Pretentious (Action) Movie Alert: The Five Questions Left Unanswered By Unstoppable

Chris celebrated his birthday in style this weekend with the Blogulator crew. Like one would expect from an expert in awesomely bad movies like Chris is, he took the opportunity to invite us all to see the #2 movie in America, raking in a respectable $23.5M in its first weekend of release: Unstoppable. (No, not the Wesley Snipes film, the one starring Denzel Washington and Chris Pine and directed by Tony Scott.)

Boom.

Now, I'm not going to waste much time giving this film a proper review. Reason being, there is very little to review. You see, in said film, like suggested in the trailers and promotional material for the film, it's about a train. That goes fast. And is out of control. And has to be stopped. One might even say that said train is "unstoppable." Thankfully (or, sadly?) no character once noted the "unstoppableness" of the train, but Rosario Dawson did mention once that it is carrying explosives that make the train like a missle the size of the Chrysler building. (THE CHRYSLER, BUILDING, FOLKS!)

That said, I was greatly entertained by this film, and is the most fun I had in a movie theater since I saw The Room at Chris's bachelor party.

Yet, there were numerous unanswered, spoiler-heavy questions from this film that plague my mind now. Like:

1) How were the local newscasters able to get computer animated depictions of the train so quickly?
Nevermind the fact that there are approximately 43 different local news stations that have on-the-spot live action news teams in southern Pennsylvania, because that much was made obvious. I suppose if these action news teams are so quick to the news, the stations must also have computer animators on call 24/7 in the case of, say, a runaway train that is like a missle the size of the Chrysler building.

2) How hungry was Ethan Suplee?
I feel kind of bad for Ethan Suplee, having typecast himself originally in Mallrats and other various Kevin Smith films, because now instead of being a fat slob who hangs out with teenagers and young 20-somethings at the mall, he is now typecast as a 30-something working class fat slob. Side note: how cruel was it that the many other guys who could have possibly helped him stop the train in the first place just laughed and clapped? It's as if the audience was inside the film at that point. Whoa, trippy.

3) Why did Denzel Washington reply to Chris Pine that his daughters work at Hooters instead of telling him which college they go to?
I know the answer: because that gave director Tony Scott an excuse to follow up that scene with a under-the-butt shot at a Hooters restaurant of Denzel's daughters. Right after we all learned that they're barely 18, as Chris aptly pointed out. Sexy AND creppy!

4) What, exactly, was the long-haired hippy dude's job? And why was the press so quick to have a press conference with him?
I was never totally clear on how this dude had a job with the trains, or how he became an awesome truck driver near the end. And I was even less clear about why the press was fawning over him after everything was good, ESPECIALLY BECAUSE THE NEWS BROADCASTERS HAD JUST SPENT AN HOUR LITERALLY ONLY PAYING ATTENTION TO DENZEL AND CHRIS PINE!!!!!!!!

5) Why did Chris Pine's wife so easily decide to take him back at the end?
Finally, I know Chris Pine was supposed to be the good guy, who learned to work hard (despite his continual cell phone use, which was exasperating to no end, although Denzel had a few cell-phone-on-the-job moments himself. In fact, most everybody here was using a cell phone at inappropriate times.) But from what we learned in these cell phone conversations, his wife was leaving him because he kept spying on her text messages, getting all rampantly paranoid about everything. His total a-holeish attitude at the beginning of the movie also didn't give us a whole lot to feel good about him. In fact, I'm not exactly sure why he was a hero here at all.

Still, I highly recommend this film to anybody who likes big, dumb movies. Because it is big, and it is dumb, and it is Unstoppable.

This SNL trailer spoof, by the way, is eerily accurate to the actual film. "He's insulting me and I'm allowing it!"

Phoning It In: Precipitous Drops For Key Actors

I completely failed this Holiday weekend to put together my planned review of Mark's Amazingly Spectacular Megatunes Vol. IV. I blame the copious amounts of grilled food (which did include the famous Jucy Lucy burger made by me) combined with the unhealthy amount of television, sunlight, boat rides, and dog playing that I participated in. I hope you all had as great of a weekend as I had. Regardless, next week you will be reading about / listening to tracks on Vol. IV of that seminal series.

Anyway, what I want to rap at y'all about is this: actors or actresses that have had the most noticeable drops in quality and/or quantity in film or television roles. Frequent commenter and beloved follower (and Brigitte's dad, and my dad-in-law) Papa Thor brought this topic to our attention, and what he believes to be the ultimate example of an actor with a particularly precipitous drop: Robert De Niro. (*) He cited specifically his role in Meet the Fockers. I would add Everybody's Fine, last winter's requisite Christmas crowd pleaser, where he played what I imagine was the part of a friendly grandpa. Yes, that's a long way from being a sociopathic taxi driver, isn't it? Brigitte also brought in Diane Keaton, who has gone from starring in great films like Annie Hall and Manhattan and even participating in generally well-done big broad rom-coms like Father of the Bride to being in "that movie where she has all those daughters," according to Brigitte (I think either The Family Stone or Because I Said So.)

(*)And, discussing Robert De Niro gives me a great excuse to post the video on the bottom by Sean that features the best Robert De Niro impression I've ever heard. Nice work, Sean.

Me? I agree that both actors have had a precipitous drop in quality throughout their careers. But I would argue that De Niro probably looked at his paycheck for Meet the Fockers and compared it to the actual work he would have to do to act well in a movie with a good script and chose to pad his retirement account and accept the easy work. Keaton, meanwhile, to me suffered from a lack of quality film parts written for women in their 50s and above, and is thankfully getting what looks to be a perfect role in the as of now proposed new HBO comedy series Tilda, where she would play a powerful celebrity blogger (!!!) alongside Ellen Page. This along with Dustin Hoffman's role in the as of now proposed new HBO drama series Luck(**) tells me that, as good actors get old, they find that writing for people in their age group is much better on the boob tube side of things.

(**)Created by Deadwood's David Milch!!!!!!!!!!!

