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Stars: They're Nothing Like Us (Jon - Kate + 22-year-old Pot Head - Responsibility)

R.I.P. M.J.

Just had to get that out there because Michael Jackson's death has been so inflated by the media that it almost seems insensitive to talk about anything else -- which, I guess, is a good metric for how important you are. If they gloss over a Supreme Court confirmation hearing for you, you know you've made it.

Not that M.J. isn't important, and it's not that I haven't been glued to my TV watching footage from the memorial, but it is time to pay a little attention to our other celebrity friends. It's time to move on with our lives. And what better way to start getting on with our lives than some good Jon and Kate gossip? Here's the latest headline from People:

"Jon Gosselin's New Girlfriend a 'Party Animal'"

How on earth does such a terrible father/husband and generally disgusting person in such a public role manage to ALWAYS escape the consequences of his actions? More than that, how does he always succeed in shifting the public blame to the women in his life?

When the whole raising your kids on television thing didn't end up being all smiles and magic, it was because Kate was so camera thirsty that she sacrificed her whole family's happiness to be famous. When Jon cheated on Kate, it was because Kate was such a hard-to-please bitch that she drove him right into another woman's arms. The other woman should have known better. And now, it seems like Jon's new girlfriend is already being set up as the fall guy for when things get bad. Here's the evidence presented against her (People):
"She's one of those crazy party animals," one source tells PEOPLE, adding that during her time at Indiana University, she never really had a steady boyfriend. "She would probably be that type of girl who would get on top of the bar and start dancing." Adds another source: "I've seen her dance with a stripper before at a party." As for her style, "She dresses interestingly," says the source. "It's pretty fashion-forward."
So now bitchy, jealous frenemies who like to speculate on a person's sluttiness count as "sources?" And not having a steady boyfriend means that you are an exotic dancer? The story is not entirely over-the-top, though. She was busted for smoking pot once and underage drinking once. Here's her mug shot from the arrest. She actually looks pretty good in it; she's even smiling. If Amanda Bynes grew out of her adorably clumsy phase, this is what she'd look like:

The pot arrest seems inconsistent with her "party animal" status, as I would have thought a "party animal's" drug of choice would be some kind of upper, but I suppose the press will take what they can get. Regardless, I predict right now that this "party animal" status will somehow become the source of Jon's mistreatment of his children. Just watch. In another week or so he'll do something irresponsible, like forgetting to pick the kids up from school, and it will all be because he was out too late getting high with his party animal girlfriend. The "Parents. The Anti-Drug." people would LOVE to make a dramatized television commercial out of it. Whatever happens, though, it will definitely not be Jon's fault.

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  1. Anonymous OHD | 10:53 AM |  

    Eh let's be honest, Jon and Kate are both monsters whose children should be put in therapy right this minute. Kate is awful in a more villifiable way (she IS fame/money hungry and ill-tempered), but Jon is just as guilty of ruining their family and basically ensuring that their kids end up on Celebrity Rehab 417, talking to Dr. Drew's cryogenically frozen head about their issues. Sigh. Poor, adorable babies.

  2. Blogger Papa Thor | 1:11 PM |  

    Joe and Kate Jackson had 10 kids, who were thrust into the public eye from early childhood, and they all turned out all ... um, I suppose the limit is five kids, any past that and you get all screwed up (just ask my 9 siblings)

  3. Blogger qualler | 4:58 PM |  

    Amanda Bynes would NEVER look that fugly, even in a theoretical mug shot where she shot up heroin, did 42 lines of coke off a hooker's ass, and 77 shots. That's how not hot that "party animal" is. I don't say this too often, but woof!

  4. Blogger anita | 4:01 PM |  

    hey blogulator,

    this post is spot on. love it. kate may have been rough but i'm pretty sure jon lost his mind and is just movin on. also love this http://community.livejournal.com/ohnotheydidnt/37168302.html

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