Celebrities: A Year in Review

Looking back through all of the celebrity gossip this year, I just can’t believe all that’s happened. I feel like I have watched all of my favorite people change and grow before my very eyes. It’s like I really know them. It’s like they’re just like us…only rich and famous. Here are the highlights from the past year:

1) Year of Miley
2008 closed with a Miley-sized New Year’s Eve on MTV. This was really the year of Miley. We’ve seen our little girl grow up to be a woman – a scandalous woman who dates underwear models and takes her top off when left to her own devices. Not to mention, Miley loves taking provocative photos of herself and giving them to people who will spread them around the internet. Nothing a wholesome visit to Disney World and some innocent pics with Mickey Mouse can’t fix.

2) Lindsay Lohan is Gay and Naked
We’ve all been walking on egg shells this year because we’re not really sure how to handle the news that our favorite hottie has come out of the closet. Back in February, Lindsay teased us with her bad behavior and her Marilyn Monroe impression (and sexy photo shoot). Then bam! She’s got a girlfriend and every male in America is heartbroken.

3) Tyra Banks: Fat?
Gossip magazines were salivating over some photographs of Tyra at the beach looking a little plump last January. But did the fashion icon really gain weight? Does it matter? It does to Tyra. And she was hell-bent on proving that she was indeed NOT fat. Tyra went so far as to model the same swimsuit from that fateful day at the beach on her talk show as if to say, “See, see? I’m not fat. Please photograph me again. Can't I get a do-over?” Ironically, Tyra simultaneously gave us a lecture on self-esteem in which she told us to "kiss her fat ass." You tell 'em, Tyra. I'm so happy to have such a strong woman (who just happens to be a super model) sticking up for the fatties of the world.



4) Reclaiming Male Domination: It’s a Bro-Centric World
If you thought it was annoying when strong women started spelling woman with a y, you’re going to want to poke your eyes out at how “strong” men are retaliating. In 2008, a new breed of douche bag “bros” rose to power and changed the way we talk forever. Releasing books like Brocabulary: The New Man-i-festo of Dude Talk and television shows such as Bromance, these ex-frat boys have tried to even the playing field - with a slight tilt toward white males.

5) Michael Phelps’ Ears Keep Getting Bigger and Oh, Yeah He Won Some Medals
Blah, blah, blah, world record. Blah, blah, blah, eight Olympic medals. Blah, blah, blah, lots of promotion deals and tons of money…world’s greatest, etc. Most importantly, have Michael Phelps’ ears and face gotten bigger this year?! He was kind of cute back in 2004 when I first learned of his existence, so I was expecting a lot from my television during the 2008 Olympics. I don’t know if it’s that he’s getting older or maybe some kind of freak steroid/ugly pill diet they’ve got him on, but his head just keeps getting bigger and uglier. Whew. 2008 has been a very mixed year for Mr. Phelps.

Finally, I’d like to take a moment to reflect on the beauty that is the circle of life. Here are some of the people who created life and some who had it taken away in 2008:

Celebs Who Died This Year
Michael Crichton
“Deep Throat”
Bettie Page
Paul Newman
Isaac Hayes
Bernie Mac
Estelle Getty
Tony Snow
Jesse Helms
Heath Ledger

Celebs Who Had Babies This Year
Nicole Richie
J-Lo (twins)
Christina Aguilera
Halle Berry
Jodie Sweetin
Cate Blanchett
Jessica Alba
Tori Spelling
Jamie Lynn Spears
Nicole Kidman
Matthew McConaughey
Brangelina (twins)
Clay Aiken
Matt Damon
Gwen Stefani
Mark Wahlberg
Lisa Marie Presley (twins)
Amy Poehler
Naomi Hotts
Ashlee Simpson
That Man Who Gave Birth and is Pregnant Again

This entry was posted by Lady Amy, on Tuesday, January 06, 2009. You can leave your response.