<body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener('load', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/plusone.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() { if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) { gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({ url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar.g?targetBlogID\x3d16149408\x26blogName\x3dThe+Blogulator\x26publishMode\x3dPUBLISH_MODE_BLOGSPOT\x26navbarType\x3dBLACK\x26layoutType\x3dCLASSIC\x26searchRoot\x3dhttp://chrisandqualler.blogspot.com/search\x26blogLocale\x3den_US\x26v\x3d2\x26homepageUrl\x3dhttp://chrisandqualler.blogspot.com/\x26vt\x3d7090024357285529333', where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"), id: "navbar-iframe" }); } }); </script>

« Home | Next » | Next » | Next » | Next » | Next » | Next » | Next » | Next » | Next » | Next »

Ad it Up: How to "Be Mayo"

There has been this disgusting billboard at the edge of downtown Minneapolis, that has been irking me for several weeks now. It is has a picture of a guy chillin' and just says, "Don't be so Mayo." To me, mayonnaise is about the grossest substance on earth, so for the first couple of times I saw the sign I had to turn away to prevent puking. After a while, I would just stare at the billboard in disgust until finally it occurred to me to try to figure out what the ad was even for. With no product name or picture to help me out, I was stuck. Here, you try:

Answer: Miracle Whip.

Miracle Whip (which I previously thought WAS mayo) is actually to mayonnaise what Cool Whip is to whipped cream. So now the ad makes a bit more sense -- or does it? "Don't Be So Mayo?" What does that even mean? How can one "be mayo?" From the billboard, I don't really get a sense of whether this guy is or is not "mayo." Am I supposed to want to be like him or hate him? On the one hand, he looks pretty douchey, but on the other hand he seems pretty chilled out. I am at a loss.

With such a vague picture to go on, I was forced to take my question to the YouTube for a better visual. There, I discovered that "being mayo" was a lot worse than just being douchey.



Being mayo is being boring. Being mayo is never smiling, having fun, or doing your own thing. Being mayo is not living life to the fullest. Being mayo is blindly following the crowd. Being mayo is not having synchronized dances at rooftop parties. Being mayo is being a sheep!!

I always thought that it was my truck or my computer or my energy drink that defined me. It never occurred to me that my sandwich spread could represent my personality too! Well, since I like to live on the edge, I will choose the condiment that shares my refusal to tone it down. It's Miracle Whip for me. Whew.

But if living on the edge is not as convincing an argument for you, perhaps we can find something that will sell you on the benefits of Miracle Whip if we trace its advertisement history back through the years:

2004 -- Cultural references a little too late

Remember that really long Tom Hanks movie where he talks to a volleyball on an island for 90% of it? That came out in 2000. Apparently, spoofing it was still funny in 2004 -- at least according to Miracle Whip. If you agree, perhaps this ad will work on you:



1985 -- Sex Appeal and Food

I'm pretty sure this commercial is the basis for King of Queens-type sitcoms. Fat guy married to an overly understanding woman who stands by him even though his every thought -- including his wet dreams -- involve food. Sexy, huh? How delightfully sublime to have a scary orgasm over a whip-less sandwich.



1979 -- Anthropomorphism!

If neither sex appeal nor the promise of a good life get to you, then there's only one avenue left to explore. Anthropomorphic hamburgers! If you care for none of marketing's other promises, then all you really need are dancing and singing food items.



After all this, only one question remains. Are YOU going to be an individual, or are you going to be so mayo?

Labels: ,

  1. Blogger chris | 8:18 AM |  

    I love mayo, especially on my burger, so 1979 was the only one that did it for me.

    And the 2004 one had so much visible green screen, I though Sean directed it. Hey-oh!

  2. Blogger Brigitte | 12:23 PM |  

    hahahahahahahahahahahahah......those singing hamburgers!! that made my whole week.

    i'm never using mayonnaise again! thanks miracle whip!!

  3. Blogger qualler | 3:25 PM |  

    THIS ADVERTISING CAMPAIGN "DON'T BE SO MAYO" CONFUSES ME SO MUCH!!! So, mayonnaise is totally lame, but Miracle Whip is awesome? How many hipsters sit around slathering Miracle Whip on their sandwiches? THIS MAKES NO SENSE. I did really like the singing hamburgers a lot, though.

    p.s. Mayo on the #17 sandwich at Jimmy John's, the Ultimate Porker, is delicious.

  4. Blogger chris | 3:33 PM |  

    Neatorama clears it up for me. The main diff is Miracle Whip has sugar and high fructose corn syrup, whereas mayo does not.

    WHY WOULD YOU WANT A SWEET SANDWICH SPREAD?

    DON'T BE SO MIRACLE WHIP!

    Mayo rawks. Eggs, oil, and vinegar, what else do you need?

  5. Blogger qualler | 3:37 PM |  

    I'm with Chris. Mayo all the way!

  6. Blogger Lady Amy | 3:42 PM |  

    Why would you want anything that tastes like a tangy heart-attack-waiting-to-happen on your sandwich?!

    Neither one, thank you.

  7. Blogger qualler | 3:45 PM |  

    On a side note, I was at the grocery store last night and noticed an explosion of new mustard flavors. Horseradish, Spicy So-And-So, Tangy Two-Tone Twisteez, etc. What's up wit dat?

  8. Blogger Lady Amy | 3:47 PM |  

    This generation wants unlimited choices, Qualler. We don't want our parents' condiments!

    Because we are bold and not boring and we're all individuals or something. And we're going to express our individuality through our sandwich spreads.

  9. Blogger chris | 3:53 PM |  

    And yet it's still just regular old Miracle Whip, invented by the dinosaurs, that they're advertising!!! Now if it was Tangy Two-Tone Miracle Whip, I might buy it!

    Now MUSTARD, that's totally gross. Why would you want something yellow on your sandwich? That's the color of URINE!

  10. Blogger Papa Thor | 5:01 PM |  

    We have mayo with olive oil, and mayo with garlic, good to make tune salad with. I use honey mustard or pesto or even barbecue sauce depending on if it's ham or turkey or a kosher hotdog. Miracle whip is only good for gross-out Halloween costumes.

  11. Blogger Lady Amy | 10:41 AM |  

    How do you make Miracle Whip into a Halloween costume?

    I can only picture the "Varsity Blues" whipped cream bikini -- only with Miracle Whip -- which would be so disgusting I can't even talk about it.

  12. Blogger Papa Thor | 11:00 AM |  

    Your mind went a different way, I'm not judging, but I agree that would be a true gross-out costume.
    I was thinking more of those giant zit costumes, perhaps they were urban legends?
    I also agree that we should discuss no further.

leave a response