So, when older actors take crappy parts, is it really their fault, as in, their acting skills have declined so much that they no longer are able to take parts in movies they previously would have starred in? Or, is it a case of actors finding their great roles in different areas these days, like Keaton and Hoffman are doing? Furthermore, what actors or actresses can you think of that truly have suffered a precipitous drop in quality that is their doing? I'm thinking, Mickey Rourke, Burt Reynolds (albeit both actors had their "comebacks" in the form of roles in movies with roles written very much for them) as well as actors like John Travolta and Robert Downey, Jr., who both have had multiple ups and downs in their careers.

Discuss.

Pretentious Movie Alert: A Serious Man

Hey, Blogulator readers! Did you know that our blog is based in Minnesota? And were you aware that the Minnesota Twins won the AL Central Division in 2009?(*) And, were you aware that Academy Award-winning writer-director brother duo Joel Coen and Ethan Coen grew up in Minnesota? It's true. Snarkiness aside, new Coen Brothers' film A Serious Man opened last weekend in New York, Los Angeles, and...Minneapolis! Members of the Blogulator contingent (Chris, Brigitte and I) attended a screening.

(*)I hereby have erased the Twins being swept out of the first round of the playoffs from my memory and instead will remember the time the Twins won the division in the one-game playoff in 2009...and then the season ended happily ever after. It's just better that way.

Man is, on the surface, about a man who is has some crappy luck. His wife is leaving him for his best friend, his son is distant, his daughter wants money for a nose job, his brother is a mooch and a screw-up who drains his cysts in his bathroom, his neighbors are gun-toting deer hunters, a student simultaneously bribes and blackmails him, and his tenure track is in constant danger at work. With all of these things going on in his life, he starts to try to make sense of them by going to visit his rabbi, who is not terribly helpful in helping him answer these quandries of life. All of this is set to the backdrop of an opening vignette in which a man who may or may not be a ghost is banished from a couple's home.

In anybody elses hands, this would probably be played with heavy-handed symbolism, hammering out the existential truths of our day-to-day lives in a dull, droll manner. Of course, these are the Coen Bros, who wrote the original screenplay and directed as well, we're talking about. They made Fargo, an intermittently gruesome thriller into a combo-thriller-comedy-romance, all completely convincing and effective and, of course, one of my favorite movies, and one of the funniest movies ever, but with a sweet heart, except for the point-blank gunshots to the head and what have you. A Serious Man, then, is in the vein of Fargo, uproariously hilarious and jarring at the same time. Michael Stuhlbarg as main character Larry Gopnik has dark, violent dreams, usually questioning God's existence, but other times just plain jarring, throughout the film. He tries to hold everything together but the deck is non-stop stacked against him, and in almost exclusively hilarious fashion. A running gag throughout the film is a man representing the board that decides on tenure taking a very long time to get to the point of whether or not he is looking like he will be getting tenure(**).

(**)Maybe this was only hilarious to me because of its obvious "hey, this movie is based in Minnesota, and nobody in Minnesota knows how to be honest and direct in conversation because they're passive-aggressive wimps." Or maybe I'm just reading too much into it.

But in many ways, this is the Coen Bros most profound. Although the film kinda rambles on for a long time with scene after scene of Gopnik being humiliated, seemingly without any kind of message, the closing 10 minutes are like a hammer against your skull (or, if we're talking Fargo, an arm into a wood-chipper). I won't spoil anything, but suffice to say you will be initially weirded out, then creeped out, then sad, then reeling in what a brilliant conclusion they brought to us. It's heavy stuff for a film that's in some ways non-stop awkward comedy (but then, maybe it's not.)

The question, then, that is raised is this: do the Coen Bros believe that God exists? Is this film their definitive statement that religion is pointless? These are points that I believe are meant to be debated upon watching this. My view: I don't see it as an anti-church, anti-God scribe, but rather a wicked assessment that we as humans have no control over anything that happens in our life. The way that this idea is subtly carried through in such an entertaining film is a revelation and, quite possibly, Qualler's film of the year.

Pretentious Movie Alert: The Surprisng Link Between (500) Days of Summer, Death Wish, and Empire Records Triple Feature

It's been a while since this movie-goer has been to the theaters, so having seen (500) Days of Summer over the weekend probably qualifies as my first, ahem, summer movie of the year. And while it wasn't nearly as twee as the advertisements suggest, it was remarkably charming, funny, sad, beautifully shot, and more than a little similar to my other favorite rom-com ever, Annie Hall. Post viewing (500) Days, we had the opportunity to watch the 1974 Charles Bronson film Death Wish. Also saw a smidgen of Empire Records yesterday afternoon while flippin' the channels! And, as the subject line suggests, there is a surprising link between the three films, which I will discuss later. (Spoilers for all three films lie beyond...)

But first, (500). It's hard to say anything about this movie without at first addressing the initial pre-backlash, then the backlash to the pre-backlash. One is in an impossible position given the way the hype machine has developed to criticize this movie whatsoever. Luckily, the pre-backlash-backlash was very accurate. Joseph Gordon-Levitt stars as Tom, a greeting card writer (which, knowing nothing else about this movie, would be enough to generate backlash in and of itself) who actually wants to be an archicect (which makes me think, since when is the job title Greeting Card Writer the epitome of corporate drone? And since when is that the fallback option to being an architect? But again, I cannot backlash) and meets the woman of his dreams in his office. Zooey Deschanel plays that woman, the title character Summer. Pretty much, this movie's two leads are perfectly cast -- whatever limitations Deschanal may have as an actress are eschewed for a part that seems to be perfectly fit for her. Obviously she's gorgeous, AND she looks great in hip clothing, AND she is perfectly fit for a role where she's supposed to say stuff in a very aloof type of way. Same goes for Gordon-Levitt, who throws a little bit of joy into the brooding he did well in the high school noir Brick (which I wasn't a huge fan of if only because he walks around with such an ugly-ass jacket the whole movie...shallow, yes I am...luckily he's also really well-dressed in this one).

Besides the great performances, this film threw in the whimsical style of my favorite romantic comedy ever, Annie Hall. The Hall & Oates dance scene, as OHD has alluded to in her "faves" list to the right, was magnificent, alongside the delightfully random daydream of Tom's in the arthouse movie theater, with him playing chess a la The Seventh Seal with other pretentious film tropes spoofed (which inspired uproarious laughter in the corner of the theater that I sat in alongside Chris, Brigitte and Lady Amy). But my favorite scene of the film (and maybe my favorite scene of any movie of the year) was the comparing the "expectation" vs. "reality" split-screen scene. Like the many great scenes from Annie Hall that played narrative tricks, it helps us understand the thoughts of the characters more so than a traditional rom-com structure.



