Stars: They're Nothing Like Us (They're Crazy!)
Lady Amy here patrolling the celebrity scene once again on your behalf, blog-u-readers! And as it turns out, famous people are kinda crazy. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to stereotype all celebs. That would be wrong. You see, stars are not all the same - they come in all types of crazy. For example, there is the Hugh Hefner "I move like a snail now but will still pretend like my junk works" crazy; there is the Andy Dick "ADHD, someone please pay attention to me -- ooooh, a shiny object!" crazy; and there is the Bill O'Reilly "say offensive stuff loud enough until people believe you" crazy. Here are some modern examples of star craziness from recent headlines:
The "Belief That Science Fiction is Real" Crazy
Remember the movies Austin Powers, Forever Young, and Vanilla Sky? If you were Britney Spears you would be wise to review these classics in preparation of your postmortem cryogenic freezing. You would learn that you will miss out on decades of history or have difficulty relating to people or your life might become a blurry mess of even crazier craziness (and you'd have a messed-up face to boot). Britney got the idea for cryogenics after learning that Walt Disney himself was frozen in hopes that one day the technology would exist to bring him back to life. Once the Disney corporation sinks its claws into young starlets they are hooked for life, so being a faithful Mouseketeer, Britney is following suit and following Disney into the dark. (Little does she know, Walt Disney was actually cremated -- because no one wants their wrinkly, half-broken, 65-year-old body preserved!)
The "I Have a Reputation for Being Crazy and Have Decided to Run With It" Crazy
This video pretty much says it all...
The "How Can I Keep the Camera on Me?" Crazy
Heidi Montag may look horrendous on the outside but on the inside...no, wait, she's still horrendous there too. And according to People, she has no friends or family. On a recent episode of The Hills - you know, that show that Lauren Conrad started and then moved on from but it is still on for some reason - Heidi was recorded saying, “It’s just really hard … I don’t have my family anymore and I don’t really have the same core group of friends anymore.” That, I guess, is the price to pay for fame-whoring: first you marry an asshole with a flesh-colored beard, surgically mold your body into the weirdest, most unnatural shape ever, and then you lose everyone who was telling you not to all along. I do feel sorry for Heidi in some ways, but I just can't get over the sneaking suspicion that I really can't trust what she is telling the media to get attention.
The "My Parents Give Me Now Boundaries" Crazy
As I stated previously, the Disney corporation has an insane ability to completely rob young actresses of their ability to lead a normal life, but it is not only the youth that are affected. Sometimes it is the parents of these Disney princesses that are the problem. For example, Miley Cyrus is giving lap dances to middle-aged men and her dad is totally fine with it. As a celebrity expert, I am not usually shocked by much in Hollyweird, but I was a little disgusted to read that Billy Ray Cyrus thought that a 17-year-old in shorty shorts grinding on a 44-year-old could be chalked up to kids having fun. That's just what kids do: hit on guys old enough to be their dads. Guess I was a lot lamer in high school than I had originally thought!
So this week I discovered that there are all kinds of ways for celebrities to be eccentric. But then again, just when I'm starting to think that celebs are a lot crazier than the rest of us, I just happen to see a local news story about the latest drinking craze the "kids" are into. It's called "Eyeballing," where one drinks a crapload and then proceeds to pour vodka in his/her eyeballs. Is this really a trend sweeping the nation or is this the new greatest irrational fear for sheltered middle-class parents everywhere? Maybe we are all a little crazy, and maybe stars really are just like us.
The "Belief That Science Fiction is Real" Crazy
Remember the movies Austin Powers, Forever Young, and Vanilla Sky? If you were Britney Spears you would be wise to review these classics in preparation of your postmortem cryogenic freezing. You would learn that you will miss out on decades of history or have difficulty relating to people or your life might become a blurry mess of even crazier craziness (and you'd have a messed-up face to boot). Britney got the idea for cryogenics after learning that Walt Disney himself was frozen in hopes that one day the technology would exist to bring him back to life. Once the Disney corporation sinks its claws into young starlets they are hooked for life, so being a faithful Mouseketeer, Britney is following suit and following Disney into the dark. (Little does she know, Walt Disney was actually cremated -- because no one wants their wrinkly, half-broken, 65-year-old body preserved!)The "I Have a Reputation for Being Crazy and Have Decided to Run With It" Crazy
This video pretty much says it all...
The "How Can I Keep the Camera on Me?" Crazy
Heidi Montag may look horrendous on the outside but on the inside...no, wait, she's still horrendous there too. And according to People, she has no friends or family. On a recent episode of The Hills - you know, that show that Lauren Conrad started and then moved on from but it is still on for some reason - Heidi was recorded saying, “It’s just really hard … I don’t have my family anymore and I don’t really have the same core group of friends anymore.” That, I guess, is the price to pay for fame-whoring: first you marry an asshole with a flesh-colored beard, surgically mold your body into the weirdest, most unnatural shape ever, and then you lose everyone who was telling you not to all along. I do feel sorry for Heidi in some ways, but I just can't get over the sneaking suspicion that I really can't trust what she is telling the media to get attention.
The "My Parents Give Me Now Boundaries" Crazy
As I stated previously, the Disney corporation has an insane ability to completely rob young actresses of their ability to lead a normal life, but it is not only the youth that are affected. Sometimes it is the parents of these Disney princesses that are the problem. For example, Miley Cyrus is giving lap dances to middle-aged men and her dad is totally fine with it. As a celebrity expert, I am not usually shocked by much in Hollyweird, but I was a little disgusted to read that Billy Ray Cyrus thought that a 17-year-old in shorty shorts grinding on a 44-year-old could be chalked up to kids having fun. That's just what kids do: hit on guys old enough to be their dads. Guess I was a lot lamer in high school than I had originally thought!So this week I discovered that there are all kinds of ways for celebrities to be eccentric. But then again, just when I'm starting to think that celebs are a lot crazier than the rest of us, I just happen to see a local news story about the latest drinking craze the "kids" are into. It's called "Eyeballing," where one drinks a crapload and then proceeds to pour vodka in his/her eyeballs. Is this really a trend sweeping the nation or is this the new greatest irrational fear for sheltered middle-class parents everywhere? Maybe we are all a little crazy, and maybe stars really are just like us.
Labels: celebrities, Lady Amy, Stars: They're Nothing Like Us
This entry was posted by Lady Amy, on
Wednesday, May 26, 2010.
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Haha, thanks again, Lady Amy. One positive I got from this post is that I realize I am at the perfect age: halfway between creepy and wrinkly!
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