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How Does That Make Me Feel? (Brigitte is Sick Edition)

Greetings, readers expecting a full-fledged Brigitte post today. Brigitte woke up this morning mumbling something about not wanting to marry one of our two dogs, her eyelashes shrinking, and baseball tryouts all in the span of five minutes. I immediately put her back to bed, then brought her out to the DVD player where she has been sleeping on and off and fighting off her fever / bad acid trip. So far, no dogs have married humans today.

Needless to say, when Brigitte is sick, lots of TV on DVD gets watched. More specifically, lots of teen dramas from the 90s and early 00s on DVD get watched. After finally polishing off Season Four of Beverly Hills 90210 earlier this afternoon, we've been on a steady diet of Dawson's Creek. This begs the question, in Brigitte Blogulator form -- how does that make me feel? Today, I will be looking at the various issues that inevitably crop up whilst watching Brigitte's (and, okay, fine, my) favorite teen dramas.

Jim Walsh as a character
Jim Walsh is probably one of my top three favorite television characters of all time. Sensible to a fault, working hard at an underappreciated profession (my current profession -- accounting!), and, most importantly, not flashing his teeth in the credits of the show like most of the other characters do, Jim Walsh is a shining beacon in the world of teen drama parents. When Brenda first proposes going to London to pursue her acting career (hey, maybe Shannon Doherty could have gone to acting school herself in the fourth season! Hey oh!), Mr. Walsh responds with, "How much is that going to set me back?" Jim Walsh, a man after my own heart.
How does that make me feel? Very happy!

Dawson Leary's head
This isn't really the character Dawson Leary's fault as much as it is a) the casting directors who chose James Van Der Beek as the lead character in Dawson's Creek and b) James Van Der Beek's, but Dawson Leary's head is just way too damn big. His clothing ensembles, usually in the second season consisting of sweater vests over baggy t-shirts, accompanied by a Dave Matthews Band style necklace, and that parted-down-the-middle haircut that was all the rage in 1999 (hey, we were sophomores that year, too!) do not help the matter at all. In fact, Brigitte herself stated that if she ran into James Van Der Beek, she would punch him in the face for no other reason than that he's ugly. Plus, the dude is just a total whiny a-hole.
How does that make me feel? Uncomfortable.

Brandon Walsh v. Dawson Leary v. Dan from Gossip Girl
Today's version of Dawson Leary, y'know, the whiny guy who would rather complain about his chick problems but also be a pompous ass to the said chicks. That being said, Dan from Gossip Girl fares pretty well when compared to Dawson and, even worse, Brandon Walsh (played by Jason Priestly) from 90210. Whereas Dan is just kind of a judgey a-hole, Dawson is a judgey a-hole aaaaand counts Spielberg as his biggest film influence. That's just plain dumb. But Brandon Walsh takes the cake -- not only is he a judgey a-hole and have questionable taste in pop culture, he is unbelievably pompous about how great he is. In season four, when he's banging the professor of feminist studies (yep, pretty good life lessons, there, feminist professor, who tells Brandon she wants to do him in an elevator!), participating in a "task force" on his college campus, or telling twin sister Brenda not to drink so much while he crashes the Walsh family car, I definitely wanna sock-it-to-him the most of any of the teen drama jerks.
How does that make me feel? Violent! Even when he's dubbed in Italian!

Opening and closing credits music
One thing I think all of us can agree on is the lack of great credit sequences in not only teen dramas, but in all of television these days. In fact, all shows have pretty much eschewed the "show some action from the show spliced with portraits of the actors" formula, usually in favor of showing a quick title card after a cold open and rolling the credits over some of the opening activity. Luckily, the folks over at YouTube have a lot of time on our hands and have graced us with a proper credit sequence for Gossip Girl:

How does that make me feel? Content that the fake video exists, Sad that it's just pretend.

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  1. Blogger Sean | 11:50 AM |  

    improper use of the phrase "begs the question"!

    i'm not going to even bother with the rest.

  2. Anonymous Jane | 4:17 PM |  

    Get well soon Brigitte! We miss watching your every move at work!

  3. Blogger chris | 11:32 AM |  

    I hate the "begs the question" argument. I'm all for proper usage, but that old boat sailed long ago. Keep up with the times, grandpa Sean!

    Years from now, our kids will be pushing up their glasses and saying, "improper use of the acronym WTF!" because in twenty years, it will assuredly morph into "Who The Farted?"

    That Gossip Girl/90210 theme montage is INCREDIBLE.

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