Also like Annie Hall was the "this is not a love story" vibe. And Summer, the character, is quite reminiscent of the title character of Annie Hall (albeit without the verbose charm), what with her flighty "let's just be friends" attitude. Refreshingly, though, she was not the Manic Pixie Dream Girl one would expect from the marketing campaign -- she didn't provide Tom with the cure to his depression a la Garden State. And Tom's heartbreak over the bumps in their relationship occasionally, and hilariously, came off as paranoid whining. Not taking itself too seriously while maintaining the heart-wrenching elements of any relationship in a somewhat realistic way is the way this film sets itself apart from other modern rom-coms.

The only quibble I had with it, in fact, is the aforementioned "I really wanted to be an architect" thing. Adding a "I am also trying to follow my career dreams and be a unique individual in a world full of drones" element is somewhat grating. When Charles Bronson decided to become a vigilante in the other film we watched this weekend, Death Wish, did he give up his career as an architect? No, he did not, nor would it make sense, nor does this comparison. What I'm saying here is, architecture is a boring profession to go into, whether it's Tom from (500) Days or Charles Bronson in Death Wish. (On a side note, how thin is Charles Bronson's mustache? You gotta have a serious commitment to maintain your mustache that thin.) Also, remember when A.J. really wanted to be an artist while he worked at Empire Records for the last day before it was supposed to be given up to the man (spoiler alert: Renee Zellwegger singing a song on the rooftop helped the corporate drone decide that he didn't really care about the store and decided to let them keep the store!!! Yay!!!) but then he also worked at the store, but then he found out he was actually going to art school instead? You get the point -- that kind of thing works for a ridiculous movie like Empire but seems out of place in a true piece of work.

But that's neither here nor there. (500) Days is so likeable, so funny, so charming, so heartwarming (and simultaneously heartwrenching), and is such great eye-candy (srrsly, how does it make sense that Zooey goes home every day to kiss Ben Gibbard? Talk about marrying down!) that any type of backlash, whether it's pre-backlash, backlash to the pre-backlash, or backlash to the backlash to the pre-backlash, is rendered moot, because when it all comes down to it, even the most cynical hipster jerk's heart melts when faced with a scene in which the pretty and fun girl's head rests on the sensitive protagonist dude's shoulder.

Pretentious Movie Alert: The Sleepiest Films of All Time

Perhaps the biggest compliment I personally can give a film is how wonderful of a nap I can get from watching it. And, in general, the realm of pretentious film has created a great opportunity to allow me to snooze. Seriously, pretentious filmmakers know the art of making me nap. And a Qualler who naps is a Qualler who is greatly satisfied. After watching the sorta-pretentious-but-not-quite-pretentious-enough-to-be-in-this-blog-feature-cuz-it-was-directed-by-Sam "Morlock" Mendes Away We Go this weekend (abbreviated Qualler opinion -- very enjoyable albeit occasionally tonally inconsistent but the visuals were outstanding and the performances entertaining, a good mix of twee and real adult emotions, and the post-core reverberations were transcendant), Brigitte and I came home and fell asleep to Sigur Rós: Heima, the concert movie that had been sitting on our DVR for too long of a time. And believe me -- it was the greatest nap movie ever. Ever. In honor of that title, here are a list of my fave nap movies ever (and others that aren't as conducive to sleepytime.)



Sigur Rós: Heima
Here are the elements that make up the best sleepytime ever. 1) Beautiful music - check. Obviously, Sigur Ros makes the most gorgeous music on the planet, so you got that one down. 2) Lack of integral plot - mega-check. It's a concert movie, and the "plot" is that Sigur Ros is playing at a lot of different locations in Iceland. 3) Pretty visuals - super-duper check. Between times my eyes were closed, I opened them to visuals such as adorable children watching them play an acoustic song live, shots of Iceland's natural land beauties, pretty lights, and so on. 4) Comforting early-sleep dreams - definite check. Between naps, I had dreams about snuggling adorable babies, playing golf in cave-like locations (which doesn't sound that comforting in my conscious state but was extremely comforting in my dream), and also puppies. I highly recommend viewing this fine film when ready to nap.

Other highly recommended naptime movies...



Gerry
There's slightly more plot to Gus Van Sant's Gerry than there is to Sigur Ros: Heima, but only slightly moreso. Casey Affleck and Matt Damon walk around the wilderness, while the most conflict they encounter is pretty much just the part where one of them is on a really big rock and they have to get off of it. But the aspects that make it a great nap movie -- lack of important plot, relaxing music, and stunning visuals, are all in abundancy here. The only downer is it's kind of a downer of a movie.



The Thin Red Line
This one can also be filed under "downer", and there's a lot more plot here to keep track of than what would make a perfect nap movie, plus the obnoxious war sounds that interrupt a nature-shot-induced nap. But the last 20 minutes or so of the film, complete with the credit sequence set above some splashing waves, make it a very satisfying, if a little sad, nap time at the end. Also, the whisper-like existential inner thoughts of the characters is totes relaxing.

WALL-E, At A Drive-In On A Sleeping Bag In The Back of a Pick-up Truck
This is not a very good nap movie for the entire second half, but it's extremely nap-inducing while laying on a sleeping back in the back of a pick-up truck. And when you wake up, there's a cool breeze and the stars overhead. Now, the sleeping arm that you slept on uncomfortably is a different story. Still, very satisfying experience.

Not good nap movies:



Eraserhead
The lack of integral plot and stunning visuals of David Lynch's Eraserhead make this movie seem to be, on the surface, an ideal nap pic. Don't fall into this trap, though. The visuals, while stunning overall, induce very bad, disturbing dreams between frames, the music is creepy, and the whole movie is the opposite of "feel-good". Brigitte fell asleep at this movie at a Midnight screening, and she had to leave the theater for the last 15 minutes due to disturbing dreams had while watching. Watch this movie, but don't watch it anywhere approaching sleep.

