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Recession-Style Oscars: Pinching Pennies

I bet you're sick of hearing about the Oscars already. And it's only Wednesday! Nevertheless, we're all waiting with bated breath to find out who will win, who will wear the ugliest dress, and who will assume they won't win, get smashed, and embarrass the hell out of themselves in their acceptance speeches. But until Sunday those questions will remain unanswered, and the buzz will continue. So here it goes...

As I was alternating between celebrity gossip and stimulus package news today, I came across several interesting stories...and after I calmed myself down about Milo Ventimiglia being back on the market, I found this Oscars-related item about scaling back on celebrity swag at the awards. Of course, "scaling back" is a funny concept when your starting point is diamond-infused facial cream or a year's worth of Botox (maybe that's how Kathy Griffin affords it!). It never really occurred to me before today that Hollyweird even worried about the economy like the rest of us. The Oscars are just a fabulous, no-expenses-spared party with a red carpet, limos, and dresses that cost what I make in a year (or two or three). So what would the Academy Awards look like if we hit a depression?

1) The Rides
Of course, A-listers would still arrive in style during a depression, but there would have to be some limits on the extravagance - absolutely NO Hummer-limos. For second-class stars two trends would naturally occur. First, they could hoof it, but this would probably prove to be difficult in high heels and a giant mob of fans and paparazzi. Second, there's always a carpool, which could actually be pretty fun, like a miniature pre-party in a car! Plus, carpooling would help out the press because they could photograph a lot of celebs for the price of one.

2) The Clothes
Next, in a depression, celebrities would simply have to settle for second-rate clothing designers. Even if you're not suffering, you're going to catch a lot of flack if you show off your money. Case in point: Sarah Palin. Don't wear your fancy pants when it's not appropriate. But if stars aren't willing to be seen in something other than Versace or Oscar de la Renta, they might set up some kind of exchange program. Everyone could wear someone else's dress from the previous year.

3) The Trophies
We don't hear much about scrapping metal these days, but if it came to that, the Academy could definitely do their part. The gold-plated britannium of the current Oscar trophy could be swapped out for plaster, as was done during WWII. Though plaster is not quite as glamorous, who would really know the difference? Better yet, the trophy could be made out of chocolate with a gold-colored foil wrapper. Mmmmmmm. It's fancy-looking AND delicious. How could they go wrong?

Happy Oscars, everyone!

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  1. Blogger qualler | 6:21 AM |  

    Those are two things that could make stars just like us -- hand-me-down Oscar dresses and Oscars that are actually made of chocolate. In fact, we could probably shop at Ragstock and Lunds and get all our Oscar shopping done in one fell swoop were we to be invited to the Oscars (and we ARE as a blog going to be invited to the Oscars, right? RIGHT?!?)

  2. Blogger chris | 1:37 PM |  

    Ooh are those chocolate Oscars real? Buying those seems to be more realistic than me baking Oscar-shaped cookies this year. I'll have to settle with convincing everyone that the Pizza Rolls have little Oscar-shaped pepperonis inside.

  3. Blogger Brigitte | 1:42 PM |  

    chris--yes, those oscar chocolates are real. you can buy them at lunds. maybe i'll bring a few.
    also, the pizza rolls will still be delicious regardless of their shape.

  4. Blogger Lady Amy | 2:57 PM |  

    I will settle for nothing less than Chris personally dissecting each pizza roll, cutting the pepperoni into Oscar shapes, and then putting them back together and baking them.

  5. Blogger qualler | 3:01 PM |  

    I agree with Lady Amy. Those chocolate bars at Lunds are actually imitation Oscars -- they're holding stars, not swords. I refuse to eat something that is oh-so-close to the real thing but not officially licensed, much like I won't play a sports video game that doesn't have the official names and logos of teams and players (am I right, DoktorPeace?)

  6. Blogger DoktorPeace | 3:10 PM |  

    You're mostly right. There is something to be said of the fake player names in Ken Griffey Presents MLB Baseball for the SNES, with teams themed to represent US presidents (the Royals) and punk rock pioneers (the Mets).

    Still, I spent hours using my handheld, pre-internet electronic baseball encyclopedia, going through the game and editing the names for accuracy.

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