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A Scene from the Musical, "Wicked: The Untold Story of the Tattooed Homewrecker Who Supposedly 'Ruined' the Life of America's Sweetheart"

ACT ONE, Scene 3: JESSE JAMES'S MOTORCYCLE SHOP. Michelle McGee enters, wearing a bikini covered by a short robe. She covered head to toe in tattoos, except for her face which shows how deathly pale her real skin is.

MICHELLE: Hello. I'm here for the audition.
JESSE: (stunned) Audition? (beat) Oh, yes. The....um....audition.
MICHELLE: The description was fairly vague. What exactly would I be modeling?
JESSE: Good question. Well, you'll be modeling....(looks around frantically)...bikes. Yes, bikes. Motorcycles.
MICHELLE: Motorcycles. Okay. I can do that. (takes off robe)
JESSE: (eyes bug out of head) Yaooowwzzzza!
MICHELLE: You know, I'm pretty new to modeling. I just lost my job, so this is just a temporary situation.
JESSE: (gaining more composure) Of course it is, sweetie.

MICHELLE: You know, I guess I've just never been very confident about showing off my body. I mean, as a lady I try to be as modest as I possibly can be. Plus, I'm not sure I've got the figure for Hollywood.
JESSE: What? No way. You look great. In fact, you look so good that I think I can cancel all the rest of the appointments today. (Michelle looks around to find no one else waiting). You're hired. You're perfect. You've got the look, kid!MICHELLE: (thinks for a minute, but sees no other choice) Okay. I'll take it.

(Jesse puts one hand on Michelle's shoulder. She smiles sweetly at the friendly gesture and then looks down to find a ring on his left ring finger)

MICHELLE: (surprised) You're married.
JESSE: Yes, to Sandra Bullock, but you know all Hollywood marriages are just big publicity stunts, right? (gives seductive look) Besides, rings come off, darlin' (starts rubbing her shoulders)
MICHELLE: I don't know about this...
JESSE: You wanna be star, don'tcha?!

MICHELLE: (thinking) Well...I do really need this job...

(breaks into song)

OH I CAME FROM A SMALL TOWN
SMALLEST ONE AROUND
MY AMISH PARENTS WARNED ME
OF THE EVIL THAT COULD ONLY
COME WITH THE SECULAR LIFE
OF BREAKING UP HUSBAND AND WIFE

OH HOLLYWOOD, I DID NOT WANT YOU
BUT FAME AND FORTUNE THEY ALWAYS DO
WIN OUT IN THE END
WHEN NO ONE WILL LEND

A HAND...

HE SAYS HIS MARRIAGE IS JUST FOR SHOW
BUT WHY THEN DOES SHE NOT KNOW
ABOUT ALL THE OTHERS
HOW MANY LOVERS
ARE HIS...

I'M JUST A POOR GIRL FROM SMALL MEANS
AND NOW I'M COMING APART AT THE SEAMS
I USED TO DREAM BENEATH THE BIG DIPPER
NOW MY DREAM IS TO BECOME A GREAT STRIPPER

FAME, YOU PROPOSED DOWN ON ONE KNEE
OH HOLLYWOOD, YOU'VE GOT A HOLD ON ME...

[end scene]

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  1. Blogger Papa Thor | 12:50 PM |  

    Haha, so is this considered "anti-fan" fiction? Plus, why did you put "ruined" in quotes? Sandra Bullock will never be able to get another date in her life, let alone a husband, she is tarnished goods!

  2. Blogger Lady Amy | 1:38 PM |  

    What? No way. She'll be dating again in no time. Everyone wants her.

  3. Blogger Papa Thor | 2:52 PM |  

    Let's see: gorgeous super star super rich academy award winning actress with bad judgment in men, who wants to mess with that?

  4. Blogger Brigitte | 12:23 PM |  

    this is perhaps the best thing you've ever written, lady amy. just amazing.

  5. Blogger Papa Thor | 7:15 AM |  

    Several months ago I adjusted my Wednesday morning routine to read Lady Amy first, then Savage Love.

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