Terminator 2: Judgment Day
Obviously this is a great film, but the very integral, very thought-provoking implications of the plot, what with all the time-travel implications and traps, combined with Ed Furlong's uglyass haircut, the stunning-yet-disturbing SFX, and the really, really, incredibly loud nature of this film makes it a terrible film to watch while tired. I watched this at Chris' place a couple weeks ago and was extremely tired, so I couldn't help but sleep, but it was difficult to do so what with all the loudness. Still, at least I felt good when I woke up at the end and saw the very uplifting ending.

What are some of your favorite nap films? What about the ones that are your least favorite nap films?

p.s. Check out Sean's new cartoon below -- it's well worth your time.

Pretentious Movie Alert: Honey, Oh Sugar Sugar, You Are My Favorite Film Of 2009

Cancel the 2009 Blogulator Movie Awards -- we have a winner. Yes, Chris and I, along with esteemed prestige blogger Unspar, attended what will surely be near or at the top of our personal fave movies of the year for 2009 -- Ryan Fleck and Anna Boden's sophomore feature-length film, Sugar. Yeah, the combination of elements -- slow-moving cinematography, naturalistic acting performances, and minor-league baseball -- pretty much moves anything into a personal favorites list for I, Qualler. Luckily, Sugar is great on an even deeper level than that -- it is also deeply affecting as a tale of a man trying to do good for his family while attempting to make it within our capitalist society. Also, did I mention that I loved it?

Chris, why don't you start with a little bit of discourse on what made it most amazing to you?

Uhh, how about the fact that it's the only sports movie that I can undoubtedly say moved me from beginning to end? The Sandlot got close when I was a wee lad, but I can't imagine that film has aged well. Other than that, there was Friday Night Lights, which was definitely solid, but still came off as a little melodramatic and overly cinematic, even if its hues were darker and more realistic than usually found in the reach-for-your-dreams storyline of your basic sports flick. But thanks to Boden and Fleck's refusal to cram every shot with either ham-fisted "believe in yourself" dialogue (a sports movie prerequisite methinks) or symphonics-laden gametime tension, Sugar feels more intimate and genuine than any other film of its genre. And not only is this coming from someone who generally doesn't enjoy sports, but from someone who didn't fall head over heels with the duo's first effort, Half Nelson. Did you ever see that, Qualler? What's your take on the sports canon? I can't even appreciate the Rocky series, so maybe we should look to an actual spots enthusiast for a more even-handed opinion.

I recently re-watched part of The Sandlot and you're right -- it does not hold up over the years. (And the chubby kid is even more annoying than I remember. Plus, as Brigitte pointed out -- why are all coming-of-age movies like that always about boys' coming of age? That sounds like a topic for another day.) And FNL the movie was solid but emotionally cold (though I have yet to give the TV series a try which from what I've read is right up my alley.) But this movie did work on both a "hey this is a really good indie-style movie" level and a "wow, they're getting the details of minor league baseball down surprisingly well" level. From what I know about how baseball scouts operate, and how baseball academies work in places like the Dominican Republic (home of my favorite current Minnesota Twins player, Francisco Liriano), and how there are so many players trying to get to the same level, and only so many who will actually get signed to a team, and how of that group there are only so many that will even make it above Single-A ball, the attention to detail blew me away.

I'm also with you on feeling pretty "m'eh" about Half Nelson. Why should I give a crap about Ryan Freakin' Gosling being a kinda lazy teacher who does drugs? Sugar, however, was a true gut-puncher. It did many of the same things that Slumdog Millionaire did -- that is, show the struggles people face in developing countries just on a day-to-day basis -- but then take one step further by *SPOILER ALERT* not giving the viewer a gift-wrapped happy ending that makes us all feel warm and gooey inside. In fact, it made me re-think my support of Major League Baseball a wee bit -- for every Francisco Liriano, there are thousands of real-life Sugar Santos' out there. *END SPOILERS* And now with the stellar "Oliver" episodes of HBO's Season Two of In Treatment being directed by Ryan Fleck, the Boden / Fleck duo has risen about a million awesome points in my book.

Yeah, I appreciated that they were challenging how sympathetic a protagonist needs to be with Half Nelson, but we were never let inside the head of Gosling's character I don't think, whereas even with Sugar not being able to say more than "french toast" or "thank you" throughout his time in America, I still felt completely enveloped in his confused, benevolent, and angry mindset because we got a beautiful set-up in the first act. Unfortunately, in Nelson, we barely got any, which works for a stark movie like Wendy & Lucy, but not for a directing team so obviously invested in social issues like education or immigration. But we can't give Boden and Fleck all of the credit. Obviously first-time actor Algenis Perez Soto, who is a former minor leaguer from the D.R. himself, was impressive as hell at recreating his experience in a narrative format. It reminded me of Gabe Nevins from Paranoid Park, who probably didn't kinda cause someone's death, but was refreshing to watch because he had no hint of "actorness" in him, much like Soto. They simply acted as the people they were, whether detached teen or dismissed talent, and worried less about conveying emotion through dialogue or theatrics and more about just letting the camera follow them as they felt, struggled, and hoped. The supporting cast was equally impressive too - in fact the only thing I felt was lacking was more backstory or time spent with Rayniel Rufino's Jorge. As Sugar's cousin and longtime BFF, he was charming and obviously troubled all at once, and yes his mystery helped fuel our protagonist's journey, but I wish I knew him like Sugar did in his homeland.

Yeah, Soto was awesome. Through my extensive research (i.e. listening to this interview with Boden and Fleck ) they cast the parts by going to a baseball academy and auditioning hundreds of players to find the people who would fit the film the best. They also wrote the script in English, then Boden translated it into Spanish, then they had someone fine-tune it to make it especially Dominican Republic-esque. And supposedly the story of Sugar is a composite of the many stories they researched to create the character of Santos...not unlike our fave socially conscious TV character Omar Little of The Wire.

In fact, those comparisons to The Wire that inevitably bounced around my head in the movie theater are another reason why this movie transcended mere "sports movie" genre for me. Baseball is just the backdrop to the story of one man's experience as an immigrant in the USA -- the promise of wealth in America is enough to drive many a person to the one-in-a-million longshot of making it big in the Major Leagues, to the extent of leaving their families behind in their home countries. When Santos left his baseball team to move to New York with his cousin / BFF, we met a dishwasher from Mexico who similarly left his wife and kids to support them while they worked crappy jobs in our country. The only detail I could quibble with was the fact that the church choirs at the Presbyterian church in Iowa had as many dudes as it had ladies. Everyone knows church choirs almost always have a shortage of dudes.

