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my heart hurts when i play in the snow, so i watch movies.

this past friday, i experienced something glorious that you might think would only be traditionally experienced by small snotty children: a snow day. and while it was merely an in-service professional development (read: boring and often useless workshops) for us teachers, it was still great news that we had the day back in our rightful possession. and without having to use up one of my vacation days!

and the best part? they told us thursday as we left work so i had time to do what i've been wanting to do for some time now: rent a ridiculous amount of movies on my home so the next day i could spend all day watching them and eating junk food. and what better news did i receive but that jerksica's boss decided to close their office so she would be able to join be on the stillness adventure! so i picked her up, we got a good loot of milk duds and lemonheads at walgreens, and then headed over to the video store (apparently these still exist haha good one, right nerdflix?).

RESULTS ---->

the science of sleep: hey look i used to direct music videos! can you tell? really, you can't? here's some more cute special effects that are obnoxiously abundant! wait, you think i'm doing this to show off my talents? c'mon, it's not like it's painfully obvious that i came up with the idea for the movie (it's about dreams, totally not flashy or calling for many effects at all) and fleshed out all these visual ideas without concentrating on story or characterization, is it? someone already made a crappy movie about dreaming seeping in with reality called waking life? that's weird. my bad.

man of the year: let's make it clear that this was the movie that was SUPPOSED to be made fun of and nothing else. except there wasn't really anything to make fun of. this seems to happen to me more and more often nowadays. damn you hollywood for just making boring movies that depress me rather than ignite me! here's the best i can do -- whoaaa what if jon stewart ran for president and those t-shirts that everybody wore for two weeks were REAL?!?! that would be rife with satire, no...not satire. cuz that's kinda what we wish would actually happen, not a mockery of the current system. hmm, so i guess it would be just a comedy? no, that doesn't make for an interesting movie. how about we add suspense and romance? good enough. boil and serve.

this film is not yet rated: yay, a documentary that doesn't piss me off or make me feel guilty! but what's that, nobody cares about how movies get rated and how it's a ridiculously hypocritical and unfair process except film geeks and amateur filmmakers? oh yeah! and the studio system's been around since the inception of the film and a silly little documentary probably won't change anything. but at least it's fun watching people uncover a little mystery in an entertaining way rather than trying to shock me with news that the earth is dying or that mcdonald's is bad for you.

BREAK TIME: PLAYING IN THE SNOW YAY FUN JUMP PUSH OFF THE HILL THIS IS NOT SNOWBALL SNOW BOO WHAT CAN WE MAKE A SLED OUT OF NOPE A TARP DOESN'T WORK WHOO I AM TIRED AND OUT OF BREATH LET'S GO BACK IN.


running with scissors: this just made me feel bad. there's this true story about a kid who's got a severely screwed up family life and sure i feel bad for him, but i feel even worse that his nightmare of a childhood had to be made into an unfunny and poorly made dark comedy. shudder. i mean i'm sure i would have no personality and would be timidly awkward if my momz was crazy, dadz was drunkoids, and was living with my insane and insanely dirty psychiatrist with his weirdo daughters, but seirously, was topher grace not available? now i feel bad because this kid just wanted to "tell his story" or whatever, and not only did nothing get communicated effectively through the various pastiches of 70s pop songs and slow motion sad faces, but now i just wish he hadn't written it down so it didn't waste my snow day afternoon 30 years later.

then what does one do after a day of watching movies? go see zodiac of course, because you really need a movie that's actually good to wash away the taste of these sadsack films. 2.5 hours of exquisitely shot footage of amazing actors slowly going crazy david fincher-style? me likey!

  1. Blogger peter | 11:35 PM |  

    UGH I watched Science of Sleep last week. OOOH that fellow is so QUIRKY!!! And his ideas are so KOOOOOKY! OMG and now reality and dreams are... MERGING YOU SAY? Like I could give a shit about some quirky lameass who likes creepy little creative quirky things. Michel Gondry is incredibly self-obsessed and it's boring.

  2. Anonymous Anonymous | 10:57 AM |  

    you're all jag offs.

    i liked science of sleep...but i guess i'm just someone who likes quirky films with little plot? and yes he was creepy. but come on...it wasn't just about a quirky guy...i agree that movies which are unjustifiably quirky are annoying and boring, like, say, the movie you and me and everyone we know. that was just trying to be hip. i feel that science of sleep was different.

    also, chris, if playing in the snow really makes your heart hurt i think you should talk to a doctor...nervous face.

    ~Brigitte

  3. Blogger P. Arty | 3:03 AM |  

    David Fincher-style? I must have missed it. What a draaaaaaaag.

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