is perfectly natural to desire such superhero qualities. But if you got to pick your superpower, what would it be? Now, you might be thinking that this conversation is not really worth having because you weren't born on Krypton and you're not an undercover millionaire martial-arts expert.

Let's not forget, dear blogu-reader, that Jem was just an ordinary woman with some magical hologram-making earrings. And Popeye was just a wimp without his spinach. The Green Lantern had his girly-yet-power-inducing ring, and Captain Planet couldn't even appear without the combined force of the Planeteers' teamwork. What if there were some sort of food you could eat or jewelry you could wear to give you...oh, I don't know...balance, strength, and energy?

Wouldn't you know it, there is now an infomercial-product out there that does just that!
It is amazing to me just how unbalanced the American public really is. Without this magic bracelet that restores one's natural balance, I can't imagine how people live. Especially when all of those nondescript, never-to-be-named, non-endorsing "athletes and celebrities" are paying thousands of dollars for restorative jewelry that is only worth $40. And I can get said $40 jewelry for only $19.99! I always wondered how stars keep their balance on the red carpet in high heels. Now I know!

In summary, today's lesson is that superhero powers are not yet out of your reach. All you need is your own magical jewelry, and you will have the strongest equilibrium on the planet and will be able to inflict vertigo on all of your enemies! Muahahahahahahahahah!

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  1. Blogger Papa Thor | 8:09 AM |  

    I wear a special ankle support with magic ions, and I haven't sprained my ankle since. (but I still have bunions, so maybe it's just psychosomatic?)
    Plus, are you sure that's how you spell Muahahahahahahahahah? I thought it was Mwahahahahahahahaha.

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