All of this rich sociocultural material was majorly aided by the aforementioned gorgeous cinematography, top-notch acting, and superb script. It seems that maybe I gave Half Nelson a short shrift, but combined with the aforementioned In Treatment and the similarly naturalistic acting performances that Fleck pulled out of another first-time actor, 11-year-old Aaron Shaw, it seems Fleck / Boden are some srrsly talented filmmakers. And if we want to visit where the baseball scenes were filmed, it's only 5 hours and 45 minutes driving (or, thanks Google Maps, 4 days and 8 hours walking) to Quad City, Iowa, home of the St. Louis Cardinals affiliate Quad City River Bandits. (AND they play in the divison of the Twins Single-A affiliate Beloit Snappers, who have a player with my favorite ever baseball name, Shooter Hunt.) May I suggest a Blogulator meetup in Quad City this summer???

Haha we're totally walking there. And making a naturalistic and mildly depressing (but with a glimpse of hope) film about it. With a lot of long silent tracking shots. One last serious note though, because your comment about the fringe dishwasher character reminded me of what's basically the most important thing to keep in mind about Sugar. Yes, it's obviously just as much a political film as much as it is a quiet character study. But what's most significant, I think, especially in this day and age of the majority of socially-minded cinema being unwilling to think solemnly or modestly, is that Boden and Fleck don't enforce any particular viewpoint. Just because we follow and empathize with the plight of Sugar doesn't mean we have to (or should) squarely blame capitalism or even the MLB for his hardships. You're definitely welcome to make those conclusions based on your viewing (I may have as well, Qualler), but what stuck with me most wasn't necessarily that dishwasher's inability to see his family, or Sugar's yearning for someone to care for him. Instead, I ultimately remember the smiles on the players' faces and the warm exchanges between old friends and new strangers. It's just as much about the rewards gained from those struggles as it is about the injustice that occurs because of narrow-mindedness, business-fueled greed, and general selfishness in the world.

I mean c'mon, his name and the movie's name was Sugar for crying out loud. I think if they wanted us to leave the movie feeling downbeat they'd have named the deal Cyanide or Shasta McNasty or something.

Pretentious Movie Alert: Best Picture Oscar Noms, You Failed

The week everyone's been waiting for is here -- Oscar season. Snooooooooze. While the actual awards show will doubtlessly be a complete snoozefest (thankfully saved by Chris's annual Oscar party, complete with mandatory ballot completions and Oscar-shaped cookies), we can lament the fact that our real favorite movies of the year will remain "our" movies for another year. Unwashed masses, you can have your Slumdog Millionaire, i.e. "I liked it the first time when it was called City of God but more heartwarming (slamma-jamma!)" I'll take my pretentious movies any day.

Here are the best pretentious movies of 2008 that should have been nominated for Best Picture, were we living in a magical world where everyone would recognize the genius of slow-motion cinematography, handheld camera, steadicam shots of people walking, untrained actors, and worlds within worlds within worlds. Some day, the Academy will be run by an 83-year-old Paul Thomas Anderson, who will lament the long-past days when pretentious movies only meant using colors and sound as symbolism. (In 2065, pretentious movies will just be shapes.) Until then, we can only dream...

Qualler's Pretentious Movie Alert Best Picture Nominations:
Rachel Getting Married
Seriously. How did the Academy not nominate this for best picture? Were they afraid to nominate a movie with handheld camera work? Was the movie just too real? Did it make the voters sad because of the happy-yet-ambivalent conclusion? No excuses, Academy voters. This was your opportunity to make pretentious movie fans and Ma and Pa Box Office Champ happy. Pretentious movie fans could have been overjoyed by the diverse musical choices and intense performances, while Ma and Pa Box Office could have enjoyed even more stories about Anne Hathaway's conversion from sorta-child actress to real deal actress. (Okay, I know she was nominated for Best Actress, and the movie was nominated for best screenplay, but come on. Isn't best screenplay actually the best movie? Usually. Duh.)

Wendy and Lucy
Yeah, it makes sense why this one didn't get any Oscar buzz. Plot description: a young woman traveling with her dog faces difficulties when her car breaks down. But for pretentious movie fans like myself, the whole thing is soooooo wonderful. The constantly-improving-in-my-eyes Michelle Williams owns the movie with her spare, strong-yet-vulnerable performance. (Plus, she makes former Dawson's Creek co-star James Van Der Beek, currently starring in the Lifetime Network's new original film Taken In Broad Daylight, look like a jackass, which is always a good thing.) I'm a sucker for movies that have no light at the end of the tunnel, and Wendy and Lucy shined very bright in that category.

Paranoid Park
Young actor Gabe Nevins made an apperance in the aforementioned Wendy and Lucy, which makes sense, given that this movie, like the aforementioned, also takes place in Portland, OR. (As a fan of maintaining the movie/television universe, I support any and every opportunity to show that characters in one movie/television series exist in another movie/television series, but that's for another blog post.) A few months after catching this film, two scenes stick with me: Nevins' character showering off and slowly feeling the guilt while ambient music swelled, and the near-closing scene with him burning a manuscript set to Elliott Smith's "Angeles". When Gus Van Sant also releases solid but obviously Oscar-bait films like Milk in the same year, it's easy to understand why something like this could be overlooked. Still, c'mon.

The Wrestler
Another totally wasted opportunity, Academy. You already nominated Mickey Rourke for Best Actor; how hard would it have been to throw in a Best Pic nom for the movie, too? Or, even just a director nom for Darren Aronofsky?? Too late released in Minneapolis to be included in the Blogulator's original Top 10 Films of 2008 list, this one instantly became a Blogulator favorite by the time the last unbelievably moving reel ended. I never knew I could have so many feelings during a movie about a washed-up wrestler. Aronofsky proves that it is possible to make a heartwarming comeback story that also makes your stomach curl in disgust the way Requiem for a Dream did.

