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Scott Stapp Is A Big Blubbering Douchebag of a Human Being.

As if you really need any more proof that Scott Stapp is a giant blubbering douchebag, he went out and had himself a brawl with 311. His new solo record just hit the stores, and, shockingly, it sounds exactly like Creed. And, shit! He had a brawl with other mid-to-late 90s washed up alt-rock stars 311! Now, this article may give a "comprehensive" detail of what happened, but The Blogulator sources are that of which are the most highly reliable, in which we were able to obtain audio footage of what happened. Unfortunately, due to legal reasons*, we are unable to provide the streaming audio for the conversation, so instead, here is a transcript of what really happened in this, the Scott Stapp v. 311 Drunken Bar Fight To The Death:

Scott: (stumbling into the bar, humming "What If" to himself)...heyhh you there, Mr. Bartender. I'm.......holy! You know....you look like you need to be savvvved....bartender, get me another scotch!

The rapper guy from 311: (hanging out in the corner booth). Yo, so, dudez, I think we gotta, you know, instead of you singing first and then me rapping the chorus, we gotta switch it up, you know?

Nick Hexum from 311: Yeah, but, you know, that's not the 311 way, rapper guy. I don't think that really reflects the positivity of 311.

Old looking guy from 311: Yeah, man. That's deep.

Scott: (noticing 311 sitting in the corner booth) Whoa, hey dudes....you're that number band, right? Yeah, you guysh are awesome....you really inspired me.

The guy in the middle of the picture with the floppy hair bleached cut: Yeah, that's cool, thanks, man.

Scott: Have you heard my band Creed? We broke up. We did deep shit like you guys, like, singing about babies being born and stuff like that.

The Rapper Guy: Yeah, man, that's, uh, cool. (turns back to Nick Hexum) So, back to what we were talking about...I am not so sure that we have "always been down" like you sing.

Scott: (smashes his shot glass against the wall): Lilsten to me, you sunsofbitchesh! You inspired me! You...you...I love you, 311. (starts singing in a drunken baritone) Well, I just heard...the news today...it seems my life...has just changed...the rapper guy...is right over here...I'm sure glad that...he's not a queeeeeeeeeeer...with arms wide open.........

Nick Hexum (in his "thoughtful pose" from the above picture): Whoa, I know there's not anything wrong with being gay, but you just called my 311 compadre gay.

Scott: You know, its youbashtards that made Creed break up, you buncha gays and liberals and sissy boys who thought Creed rocked too hard! Well, I'll tell you all, you ain't seen nothin' outta these leather pants! (As he says "these," he swings his fist in the air, smacking the guy in red in the face.)

The Rapper Guy: Although I do not believe in violence, I feel we should defend the 311 way and kick this sissy's ass.

Nick Hexum: Let's do it.

(In the audio tape, we hear random glasses being smashed, the rapper guy yelling "CHILL!" a lot, and Scott Stapp singing "Is this ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" from "My Own Prison" over and over. This goes on for about 4 hours.)

Scott (clearly beaten down and dejected): Why won't anybody love me?

The Rapper Guy: Scott, we love you. We just, you know, had to kick your ass.

This is where the tape cuts off. Truly a stunning document of the violence that can break out between two pillars of the late 90s alt rock scene. Bravo, boys, bravo.

* By "legal reasons," I mean "don't actually have any audio footage of the event and the following is a fictional account of what happened."

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  1. Blogger DoktorPeace | 2:42 PM |  

    Excellent investigative journalism. I award you five Brammer Pullitzers.

  2. Blogger qualler | 9:16 AM |  

    Yes! I've been waiting a long time to get my Brammy!

  3. Anonymous your mom | 10:41 AM |  

    Qualler is a faggot ass piece of shit .... let me hear you make better music than "that numered band." your a washed up piece of no good shit!

  4. Anonymous gi.tears | 8:24 PM |  

    thanks alot....i had to strain my brain trying to remember that unmemorable song (my own prison) to remember what part you were refering to...other than that, very funny

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