Synechdoche, New York
Not only was this film totally overlooked by the Academy, it seems to have been totally overlooked by critics as well, based on its serious lack of major Top 10 honors. Months after seeing it the first time, I can't get the image of Phillip Seymour Hoffman and Samantha Morton (whoa, what a cast in this film!) talking in a burning house out of my head, not to mention Tom Noonan taking Philly-boy's identity (Tom's new role in Damages sealed the deal for me with his skillz), and the always fantastic Dianne Wiest bringing it home. Sure, Charlie Kaufmann's directorial debut could have trimmed a good 10-15 minutes, but the sum of the parts was indeed less than the effect of the whole. The comforting part of this movie is that it makes me feel like I'm not alone in the world if Charlie Kaufmann can dream up such alternately beautiful/disturbing situations with some hilarious/tragic dialogue to accompany it. Can't wait to see what he has up his sleeve next now that he has his directorial debut under his belt.

Pretentious Movie Alert: Weddings and Dairy Products

2008 is just about over, and we at the Blogulator have gotten our pretentious, hopefully turkey-stuffed selves, after a short holiday break, into the month of December. It's a hotbed of film much like July is, but with more slow-motions and fewer robots blowing stuff up. I'm only about 1/4 through the list of films I want to see before the end of the year, so I look to spend a lot of time at the Uptown Theater in Minneapolis and/or reshuffling my Nerdflix queue for maximum pretentious film time. I did, though, see a couple of great, great films in the past couple of weeks that will mos def make it to the top of my personal Top 10 Films of 2008 list (and you know I'll be lobbying heavily with my Blogulator brethren to get them to the top of the Blogulator's official list!)

Rachel Getting Married

Going into this film, I was expecting a shaky-camera film with a bravado performance by Anne Hathaway, some good supporting roles, and some rich people whining about their problems. What I didn't expect, though, were a few things that completely floored me. When Kym (Anne Hathaway) sneaks away from her family's busy pre-wedding house to go to an AA meeting, and the environment shifts totally from fun-time-nervous pre-wedding business to The Wire-like gritty drug addiction realism...I was floored. I was sure that I had the film figured out until that total tonal shift. Then, the scene where the many friends and family of the engaged couple Rachel (Rosemarie DeWitt) and Sidney (TV on the Radio's Tunde Adebimpe) give speeches at the rehersal dinner, then Kym comes in and gives a perhaps-well-meaning-but-maybe-vindictive speech herself. The reason this scene made my jaw drop was because it completely humanized all of the characters in the entire film. Jenny Lumet's screenplay is masterful in the way it leaves no character either a hero or a villian. Like any family gathering, an outsider could probably see how a given family's dynamics work and see the good and not-so-good in all of us. By the time the wedding comes around, and Jonathan Demme's naturalistic directing comes into play, we as viewers can't help but feel the same way the characters do -- happy, wistful, and bittersweet, much like the embrace the characters shared in the picture below.

(p.s. Not only can Tunde Adebimpe act, did you know he's been in other movies, too? Saw a little bit of Jump Tomorrow on the Sundance Channel and was floored that he is a somewhat long-time actor.)

Milk

Much like the aforementioned film, I expected a few things from Gus Van Sant's second great film of the year, Milk. I expected a great, if a little showy, performance by Sean Penn, some LOL-for-the-masses awkward comedy, and, most definitely, some tears. While the tears part was definitely accurate (you're talking about a movie reviewer who's become such a sissy that he tears up at the end of Wall-E), I underestimated how good Sean Penn really can be, and how Gus Van Sant can make any film seem more like poetry than celluloid. Sean Penn wisely didn't overplay any scenes, portraying the real-life Harvey Milk as an enthusiastic yet thoughtful leader of the gay community in San Francisco. Van Sant turns Big Love writer Dustin Lance Black's screenplay into film poetry by employing some of the avant-garde techniques he used in the independent films he made earlier this decade. Van Sant depolys his now signature slow-motion technique, along with a few other jaw-dropping moments in the film's final fifteen minutes that I won't reveal here. Needless to say, Van Sant has now released two great films this year (the other being Paranoid Park) and is setting himself up well to be this reviewer's favorite director of the year.

Pretentious Movie Alert: Gus Van Sant Is Still Great

Qualler here, in for Sean, who is swimming in legal mumbo jumbo as we speak. In true Sean fashion, I will now do a much crappier version of a Cartoon! that he would do...

Whew, okay. That was fun, but I think I'll leave those to Sean from now on.

What I really wanna rap at y'all about on this Friday is Gus Van Sant. Specifically, Gus Van Sant's filmic output in 2008. Yes, you may know that his Oscar-baiting Sean Penn-starring biopic Milk is coming out soon, but did you know that earlier this past March, he released one of the best movies of 2008, Paranoid Park? Seriously. What a film.

Paranoid Park, based on a young adult novel by Blake Nelson (which much of the dialogue is directly lifted from), is Van Sant's most plot-based movie since 2000's Finding Forrester (internet nerds may know it as the movie that spawned this phenomenon). Yet, Park definitely falls into the Van Sant category of poetic, contemplative (read: plotless) films of the past decade. (Time has given me more perspective on the three films I reviewed in 2005, and I've come to love all three movies on a certain level.) The difference is that Park uses its hypnotizing scenes to advance the plot. Without spoiling the meaning of certain scenes, the teenage protagonist burning a manuscript to Elliott Smith's "Angeles" is a crushing, heartbreaking scene beyond the obvious "I love this song plus this is neat cinematography level". In fact, about 50% of the film is people skateboarding or walking around set to ambient music and/or Elliott Smith, but most of those scenes say more words than most other films say with more dialogue. (Kind of like epic instrumental rock music, eh Chris?)

The plot itself revolves around a teenage boy in Portland, Oregon, who, while skateboarding at the park which is the basis of the title of the film, causes a terrible accident. While the mechanics of the incident are what drive the film forward, it works more as a portrait of what it feels like to be fifteen years old in the suburbs in a broken home. Two scenes in particular stick out, one with each of his parents, who the camera never really focuses on. Totally heartbreaking, and totally relatable. (And, Gossip Girl's Taylor Momson is in it!!!)
But I can't really give this movie its full praise without gushing about the amazing cinematography. Shot solely in 35-mm film and Super-8, the look of the film is utterly unique. Many of the ambient sections of the film are shot in the grainy Super-8, showing skateboarding teens going up and down ramps while a Brian Eno-esque score plays in the background. The 35-mm scenes, meanwhile, are amazingly colorful, especially when the film gets a little overexposed and the shadows in the scene look especially ominous.

Clearly, the visual style of the film plus the emotional connection to the characters plus the great music make this one of the best films of 2008. Qualler very highly recommends it! (Watch the first ten minutes below.)

Pretentious Movie Alert: Synecdoche, New York

September and October were slow months for the world of pretentiousness in the Qualler-Brigitte household. We spent too much time watching the now-officially-HBO's-third-biggest-hit-ever series True Blood which has greatly improved in quality in the past few weeks (mostly thanks to adding a few castmembers who aren't hillbilly stereotypes! Plus, a little Lizzy Caplan and Anna Paquin nudity goes a long way.) And, I admit, we've just been lazy in going out to check out anything that might be perceived as the least bit "difficult". But, this weekend, we broke the streak with Charlie Kaufman's magnificent Synecdoche, New York. Kaufman's 1999 first film Being John Malkovich ranks in my top five favorite films of all time, but, remarkably, I think Synecdoche is a bigger achievement.

Kaufmann makes his directorial debut with this film, which isn't readily apparent in the style. As Chris pointed out, he seemed to mix a little of his two directorial collaborators' styles (Spike Jonze and Michel Gondry). If anything, Kaufman has no filter when he directs. Whereas Jonze was able to streamline the crazy ideas of Kaufman's scripts for Being John Malkovich and Adaptation into surprisingly cohesive, straight-forward narratives, Kaufman as a director assumingly indulges in all of his whims. That means the occasional ten-second scene between doctor-patient discussing neurologists, opthamologists, and urologists. Kaufman also borrows a little of the visual inventivenss of Gondry as a director by producing amazing visual images -- such as Philip Seymour Hoffman and Samantha Morton at old age sitting together in the house that she bought years ago that has, oh, been on fire since she bought it.

Oh yeah, I should mention the amazing cast. Philip Seymour Hoffman leads the stellar cast as Caden Cotard, playwright and prototypical Kaufman-esque protagonist -- the lonely artist type who has some messed-up things going on in his brain. Hoffman is commanding in all of his scenes, alternatingly hilarious in his neurosis and utterly tragic in his longing for meaning. Woody Allen vets Samantha Morton and Dianne Wiest are also excellent, the former as his oddball muse Hazel and the latter as a woman who Hoffman eventually begins to pretend to be. There's also the always great Catherine Keener who plays Hoffman's wife who also creates very tiny paintings that go in art galleries that can only be viewed with special magnifying glasses. And Michelle Williams, who continues to defy logic by showing that at least half of the cast of Dawson's Creek can actually act (Joshua Jackson being, sort of, the other one).

But a great cast can only go as far as a screenplay goes, and Kaufman's screenplay is by far his most ambitious, which is saying something considering and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and Being John Malkovich are also on his resume. Of course, it is easy to confuse ambition with purposeful ambivalence and pretentiousness. Critical reaction to the film is fairly mixed, with the turning point in the reactions essentially being whether the critic bought into the screenplay. This screenplay had more uproariously hilarious moments and, likewise, more dark material than any of Kaufman's other works. And the final hour of the film is almost like David Lynch in its creeping dread and the sense that the viewer's gone into a wormhole that he won't escape from.

The difference, though, is the very prototypical human feelings that pervade in that final hour. Every person wonders about what happens when one dies, about what it would be like to be somebody else, about what it would be like to control a human situation. Kaufman is not being purposely ambivalent for the sake of confounding the audience into thinking his movie is art. His writing is some of the most original writing in film today, and perhaps the most ambitious, but also some of the most honestly, achingly human. When you can say that about a movie that also features mutliple changes in identity, a wishy-washy timeline, tattoos, self-help gurus who are also kind of stalkers, houses on fire, giant pink boxes because "she likes the color pink", and more, you know that you've got a talented screenwriter.

And I'm thrilled because now I don't have to name The Dark Knight as the best film of 2008!

Pretentious Movie Alert: August, 2008

Alert! It's time to do a run-down of the pretentious movies that have or will be hitting your local arthouse movie theater! After catching The Dark Knight at our local arthouse movie theater (cuz, you know, Batman=Art), I realized that although mega-blockbusters, especially ones as awesome as TDK are great, I really must be utilizing the nearby pretentious house to see pretentious movies more often. Clearly, the Blogulator's definition of the word "pretentious" may differ from Webster's Dictionary version. We loves the arty stuff here! Recently, I was able to see a few of these said pretentious-like movies.

Vicky Cristina Barcelona
It's become a yearly ritual for a new Woody Allen movie to be declared to be a "return to form", but Vicky Cristina Barcelona is the first new Woody Allen movie in my memory that has actually lived up to those heavy words. Naturally, I believe that stems from the fact that this movie is a return to Allen's strengths as a writer / director -- relationship films that have comedy and emotional depth. Vicky Cristina Barcelona is no exception -- it is a more clear descendent of his best films like Hannah and Her Sisters, Manhattan, and Annie Hall (probably the most similar to Hannah) than his awkwardly constructed recent screwball comedies like Scoop and too-serious chamber dramas like Match Point and Cassandra's Dream. This movie has just about everything working in favor of it -- the script is smart, the acting is top-notch, and the cinematography is at times jaw-dropping.

Of course, one could say Allen's scripts are only as good as the actors performances, and in this movie, Javier Bardem and Penelope Cruz are outstanding. Every time they are on-screen together, you are left wanting more scenes with them together. Scarlett Johannson also gives a decent performance as well, aided by her role as a more realistic person than any of the other roles given to her by Allen. And Rebecca Hall as Vicky portrays a typical Allen female, more of the Mia Farrow ilk than Diane Keaton, and does the job admirably. The biggest "star", though, was Barcelona and the beautiful scenery and settings. The film practically works solely as a Spain tourism commercial; I want to visit Spain now more than ever, especially if I'm visiting relatives who live in a totally sweet house, like Vicky and Cristina do.

Overall, Allen's made his most fully satisfying movie since 1992's Husbands and Wives by treading territory he's previously mastered but giving it an emotional depth that hasn't been seen in any of his movies in years. His better output in the past fifteen years has still had its share of awkward, half-baked moments (2004's underrated Melinda and Melinda could have been great had it been more tightly developed) and his better period films like Sweet and Lowdown and Bullets Over Broadway were fun but didn't have much below the surface. Suffice it to say, it's nice to see that once in a while, Woody Allen can still pull out a great film. Having him around consistently churning out a movie a year is at times frustrating, but when the results work, it is totally inspiring.

Funny Games
Yeeeeesh, where do I start? Michael Haneke's shot-by-shot remake of his 1998 Austrian-made film of the same name has wormed into my head the same way the the intruder characters, Peter and Paul (played by Brady Corbet and Michael Pitt, respectively). The basic idea of this movie is this -- we as audience members are being punished for our desire for the thriller / horror genre by being subjected to a thriller / horror with nearly all of the violence off-screen, characters making frustrating decisions, and characters winking at the camera. Is it possible to give a movie a high rating for pushing all of the audiences buttons in disturbing us and making us feel bad? In this case, yes. Technically, this film is flawlessly made and acted (Pitt and Corbet will no doubt linger in my brain and disturb me more than any movie villians I can think of, and Naomi Watts was, as usual, outstanding). And if Haneke's purpose for making the film was to make audiences have a reaction, then he was totally succesful.

But, I would argue that his film, almost certainly intended to be an "intellectual" way of condemning the audience, was anti-intellectual. The movie prompted heated discussion amongst the Blogulator staff that, ultimately, proved what? That we all felt gross for having watched it? If Haneke's purpose for making (or, in this case, re-making) the film was to generate a reaction, perhaps a guilty reaction, what good, productive, original kind of reaction does that prompt? In short, I loved this movie, and hated it. No doubt, Haneke is somewhere smiling, or the equivilant to slowly folding his fingers together in a "Yes, yes I am very pleased" kind of way. Like I said, yeeeeeeeesh.

Pretentious Movie
From the guys who brought you Epic Movie, Date Movie, Meet the Spartans, and the upcoming Disaster Movie, the Blogulator has uncovered a script excerpt* of their newest project Pretentious Movie. Featuring hilarious spoofs of movies like There Will Be Blood, No Country for Old Men, and Pan's Labyrinth, as well as other classics like Fellini's 8 1/2 and Bergman's The Seventh Seal (with a hilarious cameo by Leslie Nielsen as Death), this sure-fire blockbuster hit is slated to hit theaters in December, just in time for awards movie season. I smell an Oscar nom for Carmen Electra.

Shot of Daniel Plainview's shoes, walking quickly and purposefully down
a hallway. When the camera zooms out, it is revealed that he is walking down the hall of a nursing home, alongside H.W. Plainview, toward the nursing home's cafeteria, where he plans to give a presentation.

Daniel Plainview Lookalike: Ladies and gentleman, my name is Daniel
Plainview. This is my partner and son, H.W. I'm an oilman.

Shot of hot babe, definitely Carmen Electra, walking into room holding a can of black oil, pouring the oil generously over her ample bosom.

Carmen Electra: Did somebody say...oil?

Shot of old guy in the back with an erection. Also, he's probably got a super hairy chest or something gross like that.

Surely, this will be a smash hit. My full review will come later when this hits the theaters.**

*By script excerpt, the Blogulator concedes that this is a fictional excerpt.
**By hitting the theaters, the Blogulator means, not hitting the theaters, since it's not real. Sorry.

Gus Van Sant, The Master of Movies That Show Some Stuff Happening, Then Some Other Stuff.

So Chris and I watched Last Days last night, the supposed "third" "movie" in a "trilogy" about "death" by "Gus Van Sant." Clearly, all of these quotes around key words in this sentence must be signaling that perhaps my sincerity is questionable. If you came to that determination, you are correct.

For those of you not familiar with those movies, allow me to recap:

Gerry

That's Matt Damon on the left and Casey Affleck on the right. (Yep, Matt don't JUST hang out with the Ben of the Affleck family -- he's an equal opportunity Affleck aficianato.) And, well...the whole movie is, um, essentially that picture. No, I take that back. The most interesting and intriguing part of the movie was when Matt Damon was standing on a big rock, and he couldn't figure out how to jump off of it. But, he did jump off the rock. Also, there was a totally sweet scene where the camera slowly panned around Casey Affleck sitting down in the wilderness with some depressing piano music playing. I can't say it was necessarily a bad movie, but, I think it would qualify as a "movie." Cute experiment, Gussy Boy. And yes, better than Psycho. But that doesn't say much. As far as the "death" theme, well, one of them dies. And, that's it.

Elephant

Alright, so this one ain't so bad. But, again, there are a lot of scenes with people walking around, including this kid walking down the hall a lot. Also, they stand outside and have some recess and what not. But then, I guess it becomes somewhat more relevent, as a Columbine-like shooting happens at the school. But, again, not a whole lot else happens. Kind of like this post. Walking around, and then some other stuff happens, and some more stuff. At this point, I started thinking, "Gee, Gus Van Sant, you sure like cinematic people walking around and not doing stuff, but you certainly couldn't do it for a third movie in a row! You won't go there!" Well, he went there.

Last Days

See that dude on the left? That's Kurt Cobain! Wait, no it's not. But, it's a guy who is based on Kurt Cobain. And guess what he does! He walks around and does stuff (including playing a rather un-Nirvana-like song in the middle of the movie that is way more avant-garde sounding than you'd expect. Or maybe not. Who knows.) And, yep, as you'd expect, he dies at the end, too. Now, I'm not saying that I did not enjoy watching these particular movies, but I think it's telling that I had excellent naps during each movie. Most recently, through a nap near the end of the movie (or I guess, you would say, more of a half-nap), I thought to myself, "Why is Derek Van Jeter starring in this movie?" When I awoke, I thought to myself, a)Why am I thinking about Derek Jeter, b)Where did I get Derek Van Jeter from?

My point is, movies that are pretty and boring usually end up just being boring. But naps are awesome.